All I Need
by Reckless Dreamer Yuna
Summary: He already had her. She was his, and his to keep, and he couldn't lose her, but he wasn't sure that he knew how to love her, either. Inuyasha's young and perfectly happy without a relationship, but Kagome can't help what she feels. Rated M, for lemons.
1. Complications

**A/N: I really need to stop listening to all of this corny music, it keeps giving me all kinds of story ideas, and I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I was listening to Best Friend by J. Cole, and it sorta brought on a new story idea. So here it is. **

**I know it's pretty rough and it still needs a lot of work. But I just needed to get this chapter out, because the more I listen to the damn song, the more I want to write this story! Tell me what you think of it. If no one likes it or wants me to continue, I'll probably just delete it. I only wrote this because the damn song was getting on my nerves _so _much, and it was like some kind of force forcing me to get up off my lazy ass and write something that had to go with this song.**

**This was comepletely inspired by the song and a few experiences, and that's it. But yeah, tell me what you think. Critisicm is very much appreciated if needed. Like I said, if no one likes it or thinks of it as too similar to the story I mentioned, or any other story, then yeah, I'll take it down.**

**A/N: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters I used to make this story. I own nothing but my ideas.  
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><p><strong>All I Need<strong>

_**Chapter One: Complications  
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She'd heard these words so many times before, from so many people besides the person who was speaking lividly on the other end of the line.

Kagome Higurashi breathed a loud sigh into the phone as she continued to listen to her best friend babbling on about what she should be doing with her life. She respected Sango, she looked up to her. She was her rock, her support when things got too hard. But sometimes, she regretted telling her such things. She had hoped that the loud sigh that she let escape her pretty lips would be enough to make Sango realize that she didn't want to talk about _this_, about _him_ anymore, but did Sango Kobayashi ever listen? _No_.

She wouldn't shut up. She let out another hopeless sigh, blocking out all of her words. Maybe the words were supposed to be for her own good, but they _hurt_. Her cell phone lit up and her eyes widened the slightest bit in interest, looking down at the words splayed across the screen of the device.

'_**I'll be there soon.'**_

She couldn't help the tiny smile that began pulling at the corners of her pink lips or the warm feeling that took over her stomach. However, the feelings were disturbed and quickly evaporated at the sound of Sango's angry voice on the other end.

"Are you even _listening _to me, Kagome?" the voice on the end of the line screeched, causing Kagome to wince and pull the receiver away from her ear while Sango continued to rant.

How badly she wanted to just hang up.

"You need him out of your life," the voice was considerably a bit lower than it was before, and then there was a pause. She held her breath for a second, and when a few more seconds went by, she almost let out a sigh of relief. _Almost_. The voice picked up again, and Kagome let out a groan which _apparently _went unnoticed by Sango. "He's bad for you, and I'm telling you, he's only there to _fuck _you up," Sango paused again and sighed as if she understood but she _never _did. "You have your whole life ahead of you. You're fucking nineteen, fucking young. Two more years of college, Kagome. And _him_, he's twenty two and he's never had to fight for anything."

Kagome sighed and closed her eyes, trying to block out the burn the words left. "Sango, I really want-"

"Wanting is what children do," Sango interrupted sternly. "Like I was saying, he's never had to work for anything his whole life. He's never fought for anything. He's always took. Taking is for ruined men, and yes, he's definitely ruined. He smokes, he drinks, he fucks around."

No, she never got mad at her friend. How could she? Sango knew everything, because she cried to her about it all. But this time, she wasn't going to say 'you and him are going to be okay'. It was different.

Still, she tried to convince her otherwise. "Sango, those pictures were nothing."

Sango sighed. "But they were, Kagome. They were _so _much more than nothing. They were the truth, and you can't deny it. Why do you still stay with him, give him over a million chances? He's not worth it Kagome, he never was."

Sango made bad images pop into her head, things she'd rather not remember. It all hurt so bad, and the pain still felt fresh. All the girls he'd slept with before her, all the pictures she'd seen, all the alcohol he'd gotten into, all the trouble he'd gotten into.

"He doesn't give a fuck about you."

Kagome sighed.

"Do you want the truth?" Sango asked, and Kagome could tell that she was trying to help, not make her feel as bad as she did. But still, it hurt and there was nothing that she could really do about it.

"I don't," Kagome said truthfully. "But go ahead."

She always learned to brace herself from the dead truth behind Sango's words, but there was no use, because it hurt all the same.

"You're just another girl to him."

…And it wasn't the first time she'd heard those words.

People had said that to her many times before, but she never got used to the feeling it brought along. It was something more than pain, more than emotional pain and physical pain at the same time. Her stupid, stupid heart beating rapidly with anxiety and some kind of hopefulness that words simply could not explain, had learned to ignore the words, but her head hadn't. And what she thought, what these words made her think, meant everything. The mind was so much easier to convince than the heart. Somewhere along the way, she'd gotten the idea that her heart knew what was right for her. But her heart didn't know shit if it was the cause for this fucking…_hurt_.

Every single time…the truth was in her voice when she said, _You're just another girl to him_.

She couldn't stop pain from hitting her like a train every single time those brash words were spoken, and before she could stop herself, her back was against the soft mattress of her bed, one hand splayed out across the mattress while the other supported the phone that she desperately wanted to throw at one of the four walls in her hand. She closed her eyes, happy for once that Sango was silent. And so she began to ease the words out of her mind, guarding herself from anymore pain. She wanted to wrap her arms around herself like he did. She couldn't make herself feel safe like he did, though, or make all the pain go away like he did. No one could, and she was suddenly tempted to hang up on Sango so she could see him so he could prove every single fucking word that her friend had uttered wrong. Only he could make her believe in love, over and over and over again.

No one understood.

He'd be here soon anyway, and she didn't know how she should react.

Being in college called for lots of study, lots of knowledge, so it had been a week since she'd seen him. She always ignored his complaints of having a college girlfriend. But with wanting to be a doctor and all, study was required, and she did wish she had more time for him, but she wasn't stupid enough to put him before her studies or what she wanted to do with her life.

Finally, she opened her eyes, a smile still on her face from the image of him in her mind.

"Are you here?" she questioned into the phone, expecting or either hoping not to hear an answer.

Then she heard a sigh, and it drug a sigh out of her. "That's all you have to say, Kagome?"

Kagome sighed, Sango was killing her mood. "I've got to go. I've got studying to do, so I'll call you back later today, alright?"

"He's coming over again, isn't he?" Sango asked curiously, and she sighed when Kagome didn't say anything back. Sango growled lightly, and for a second, Kagome thought she was going to hang up, but she didn't. She simply opened her mouth to speak through the receiver again, her voice surprisingly calm. "Don't bother calling back later on today. I care about you more than anything, but if you want to ruin yourself and your life by being with him, that's all on you. I've done everything that I possibly could to stop you from doing this, but it's just not working, you know? I'm not giving you any sympathy. Wasn't that the whole reason you called, anyway? You saw him smiling and talking with one of his whores? That's _your _fault, Kagome. You can't keep loving someone who doesn't love you back. Goodbye."

Before Kagome could say anything back, Sango had hung up. It didn't bring any feeling of relief as she had expected it too, but it brought along some sense of loss. She closed her eyes again and let out a deep sigh, bringing her fingers up to rub her temples softly. Sango had given her a headache.

Just because Miroku did that to her, didn't mean that Inu- …

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a knock door of her dorm.

Her heart beat quickened, and she raised herself onto her unsteady feet, hobbling over to the door. She pulled the door knob open, and she couldn't help the smile that pulled the corners of her mouth upwards. Before she could stop herself, her arms were swung around his neck, his arms swinging around her waist.

"Inuyasha," she whispered softly, not even caring to notice that the pain of Sango's words had left once she saw his face. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, wench," the truth in his words warmed her stomach, comforting her.

She pulled away, her brown eyes catching onto his gold as she did so. That's what she loved most about him, besides the triangular dog ears that were perched on his head. His eyes reminded her of the sun, the way they melted her from inside-out. She loved the shine the amber orbs got whenever he looked at her, it made her feel like she was more than just a toy to him, or whatever he called her.

She didn't know exactly how they'd standed each other for this long. He was so mean and she heard people say that she was like an angel, but opposites went together, didn't they? Sure, he was beyond gorgeous, but that wasn't what attracted her the most about him. She'd met him back when she was sixteen and he was nineteen. Three whole years. Inuyasha had a record for being a heartbreaker, but he had _never _did anything to hurt her purposely. At least, she hoped he wouldn't. But after all, they didn't exactly have a relationship. All their 'relationship' consisted of was him driving her around, comforting her, her comforting him, taking care of each other, and sex. And that was about it, and most of the time she had to call herself stupid whenever she found herself wondering what it'd be like to have something _more _than just sex.

What she liked most about him was his personality. He hadn't liked her at first, and she didn't like him either. He'd called her annoying and other names that she'd rather not mention. But then again, they had ended up meeting over the summer since their best friends had been dating.

He pressed his lips against hers, and she couldn't help the whimper that escaped her lips as he did so. His arms were encircled around her waist tightly, holding her small frame close to his built one. She squeaked when his large, rough hands squeezed her bottom, and reluctantly, she broke away from the kiss and pulled away from him, panting.

"Not here, Inuyasha," she spoke quietly.

Inuyasha could be a childish brat at times, especially when it came to sex. Other times, he was a man. _Her_ man, she liked to think sometimes despite the fact that it wasn't true at all. A small smile tugged at her lips when he pouted and swooped down to feel her lips against his once more. He pulled away a bit, causing her to let out another whimper. It was the feelings his mere presence bought on…

His sneaky, talented tongue was demanding entrance, so with a muffled sigh against his mouth, she placed her palms on his chest to push him away, and she wanted to roll her eyes when he didn't budge. Finally, she fought against him like she really didn't want this, like she really wanted to stop, but the gods knew that wasn't what she wanted to do. "Rin will be back here soon," she warned him, a serious look in her brown eyes. Rin was her roommate, and was her closest friend next to Sango. "And I still have to study."

Psychology was _hard_, after all.

"You've been studying all week," he responded, a bit of anger clear in his voice. "Can't you at least take a bit of time out of studying for _me_?" He questioned, a smirk on his lips.

Sango's words chose this time to pop back into her head.

Those pictures she had seen on his phone, those pictures of other girls, so much more prettier and developed than her. Those text messages she had snuck and saw. The things he told other girls. She couldn't tell him, she knew that he'd get mad, tell her that he gave her privacy, so he needed privacy. That was _always_ his excuse, and it _always _hurt.

But then again, what exactly were her and Inuyasha? Fuck buddies? She desperately wanted to be more. He was so stupid. She knew he didn't want her to love him, but if he _really_ didn't, why did he have to kiss her like that, hold her like that? He was stupid. Boys were stupid. _Love _was stupid.

And the idea of being in love with him terrified her but she was sure it was true.

Sometimes, she hated his ability to sense what was wrong with her. He leaned closer to her, and then his nose was buried into her neck, inhaling the scent of her that he claimed to love so much. Of course, she was an idiot for tilting her head back slightly when he began kissing her neck. His hot tongue swept across the creamy skin of her neck, and she moaned, her betraying hands running through his long, soft, silky main of hair until they reached the dog ears that were perched atop of his head, making him groan.

She had to stop, restrain herself, because maybe if she didn't, he'd just keep using her as a sex object, as a whore. And she wasn't a whore, she wasn't like the other girls that he associated with. Sango's words were _so _true, and she _couldn't_ love him. No.

"Stop, Yasha," she panted out, almost angrily.

He growled, and she groaned. Great, she'd officially pissed him off. "_No_," he said simply. "I haven't seen you all week, Kagome. Do you know how hard it's been, not being able to taste you, feel you?" her face was red with aggitation and need for him by now, and it turned even redder when he breathed into her ear, "You want me too. I can smell it on you, wench. I'm a half demon...I know these kinds of things. You fucking _want _me."

He began to use his fangs, lightly nibbling on her neck. Careful not to mate her, he was always _so _careful, especially during intimacy. When both of their worlds shattered during that time, when he bought both of them up so high, and when they called out each other's name, and when the moment was so intense and when they were reckless, he made sure that his mouth was nowhere near her neck.

He mated no one because he loved no one.

Hell, she didn't even know if they had a relationship.

"Inuyasha Takahashi," she hissed, using his full name, pulling away so she could stop him from making anymore fresh hickeys appear on her neck. Only the gods know of the many times she had to ask Rin if she could use her make-up to cover them up. "Stop this, right now! I told you, Rin's going to be here soon, I need to study, and I'm tired."

He growled, still not pulling away from her. His breath was warm on her neck, and like always, he made goose bumps appear on her fragile skin. "I haven't seen you _all_ week. Why are you acting like this?"

She debated whether telling him or not, but it bothered her immensely.

She sat down on the way too small dorm bed, fumbling with her hands and looking down at her lap, almost afraid to look up at him, and definitely afraid to tell him. She shouldn't care, and who he decided to kiss, who he decided to tell that he loved him, that was all on him and it shouldn't upset her like it had been doing for the past week. He shouldn't be of her concern, and she knew that more than anything, but you can't help what you feel.

"Sango said…she said that she saw you about three days ago," Kagome started hesitantly, looking into those sun-lit eyes, watching them as the confusion swarmed around in them. One dark brow was raised as he looked at her. His face was set so it'd look like he didn't care, but his eyes, she saw everything in them. He was definitely confused, and it was almost like he was wondering why it mattered to her. "It doesn't really matter, but she said that the girl you were with…she was really pretty. Who was she, Yasha?"

He growled, and muttered something along the lines that sounded like, "Why was she even watching me, anyway?" but Kagome ignored it, her breath catching in her throat when he walked over to where she sat and got down, his knees pressed to the floor, and his eyes leveled with hers. Her eyes were wide and she didn't notice it, and she didn't care as he brought his rough hands up to her soft skin, looking at her earnestly.

"Does the idea of me with someone else, besides you, bother you, Kagome?" he asked her softly.

It surprised her, and she pulled away from his touch.

"N-no," she stuttered, her eyes going downcast to watch her hands as they fumbled with her tank-top. "I just…I just wanted to know who she was."

He almost smiled to himself. "It bothers you."

She felt _so_ stupid when he said that, and even stupider when he let out a sigh, and she felt like the stupidest person in the world when he leaned forward so his lips could mesh with hers. Warm feelings engulfed her belly when he pushed her back against the small the bed. He climbed atop of her, his hands pinned to the mattress so this time, she wouldn't be able to escape from his advances.

"No-" she tried to say, but he pressed his lips against hers roughly, muffling her words.

"To hell with that, wench. I want you, _now_."

She gasped when his hands ran down the sides of her waist, dipping into her curves. It was pitiful, really, how the feelings of his finger tips running along her heated body, even through all those layers of clothing, still made her breathless. Her hands tangled into his soft hair, and he groaned when he felt her finger tips massage his scalp.

She felt his hot hands slip under the her black tank top, sliding up her slender waist until they reached their destination, her c-cups. And dear gods, she didn't know how he made _everything_, even the simplest bit of contact seem like heaven.

And then, he started rubbing the fabric of his jeans against her shorts, making her ache with need. She heard him growl, and she didn't bother trying to stop him when he flung her tank top across the floor.

He didn't bother to take her bra off, and she felt thankful for that. No one knew about how many bras of hers he'd torn and ripped and damaged.

He pulled his shirt off and flung it across the floor like he'd did her tank top. She heard his belt unbuckle and she shivered in excitement, not being able to help the feelings that were starting to form into her stomach. It was so intense that it almost made her sick, but she happily accepted it.

"I love your scent," he whispered into her ear, kissing her neck as he undid his jeans. He slid them down to his knees, not bothering to take them all the way off.

He made her know of all the madness in the world, because she felt it every time he did exactly what he was doing. She knew that he probably didn't feel half of much as she did in these moments when she was his and only his, and she knew that all of the feelings she got were only going to destroy her when he was done with her. But as long as she could be happy with him for just a moment, it didn't matter.

His nimble fingers hooked around her panties, pulling them down, and her breath caught in her throat. They had done this so many times before, but every time, it felt like something new to her, and that's what she loved about it. He could make her feel these feelings over and over again, and she never tired from them.

"Inu…Rin…" she panted, but he mashed his mouth against hers again, his tongue massaging hers as he brought one finger down, shoving it into her entrance and causing her to buck upwards, her hips hitting his.

"Shut up," he panted, his voice was raspy and it sent chills down her neck, and she moaned and bucked up against him. "You're so wet, wet for _me_."

He kissed her neck as he shoved himself inside of her, causing her to let out a muffled "uumph!" from the force of his thrust. He groaned when she bucked upwards to meet his thrust.

"_So _good," he whispered into her ear, causing another moan out of her. It felt like fire running through her veins as she became dizzy, his thrusts bringing her closer to shattering. It had been way too long, or had seemed like way too long since he had touched her, and she enjoyed every moment of it, her legs spread for him, ready for whatever pleasure he was going to bring her. "You're _mine_."

She bit her lip and closed her eyes as he rocked them both into ecstasy. And when he reached a hand down between their sweaty bodies, using his thumb to play with her pearl, she nearly screamed. "Yasha, please…" she found herself begging him to go faster, harder.

She loved all of the feelings, all of the madness he made her feel inside. She loved the way he made her body ache with need to be filled by him and only him, and she loved the way he looked at her, the way his amber orbs changed to a deep rum color when he was aroused. Aroused by _her_. Maybe he had other girls, girls that were so much better than her, but when he was hers, if only for a few hours or minutes, it was worth it.

And so they both took pleasure from the other's bodies, Inuyasha deciding that it was about time he was inside of her again, filling her and bringing them both to pleasure.

She wasn't even worried about Rin anymore, and she honestly didn't care if she walked in on them again. Her mind was fuzzy from the way he made her body drown in pleasure, fuzzy from the way he rammed himself hard inside of her as if he missed her, as if he was trying to prove that she was _his,_ as if it was their last time so he had to make the best of it. Her nails were raking down his back, adding to the many scratches she had made from many times before.

"_Kagome_," he moaned out loud as he went faster, desperate to bring them both to their climax. He pounded into her faster, making her moans gradually increase until she felt like she could no longer take it.

Her legs squeezed around his waist as he leaned down to kiss her neck, then pulled away quickly. He did that all the time, but she was too lost in the pleasure he was giving her to even care. He tossed his head back, ramming into her faster and harder. "Cum for me." He growled, and she bit her lip and moaned.

"Cum, Kagome. Scream for me. If you love it, why don't you fucking _scream_?" He growled out, clenching his teeth.

He didn't have to tell her anymore. She welcomed on her orgasm, her walls clenching around him as she screamed out his name, her nails burying into his back even _deeper_. He banged into her impossibly faster, the thought still fresh in his mind. The way she made his ears twitch when she called out his name. And he looked at her finally to see that she was still riding out her orgasm, and _he _was the one who made her lose herself, and she surrendered to him and only him. Her hair was messy, and a light sheen of sweat covered her face. Her heart was beating incredibly fast, so was his. She bit her already swollen lip, and when she opened her pretty, glossy brown eyes to look up at him, his world finally shattered.

"_Fuck_," he growled out, closing his eyes as his hips bucked immediately, filling her with his seed.

Her cheeks were red, and she was still trying to catch her breath. Finally, he allowed his lips to touch her neck, kissing and sucking at her creamy skin.

"You can tell me if I'm crushing you," he panted out before his lips met with hers. No, it wasn't rough or passionate, it was just _sweet_. Her lips responded with his, her hand tangling in his hair again. It felt so good to have him.

"You're not," she said simply, yawning, and he went back to making love bites on her neck, his hot tongue sweeping over the marks once he was finished with one. Then, he'd start on another.

And she was _so _beautiful, possibly the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. But then again, he was so _wrong_ for her, so worthless compared to her. With a groan, he allowed himself to pull out of the warmth of her body. He could've cursed, the dorm bed was _so _small, but thank the gods, it left just a bit of room for cuddling. And so he pulled her close to him, covering them in the flimsy sheets of the dorm bed.

"You need to leave," she told him, but he noticed that her voice sounded quite disappointed. "Rin's going to be here soon, and I don't want her finding me and you together like she did last time. Plus, I need to study."

She pushed him away, and he watched her as she ran a hand through her messy hair, reaching down into the pile of clothes for her panties, tank-top, and shorts. She dressed quickly, and he watched her as she did so, carefully observing the look on her face. She seemed angry with him, and he wasn't sure why.

He growled, grabbing her arm so she couldn't stand. "I need to go shower, then study. Let me go, Inuyasha."

He didn't know exactly what was going on with her, but he was determined to find out whatever it was. "Is it whatever Sango said to you about me and that girl she saw me with?" Kagome looked at him dully for just a second before trying to pull away from him, only to let out a hiss when he wouldn't let her go. He growled, already knowing the answer to his question. "I haven't been with _anyone_ besides you, Kagome."

Kagome growled, finally jerking her hand away from his hold. "You _kissed _her!"

He just wanted her to _shut up_. He didn't want to fight, but he didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know if she had feelings for him, and he didn't know if he had feelings for her. But whatever he did feel for her, he wasn't going to have it ruined by whatever her friends were saying. "_She _kissed _me_, you stupid girl!" he growled out. "Why the _fuck _is that nosey bitch in our business anyway? You're all behind it, aren't you? Even _you_, Kagome. You don't believe me, but why the fuck should I have to try so hard to prove myself to you?"

She shook her head. "You would prove yourself to me if you _cared_, Inuyasha."

"What the _fuck, _Kagome? What is all of this bullshit about you? Why should it matter to you who else I kiss, who else I fuck? It's _my_ business, bitch!" She was starting to really piss him off and confuse him, and that wasn't part of the plan. But he was sick of her and her stupid friends judging him, trying to tell her that he wasn't worth it, and he was tired of her believing it.

"Baka, I'm tired. Leave," she hissed at him, her eyes narrowing.

"I don't understand what the big deal is. This isn't some fucking _relationship_." Although it felt like one, and although he wasn't sure if he wanted it to be or not. But the second those words left his lips, he regretted it. He hated smelling her tears, her sadness. He hated when he was the cause of it, too.

But then again, Kagome was stubborn. Stubborn and _strong_. He watched her in amazement as she blinked back tears, keeping her pretty brown eyes hard on his gold ones without a trace of fear. Only the gods knew of how much he admired her. "I don't think we should do this anymore."

"Do what?" he snapped back, his eyes also narrowing.

She hated it more than anything when they argued.

But she surprised herself and him when she forced a laugh. It wasn't a happy one, more like a sad one that said goodbye, and for a split second, paralyzing fear went through his body as he wondered what he'd do without her. Three whole years he had known her, slept with her, even though it wasn't a real relationship. But they didn't _need_ a relationship. He didn't want one, wasn't ready for one.

"Do you love her? I heard that she's really pretty. Sango said that she even looks like me, that you've went out and found yourself this shiny new toy," she spoke calmly, her eyes still dead on his. "If you have found someone you love, that you'd like to mate and spend forever with, I can't lie, I'm happy for you, Yasha," he was even more confused and angry now. Most of all, he was scared of losing her. "But don't keep coming back to me if you're happy with her. Don't fuck me and act like you care about me if you keep going back to her. If you're done, just say so. I promise I'll be strong enough to handle it. I promise I won't bother you anymore."

"Kagome…" he trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say. Maybe if he did leave, things would be better.

"I'll be alright. It won't bother me if that's what _you _want, Inuyasha. As long as she makes you happy. This doesn't mean…it doesn't mean we have to stop being friends, though."

Was this really what she wanted? It wasn't what he wanted.

"You know, I can't help the fact that girls like me, Kagome," he started, a slight frown on his face. "I do care about you. I do want to work this out, even if it's not a relationship. It doesn't have to be," he ignored the confused, hurt look she was giving him. He wasn't going to hurt her by giving her a relationship, though. He didn't _trust_ himself enough to have a relationship. "Don't listen to Sango."

She growled, and he sighed, realizing that this only made her angrier. "I listen to her because she tells me the _truth_, which is something that I can't trust you to tell me."

"You do understand that this isn't a relationship, don't you?" he asked her, baring his fangs.

She ignored the hurt, and she ignored Sango's words. God dammit, he was what made her happy, and that's all she wanted, all she needed. Happiness. "I'm aware of that."

"Then why does it bother you if you see me with someone else, Kagome?" he asked her desperately, trying to understand where she was coming from.

"How would you feel if you saw me with another man? If you don't expect me to have at least some feelings for you after three whole years, you're _stupid_, Yasha."

He snarled. "What you don't understand about me, Kagome, is that I don't do relationships."

"Because you love no one, right? That's fucking pitiful," she scoffed. "Leave, Inuyasha. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I want to take a shower, study a bit, and go to sleep. And I want you out of here before Rin sees us together."

He scoffed, too. "Yeah, because you're so afraid of being seen with a half-breed, right? It's a disgrace, huh, bitch?"

She looked at him steadily, this time her eyes didn't look away angrily. All of a sudden, her chest was heaving with all of the anger that he made her feel. "Don't forget about this, Inuyasha. I've known you for three years. Been a friend to you for three years. We've fucked for three years. And you're so _stupid_ that you're still stuck on the idea of me being disgusted. If I was so disgusted, you wouldn't even be worth arguing with, but you are! If I was so fucking _disgusted_, do you really think that I'd let you hug me, kiss me, touch me?"

He growled, his eyes focused on her and only her. "I'm trying here, Kagome. You're so stupid that you don't realize that I do care about you until I scream it out into your fucking face! You're the one who started all of this bullshit! We were doing just fine, no relationship, no stress, and now you're getting pissed because of some girl? I've fucked a million girls before you, fucked a few while I was fucking you, too, and _now_ this _bothers _you?"

Maybe Sango was right. Maybe he was a jerk, and maybe she could do better than him. She wanted him to prove Sango's words wrong, tell her that she was all that he needed, that he could never want more. She wanted him to tell her that that girl meant nothing to him, but she wasn't going to get what she wanted and she wasn't going to be a baby about it, she was going to deal with it.

But then again, she couldn't help the tears that had began to slip down her cheeks.

"Fuck you," her voice came out broken and uneven as she brought her hands up to her face to wipe some of the tears away. Yeah, so she loved him. But it didn't matter because he would never understand or care. "Leave, Inuyasha."

Her words made his heart drop, but instead of immediately leaving like she asked him to, he pulled her against him, pleased that she didn't fight him away. And he clutched her close to his chest, leaning down to kiss the tears away. Gods, he _did _care about her and he wished that she could understand. Maybe love wasn't an option, but wasn't what they had enough?

"Don't act like that, Kagome. I'm sorry," he breathed into her ear, he sound of her tears making his heart pang. _Damn_. "I didn't mean to make you cry." He held her tighter, brushing the hair out of her face so he could have access to her neck. He kissed and nipped at her skin, hoping it would make her _stop_, because he couldn't take it.

"I'm not sure how we'll work this out, Kagome, but I promise you we will."

It wasn't all about the amazing sex. They had _friendship_. Not a relationship, but friendship. And he wasn't about to lose that just because a girl kissed him, just because it hurt Kagome. He _couldn't _lose her. They held each other when bad things happened, they cared for each other and watched after each other, and he couldn't hurt her.

Her breathing became steady, and her cries had quieted down. But still, he held her close to him like she knew he would, making all the pain go away. He was some kind of medicine for her, some kind of drug that fixed everything. And in that moment he held her, she was happy, because he did care. Maybe he didn't love her, but caring was enough.

So he held her and rocked her until she fell asleep, hoping that she knew deep down in her heart that he would always care for her. He wasn't going to hurt her by giving her a relationship when he didn't even know if he could be faithful.

He left once he was sure she was okay, praying to the gods that she wouldn't be angry, that she wouldn't say that whatever they had should be 'over' again.

After all, she was there for him, and he was there for her. He couldn't give her anything more or anything less, and he also prayed that she would understand that.

**A/N: Oh goodness, it's finally finished. It's not my best work, but I'm glad that I finally got writing this off of my chest. But hey, don't just alert or favorite, leave a review, too. Tell me if you don't like it, I'll take it down. Tell me if you do like it, and I'll try my best to continue. It's whatever, you know. But if you do want me to continue, I promise you you'll get a good story plot and I'll try my hardest. Hope to hear what you guys think, please? Goodbye!(:**


	2. Scream

Sometimes, she felt sure, almost positive that it was his hands. The way they caressed her body, the way they were sneaky and large and rough and hot, and the way his nimble fingers worked on her, bringing her closer and closer to pleasure. And it was his mission to make her scream out for him, to watch her as she lost herself under his gentle touches. And every single time, he accomplished it. And sometimes she loved him for it, other times she didn't.

"Kagome?"

Or maybe it was his eyes. Maybe it was the way he watched her as he gave her that pleasure, maybe it was that pleased look he got in those pretty amber orbs. Maybe it was the way that she could read whatever emotion he was feeling through them. When he was sad, she wanted to be there for him, look into those eyes without bothering to look away just because of the unwanted, scary feelings he gave her. And whenever he was angry and it was so evident, swarming around in those sun-lit eyes of his, she wanted to ask him what was wrong, and talk to him so that maybe his anger would go away, and maybe she could feel those pretty eyes with something that she wanted to call care, respect, but still, she wasn't sure.

"Earth to Kagome! Why are you ignoring me?"

But then again, she could've been wrong. It could've been his lips. The way they molded with her own, the way they trailed down her neck, the softness of his lips making her shiver. The kisses he gave her were enough to make her believe in everything, and they were enough to make her believe that she was finally in heaven or whatever paradise was. Maybe it was the way that his lips made her own swollen vigorously, the way his mouth reclaimed hers harshly whenever he was mad or whenever he missed her…

Did Inuyasha miss her as much as she missed him?

She closed her eyes. He wasn't apart of her life, he couldn't be. But was it impossible? Was it impossible to be without his presence for a whole lifetime when she could barely stand a week? Gods, it hurt.

Why did Inuyasha have to be so stupid? Why did he have to argue back? Why couldn't he admit the truth, stop seeing those girls that she knew he saw, stop accepting their pictures and their kisses and their bodies? Why didn't he only want _her_? And why did she need him this fucking bad?

"What in the _world_? You're really gone, huh?" Finally, with a startled jump, she looked over at her friend who had apparently been calling her name for the past five minutes while she was spacing out over _him_.

"I'm sorry," Kagome apologized softly with a frown on her face, plopping her elbows down on the dusty, battered wooden table that was in the center of the small, worthless café. She took a sip of her coffee, avoiding her roommate's eyes as she continued to poke her lips out, her eyes focused on the dusty window, on the careless faces that walked around outside of the café. And suddenly, she wished that she could be that careless. She wished that she didn't have to worry about things like love.

Rin let out a girlish giggle. "Night's coming soon, Kagome. I'm not sure what's wrong with you, but you need a break or something. You need something to sip on, something stronger than this damned, burned coffee. You…I mean, we, need alcohol," Rin giggled childishly again as she looked at Kagome, her dark eyes sparkling with excitement. "Listen, no studying tonight. We have no exams anytime soon anyway. Tonight, were going out. I'm tired of seeing that sick, sad look on your face."

She didn't like drinking, and no, she didn't like partying. She was shy, she was different. But it wasn't like she hadn't tried it before. She knew that liquor helped you forget, at least for a few moments.

She didn't answer Rin back immediately.

She thought of Inuyasha some more. She thought of the warm feeling she got whenever he was around, the emptiness she felt when he left. She thought of the way he wrapped his arms around her tightly while he loved her inside-out, rocking his hard body against her soft one. And she thought about how she felt hearing Sango's words, and she thought about how she felt, knowing they were true. She thought of the girls her friends had told her they'd seen him with. It was always a model, someone who was way prettier than her, had much better things and high quality clothes. She thought about how she felt like she was never enough for him, and she thought that as long as he loved whoever that girl was and was happy with her, then she'd be happy too.

So with pain in her eyes and her voice sounding worried and broken, she said, "Rin, I think I'm in love."

Rin looked at her, her smile slowly disappearing until her face became drop dead serious, but the twinkle still showed in her eyes. She cleared her throat and looked straight into her friends eyes, shaking her head softly yet amusingly. And suddenly, Kagome wanted to scream out in frustration that she _did_ need alcohol, and her friends and love would definitely be the death of her. But before she could speak, Rin did.

"Well then, I guess that your proclamation just calls for _more_ alcohol," she said seriously, and Kagome couldn't help but break into a smile at the thought of love, or whatever the hell it was she felt, leaving her just for a moment tonight.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Gods, it hurt so much, and he couldn't figure out why.

He was used to going without her scent, her smiles, her kisses, her hugs for a week, more than a week, even. But no, he couldn't stand being away from her when she was mad at him. He wasn't jumping to conclusions, he was only clarifying what he _knew_, and what he knew was that she was angry, possibly the most angry she'd ever been at him.

And still, he asked himself why she cared for him so much. All they'd ever be was fuck buddies, and that's all he wanted to be. There wasn't a major age difference and they were both single and happy and young, but that was the point.

He was fucking _young_.

How the fuck was he supposed to know what love was? He'd barely finished high school, hadn't bothered with college. Studying for him was never really important, nor homework or tests or grades. He'd always been the one who didn't know exactly where his future was going to go, but he'd always depended on himself and no one else. He didn't need people pitying him because he'd lost his parents and all of the family that he'd respected, leaving him with some worthless brother who didn't give a damn about him.

Getting high gave him an escape, and getting drunk helped him forget. Not only did he have girls lined up for him because of his startling, gorgeous looks, but weren't girls supposedly attracted to bad asses? That's what he was, that's what people had claimed him to be. But they didn't know anything and they never would.

And maybe that was why he'd liked Kagome so much. She'd been so young it seemed when they met. He was nineteen and swinging fists, and she was _sixteen_, so naïve and innocent and unlike anyone he'd ever met before. He'd annoyed her because he thought that annoyance was a good look on her pretty face. And he'd talked to her when she was always complaining that she was lonely ever since their best friends had started dating. And he'd held her when she started crying about being lonely, and wanting a relationship like her best friend and his best friend had, and he'd lied, told her that he wished he had something like that too because for some reason, he didn't like seeing someone so optimistic sob like that. And he'd kissed her when he decided that his lips would be better than making the tears go away rather than his hands.

And she had kissed _him _back. Kissed _Inuyasha_ back. _Inuyasha_, the one who girls declared as a heartbreaker, the one who girls cried over, the one who was mentioned almost all the time in popularity or jealousy.

And after that first kiss, he was officially addicted to her and her sweetness, innocence, the taste of her, the feel of her. He loved the fact that she was so innocent, and that he was the only man who'd ever touched her lips, that he was the only man who'd ever made her see stars, brought her to heaven and back.

_**Flashback;**_

_He watched her as she looked at their best friends, a slight frown on her face. He unintentionally let out a growl, and when her head snapped towards him in surprise, he could've kicked himself for not suppressing the sound._

_He didn't know exactly how they had come to be friends, but they were, and he cared about her if nothing else._

_It was a hot summer night, and he hated it. He hated how him and Kagome were always forced to follow along behind Sango and Miroku, he hated how he had nothing else to do besides listen to Kagome babble on and on about her day, he hated the weather, hated the way she was smiling at him, that smile filled of nothing but bullshit, nothing but fake. She was hurt, and he didn't exactly know why._

_He forced himself not to frown as he watched her smile, the fakeness not meeting her pretty eyes._

"_Please don't tell me that you want a relationship like they have," he scoffed, looking off at the couple as Kagome stood closely by him._

_He looked back at her when she didn't say anything, only to notice a frown on her face again and loneliness in her eyes. He sighed because he fucking hated it when she got emotional, and he fucking hated it when she got herself upset over the likes of __**them**__. So he let out a growl, knowing he was going to regret whatever corny shit he was about to say._

"_You know," he started reluctantly, "They don't have the best relationship. They aren't always happy. So there's no reason to get upset just because you don't have a relationship right now," he scoffed at the idea of some man holding her, kissing her. It made him growl, his teeth gritting together as he stared at the couple, a disgusted look on his face. "I don't even think you need one, want one. It's all a bunch of bullshit."_

_And he looked back at her again and his breath caught in his throat when he saw that she was looking at him, a soft smile on her face and her eyes shining as bright as the stars were tonight. And as if she knew what he was thinking about her, she looked up at them. "You don't think Sango tells me about all the fights they have?" Kagome asked him softly, and for some reason, he still couldn't really catch his breath, so he said nothing. He looked up at the stars, trying to see what she saw. "I want someone to love me. Never in my life have I ever…"_

"_Ever what?" he asked, urging her to continue on. He hadn't meant to sound so interested, so he looked at her dully, ignoring the heat he felt in her cheeks as he watched her look up at the stars again like she saw something that was __**so**__ interesting._

_Kagome finally adverted her gaze away from the stars and onto his, and she looked at him, shaking her head almost sadly. "I've never even had a boyfriend…" she told him, shame evident on her features. She looked away as they continued to walk, keeping their distance from Miroku and Sango. _

_The night was quiet as could be, no cars passing, and barely any street lights. He wished there were though, so he could get a better look of her pretty face…_

"_And what's wrong with that?" he asked her softly, feeling somewhat relieved. Kagome having a boyfriend? He couldn't imagine that ever happening, he didn't want that to happen. "I've never had a girlfriend." He lied easily, a smirk resting on his lips._

"_You're lying," Kagome grumbled, her voice sounding broken. And he immediately wanted to wrap his arms around her because she sounded so near to crying, but he felt forbidden to. "You see," she pointed at Miroku and Sango's intertwined hands. "I've __**never**__ held hands with a boy." He swore, sometimes he thought all she did was complain._

_He gulped, convincing himself that he was only doing this because he didn't want her fucking tears all over him. He grabbed her hand unceremoniously, fumbling with her thin fingers as he intertwined them with his rougher, larger ones. He looked away from her quickly, praying to the gods that she wouldn't pull away._

_Wait, why was he praying? Shouldn't he be hoping that she __**would**__?_

_The way she looked at him and the funny feelings she made him feel were all too much for him to take._

"_And I've __**never **__had any boy besides my runt of a brother hug me," she muttered more to herself rather than him, and even though she hadn't meant for him to hear, he did._

_He looked at her and growled before jerking her hand back to keep her in place. He stepped in front of her, nervously. Was he supposed to be nervous when he was only trying to make her feel better? But he looked her in her eyes, and then he was gone, lost in a world that only revolved around Kagome. He knew it was going to happen, she always pulled him in, making him look into those big chocolate, watery eyes of hers. Wait…watery? She was going to cry..._

_He ignored the fact that she was completely forbidden to him and wrapped his strong arms around her waist. Immediately, she nuzzled her nose into him, her tears wetting his shirt. He wanted to pull away from her so he wouldn't be able to smell her tears, her sadness, but she had him hypnotized now, had him begging for more. So he pulled her closer, letting her tears seep into his shirt._

_He wasn't the one to pull away, she was. And she didn't pull away from him completely, but just enough to meet his eyes. And that beating…was it her heart or his, or both beating rapidly with unknown emotions at the same time?_

_Just what exactly was this wench **doing** to him?_

_His eyes focused on her lips __**accidentally**__, and now, he was a goner for sure. He couldn't think, and all he knew was that her sweet scent of vanilla was smothering him, clouding up his senses and making it harder to breathe._

_Was it possible to have lips so pretty, so pink?_

_Another tear ran down her cheek, and he kissed it away __**accidentally**__._

_What was up with all these __**accidents**__? _

_But he couldn't think. All he knew was that she was beautiful and she deserved the best, she deserved a relationship that was better than Sango and Miroku's. More tears fell, and his lips kissed them away too, __**accidentally**__, of course. And then, he leaned down so his lips could meet her neck, and he groaned when her hands tangled into his hair._

"_Inuyasha," she gasped. "What're you doing?"_

"_I'm getting you to shut up," he groaned when her hands reached his ears. He pulled her hands away reluctantly. "Don't do that."_

"_Why?" she asked, obviously still so into it. Her cheeks were flushed and her heart was about to explode, and the feelings that he made her feel in the pit of her stomach made her want to so **something**, maybe kiss him._

_Inuyasha sighed, resting his cheek against hers to whisper into her ear, "Because you'll never know how much it turns me on."_

_She gasped, and then moaned when he kissed her neck, his tongue flicking the soft, silky skin._

"_And Inuyasha?" She said softly, gasping as he nipped at her neck._

"_I've never had a boy kiss me…kiss me on my lips," she told him softly and truly, her voice sounding shameful. "I'm…I'm __**sixteen**__, and I've never known what love was like, I've never had a boy like me, I'm never going to share that special time with a special someone. I'm absolutely hopeless. I must not be pretty. That's got to be why__-__"_

"_Shut up," he growled, slamming his lips against hers harshly, tasting her for the first time. Her hands instantly tangled into his hair, and his arms slipped around her waist carelessly. Of course, she was inexperienced, probably the most inexperienced girl that he'd ever met. But still, she tasted so good, so sweet. And she was still so innocent, so pure._

_And he would be the one to destroy that…_

_He pulled away… "I'm sorry,"_

_Kagome panted, her cheeks red and her eyes sparkling. "No, no. Kiss me __**again**__, Inuyasha…please." She didn't know exactly what she was doing, but she did it. She pressed up against him, not caring about how far away Miroku and Sango were. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing up on her tip-toes to meet his lips again. _

_It was a new feel, an electric jolt that she'd welcome over and over again, something she could live with for the rest of her life. Except, he wasn't pressing his lips back against hers, they weren't moving together like before._

"_Inuyasha, __**please**__," she murmured against his lips, not really knowing where all this courage was coming from. But all she wanted was to feel him, taste him. And her hands reached his ears, and just as she hoped, he broke and gave into her, and she moaned into his mouth when she felt him let out a light sigh of pleasure against her lips. This was something __**new**__._

_No, she didn't lose all her innocence in that one night. Of course, she could've lied and told her overly-protective mother that she had decided that she wanted to spend the night with Sango, truth being he could've rented them the cheapest hotel he could find for the night. Or he could've took her out there in the hot summer breeze, right against the fence, making sure they were completely away from Sango and Miroku so he could have her finally, and end her suffering and give her what she wanted. _

_But no, he didn't, because he cared about Kagome Higurashi too much to take away something that precious from her tonight, especially something that meant so much to her, especially something that she wasn't ready for, something that she wanted to be special with a __**special **__person. And even though she tasted so good against him, and even though he was sure that she wanted him by the way her hands massaged his scalp, by the way that her sweet scent had a spicy edge to it, by the way that she pressed her lips harder against his. But still, he __**softly**__ pushed her away. She deserved better._

"_**Inuyasha**__," he looked at her as she panted, her pretty lips swollen. "Why?"_

"_**I'm **__not the one you're looking for, wench," he murmured, looking away from her. "If love's what you're looking for, then you're out of luck."_

_He watched her as her breathing became regular again, and she let out an exasperated sigh and closed her eyes, running a hand through those curly tresses of raven hair. She opened her eyes and looked at him, and it shocked him. "You don't know that, Inuyasha. Maybe I could have all the feelings in the world for you, or maybe I'm not even looking for love."_

_He growled, "Don't lie to me. Love's what your looking for, and I'll never love anyone."_

"_You don't know what I'm looking for," Kagome said quietly, her eyes wide with some sort of hurt and he felt guilt churning in his stomach, eating him up. "One day, Inuyasha, you'll fall in love, and I will too. Probably not with each other," she mumbled hesitantly. "But I'll fall in love with a man who will treat me right and love me through whatever, and you'll fall in love with a nice girl, and she'll love you just as much as you love her. Gods, Yasha, you're only nineteen. Where's your hope?"_

_He growled again at all of her words, they were all lies, he was sure. Kagome didn't know what the hell she was talking about. "I'm not going to fall in love with you," he said viciously, "or anyone else. You can't fucking tell my future, Kagome. You don't fucking know anything…" he mumbled, but then again, he didn't know what his future was going to be._

_Great, she was hurt. In milliseconds, she'd gone from aroused to upset and annoyed, all because of him. "But…I do. I know that you think you don't deserve anything or anyone, and I'm not sure of the reason why. But you do, Inuyasha. I'm telling you the truth. I like you. You've hung out with me and not left me alone to pity myself for not having a relationship. I like you, I trust you. Thank you, Inuyasha."_

_He didn't say anything back as he felt his heart swell._

_And about a month and a half later, Kagome was scared that she was in love with the man who'd taken away __**all**__ of her innocence. And about a month and a half later for him, he was scared to death of the things she made him feel. Fucking __**hell**__, like he hadn't been scared tonight as she molded her lips against his again, and like he hadn't been scared when in the time of two weeks, she'd given herself completely to him, like he hadn't been scared when he'd buried himself deep inside of her, promising her that he'd be gentle as he kissed her tears away. Like he hadn't been scared when she kissed him over and over, telling him it was going to be okay, and like he hadn't been scared when he saw her crying and felt his heart breaking._

_Like he hadn't been scared when he thought of the possibility of her loving him, or him loving her._

_But it couldn't have been true, could it?_

_**End of flashback;**_

Why did she have to be so stupid? Why couldn't she have just kept her lips off of him that night? Why did she have to make him feel the things he did? Why did she have to talk so affectionately to him, words so fucking full of hope? Nobody had affection for _him_, no one loved _him_, so why did Kagome seem to take such an interest in him?

His head was hurting. They'd fought like this before, but this time, he didn't know if he could fix it. How many other times had she seen those girls on his phone or those text messages or other girl's clothes laying around whenever he invited her over?

What if she couldn't be convinced to stay with him anymore?

But gods, if she left him, then what was he going to do?

'_I don't fucking need her. I'll drink all night and sleep in late tomorrow. Who the fuck do I need? No one.'_

He made a quick call to Miroku, sure that he'd like to join him too. And then he showered, grabbed his keys and left. Tonight, he wouldn't give a fuck about her.

**XXXxxxXXX**

It burned her throat, the gods knew it did. But she swallowed every drop down, wincing as she did so.

Rin looked at her and shook her head. "That's not enough," she giggled. "Here," she quickly reached for another bottle of vodka, popped the cap on it and swiftly grabbed Kagome by her thick mane of hair, pulling it back so Kagome could tilt her head back. Kagome let out a yelp as she felt Rin's strong grip on her hair, and she groaned when she shoved the bottle between her lips. But Kagome obediently let the liquid slide down her throat, an unpleasant look on her face. "That's right," Rin cooed inanely, "Drink up, because everybody here is good tonight except for you, but this right here, it'll make ya good for life."

Kagome ignored her as she tilted her head back, taking hold of the bottle. She didn't care if some of the alcohol dripped off her chin. All she cared about was the calming of her heart and senses, and the numbness the drink had encouraged.

And then, the room was spinning. She looked at Rin, and her face was funny. So were her eyes, her ears, her nose, her hair. The music that played through the whole club and the swaying, bumping, grinding bodies that moved to the silly beat was funny, too. She snorted, laughing loud. Rin laughed too.

"Kagome, I think we're drunk," Rin told her, traces of amusement in her voice.

"Me too…I wanna dance…" Kagome licked her lips, the taste of alcohol still on them. She giggled to herself and hopped up to make her way to the dance floor, not worrying about what Rin was going to do. She wanted to dance and she wasn't going to let anyone stop her.

She paid no attention to the pairs of eyes watching her swaying figure as she moved gracefully. She didn't like dancing and she didn't like people watching, but she was lost and she couldn't even process one god damn thought as her body moved to the slow beat, her hips moving from side to side. She was blessed with belly-dancing, and no, she didn't waist it.

Her body felt like water as she continued to move, and she let her hands tangle in her thick mass of raven hair as she shut her eyes, her long raven eyelashes slightly tickling her skin. Her body moved like a ripple to the song that was playing.

_I've got a plan for you and I, let's journey across the Venetian skies,_

_Can I have some of your cookies?_

_Can I have some of your pie?_

_May I cut the first slice?_

She opened her wide chocolate eyes when she felt a tall, strong figure slightly bump into her, fucking up her next move, fucking up the world she had lost herself in. Her hair whipped in the air as she swiftly turned her figure so she could glare at the person who'd fucked up her _incredible _dancing, suddenly so very angry for such a stupid reason. But when she turned around, all she could do was stare, her pretty mouth wide open.

Who was he?

He had pointed ears, and jet-black hair held in a high pony-tail, and his deep blue eyes made her feel like she was in some kind of trance. His mouth curved into a smirk. "I was right. You are as beautiful as I thought you were," suddenly he took her small hand in his, leaning down to kiss it. Her face flushed, but she didn't jerk her hand away. "I'm Kouga." His voice was deep, as deep as her hanyou's- wait, what the fuck? Wasn't alcohol supposed to make her _forget_? _Fuck_.

"I'm…" she started, but winced when she realized that she still felt like the world was spinning all around her. "I'm _Kagome_," she slurred. "Kagome Higurashi, yeah. And you," she poked him in the chest. "Fucked up my incredible, _amazing_ dancing."

If she wasn't in her little fantasy world, of course she wouldn't have told him her name. She wouldn't even be dancing, looking like some kind of whore. But tonight, she wanted to forget.

What's-his-face let out a deep chuckle. "I'm sorry. You wanna try to get your dancing right, then?"

She was too drunk to tell if he was drunk, too.

She giggled childishly. "Of course!"

_Just scream! At the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right,_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right,_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right,_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right._

"You know," he turned her around so her ass was against his arousal. He grinded into her, letting out a groan. "You're really fucking sexy. You've gotta have a man somewhere around here."

Kagome grimaced. It didn't feel right. He wasn't Inu- "I'm not with anyone, really," she giggled, and for some unknown reason, as soon as she thought of Inuya- …him came into her mind, she grinded back into What's-his-face even more, causing him to groan. She wasn't the inexperienced girl that she used to be…Inu- …_she_…had taught herself how to please a man, and she knew what they liked.

She liked What's-his-face. He made her feel wanted.

She needed this attention.

She turned around swiftly, pressing herself hard against him and grinding on his thigh. He let out some sort of strained, 'ha', and she ignored it, and kept doing it to him over and over again. "You're hot," she whispered to him, not bothering to wonder where the old Kagome had went to.

"_Shit_," he groaned. "Do you wanna go to my apartment?" His hands tangled in her hair.

Kagome hesitated, a frown on her lips. Still, she hadn't gone back to the normal Kagome until she heard a deep growl erupt from the depths of someone's throat.

"What the _fuck_?" She heard an agitated growl, and she paused.

She slowly turned around to face a _seething_ hanyou, a face that she knew so well. A shudder went down her back and her chocolate eyes became as wide as saucers as she looked at him, an incredulous look on her pretty face. Her pink lips were parted slightly, and shock took over her whole body. And she instantly pulled away from What's-his-face, guilt boiling inside of her, threatening to spill over.

"Inu…Inuyasha…" she stuttered in disbelief.

He angrily hustled up to her and jerked her towards him, pulling her small frame into his chiseled chest. "Who the _fuck _are _you_?" Inuyasha asked What's-his-face angrily.

Kagome watched What's-his-face as anger took over his handsome features. "Why's it matter?"

"You touch _my _fucking girl again," Kagome shuddered as he spoke. Was it the alcohol or had he just called her his girl? "And you're dead, you fucking wolf. Got that?"

Before Kagome could process what was going on, she felt herself being jerked along with Inuyasha as he pushed past sweaty, grinding, swaying bodies to make his way to the men's restroom. Kagome's eyes widened. "Inuyasha, what the _hell_…"

She felt so angry with him. So angry for showing up when things were going just fine for her, and so angry at him for letting her feel his touch after a whole fucking week. He shouldn't have been so late…

He slammed her against the walls of the bathroom, anger flashing in his eyes. She winced at the pain in her back, watching as his eyes flashed red for a second. His hands wrapped around her thighs, and before she knew it, he had angrily lifted them so she could wrap her legs around his waist. And he leaned close to her, close enough to make her heart stop beating for just a split second. She held her breath, scared that he might kiss her. So she turned her head away, not caring if it'd only anger him more. Gods, she was angry _too_.

No, he wasn't going to kiss her like she thought he was. He leaned close, panting on her neck. He smelled of alcohol.

"You've been drinking!" she cried out angrily. "Leave me alone!"

"And you've been drinking too, whore, but it doesn't make us less sane. You still know me, I know you," she gasped when his lips finally touched her neck. She didn't want to admit it, but she'd been waiting patiently and kindly. But still, she didn't like him calling her a whore when she hadn't ever let another man touch her as intimately as he had, but he seemed to let all the women in the world touch him.

It was just a tiny bathroom, one that had a lock on the door. The women's bathroom was the same. It was an old, cheap club, and people had to wait until the other person was finished doing their business to have their turn. Inuyasha had been sure to lock the door.

_Intoxicated with desire,_

_And you're the designated driver, yeah._

_I'm not afraid, cause I'm rider, yeah_

_Ain't nothing wrong with feeling right, so won't you…_

"Who _was_ he?" Inuyasha asked angrily as his tongue flicked against the skin of her neck.

Kagome groaned and wiggled as she felt his arousal poking into her. With her cheeks red and her breathing slightly uneven, she answered, "I don't remember, Yash."

"Did you get wet for him?"

"_No, _**no,**" she moaned truthfully as he slipped his hand down her pants. His fingers had yet to crawl into her panties, but still, she was panting and moaning and writing, _wanting_. Wanting to be filled with him. "Fuck you, Inuyasha. _Fuck you_!" She cried out as he toyed with her clit through her underwear.

"How bad do you want it, baby?" he asked her huskily, toying with her clit even harder through her panties. "You want my hand inside of your panties? Do you want to feel me inside of you?"

"_**No**__!_" she refused him, but her eyes were still closed in pleasure, and her breathing was still heavy. "Inu…stop. I'm mad at you and you can't fuck me until it's all better! _Get the hell off of me_!"

"Why the fuck would I when you're obviously enjoying this?" he whispered into her ear, his fingers slwoly working their way into her panties. You're wet for _me_. Not Whatever-his-name-is. I _know _you, baby. You fucking want it. You don't care how hard, you don't even care if I fuck you against this wall. You want it."

"_No_," she panted.

"_Yes_," he argued back.

"_Fuck _you."

"I wish you'd let me…" he growled when his fingers finally slipped into her panties, her wetness oozing onto his fingers. "Baby," he whispered onto her neck as he kissed it, his sharp teeth lightly nibbling on her skin as they'd did so many times before. "Tell me how bad you want me inside of you. You know you want it, Kagome. You want it more than anything."

Maybe she was wrong when she was thinking about why she loved him so much. Maybe it wasn't his hands or his eyes or his lips, maybe it was his words. He could sweet talk her into anything if he wanted too. He brought on all kinds of chaos that she'd never known. Inuyasha was destruction.

He stroked her clit as he kissed her neck, causing her to cry out.

"Inu…Inuyasha!" she cried, writhing and moaning as he slipped his finger inside of her as far as this position would let him.

Her arms were around his neck and she clung to him as if her whole world was about to crumble to pieces. "Wrap your legs around me tighter," he instructed her, and she did so. There it was again, his words. His damned, persuasive words making her do whatever he wanted her to do. "_You're so fucking wet_!" He growled out at her.

She couldn't take it anymore. She felt an orgasm coming near, and she was almost sure that he knew it too. She couldn't be mad at him when he was treating her body so well and giving her exactly what she wanted, what she needed and missed the most. They shouldn't be doing this, she knew that so very well. She was about to crumble, accept the madness of all of this, accept all of the feelings he made her feel. She wondered what it was like for him, because for her, it was so much more than sex.

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right…Scream_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right, oh,_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right, you make me scream,_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right._

"Fuck me," she cried out, nearly in tears from the agony of it all. Her eyes were shut tight with pleasure, and he gave her clit a few more sweet strokes with his skilled finger before he pulled his hands out of her panties, bringing them to his mouth to taste her honey, the sight nearly making her cum.

"As you wish, princess," he replied haughtily and huskily, releasing her to pull his pants down. She looked at him, excitement taking over her as she watched him pull down his boxers, his thick, hard length springing free from its restraints. She licked her lips in anticipation and let out a whine, and he chuckled. His pants and boxers gathered at his ankles, and he didn't bother to step out of them.

He grabbed her by her hips and quickly pulled her pants and underwear down, letting her step out of them. He gripped her thighs and lifted her up again, and she moaned as she wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling his erection poke into her once more.

"Inuyasha, please," there she was, begging him. It reminded him of that time so long ago when he gave her the first kiss she'd ever had, and it reminded him of the time long ago when he'd buried himself inside of her, gave her a few minutes to relax, waiting until she was ready and sure. She sounded as sweet and innocent as she did back then, and he groaned despite himself. "I want you inside of me, please!"

How had this happened, exactly? How had he made her hate him one second, and the next beg for him to please her?

He rammed his self into her so hard that her back slid up the wall. She squeaked, her legs wrapping around his waist even tighter. Her arms wrapped around his neck, her head tilted back against the wall. Gods, she loved him and she didn't know why, but she'd figure out one day, she was sure of it. It wasn't just because he was gorgeous or he could please her well. It was so much more. Maybe because he was there for her, maybe because sometimes he made her believe that he actually loved her.

But just because he fucked her didn't mean that he loved her.

And this alcohol wasn't working out too good for her.

_I love it babe, you got me here doing things I don't ever do,_

_You hold me down, that's why I'm here making sure things are up for you, (Get it?)_

_Like a getaway, the lights go off, you turn on._

_I love your place, cause I can hear the echo when you make me…ah…_

"AHH, Inuyasha!" she cried out, her eyes shut tightly as he thrust in and out of her even harder, even faster. Her back hit the wall hard and she could hear the slapping of their skin, feel the beating of his heart and hers roaring in her ears. "Inu…" she cried, nearly choking on her own words, her face red and her breathing hard. He let out a grunt at the sight of her. "Please don't stop!"

He groaned, kissing her neck to increase her pleasure. She tossed her head back, careful to make sure it didn't hit the wall, moaning as he ravished her body and gave it the attention it had been desperately craving. "Are you still mad?" He grunted.

Kagome half-opened her closed lids to look at him. His hair was damp with sweat, and his forehead had beads of it that slid down, falling onto her bouncing chest. His eyes met hers, and he put his hips into a circular motion for a second, causing her to cry out. When she closed her eyes shut tightly again and leaned her head back against the wall as he did that movement, he asked again. "Are you still mad at me, Kagome?" He kissed her neck, trying to give her body the love it had been neglected from.

"Yesss- ah, Yasha!" she moaned as he nearly pulled himself out of her, only to slam hard back into her, the force making her back pang against the wall even harder.

He watched her red face, swollen lips, glassy eyes. Gods, she had to be the most gorgeous woman he'd ever seen. Or maybe it was just the feelings that she made him feel. "Can you tell me…" he groaned, "can you tell me why you're mad, baby?"

"_No,_" she cried out, her face turning even redder from the anger he bought on.

His thrusts slowed, and he kissed her neck, his teeth working to make another hickey. Without any warning, he pulled out of her and slammed back, causing her to cry out, her legs wrapping even tighter around his waist, hugging him even closer to her warm body.

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right, (If you're feeling good)_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right, (Let me know)_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right, ( Oh, scream)_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right. (Show me it feels good, oh)_

"Come on, baby. Tell me. Tell me everything," he grunted between his hard, fast thrusts, not knowing how much longer he would last. The feel of her tightness pulling him in was too much.

"Inu…Inuya…_no_…" she moaned.

He banged into her harder before he slowed his thrusts again. She wanted to cum, and he wasn't going to let her.

"_Please_," she begged.

"If you want to cum, tell me…" he groaned.

"Please…_Yasha_, don't do this to me!" she thrust against him wildly, but she couldn't bring herself pleasure if he wasn't going to be cooperative. His thrusts slowed even more, and a snarl now graced his lips. He let out a deep growl, sweat steady trailing down his forehead and onto her once bouncing chest.

He groaned, desperately wanting to start slamming into her again. "_No_, don't you fucking do this to _me_! What did I do? What did I do to make you avoid me for a whole fucking week?" he panted desperately into her ear, and she moaned as she felt his hot, uneven breathing on her damp skin. "C'mon, Kagome," he tempted her. "You know how fucking bad you want me to make you cum. What if I just completely slipped out of you, right now? How would you take that?" he asked as he bit her shoulder lightly.

_In the car, at the party,_

_Got his hands on your body,_

_Don't fight it, oh,_

_If you like it._

He smirked when he felt her legs wrap tightly around him, pulling him close as she let out a whimper. "_Inuyasha_!" she whined.

"Tell me," she let out a loud moan when he started rocking his hips again. "Tell me all that I did, baby. I'm tired of this…"

He grunted, relishing the fact that she was about to break down and tell him so he could start moving inside of her again.

"I…I," she moaned out as he went faster, harder. She groaned in contentment and frustration. How was she supposed to tell him when he was giving her so much pleasure, it left her speechless? Really, all she could do was moan and whine and groan when he moved in and out of her steadily, grunting against her as he looked into her eyes for an answer, his now rum colored eyes burning into her with lust, frustration, and impatience. "I…" she tried again, only to end up moaning his name as he slammed into her.

"Fuck it," he grunted, slamming into her harder, the sound of their sex, and the little sounds that she made like music to his ears. He wanted to shut his eyes from all the pleasure he felt, but he looked at her instead, looked at the lips he'd made swollen, the cheeks he'd made red with lust and anger, and he looked into her eyes. It was the most erotic thing he'd ever experienced, looking into her eyes while moving in and out of her, watching her as she came closer to heaven. And gods, he loved the look on her face when he made her see the heavens and stars and moon, it was something he couldn't explain, but it gave him pleasure.

He almost didn't notice the knock on the door.

When she nearly screamed, so close to cumming for him, he moved his lips on hers so he could silence her as he listened more closely to the person knocking at the door.

"What in the fuck are you doing in there? Some people really need to take a fucking piss!" Inuyasha immediately growled at the sound of the angry voice. It sounded like the wolf from earlier.

With devilish intent, he rocked his hips against Kagome's, ignoring the fear in her wide, chocolate eyes. "Inu…Inuyasha! Stop," she panicked, trying to hold her orgasm back. She wanted to cum so badly though.

"Scream for me, Kagome," he called out, his head falling back as he braced one hand against the wall, the other on her ass. She clung to him herself, her legs tight around him, her arms clinging around his neck.

_In your room, on the rooftop,_

_Feels good, don't stop,_

_Don't fight it, Don't you fight it (no), _

_If you like it,_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right, _

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right,_

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right, _

_Scream, at the top of your lungs, everybody's feeling right (Sing it)_

_Uh, if you love me girl, why don't you…_

_If it feels good (Sing it)_

_If you love me girl, why don't you… (Oh)_

_If it feels good,_

_Don't fight it,_

_If you like it,_

"Harder," she panted out, not paying attention to the even louder banging on the door anymore.

Kagome got what she wanted.

He loved treating her like a queen, only to fuck her like a slut.

_Break…_

_Don't you like that?_

_It feels so good, don't it?_

_Grab my hand, baby,_

_Let's take a walk on the beach, clear our minds._

_Hold your screaming here,_

_Don't you like that beat? You do?_

_What else you like?_

_Mm, I can accommodate that._

_Oh, you like my swagger? You like how I changed it up?_

He pounded into her faster.

"I'm…I'm gonna…" Kagome cried out, her face red and her nails digging into her shoulder. He would watch her, but his head was tossed back, eyes shut tightly in the pleasure that she made him feel.

"_What the fuck is going on in there_?" the wolf pounded onto the door even harder.

Kagome, however, was too lost in her pleasure to even hear him.

_I like it too, baby…_

_But for now, I think the beat is going a little too long,_

_Oh, you like it this long?_

_That means you like to make love long._

The pounding finally got as hard as his thrusts, and all he could think about was the tight, wet heat that engulfed him, pulling him in. He looked at her through half open eyes. "Ka…Kago- ME!" he moaned, the only sounds playing through his head was the loud moans she made and the loud slapping of skin against skin.

_I like how you're shaking your hips too, uh,_

_It's about the end baby, but don't you stop,_

_Keep it going, keep it going, keep it going,_

_And bring it over here, sit on my lap, kiss me,_

_No, no, no, right here, yeah, ha,_

_Ohh, I like that, ohh, I like that, uh, ohh, I like that…_

"Baby," she cried out, her tongue at his neck. "I'm sorry," she moaned as he pounded into her.

The loud banging continued.

"_OPEN UP THE FUCKING DOOR!_"

"Ahh, uh, I'm cumming!" she cried out, her voice broken as she felt her orgasm so fucking close now.

"That's right, Kagome," he cried out, slapping hard against her skin as he nearly exploded. "Cum for me. Make me cum for you."

"INU-_INUYASHA_!" her eyes shut tightly as she leaned her head back against the wall, seeing the heavens and stars and moon that he'd made her see so many times before. And she felt like she was on a high that she would never be able to come down from, but wasn't that how it always felt when she was with Inuyasha.

"_KAGOME_!" he roared out. His pleasure had finally reached it's peak, and when he could simply no longer take it no more, he allowed himself to toss his head back and howl out in pleasure as his hips bucked once more, his warm seed filling her waiting body. He opened his eyes finally, only to see her still trying to catch her breath. And slowly, he dropped her legs down from his waist. "Holy fucking _hell_."

Sex with her was amazing as always.

The banging on the door persisted. "What the _fuck_? _Kagome_?"

Before Kagome even had the chance to feel surprised, Inuyasha looked over at her, anger in his eyes. "You let him know your fucking name? Gods, Kagome," he looked at her in disgust, unknown emotions clenching around his gut. He wanted to tell her that she was a whore, push her away and regret all the times he'd been inside her, owning her body, almost branding it as his. And he didn't know why he felt fear rush through him. But he couldn't help wondering what he'd do if she actually liked him.

The alcohol had failed him tonight.

He looked away, ignoring the burn he felt as he pulled up his boxer and pants, his sensitive ears twitching from every bang the wolf made. He let out a loud growl, "I'm going to open the door, you stupid, mangy, fucked wolf!" he looked over to Kagome, and she almost winced from the angry look in his eyes. "Hurry up, grab your panties and slip your clothes on."

Kagome hurried and did as told.

When he was dressed, he grabbed her roughly on her arm, his claws digging into her skin. "Inuyasha, calm down. It was _nothing_."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," he snorted, pulling her towards the door with him. He swung it open, his eyes hard and cold.

There stood Kouga, his arms crossed, looking straight back at the hanyou with cold eyes, too. Inuyasha snarled, his stance immediately changing into a protective, possessive one as he held Kagome behind him, her eyes wide with fear, not sure what Inuyasha was going to do to the wolf. "I suggest you get the fuck out of our way, you fucking wolf."

Kouga glared at him, showing his fangs and making Inuyasha scoff in disgust. "Not until you tell me what the fuck you were doing with her…" he murmured, glancing at Kagome.

Inuyasha pushed by Kouga, hastily pulling Kagome away with him. He turned to face Kouga, his lips curving into a devilish smirk. "Can't you smell, wolf? Your senses can't be that fucked up? Can't you fucking smell _me_ all over her?" he asked, still smirking, a possessive edge in his voice.

And before Kouga could snap back at the hanyou, he walked off with Kagome, gently pushing her into the car, a sullen look on his face as he started the engine, about to drive off. His head was pounding so bad that it reached his eyes, and he brought up two fingers to rub his temples. He looked at Kagome, who was looking at him, her eyes watering. "I'm…I'm sorry, Yasha."

He growled, looking away and ignored the hurt he still felt. "Don't even fucking bother," he drove off then, his eyes steady on the road as he tried not to scrunch his face up into a look of disgust at her.

"I-" Kagome started, only to be interrupted by the angry hanyou.

"And I don't even wanna fucking speak to you right now, so do me the favor of leaving me alone, you whore!" he cried out angrily, his fury seeming to make his head hurt even worse. But mostly, he was scared, so fucking scared that just maybe she'd meet some asshole that she liked, and he'd take her away from him. But they were nothing, were they? So why was he so fucking angry?

She gasped, that first tear slipping down her cheek. He glanced at her out the corner of his eyes. But when she opened her mouth, he knew it was on. "I'm a whore now? What would you have done, Inuyasha! It's not even like I've had sex with him, no, because I only share that with you! And I can't even seem to understand why you're mad. You don't remember what you said, Inuyasha? You've got to remember, I sure as hell do!"

He remembered what he said, but he said nothing back as his head began pounding even more.

"You said that we didn't have a relationship, we couldn't! You said I was making things complicated!" another tear slipped down her cheek, and she wiped it away angrily, her teeth gritting as she looked at him. "I have a right to talk to Kouga, to like him even," she said surely, making his heart drop.

"You were all over him!" Inuyasha roared, and Kagome paused, her eyes wide as she looked at him, more tears slipping down her cheeks.

She found something inside of her breaking for the millionth time.

She was done.

"I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not anything to you but a sex toy," she spoke calmly and he growled. "We're entitled to see whoever we want to. This isn't some relationship." She said, hoping that she looked like what she was saying wasn't bothering her. She wanted to not care as much as he did.

Gods, he hated the fights after the fuck, and he hated the fights before the fuck, too.

He glared at her. "Get this straight, bitch. I don't care if you're involved in any relationship, if you're fucking someone else, or leaving," he lied, wishing that it was the truth. "But you were fucking drunk, Kagome, and you didn't know him. He could've tried anything."

She couldn't control her tears anymore. They dripped onto her hands, onto the car seats. "Fine, whatever, Inuyasha."

"_Whatever_, Kagome," he growled, hurrying up to drop her back off at her dorm. He watched her as she slid out the car, walking so angrily that she nearly tripped over her own two feet.

He growled.

He didn't need her.

At least, he hoped he didn't….

**A/N: Oh dear god, I'm soooo sorry that it took so long to update you guys! My computer's fan got messed up and we had to take that to get fixed, I'm supposed to be modeling soon, I'm baby-sitting and trying to keep good grades, and gosh, it's been pretty hard, but I'm so glad I finally finished! There may or not be anymore Kouga, but I'm planning to have a big twist in this story very soon, so it depends. I've been getting my best friend to help me out and give me a few ideas.**

**And I'm sorry about the last chapter, the last A/N was actually supposed to be the disclaimer. But whatever, I was in a hurry, and I still am. I've got to finish The Real Her, and plus, I'm always thinking of new stories. But oh my gosh, I've never gotten so many reviews for just one chapter! It may not be a lot for some, but it's a lot for me. I just hope you all haven't given up on me, I promise that I'll do the best I can on this story!**

**And once again, I'm really sorry about this all taking so long. But pretty please, leave me some room. Remember, there's always room for some constructive criticism, aye? Really, you all's reviews are what keep me going, and as requested, there was a bit of Inuyasha, Kouga, and Kagome love triangle. But like I said, Kouga's not really important in this story, and you all will be meeting Kikyo later on in the story? Hehe, don't hate me for that.**

**So please leave a comment and tell me what you think so far. Thanks, see you soon I guess!**


	3. Need

She resembled _her _enough. Her hair was dark, long and straight, so different from the curly, raven locks that he was used to. Her face was somewhat slimmer, her skin looking smooth and pale and her features had an edge to them as he watched her from a distance, his amber eyes piercing into her as she move gracefully. He growled, noticing that her face was perfected even more by the heavy make-up she wore. But _she_ never wore make-up, _her _hair stuck out in every direction, and no, _she _never moved gracefully, _she _had to be the clumsiest wench he knew, and _she _had never been as perfect as the girl he watched now. And he was praying that he'd be able to find more interest in the girl before his eyes once more instead of the one that he'd become so used to over the years.

He had demolished almost all of the liquid he had in his bottle, but it didn't affect him much, considering he wasn't exactly human. He wasn't entirely wasted, so that meant he wouldn't make an ass out of himself as he usually did when he tried to speak with her. But he knew she wouldn't care, she never did. She gave him what he wanted when he couldn't get it from who he wanted the most.

So he approached the girl that stood in the corner now, his eyes still hard on her figure. She was slightly thinner than _her_. _She _had curves in all of the right places now, making her look so much more different than what she had three years ago when she'd been a naïve, slightly undeveloped girl. But still, he'd accepted her as she was and loved her _body_, nothing more. He shuddered at the thoughts of memories. They were nice, but that was all they were. And he couldn't kiss her or put his arms around her again because that wasn't what she wanted, she supposedly wanted something so much better than him, _deserved _someone who could treat her better.

And then, he felt the guilt eating him up inside again, found himself reminiscing the things he'd said to her, how mad he'd gotten when he didn't even have a right to be mad, because if she wanted to belong to someone else, he shouldn't have a problem with it. But _gods_, he did.

Maybe that was the only reason he was approaching the girl that he'd approached so many times before. Alcohol pumped through his veins, giving him all kinds of adrenaline rushes. As he came closer to her, he breathed in her usual scent and frowned like he always did when he smelled her. She didn't smell as sweet, didn't look as sweet, and gods knew that she didn't feel as sweet. He wondered why he'd bothered when he spoke to her over and over again. She gave him a smile that didn't meet her eyes when he'd told her hello.

He'd asked her what she was doing here all alone, why she looked so sad, and she'd told him that there wasn't a particular reason, that he should know by now that she had never been much of a drinker. He told her she looked nice while giving her a smirk that he thought looked normal, but to everyone else, it just looked fake. And he looked at her for a while, wondering if she would take the pain away from him tonight, all the pain that _she_ had caused every time they fought. So when he asked her to dance, it was simple at first as it usually was. And when his hands began to grasp certain assets of the woman, he hadn't been very surprised to find out that she hadn't gasped at all. She was used to the touches, and she'd learned quick that he only wanted one thing from her.

She'd lean into his touch and gave him an all but innocent moan of pleasure, like she did every time he was upset about _something_. And then she pushed herself on her tiptoes so she could whisper into his ear that maybe they should take whatever was going on between them out of the club and into her apartment. The first time they'd slept together, she'd guaranteed him that her apartment complex wasn't far from the club. So they'd walk together, him in a hurry from being horny and so damn frustrated and stressed.

He all but kicked down the door when they were into her apartment, shoving her onto the bed as he pounced on her and kissed her neck. It was always fast like this, touches that were meant to give no gooey or mushy feelings. The touches were only meant for pleasure.

And he unzipped his pants and helped her do away with hers, wondering why he was about to do what he was about to do knowing it would only inflict more guilt upon him like it did every time they had one simple disagreement. He closed his eyes, realizing that he didn't need his girl to be angry with him, and that was all, nothing more. But then again, she wasn't even his girl, was she? He hoped that he didn't love her. He hoped that it was something much more ordinary. He hoped that it wasn't the real shit that weakened you. But right now, he was weaker than ever.

The girl asked him what was taking him so long in that little seductive voice of hers that he was used to, and then, that was all he needed to get his blood pumping again, overpowering the guilt that swelled inside him, wondering how broken her face would look if she knew that he thrust steadily in and out of a girl other than her, just to make himself feel better, just to get her face out of his fucking mind.

He fucked the pain away, but then again, he wasn't really fucking it away. It was there, realer than ever, reminding him of that sad face he'd see if _she _knew, if _she _could see what he was doing. His heavy hands gripped her hips as he moved, but _no_, her skin wasn't as smooth, and it didn't taste as sweet, so he didn't kiss her neck like he did _hers_. She didn't smell like sweet vanilla with the tiniest hint of lavender. And when he was finished and had released his seed into the condom, tossing it away, his hands tangled in her hair. It wasn't as soft, so he pulled away from the girl, ignoring the feel of her curling herself up into his side.

Pulling up to look up at her face, guilt tore him up when he did, because she looked like _her _for a second. But he ignored her face and looked into her eyes, and he knew it wasn't Kagome, because Kagome's eyes were filled with all the hope, love, and kindness in the world, and this girl's eyes were vague, deep chocolate, and her eyes didn't sparkle and shine with hope and love and kindness. He could've groaned in disappointment, but he didn't because he was used to seeing this look in her eyes. Or he could've jumped up and zipped his pants and gathered his things right at that moment, but he didn't do that, either.

He said nothing as he looked at her, but she spoke anyway. He never tried to talk to her or know more about her than he already did, because she wasn't going to be there forever and neither was he. But there was something different about her tonight, and she wanted to talk to him, know more about him. "I'm married, you know."

He murmured an oh, wondering why she'd chosen to talk about that besides anything else. Was she proud of the fact that she'd been sleeping with him for almost a month every time things got a little bit too stressful for him? He only slept with her when Kagome was angry with him, or she simply just didn't want anything to do with him and was too busy with studying to give him any attention. And when she asked if he was, too, he told her that it didn't matter, because it didn't. He had no intentions of having anything to do with her besides sex, anyway.

He let out a low growl when he saw her lick her lips from the corner of his eyes as he pulled his boxers up. She asked him exactly why he wasn't married, he replied, saying that he was too young in a gruff voice. And then she asked if he had a girl, and he paused for a second, looking at her. He sighed and pulled his shirt over his head.

"I do," he said abruptly, surprising himself as he thought about Kagome. And he watched as Kikyo made a look of disgust. He smirked, even though he knew it was a lie. She told him her husband was someone named Naraku. Her voice was vague, though, and he glanced at her for a second to see an even colder expression on her face. She seemed void of emotion. He looked away and finished dressing himself and pulled his shoes on, not worrying himself about it as he told her that he'd had fun. And she said she'd had fun, too, as usual, and then she told him that he should leave before her husband was due home from work. She'd always told him to leave before, but he'd never paid it much attention before because he simply didn't care.

Leaving wasn't really a problem with him. The problem was that he kept coming back. And then, she said that maybe they'd meet again some other time.

He scoffed to himself.

They always did, didn't they?

**XXXxxxXXX**

"This is so stupid," she told her friend, her eyes watering with emotion as she looked up at her expectantly, wanting some kind of hope, faith, belief, anything. It was what she needed the most, what she shouldn't be expecting, though. Instead of answering or giving her any kind of advice, Sango just nodded, gave a 'hmm' to assure Kagome that she was listening to whatever she said. "I'm worried. I'm actually _really _worried that he _is_ sleeping with someone else."

Sango gave an exasperated sigh, setting Kagome's steaming cup of tea in front of her. She sat down at the glass table across from her friend, looking at her steadily. And slowly, she said, "I'm not showing you any sympathy."

Kagome paused, stopped staring her tea as she looked up at the girl who was _supposed _to support her, but never did, it seemed. "_What_?" she hissed, her emotions already getting the best of her. "Sango, you're supposed to be my friend! I'm not even asking for sympathy, or your pity. I'm asking you…" Kagome paused, resting her elbows on the table so she could bury her face into the palm of her hands as if she was trying to hide the tears, but Sango had already seen it all. "I'm asking you to help me figure out what I need to do, and why won't you _help _me?"

Sango was kind, but she'd never been patient or sympathetic and understanding. "I hate to say this, but you're fucking _blind_."

"How, exactly?" Kagome asked, edginess in her voice.

"Kagome, like I've said, you're just another girl to him, and he doesn't love you and I don't think that he will anytime soon. I don't understand you. You two swear it's not a relationship, but once a guy even smiles at you or glances, you've pretty much fucked him, at least in Inuyasha's mind, you did," Sango hissed back, her voice raising a bit louder than her friend's. "And once you see him talking to another girl, it's fucking over for you. You cry and you bitch and you cry and cry some more."

Kagome stood then, anger shaking her up inside and whispering to her venomously to say what she felt. She was nowhere near calm and she was breaking down and no one seemed to care. "You know what I think, Sango? I think that you don't even care. I think that you're jealous because me and Inuyasha had something that you and Miroku don't have anymore," she said truthfully, her voice calm but nowhere near steady. Sango looked at her then, her eyes flashing with hurt and anger. "I think that you actually want Inuyasha to do to me what Miroku did to you, just so you can feel better about yourself. I think you're not over about what happened between you and Miroku. And I don't think you understand that I'm here for you," she said, sadly. "And I don't think you want to be here for me."

She almost screamed back at her, but she didn't. She wanted to say that she didn't know anything about what was going on in her life, but she didn't. She wanted to venomously say, 'how dare you?', but instead, she looked at her _best_ friend, watching as her eyes welled with tears from the emotion inside of her that finally burst.

"I'm sorry, Kagome," she said in a rasped voice before encircling her arms around her.

**XXXxxxXXX**

She was doing…_better_. She ignored all of the phone calls and text messages, not daring to open one up and read it. She knew he'd have his most famous excuse, 'I'm sorry', and she'd decided that those words didn't matter anymore. So when her classes were over and she was in her dorm and bored with nothing to do, she sat back on her bed, watching Rin as she snored, drool pooling out of the side of her mouth.

She smiled a bit at Rin. She laid her head down, closing her eyes and hoping she could get some sleep. Then she heard her phone signal that she had a text, and she unconsciously growled, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. She looked at her phone, her fingers itching to grab a hold of it and read whatever it said.

_No_. She'd avoided all his calls and texts for a three days, and she wasn't going to fail. So she closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the night, hoping to doze off. And then, she heard her phone make another sound, and she knew that it was no one but _him_. She reached for her phone, frustrated.

As soon as she was about to cut it off, a familiar song busted out from the device, reaching her ears and making her stomach flop in her stomach. His name popped up on the screen, and she looked up, her eyes wide as she heard movement from Rin. The young, pretty girl had set up in bed now, rubbing her eyes. Then, she looked at Kagome, her eyes glinting with humor. And Kagome envied her so much sometimes. She envied her for being able to seem and act so happy in the midst of problems. Whether it was boyfriend problems, problems with her parents, or failing an exam because she'd stayed up partying and drinking.

She didn't know why, but she asked Rin, "Should I answer it?"

Rin smiled, her voice warm and heavy with sleep as she spoke, "It's him, isn't it?"

Kagome nodded, her eyes wide as she clutched her phone firmly against her chest, her stomach doing flip flops at the thought of speaking to him.

"Answer it," Rin encouraged, staring intently at Kagome. "Go ahead, as long as he makes you happy, it shouldn't matter."

With eyes filled of nothing but hope and nervousness, she looked at her phone, a rush going through her whole body at the thought of speaking with him again. Rin let out a giggle, and finally, Kagome snapped out of it, pressing down on 'talk'.

She took a deep breath, ignored Rin's giggling. Or maybe her heart beat had deafened her.

"Hello?" Those were her words, the words she'd desperately wanted to say to him, but then again, they were the words that Sango had told her to avoid saying. And she didn't know why she'd chosen this time to break the rules.

"Can I come over?" Those were his words, his raspy, harsh, vague words. Sometimes, she didn't know why she adored him so much, crudeness and all.

Her stomach flipped again wildly, and she was on some kind of high. She had to be, from the way her heart was beating. She heard Rin giggle again, but it seemed faint to her because all she could hear was a buzz and her heart thumping loudly, begging her, almost.

"Kagome, are you here?" There went his words again, his voice lovely. She loved his voice, along with everything else.

Rin shot her a look, causing her to snap out of whatever world she was in. But still, it was his voice, and she found herself pitiful because she was wondering how she'd went without hearing it for days, even weeks before. But no, his voice didn't make everything okay. It was different than it usually was. Most of the time, he had a calm, steady, strong voice, but now, it just sounded guilty.

"Inuyasha?" she asked, stupidly, unexpectedly. She knew his voice and she knew there was something that was wrong, and she wondered if he had finally realized how much he'd hurt her. Anger fed on her. He _should_ sound guilty, he should feel it, know what he did wrong.

"Can I come over? _Please_, Kagome…" His voice was sweet, and she cringed to herself when she realized that it was the same voice that she'd fell hard for so many times before. He sounded extremely tired, but she was, too. In both ways as always. "Please…."

She didn't say anything for a while. She just closed her eyes, and listening to his voice, she finally felt like she would be able to sleep. And then she remembered all those times, all of those summer nights that she had spent with him, her mother probably thinking that she was having a sleep over with Sango. But she'd been there, their bodies bare. And she'd remembered how it felt to have his nakedness pressed against hers, skin on skin. She remembered how he'd run his heavy hands through hair, and she remembered the rhythm of his heartbeat, the sound it made, reminding her that she was his for that moment and he was hers. She remembered his words, most of all.

She'd told him everything. She'd told him her fears, mostly. The things that scared her the most, the things that were unexplainable to anyone else. Some things were simple. She'd bore him about her favorite books, and then she'd tell him about the simplistic beauty she found in simple things. Like the little twirls smoke made, about the sunset. But like she said, he knew her fears. He knew that her father left her and her mother all alone, and she knew that his father had left him all alone, too. And sometimes, she couldn't help thinking that they were lonely souls who'd been searching forever. And maybe she had smiled so much back then because he was her happiness, and because maybe she loved him more than she would ever dare tell him.

Before she knew it, he'd made her cry again. And she guess that he knew it, too, because she heard him sigh through the phone. Or maybe he'd heard Rin asking her what was wrong through the background, she wasn't sure. She wanted to hang up. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want him to come over. He would touch her when she didn't want him to, only to end up making her want his touches more than anything in the end.

She wanted to say something, anything. She wanted to say something beautiful and true and inspiring, something painful, something that would kill him on the inside since he'd killed her. She had her words, she wanted them to hurt him, scar him, but most importantly, she wanted them to heal him….But then again, she wanted them to cut him up, make him see that he had been warned for all the right reasons, make him see that she was worth bruising for, make him see that his name was his honor code, make him see that it was his hands he was accounted, make him choose where his sweat and his blood would go, show him that his life was not to be lived alone, and she wanted to tell him that he was worth nothing, nothing at all. But then, that would make her a liar.

She choked and her voice shook, but it didn't matter. "No," she told him firmly. "No."

"Kagome…don't do this. I'm _sorry_."

She growled, tears slipping down her cheeks. She remembered the first time she'd cried over him. He had called her _ugly, wench, bitch_. That was the first time ever. And now, she'd lost count. How many times had she cried over him, heard him lie and say he was 'sorry.'

"Gods, you are so _stupid_," she said, choking on her words. She wondered what things would be like if it was all perfect, all rainbows and butterflies. She ignored Rin screeching out her name in disagreement. "Mean what you say, Yash."

There went that growl that she knew oh so well. She wished she could see his face right now. She wanted to see his anger, she wanted to see his fierceness. She didn't care what she saw, all she wanted to see was that he at least cared. "I do mean what I say, wench," he paused for a while, and Kagome heard his breathing go back to normal, showing that he wasn't as angry. Then he said, "I wish I could see your face right now," Kagome's heart sped up again, and she willed it to calm down but it never did when he spoke or when he touched her. "I wish I could see what your feeling. I wanna see your eyes, Gome."

It was always him and his _stupid_ words. Those same words that gave her hope and butterflies and every single time. She ignored her feelings and laid her head down, closing her eyes with the phone still attached to her ear, intently listening for any sound that came from him. And while she ignored the feelings as best as she could, she wondered if he ignored her feelings like she did. Feelings were such stupid things. Just like him.

But she wanted to see his eyes, too.

"I wanna see what you're feelin' inside, Kags," he whispered ever so softly, causing her to get a lump in her throat while the butterflies tortured her stomach. Finally, she caught on to her breath that had left her. "I want you to tell me what's on your mind."

"What's it matter?" she asked him, her voice just as low as his.

"Everything matters," he answered. "Especially if it's something to do with you…" gods, she hated the effect his words had on her. Damn it to hell. "Can I _please _come over, Kagome?"

"Rin's here, Yasha," she told him, her voice softer, weaker than she wanted it to be. She wanted to sound strong. She didn't want to sound like his words were already luring her in. But she did want to see him. She wanted to see those amber eyes knocking her down, taking in what was _his _and _his _only. She wanted to feel his hands, she didn't know if she'd survive without them. "I don't want to see you. I'm done."

She wondered if it stung him. She got the answer to her question when she heard him growl and then clear his throat, something he always did when something hurt him a bit or caught him off guard. "My apartment, then, you stupid girl. Don't you dare tell me that you're _done_. You're lying."

She couldn't breathe or fight so she surrendered. "Okay," she breathed into the phone, gulping after she did so. She would go, she'd give him a piece of her mind. Tell him she didn't want to be bothered with him anymore.

'_And then what would I do, exactly? Give him what he wants?' _She thought to herself, knowing it was true.

So she added, "Just to talk. Then, I want you to take me back here."

He grumbled. "Okay," he agreed, but then opened his mouth again. "What's the point in taking you back when it's going to really late? Why can't you _stay_?"

She sighed. "You should know the answer to that."

And she hoped he did. She hung up, looking over at Rin's sneaky smile. "It's not what you're thinking, I'm coming right back."

Rin's smile widened. "Sure you are. Just make sure you're using protection. You are, aren't you?"

Kagome's face reddened, and she wanted to bury her face into her hands. But she told her friend, anyway, "Sometimes we do, sometimes, it's just not there."

She watched as Rin's mouth fell open, watched as one eyebrow rose in shock. "_Sometimes_? Kagome, are you crazy?" Kagome sighed, wishing that she'd never said anything. "Why _sometimes_? Why not _all the time_? _Sometimes_ is risking a lot. After all, you're still in college, and you're only nineteen. Please tell me you're lying."

She blushes again, hopping onto her feet so she could pull on her shoes and her hoodie. "_Sometimes_, it's just not available, but if not, I always take Plan B just in case, Rin," she told her truthfully, playfully rolling her eyes and avoiding the look that she knew was on Rin's face. "I'll be back later on tonight. I promise."

Rin giggled, and Kagome thought she forgot all about the situation. "Well, don't make a promise you may not be able to keep," and all of a sudden, she got this _devilish _smile on her face. "There's some condoms right over there," she pointed a skinny finger to her top drawer. "Take a few any time you need them."

"Actually, I'm not going to be needing them," Kagome said, annoyed.

"Sure you're not," Rin said, simply, laying her head back down to catch up on sleep. "Have fun, Kagome, and be _safe_."

Her face reddened again, and she'd never been so happy to hear the knock on the door of the dorm.

**XXXxxxXXX**

"What did you want?" she asked him, annoyed and uncomfortable from the unwavering stare he was giving her. She shifted uncomfortably on the couch, her eyes dropping to the folded hands in her lap.

She looked up at him, watching that smirk find it's way onto his mouth as he kicked off his shoes. He looked up at her, his golden eyes smoldering her. "Didn't I tell you what I wanted? I want you to tell me what's on your mind, Kagome," he said, walking over to her slowly, carefully. "Look at me," he told her, and finally she caught his eyes and held them, not bothering to look away anymore. She'd fight her feelings even if it killed her.

"Who were you with last night?" she asked, her voice quiet. "Last night, you didn't text me."

He snorted, running a hand through his hair as he looked away from her and focused his attention on the wall. "What was the point in trying to talk to you if you weren't going to talk back? Maybe I needed space, just like you," he said through gritted teeth. Kagome watched him, her eyes hurt.

"You're lying," she stated, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "All of those other text messages…you didn't give up then. Who were you with?"

He grunted, his eyes still not on hers. "What's it matter, wench?"

"Everything matters…" she mumbled, repeating his words from earlier while still watching him. "Are you guilty?"

He growled then, his eyes finally meeting hers. And he was thinking the same thing that she was. Why did things always have to be so complicated? Why was it so hard to say the things that mattered the most? Things like he was sorry. Why couldn't one kiss make it all better? He didn't like what he saw in her pretty eyes. It was nothing other than pain as she watched him. "Why would I be guilty?"

She seemed to cower a bit, and her eyes wavered from his. Once again, she looked down into her lap. "I don't know. I'm sorry for asking."

He murmured a simple 'whatever', and went to pour Kagome and him something to drink. Slowly, he sat down beside of her, not too close though. He watched her carefully as she shifted uncomfortably once again, her eyes focused on the glass of water. But still, he could see pain on her face, and he knew that she didn't want to be here, didn't want to speak to him.

His voice cracked, maybe because it felt so different to be the one apologizing or maybe because he wasn't used to things like this, but still, he said, "I'm sorry." It was almost a whisper, but when she heard it, her eyes finally met his.

She looked at him for a while, and he decided he wanted to kiss her perfect lips, so he leaned in to do just that. But Kagome pushed him away, her breathing already uneven. He wondered if he gave her those feelings, the ones that made her extremely happy, the ones that took her breath away. It would be nice to know he made her feel those things, him and only him.

"I want to know who she is," Kagome said, dead serious, her eyes narrowed as she looked at him. He wanted to make up for all the mean things he said to her, for all he'd put her through lately. He knew well that he didn't even deserve to be near her, didn't deserve to feel her lips mesh with his, but he wanted it so bad.

"She was no one," he whispered softly, his warm breath doing something to her. "She didn't mean anything, and I'm sorry," he'd said he was sorry. He didn't say it wouldn't happen again, and that hurt her more than anything.

She hated crying in front of him, but that was all she seemed to do now. He pulled away from her sharply at the smell of her tears, and she quickly brought up a hand, wiping away the tear. And she almost laughed at herself but she didn't. She imagined how stupid she looked, crying in front of him, all the while, wishing that maybe he would feel the same. But he didn't and he never would, and she was tired of it.

"Kagome," he mumbled, his voice cracking. "Come here," he crushed her frame to his, his breath on her neck. She refused to sob, but she almost did when he whispered, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry."

She wanted to tell him that she was tired of him being sorry and it didn't matter anymore, but it did, because he sounded like he meant it. So she wanted to tell him that him being sorry didn't mean he wouldn't sleep with her again, but instead, she said nothing, just let him hold her. And then, he slightly pulled away so he could kiss her tears away harshly, almost like he was willing them to never come back.

"Stop crying," he whispered as his lips found her neck and his hands reached up into her shirt. She moaned, and when he heard her, he growled softly, lifting her into his arms and carrying her into his room, sprawling her across the bed. The feelings he made her feel were very unwanted, but she felt like she needed to feel him inside of her. "Please…."

She didn't want to fight anymore, not with him. She wanted things to be okay, she wanted him to feel the same. But she knew that it wasn't possible. But more than anything, she had been thinking about the girl who had had Inuyasha, just like she had. She'd been thinking of the girl who'd felt his hands and his kisses just like she had, for god knows how long. It hurt. It felt like she was being replaced, but this was no relationship.

But sometimes, it felt like one.

"Am I being replaced?" she asked him, her voice broken as she looked up at him.

He buried his nose into her neck, inhaling the scent he'd told her he loved so much. "Never," he said, truthfully, hoping that she believed him. "Can I kiss you?"

She looked up at him, surprise written all over her face. He'd never asked before. "Can I, wench?" he asked again, his breathing uneven. He wondered if he was turning into her. Uneven breathing, red cheeks. He watched her with lust in his eyes as she bit her lip, bucked her hips up into his. Her eyes were glassy now, her breathing was hard, her cheeks were red. That look of hers got him every time.

He groaned out her name before he leant down to kiss her. He growled when she said, "Wait…"

"What is it?" he snapped lightly, annoyed.

"Who was she, Inuyasha?" Kagome asked him stupidly, her wide, chocolate eyes looking into his gold, searching for some kind of an answer.

"You heard what I said, she doesn't matter," he replied, his voice raspy.

"Promise me, you won't see her again unless you love her. You don't love her, right?" she asked, worry evident in her voice.

"Kagome…" he mumbled, his dark brows drawing together in confusion. "Of course I don't love her." He didn't know exactly what she wanted. Did she want him to say that he loved _her_? He couldn't. Maybe because he feared that he did, mostly because he was scared to say it. What if a relationship only made things worse?

She looked confused, too. "You _know_ you can come to me when your…stressed," she bucked her hips against his again, he moaned out. But still, she wouldn't let him kiss her. "I was here, Yash," she sounded broken now. She licked her lips, her eyes watering slightly. "You didn't have to go to her. You could have went to me. You don't understand that…I'm here. I think I'll always be."

He felt his heart swell like it had the first time she told him that she liked him, trusted him, even. He smiled, but he didn't make any promises. He whispered to her not to start crying again, and finally, his lips landed upon hers, passion making it messy. He kissed her like he missed her, which he had.

"Undress me," Kagome told him, her eyes sparkling. He smirked and she smiled, her cheeks still pink. He pulled her shirt over her head gently, letting it fall to his bedroom floor. He stripped her of her jeans, and she found herself surprised when he took the time to reach behind her and unclasp her bra instead of not bothering with it or ripping it apart like he did most of the time. Next were her underwear, which he took time with, too. He looked at her naked figure, lust in his eyes as his amber eyes looked at what was _his_, her cheeks red even though he'd seen her like this so many times before.

"You're beautiful," he simply told her. Everything about her was.

He didn't bother letting her undress him, in his opinion, she took too long, and it seemed like time was running out even though she told him that she was right there, and always would be. He smiled at the thought of it.

"Do you want me to taste you, Kagome?" he asked her devilishly as he toyed with her nipple. She moaned softly, nodding her head as she squirmed underneath him. "Anything for you."

He found the taste of her, the smell of her so addictive. He'd never met anyone who smelled or tasted as delicious as she did. He kissed her neck, his lips warm on her skin, and whenever they ventured to a new stop, she would feel the chilly air where the warmth once was. He took his time with her, one claw moving to toy with her other nipple as he drew one into his mouth. Her back arched off the bed, and she leaned up into his touch, panting as he continued to tease her. He swirled his tongue around her hardened nipple, and she cried out as she felt tingles all over her body, as she felt the wetness pool around her thighs. She squeezed them together in hopes of controlling what he made her feel, but it did nothing.

"Don't fight me," he panted out as he brought his lips back against the smoothness of her skin. He pinched her nipple softly before he let his hot tongue trail down to her stomach. Kagome moaned again as she felt his tongue whirl around her belly button. Heat took over her whole body, and suddenly, he made things entirely too hot. A bit of perspiration was forming on her forehead now, maybe from all the heat he caused or the agony of waiting. His tongue continued to move languidly across her skin, and she groaned, bucking her hips up, hoping that he'd get the sign that he need to speed up.

"Inuyasha," she called out softly, "M-more…please," she told him, biting her lip.

He complied, finally, and moved his tongue farther down. Kagome shivered when she felt his tongue on her slip, and moaned when he shoved a finger inside of her. He licked her clit harshly, making her call out his name. For a second, he thought he was going to explode, but he controlled himself, told himself that her pleasure went before his. But she was so tight, so wet for _him_, so sweet. He added another finger and pumped both of them in and out of her while still licking her clit. He listened as her moans became louder and louder, the cute sounds she made like music to his ears.

"Inu-Inu…Inuyaaaasha," she cried out, her hips bucking up into his face as he continued to pleasure her.

"Do you want me to stop?" he teased her.

She cried out at this. "Don't stop," she said firmly. "_Please_."

When he removed his finger to let his tongue enter inside of her, she nearly came everywhere, but she took a deep breath and composed herself. "You taste so good, Gome," he told her, his tongue moving in and out of her. And she was gone to heaven, she was sure of it. She moaned loud, nearly screamed his name as he continued to do what he was doing. His tongue continued to stroke at her walls, and just as she was about to cum, he stopped and placed his mouth on her clit again, sucking hard as he pushed two fingers inside of her.

She screamed, sure she was in heaven. She bucked her hips, finally allowing herself to cum all over his fingers. He licked at her some more, feeling as if he couldn't get enough of her taste. He watched her, her cheeks red as she still shook from the orgasm that he caused her to have. He groaned at the sight of her, desperately wanting to be inside of her and now.

He gave her another minute or two to recover for her orgasm before he asked her if she was ready. He had already lined himself up at her entrance, so he growled when she told him, "No."

"Shit," she cursed, looking at him, "I didn't take my pill today."

He growled impatiently, reaching over to his drawer to pull out a condom. She snatched it from him before he had the chance to open it, using her teeth to rip it open. She slid it onto his length carefully, and he watched her, groaning as she did so. She surprised him even more when she smirked, pushing him down so she could climb atop of him. He looked up at her, slightly angry with lust in his eyes.

He hardly ever let her be on top, but this time, he'd allow it, just for her.

She took hold of his cock and slowly lifted her hips, sheathed it into her body. Slowly, she slid down on his length, causing him to groan and buck his hips upwards, immediately begging for more. Her head fell back as she raised up a bit and sank back down. A loud moan had already parted from both of their lips, and he finally opened his eyes, watching her as her dark curtain of hair fell over her shoulder, as her pretty lips opened in a gasp of pleasure. Beads of perspiration stuck to her chest, and she licked her lips, making him want to taste them again.

"Kagome," he moaned out as he watched her easily slide back down his length. "Faster," He demanded, and she immediately obeyed, moaning out his name as he grabbed handfuls of her ass. He growled when she slowed again, her hips riding his so seductively, so sexy. But still, it wasn't enough. "You're moving too slow..."

His hands were off of her ass and onto her hips then, moving her up and down himself.

"S-stop," she ordered weakly, her eyes closed in pleasure as she moved his hands away from her hips. "Let me finish what I started, Yasha."

"Do whatever you started faster then." He told her, his amber eyes burning into her with lust.

She nodded, and repeated the movements from earlier. Slowly at first, but she was definitely not self conscious in her movements. She tossed her head back again and panted, her hair damp and sticking to her creamy skin. She rode him hard, leaning forward a bit to rest her tiny hands onto his broad, damp shoulders. He let out a sweet moan and so did she as she went faster, riding him into oblivion. Her movements slowed just as they were about to cum, and he growled. There she was, teasing him, fucking with him as she always did. He saw that smirk on her face, and then he lost it. No longer did he care about letting her finish her torture. Whatever.

"Y-you're a fucking j-jerk," she moaned out when she opened her eyes to realize that he had flipped her beneath him. "I told you that _I _wanted to finish this!"

"And you're nothing but a fucking tease," he spat back, playfully, looking into her eyes as he pumped in and out of her. "Wrap your legs around my waist, Kagome," he ordered, and she did as told, her long, long legs slipping tight around his waist, her feet hooking together. "Do you want me to show you how you torture me?" he asked teasingly, a smirk on his face. "Open your eyes, Kagome. Look at me."

Finally she looked at him. He smirked at her, leaning down for a second to reclaim her mouth. With a devilish smirk, he slowed his thrusts, causing her to cry out in protest. "Inu-Inuyasha! Faster!"

"Ha," he spat out, "Do you see how you made me feel?" His thrusts slowed even more, painfully slow. She needed him faster, harder. She needed him to give her everything that he had.

"I'm sorry," she choked out. "Please, Yasha."

"Please what?" he teased her even more. "Tell me what you want, baby. I'll give you anything."

"I-" she cried out when he almost pulled all the way out of her, then banged into her hard. "I need you…n-need you to make me c-cum. P-please, Yasha," she moaned.

"So," he started, a smile on his face as he watched her. "You don't like me _teasing _you?"

"_No_!" she cried out.

"Then don't tease me, wench," he whispered to her, and then he sped up, banging into her hard and fast. She moaned, and his mission was to make her cum for him, scream his name. "Do you like this, baby?"

"Yesss, don't stop, please," she panted out. "Faster, Yash…"

He closed his eyes as he obeyed every word she said. If she wanted it faster, that's what she'd get. If she wanted it harder, she'd get that, too. He kissed her again, slowly this time, not a bruising kiss. It was one of those kisses that meant something. Not one of heat and lust, but one full of compassion, and he was sure both of their hearts were soaring even more, beating even faster. He took hold of her tiny hands and pinned them above her as he banged in and out of her, trying to prove to her that she would never be replaced, and that she would always mean the most. Not that stupid girl he slept with the night before and so many other times before when he was stressed, or all of the other girls who wanted him desperately, who did stupid things to get his attention.

Kagome, she was so different from any other girl that he'd ever met. And even if he couldn't love her or e the guy that she deserved, he wanted her to know that she meant something to him, that she wasn't just a sex toy. He trusted her and she trusted him, and she made things better for him in so many ways. She was something that he would never be able to get enough of, and it was the same with her. He just wanted her to know that, so he hoped that he was proving it all to her now.

He thrust himself inside of her one last time, hard and fast, relishing in the movement as they came together, their eyes blinded for a second by the stars they saw. She screamed his name as she did so, and he softly moaned hers. He opened his eyes finally when he came down from his high, and she opened hers, too.

Sometimes, it didn't feel right to her. Because sometimes it felt like they were making love instead of fucking, and sometimes she felt like she was supposed to say 'I love you', but she didn't dare. She just panted and gave him a tired smile before letting her lips meet his, her hand running through his long silver hair. She snuggled into his chest, knowing every second of it was wrong. But still, being with him felt so right.

Before she knew it, she had forgotten why she had even been mad at him to begin with. She didn't mind though. She loved being able to brace the feelings that only he could make her feel.

She gasped suddenly, a frown on her face.

"What's wrong?" he asked her, his voice raspy with exhaustion.

"I promised Rin that I would be back tonight," she told him, worry on her face. "Can you take me back? _Please_?" she gave him a smile, showing her perfect set of teeth.

He growled. "Chill, wench. It's fucking Friday. Stay with me this weekend. Rin doesn't care, she's probably going to be too busy with Sesshomaru tomorrow, anyway."

Kagome gasped, her mouth dropping in disbelief. "So, it's your brother she's been screwing? She's refused to tell me anything."

"Half brother," he snapped, a frown on his face. She told him she was sorry, leaning forward to kiss him again, smiling at the feelings she felt in tummy. Sometimes, she really wished she could tell him exactly how she felt.

What was she supposed to say? 'I like you?' That was the stupidest thing to say, ever.

So she didn't say anything, just continued to let him kiss her back.

"I'll stay," she told him, pulling away from him so she could lay her head down on his pillow, her back faced to him. Little did he know, she was beaming.

"Of course you will. How can you not? You can't stand being away from me," he told her jokingly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close, nuzzling his nose into her neck again so he could inhale her sweet scent missed with his own.

"Kagome?"

"Hmm?" she answered, signaling to him that she was indeed listening.

"You're not mad anymore, are you?" he asked her, worry laced within his voice. He tried his best not to show it, but he failed miserably, like he always did when it came to hiding his emotions. He wondered how the wench had gotten to be so good at it.

"How could I stay mad at you?" she asked him before dozing off, his scent and the steady sound of his heartbeat luring her into a deep sleep.

For the first time in a while, they both really went to bed with smiles on their faces.

**A/N: Oh sweet Jesus, finally! It took forever to write this. I'm not sure if it was because I'm super busy or because I just didn't know what should happen next.**

**So, if you guys haven't completely gave up on me yet, you all should leave a comment and let me know what exactly you want to see next. Please, don't hate me about the whole Kikyo thing and for not having fast updates. The whole Kikyo thing will be sorted out later on in the story, and what can I say, shit happens?**

**Remember, I've got high school next year, so it's pretty hard, maintaining a good math grade and having to take a whole bunch of fucking stupid tests and having boy problems and friendship problems and stupid drama. Yeah, it's hard.**

**But PLEASE don't give up on me just this yet. Don't forget to leave a REVIEW and tell me what you think or give me any of your ideas. Thanks bunches to all of the reviews! Didn't expect to get that much on the first two chapters, so thanks a lot! Your reviews are what keep me going! Until next time, guys! ;D**

**BTW, I'm currently writing chapter 4, so review!(;  
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	4. Broken

**A/N: Okay, I seriously couldn't stop writing about sex, lolol. So, if you don't like that, you might want to skip this part! Don't forget to read the bottom A/N, so maybe you guys will understand why I put my characters through all this shit since I've been getting a few reviews about Kagome being weak.** **But thanks for all the reviews and the constructive criticism. It really helps! I seriously can't thank you guys enough!**

The sunlight that poured through the blinds was what woke her up. She groaned lightly to herself and tried to sit up, only to find that she couldn't because a heavy arm was draped around her, keeping her in her place. Sleep made her kind fuzzy and hazy, and it took a while for her to remember all that happened last night. But when she did remember, a tiny smile took place on her lips at the realization that they weren't mad at each other anymore. She looked at him only to see his silver hair spread wildly beneath him, his mouth slightly open as he snored lightly. His ears twitched when she softly whispered his name, but still, he didn't bother waking up, he just pulled her tiny figure closer to his incredibly warm, strong one.

"Kagome," he mumbled in his sleep, and she felt her chocolate eyes widen as soon as the muffled sound of her name was heard. She softly smiled again, her heart soaring as she watched him sleep. And then she realized that she didn't want to leave, but knew he probably had things to do. Deciding that she'd toy with the sleeping hanyou a bit more, she reached over a hesitant hand, pushing his bangs away slightly. She ran her hand through his hair, which she had always been jealous of. He had silk-like hair, and it never ever seemed to tangle.

"If only he'd take better care of it," she mused to herself softly, that smile still on her lips as she remembered all the times she had volunteered to help him wash it, only for him to firmly reject her offer. "You're such a baby at times, Yasha," she leaned over to whisper in his ear, and grinned when he said her name in his sleep again.

She looked at his perfect, angelic face. He was gorgeous, she wouldn't dare try to deny it. Everything about him was beautiful, from his angled face, to his tanned skin, to his silver hair that felt so soft against her fingertips, to the white dog ears that were perched atop of his head. His lashes were long and dark, and even though hers were the same, she was jealous of them, too. Her hands moved to cup his ear, and she giggled as she heard him groan in his sleep, whispering her name once more in a voice laced with lust, and she wondered what he could have been dreaming about. Could he be dreaming about ravishing her body, placing sloppy, wet kisses on her neck as his hot tongue slowly trailed across her skin? Could he be dreaming about bending her over and driving himself deep inside of her, steadily, reminding her that she was _his_?

At that, she immediately felt heat surge through her body, and she was wet. Suddenly, she wished that he was awake so she could look into his eyes again, so she could see what he allowed no one else but her to see. She groaned and squeezed her thighs together, hoping to relieve the steady throbbing she felt between her thighs. It didn't help though, not at all, and she desperately wished that he would wake up so he could help her with what _he _caused.

With a devilish grin, she decided that she'd give him something to wake up to. She quietly released herself from his strong hold and softly climbed atop of him, careful not to wake him. She didn't bother having to take off their clothes since they were already bare from the night before.

She took his cock into her hand and heard him groan as she gave him a firm stroke, and she was surprised to find that he was already hard. She smirked, sure that she knew what he was dreaming of when he had whispered her name so softly, so desperately in his sleep. She slowly raised her hips and lined the head with her entrance. She sank down slowly, carefully, a soft moan leaving her lips. She heard him groan and say her name in a hushed voice, and that made her want him even more.

She repeated the movement, being sure not to ride him too hard so she wouldn't wake him until the end. She lightly placed her hands on his chiseled chest and kept her noises to a minimum as she slowly raised herself back up, only to sink back down. His cock was deep inside of her now, and she moaned quietly, tossing her head back.

"Kagome," she heard him moan again in his sleep. She looked down finally, sure that his eyes would still be closed, but she gasped when she saw them wide open, now, his amber eyes burning into her chocolate with lust, slowly but surely turning into the rum color that they got whenever he was aroused. She got over her shock and softly smiled down at him as she continued to rock, her hips moving on their own accord. His hips bucked up, and she found herself loving the look of shock that was plastered on his face. His eyes were full of lust, pleasure clearly written on his face, his mouth parted slightly as he gulped. His eyebrows drew together in sleepiness and confusion. "K-Kagome," he stuttered. "What are you doing?"

She let out another moan and tossed her head back again, and Inuyasha watched her as her mouth parted slightly, making way for a small moan as she rode him a bit harder. Her breasts bounced upwards with every move she made, and not being able to take anymore, he swiftly reached forward to fondle them, increasing her pleasure. She panted, moving her hips faster. "I'm…I'm getting our rocks off, baby," she managed to say. "This is what you wanted, I know," she panted again. "I-I could tell by the…by the way you said my n-name in your…in your sleep."

He moaned, watching her as she moved against him in the sexiest way he had ever seen, so hard, so desperate. So graceful. "Fuck me faster," he cried out, his voice almost catching in his throat as she complied immediately. "K-Kagome!" This was the best thing he had ever experienced, and right now, he knew he was the luckiest man in the world to wake up to _this_. She was so hot, so sexy as she continued to ride him, desperate to please them both.

He was rewarded even more as she increased her pace, her hands moving to his shoulders to grip on firmly to them for more support as her ass bounced up and down against his thighs as she rode him harder, faster. He looked up at her and silently thanked the gods for her. His eyes trailed down her sexy body, perspiration making her lightly tanned skin glow a little. Her pretty, pink mouth was open, allowing him to hear the delicious sounds she made. He swore, he would fuck her every single minute, just to hear them again and again. Dark raven hair went down to her back as she threw her head back to call out his name as she rode him hard and fast, his cock buried deep inside of her extremely tight body. He nearly howled at the sight of _his_ Kagome losing all control, losing herself as she continued to ride his dick, desperate to reach her orgasm.

"Oh, Inuyasha!" she cried out, riding him as if it was their last time before the world came to an end. He cried out, too, so close to his orgasm. He decided that he would let her finish this this time. He wondered where this Kagome was last night, the Kagome who wanted to cum so badly, she didn't give a fuck about teasing him.

"Just like that, baby," he encouraged her as she continued to ride him, moaning loudly as she did so.

With his teeth clenched together, he reached to grab her hips, holding her in place as he bucked up into her, releasing his warm seed inside of her tight body. "Fuck!" he cried out from his orgasm, and also from the fact that he had came before her.

She raised her hips once more and slammed herself back down on his length, and then she felt something like a tidal wave rush over her, blinding her and making her breathing stop for a few seconds. She screamed as she soaked his cock with her juices, and then fell on him, her cheek against his dampened chest and his cock still inside of her body.

"I told you I would finish what I started," she panted, surprised that she could even say a whole sentence. Inuyasha, on the other hand, said nothing back. His mind was still a bit fuzzy from his orgasm, so he gave a defeated 'hmm' in response to her statement. She smirked, and he groaned when he felt his cock being pulled away from her tightness and warmth. She was on top of him still, smirking down at him. "By the way, I win, Yash."

He growled, his eyes narrowing at her challengingly. "Wanna go for another round so we can see who wins this time?"

Kagome smiled softly. "Actually, we need to shower," she told him, leaning down to kiss his lips sweetly. "If you haven't noticed, it's 11:00am. I know you have things to do today, Inuyasha."

He smirked at her. "Actually, I have nothing to do but you. Let's finish this in the shower, wench."

"Inu-" she cried out to stop him but he pulled her along with him into the large, completely white bathroom of his apartment. "Yash, I've got to go back. Rin already knows- or thinks that were sleeping together. I promised her I'd be back last night! She's probably worried…and I didn't bring my phone because I was sure that you were going to take me back to the dorm…only the gods know how many times Mama, Souta, or Sango has called!" she told him frantically, only for him to give her an annoyed look before smashing his lips against hers.

His lips trailed over her neck and she moaned, cursing him for knowing that that was her sweet spot. She knew that she was losing her fight already. "Gods, Kagome, you're so sexy," he told her as he pushed her thighs apart with his hand, and took a finger to stroke her sweet spot, smirking when he felt how wet she _still _was for him. He pushed her into the shower, then, lightly slamming her back against the cool shower wall. "Damn," he cursed. "You're still so wet for me…you mean to tell me that the little surprise you gave me when I woke up wasn't enough?" he moved his tongue to her ear as he continued to stroke her, then pushed a finger inside of her, causing her to gasp. "And I can't even stay down for five minutes when you're around."

She moaned, feeling herself get even wetter. "Just for a little while, that's it," at her words, she felt him smile against her neck. Yes, she had definitely lost her fight, but it didn't matter. All that mattered now was the pleasure he made her feel as he moved his finger in and out of her, in gentle strokes. "Oh, Yasha."

"Look at me," he commanded. "I wanna see how pretty you look when you're cumming for me. You are gonna cum for me, aren't you, Kagome?" He teased softly, nipping at her ear.

"N-no," she told him, pulling away from him even though she didn't want to. She cut on the warm water, and the shower head first gave a burst of cold air, making them both cry out. She giggled. "Let me repay you for last night, Yasha." She gave him a sneaky kind of smile, then slowly fell to her knees, taking his cock in her hand and giving his arousal a few strokes. The water slowly warmed, and by the time, Kagome was dripping wet, in both ways. She looked up at him, only to see him looking down at her intensely, beads of water running down his tan chest, down to his hard abdomen. She started moving her hand again, and he growled, his eyes shutting tightly as he leaned his head against the wall, letting the pleasure take over him.

"Does the hot water help you any, Yasha?" she asked him jokingly, her voice doing nothing but teasing him. He growled at her as he looked down once more to see her hand still jerking him off, her hair soaking wet, changing the color to a jet black. "Does it make you feel…hotter than you already are?" she questioned her mouth so close to his dick. He could feel her warm breath coming out in pants. His dick twitched in her hand, and she smirked. He bucked his hips upward and let out a growl, wanting her to take him into her mouth. "To be honest," she began, "Just looking at your face gets me all wet…it makes me want you to touch me…" she admitted teasingly, a grin on her lips as she continued to torture him. "Yasha, tell me what I should do with my mouth."

"Just…just put my cock in your mouth!" he growled out at her. "You know you want to do it just as much as I want you to," he growled at her dangerously, his mouth twisting up into a snarl. She gave a 'hmm' and looked up at him.

"What's the magic word?" she teased lightly.

"Wench, if you aren't going to help me, then I'll help myself!" he hissed and pulled away from her, bringing his hand down so he could wrap it around his thick, hard length. It was so hard, it almost hurt, and it was all because of _her_. He groaned as he gave his cock a stroke, his thumb twirling around the head softly. Kagome was still on her knees, watching him as he pleased himself. The sight of this almost made her cum, even more so as she looked up to see his teeth gritted together in frustration, his rough hand as he stroked himself faster.

Finally, she snapped out of it and leaned forward, pushing his hand away. She looked up at him, her lips curving into a wanton smile. She placed her hand where his had been, stroking him carefully, groaning as she felt how hard he was, _again_. "All of this for me, Yasha? You shouldn't have," she chuckled as she teased him a bit more, knowing for sure that it would drive him crazy.

Before he could snap at her, she slowly enclosed her mouth around the tip, giving him a languid, gentle suck. He almost let out a howl from the contact of her mouth on his painfully hard arousal. "Faster, Kagome," he snapped impatiently. She took his whole, thick length into her mouth, looking up to watch his face as she did so. The look that was on his face made her even more wet, so she squeezed her thighs together, hoping to prolong her orgasm. But just one look at his face as she pleased him, and she was done for sure.

She swirled her hot tongue around the head, causing him to softly moan her name. She almost came then, too. He sounded so sweet, so innocent even though he was nowhere near. Once again, she took his full length into her mouth and bobbed her head up and down slowly, causing him to cry out as she repeated the movement over and over again. She placed her hands on his hips for support, moving her head the same time he would jerk his hips forward.

"Gome," he managed to choke out. She looked up at him then, taking one hand off of his hip and placing it on the base of his cock, focusing all of her attention on the head. Tasting the salty precum in her mouth, she moaned, and he gasped and jerked forward, the sound she made sending vibrations down his hardened arousal, making it throb with need even more. "P-please don't stop."

"Of course I won't," she moaned and he gasped again. She loved the feeling of being in control. Now, she had power over him. She was the one making him cry out, moan. She was making him beg, and that thought did so many things to her. "Cum please, Yasha," she said. "Cum…" She told him desperately.

"No," he groaned out, refusing to let her win once more. Kagome growled lightly and sucked him hard, her head bobbing up and down on him even faster.

"Cum." She ordered.

He growled at her, his eyes till shut tightly in pleasure. "Bitch," he choked out. "Y-you don't give the fucking orders…I do."

"Not now, you don't," Kagome mused. Her motions slowed and he growled out, jerking his hips upwards. "Unless you want me to stop, cum for me."

"You're a bitch," he declared, taking a hold of her mass of wet hair, shoving his hips forward and gently bringing her head down on his shaft. His arms trembled and he desperately wanted to cum, but he didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she had made him cum first once more, or that right now, she had complete power over him and there was nothing he could do but pull away, which wasn't even an option at this point. "Fuck you," he cried out, only to receive a smirk from her. She pulled her mouth away, and his ears twitched at the popping sound that she had purposely made to frustrate him. He growled at her, his eyes narrowed. But he melted when he felt her soft hand start moving up and down on his shaft to finish him off. "K-Kagomeee…"

Then it happened. He leaned his head back against the wall, his eyes shut tight as he cried out. A jet of cum shot between them, barely missing her face. She didn't stop moving her hand until he had released every drop of cum, some of it splashing on to her breasts. She brought her hand up to her mouth, tasting him. He watched her smirk as she did so, and he couldn't help but groan at the sight of her. He felt himself getting hard again, and he immediately pulled her to her feet.

He pushed her against the shower wall as the water continued to pour down on them. He smashed his lips against hers in an almost punishing kiss, hell bent on making her lips even more swollen as his clawed hand moved to toy with her hardened nipple. "Gods," he whispered against her lips. "You're amazing."

Even after all she had did with him that morning, the comment made her blush, made her eyes sparkle a little bit more brightly. He kissed her again, softly, passionately. His tongue poked at her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth, allowing him entrance. His tongue massaged hers playfully, and she moaned when his tongue ventured up to the roof of her mouth. "Inu," she moaned out. "I want you."

He panted, pressing his lips against hers once more as he pushed her against the shower wall, knowing that one day, she _surely _be the death of him.

He growled and lifted her up, her legs automatically hooking around his waist. He rubbed his groin against her hot, waiting, wet core, making her moan and causing her nails to dig into his shoulder. "Take me," she ordered, and his heart soared at the fact that she was his for this moment, at the fact that she was so willing, so hot and ready, melting and giving in to his every touch. He groaned as he guided himself inside of her. She let out a whimper filled of pleasure as she rested her cheek against his, her heart racing. "Inuyasha!" she moaned his name, bucking up against him as much as his hold would let her.

"Gods, you're so tight, Kagome!" he thrust himself steadily inside of her, pleasure blinding him as she continued to rake her nails down his back, adding to the many scratches that she had already caused. She panted softly in his ear as he thrust into her hard, her hips bucking forward, reacting to his movement, encouraging him to move faster.

He smashed his lips against hers, his tongue darting in and out of her mouth in the motion of sex as he thrust himself faster inside of her body. She felt like heaven, hot against him, so wanting, so sweet. She had to be the closest thing he had to paradise. He nipped at her lower lip, tugging gently. She moaned and whispered his name, knowing it would drive him wild.

The water that poured down on them both made things a bit harder, made both of their bodies a bit more slick, but still, she clung to him tightly, taking all the pleasure that she could. She moaned as he continued to ravish her body, placing sweet kisses on her neck to intensify her pleasure. Still, though, in the back of her mind, she knew it was wrong. She wondered if it was just sex for him, or if it actually meant something to him. But for now, she refused to show him any of her feelings. Maybe it was because she was scared of rejection, because he meant the most to her. So for now, she ignored her feelings, blocked every single one of them out except for the pleasure she was feeling. She couldn't lose her balance right now.

However, she lost her _mind_ as she cried out, her body shuddering as her orgasm washed over her, making her mind go blank. She forced herself to open her eyes, and she watched his face as he came right after her, a loud, guttural groan emitting from him as he tossed his head back. She moaned again when she felt something warm fill her body, recognizing it as his seed. The water had cooled down just a bit now, but it was still warm on their skin. She looked at him, and when he came down from his high, he looked at her, too. Chocolate met amber, and deciding that feelings didn't matter right now, she kissed him, her arms wrapped tight around him still. That was another real kiss, making both hearts beat even faster.

She pulled away, a smile on her face as she unhooked herself from him. He looked at her, his eyebrows furrowed forward, knowing she was up to something. "Since we're about to have a _real_ shower, can I was that hair of yours?"

He growled and she giggled, knowing that she had already won.

**XXXxxxXXX**

After they had showered and she had successfully washed his hair, him growling and reminding her to be careful with his ears, she snuggled into him, his steady breathing and heartbeat luring her to sleep slowly but surely. He nuzzled his nose into her neck, into her warmth, inhaling her addictive, sweet scent as he did so. He pulled her tighter against him, the softness of her mane of curls and waves against his skin.

"Inuyasha," she started, her voice laced with tiredness. He was getting lazy, too. Her calm heartbeat was luring him to sleep, also, and he felt so safe and he knew that she did, too. "I'm tired."

He snorted, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Go to sleep then, wench. It's pretty simple…"

She yawned lightly, turning to look at him, her tired chocolate eyes piercing into his amber with some sort of intensity. He would make things awkward if he looked away, trying to avoid her gaze, so he didn't do that. He looked straight back at her, watching as her pink lips curved into a tiny smile. "But I kind of wanted to talk to you."

He felt nervous all of a sudden, and he laughed, his voice hoarse as he spoke to her. "About what?" He asked playfully, or at least he tried to sound playful. He couldn't help wondering if she was going to ask him about the girl that he knew her friends had told her of, or she'd say something else, say something like she knew what he was doing, that she was sick and tired of it and that she was leaving. Fear pulsed through his veins, but he tried to remain calm. He remembered yesterday night when she'd asked if she was being replaced. Even though he didn't want to admit anything to her, he wished she knew that she would never be able to be replaced.

"Do you ever miss your dad, Yasha? Even though he left you and your mother, you've got to miss him at times. I think I really miss my father. Back then, I was angry with him. I was angry at him, at everybody because he was taken away from me so quickly when we had been so close. I think that sometimes, I'm still angry at him," she told him, truthfully. "You've got to miss your dad _sometimes_…" she spoke hesitantly, knowing that it was a touchy subject for him. But he would give her an answer, because he trusted her more than anyone, and she was someone that he could talk about anything with, and she'd understand and help him.

He didn't know how they had come to be friends, trust each other so easily with everything, because they were _so _different from each other. Kagome was so sweet, so shy, and he was so mean at times, loud-mouthed, arrogant, rude. She was the type of person who cared about her family, who would do anything for all of them. She loved and she trusted and she hoped, and he, on the other hand, frankly didn't give a fuck about the tiny bit of family he had left, and he rarely trusted people, but still, he couldn't help trusting her. She made it so easy to, and she seemed like she actually _cared_. And love? He wasn't sure if he had ever loved anyone. The feelings she made him feel had to be attraction, and that was it. That had to be all there was to it. But when it came to their fathers, they weren't exactly the same, but they almost were. Neither had one in their life.

His father had left him and his mother to fend for themselves, making her play the roll 'father'. Kagome's father had been taken away from her at the young age of thirteen from a car crash. She'd told him about it when she finally got to know him good enough to trust him, being sure to tell him not to worry about it, it had been three years ago, now six, and her, her mother, and her little brother were doing better. But still, he knew Kagome and he knew that sometimes, she wasn't telling him the truth. But he never asked her about her father, he didn't want to hurt her feelings and he didn't want her thinking that he was prying into her business. So he'd said nothing about him, and it was rare that she talked about her father or his. He remembered when he had first told her about his father, told her that their situations were completely different. She'd replied, saying, "It still hurts all the same."

"I don't miss him at all," he told her, although he wasn't sure if he was telling the truth or not. Her mouth parted slightly, and suddenly, there were flames in her eyes. His eyebrows furrowed forward in thought. How could he miss his father? His father, who he was supposed to look up to, learn from. That was the ideal father. His father, knowing well that he had two children to watch over and a wife who loved him, still left them all behind, as if he was going to start a new life, a better life without him. He blamed his father for everything. His mother had given up when he left her, leaving his poor excuse of a half brother to put food on the table for them both, to take responsibility. It almost seemed like his mother had welcomed her death, been happy to die when it had registered in her mind that their father wasn't and would never come back. Gods, he hated his father for everything. Sometimes, though, he wondered what it would be like to have a _real _father.

"You're lying to me," she said, simply. He winced. Kagome _always _knew the truth, it seemed. "I miss my father. I miss him all the time. I know you've got to miss yours, too, regardless of the things that he's put you and your mother and brother through."

He almost growled, but instead, he looked at her, wondering how she could make him come clean so easily. It angered him. Flames were in his eyes as he spoke to her, but it wasn't apparent in his voice as he said, "I'm not lying," oh, but she knew he definitely was. "I'll never be like him." He told her, his teeth gritted together in anger from the _memories_. His mother crying her eyes out, looking blankly at him and his brother. Giving up completely. Cooking for her. Cleaning for her. Making sure that she was taking her medicine for the great depression that his father had caused. But they all knew, that kind of shit doesn't fade. She was broken and medicine was no use for her.

"What if you were to ever have kids, Yash? What if you knocked one of those other girls up," where exactly was she going with this? He could feel himself getting angry, his knuckles clenching together. Her fucking words…they fucking angered him. What did she mean 'other girls'? Why was she even talking about their fathers when she hadn't really ever bothered to before? It only made him hate his father more. Wherever he was, whatever he was doing, he hoped that he was dying, slowly, painfully. "You're saying you wouldn't even let your children meet your grandfather or even tell them about him, or at least try to be a better father?"

He wished that she would leave him alone with all of her questions. But he didn't want to fight with her. "First of all," he started, a frown on his face as he looked at her. "I'm never having kids. Second, nobody's going to get knocked up thanks to all the birth control and condoms in the world," he said with a growl. "And if that shit does happen one day, I definitely won't leave my pup alone, or his mother. You really think I would be able to handle having a bunch of little Inuyasha's running around?" He asked her playfully, trying to lighten the mood and change the subject.

She giggled at his words, her cheeks red from their close proximity. "You never know, really. Maybe one day, you'll fall in love with some girl, and you'll marry her and you'll have millions of miniature Inuyasha's. If you do, promise me that we'll be friends, at least. Promise me that I'll at least be the god mother or something, or close to your children," she joked lightly, letting out a giggle. He rolled his eyes playfully, letting out a chuckle. "And maybe I'll get married, too. And I'll have kids, and our kids can date each other." She joked again.

He looked at her as she laughed, a genuine smile on her face. "Maybe," he joked. "But I'm not settling down anytime soon, and I know you're not, either, wench." He said the last part serious, an eyebrow raised as he looked at her, expecting her to agree with him, or hoping that she would. _Nobody _could have her. Not when she was his. She wasn't exactly his, but still. No one deserved her, and sometimes he thought he didn't, so he'd enjoy as much of her as he could.

However, instead of agreeing, she murmured, "I don't know," he growled immediately, and she looked at him, a cheeky smile on her face. "I _do _want kids one day. I'm only nineteen though, so of course, not right now. I've got to finish school. Then I want to find a guy who _really_ loves me. I would never want to have a kid if he or she would grow up without a father, or a father who doesn't love me. No kid needs that stress. Like, having to worry about why they don't have a father, only a mother. If I ever do find a guy, I want us to be happy together, trust each other and really love each other," deciding that she was getting a bit too serious, and that things were getting awkward for Inuyasha, too, she shut up.

Not for long, though. "Maybe I'll consider marrying Hojo. He's a nice guy," she joked, knowing he was about to become possessive, which she loved.

He growled loudly, pulling her closer to him. He controlled his demon before things got out of hand. But still, _Hojo_? He growled again, his eyes narrowing to slits and his mouth twisting up into a snarl. He looked at her in disapproval, the thought of her and lover boy together nearly making him gag. "Please, don't speak of his name," Inuyasha said, growling once more as he remembered the bastard who had a crush on Kagome ever since she was in high school. "He's a fucking pansy. You deserve someone…better…" he trailed off, his eyes going downcast under the intense, confused stare that she was currently giving him. Was that her heartbeat he heard speeding up? He looked up to see her cheeks red again.

She nodded, her eyes going downcast, too. She let out a forced laugh as she snuggled back into his arms, wanting to doze off into a peaceful sleep. He held tightly against him, knowing that he was no better and _he _didn't deserve _her_. But she was glad he was actually _here_. Sometimes, she wanted more than whatever they had, but she wouldn't jeopardize what they had right now for anything, not even the stupid feelings she got whenever he was near.

"Kagome?" he whispered to her, nearly groaning from the scent of her hair as he pulled her closer to him, close as she could possibly get.

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry about your dad. I know he really loved you, though…" he buried his nose into her, his warm breath slightly tickling her skin. She smiled in contempt, feeling the weight on her shoulders leave almost immediately. His warmth, his words, his comfort meant everything to her.

"Thank you, Inuyasha."

**XXXxxxXXX**

Body splayed across the bed, far from his, she looked at him, thinking. She wished that she could be stronger, just so she could finally have the iciness in her heart to curse at him, tell him of the things she knew he'd done behind her back when he thought that she wasn't watching.

Lightning flashed through the sky, making it easier to see his lightly tanned face. It made him look like the god that she used to think he was. She wanted him to touch her again, she wanted to tell him sorry, but he needed to tell her that he was sorry, too. She wasn't sure how she had fell in love with, or slowly but surely learned to love him and his mischievous, sneaky, lecherous, and wrong-minded ways, but she did and always would no matter what.

She wouldn't let him touch her anymore…but he never tried to anymore, anyway. She was surprised that she had even let him sleep in the same bed where she lay, but she had, making sure her body was far from his. And she looked at him, wondering who she was laying next to. A liar, a cheater? She hadn't told him anything, maybe because she was scared that he would confirm it was true, and that would be all there was to it. Hearing that would be final, she knew that for sure, and she didn't want that.

She slowly moved her hand down until it rested on her flat stomach. The feelings rushed through her, making tears blind her eyes immediately. She quickly moved her hand away from her stomach, angrily wiping away the tears that steadily fell down her cheeks. She took a deep breath and turned her back to him, looking out the window, listening to the steady rain that fell outside. Was he still mad? She didn't know, but she was sure, almost positive that he was. After all, it had only been about three weeks, maybe four.

She thought about the life that she had purposely taken away, sure she was going to hell for it. But…she already felt like she was in hell, and she wondered why people had to live with the horrible choices, the horrible mistakes that they made. Who was this imposter laying next to her? When had she lost him, and why?

Was his heart still hers? She wanted to cry sometimes.

So tonight, she would. She kept her sobs to a minimum. Her body shook wildly though as she constrained the pain, the force of her cries. When had she become so weak, and why couldn't she have that life back? Why couldn't she be the only one that he had feelings for, the only one who took over his mind and body and soul? He didn't love her. Was she a stupid girl for believing him when he said that he did, with all of his heart?

She stood to her feet quietly, careful not to wake him. She peaked over at the nightstand on his side of the bed, and she quietly reached for the pack of cigarettes that she knew Inuyasha had given him, the pack of cigarettes that he never bothered to try. She grabbed a cigarette out the pack and swiftly reached for his lighter, wondering why he had these things when he never put any use to them.

She made her way to the bathroom, cigarette and lighter in her hand. She sat on the edge of the tub, her eyebrows drew together in concentration as she took the lighter in her right hand, her thumb flicking down on the metal grinder as she held the cigarette between her lips. The flame emitted from the lighter, and she brought it towards her mouth to light the cigarette, sucking in the nicotine. She tossed the lighter on the counter, pulling the cigarette away and holding it between her middle and ring finger.

She had never been much of a smoker, she had only tried it about once in her life. But right now, she needed something to calm her. Crying just wouldn't do.

Before she knew it, she had smoked most of it down. Just as she was about to take her last puff, her eyes widened, the sound of footsteps making her body go rigid. Before she could do away with the cigarette, he was at the door, watching her in surprise. Her mouth parted, and her mind went frantic, searching for something mean to say in hopes that it would just make him _go away_.

"What're you doing?" he asked, slight worry in his voice. Her eyes narrowed, even though she wanted to cry.

"What're you doing here?" she croaked out, trying to sound venomous but failing miserably.

He looked at her, confused. Then he started towards her, crouching down and looking into her eyes. "Put the cigarette down, Sango. You're not a smoker."

She looked away from him, slowly doing away with the cigarette. "You're not either," she muttered.

"You've been crying…" he told her, his eyes firm on her face as he observed her. "Is this about-"

"No," she firmly cut him off with a lie before he could say anything else. She was crying over _everything_. He almost frowned, but instead, he slowly nodded as if he understood, but really, he was lost and sad.

"Can I hold you?" he asked her suddenly, and her body went rigid again, her hazel eyes meeting his deep navy ones. Were both of them broken? "Please?"

"_Get away from me_…"

"You're my wife, Sango. What's wrong?" he asked, emotion evident in his voice and plastered on his face. She'd never seen him look so serious, sound so serious. But she wouldn't let him break her heart and crash her spirits _again_.

So she glared at her so-called husband, wanting to bite her lip to keep from breaking down. She didn't know who he was anymore, but most of all, she didn't know who _she _was anymore.

"Some kind of mistake I made," she muttered under her breath, knowing that she would regret it.

Miroku looked at her for a second, his body freezing as he registered her words in his mind. What had he done to deserve this treatment from her? He wanted to know, wanted to make things better. He wanted her to help him understand what he'd done. "What did you just say?" He asked her, his breath too short and his heart beating incredibly too fast.

"Some kind of fucking mistake I made!" she told him, yelling it to the world as a tear slipped down her cheek which she wiped away angrily. "Get _away _from me!"

"S-Sango?" he asked stupidly, fear paralyzing him and making everything so much more difficult than it already was. "Y-You want a divorce?"

She didn't say anything, and he reached forward, gripping her arms. "Please," he wheezed out. "Help me figure out what I did! T-tell me anything, but not this," he frantically reached down, his eyes on her stomach, his hand, too. She gasped out and struggled to get away from him, but he stood, pulling her to his chest. "Is it about the baby?"

"There _is_ no baby anymore," she told him, her teeth gritted together as she continued to struggle against his hold. "Gods, let me go! Leave me _alone_!"

"No," he told her firmly. "I-I'm not mad," that was a lie. It hurt more than any pain he could ever imagine. _Why _had she did it? His first child…gone, because of her. Because obviously, she didn't want it. What was she now? Who had she become? Some kind of monster? But still, he loved her more than anything. "Help me understand!"

She finally pushed him away, her fists pounding into his chest. He groaned from the force of them. "You lied to me! You said you loved me! You fucking lied!"

What was she talking about? "Sango, I meant it when I said I loved you…"

"_Loved_? That's past tense, Miroku. You didn't love me much when you were shoving your tongue down her throat, when you let her _disgusting _hands touch you. You did _nothing_. You're _nothing_."

He remembered it all now. He gasped. She didn't understand. He reached for her, his eyes desperate and his heart heavy, but before he could pull her close to him, she pulled back, raising a hand and taking it hard to his face, causing his head to turn and his loose, jet-black hair to whip in the air. He looked at her, raising a hand to the spot she had hit. He slowly shook his head at her. "Let me explain."

"Get the fuck out of my house," she told him, more tears slipping down her cheeks. Her fists were balled to her side, flames in her hazel eyes. "And never come back…"

He never really had a broken heart before. But in that moment, something snapped inside of him, and he looked at her, his navy eyes watering. He bit his tongue, taking a deep breath. But there was nothing else left. "If that's what you want."

So she watched him as he stepped by her, making his way into the room that used to be _theirs_, packing his things quietly. She watched him, her heart breaking as he angrily shoved his things into the tiny duffle bag, feeling it with as many clothes as it would take.

She didn't say anything as he walked out the door.

Tonight, she would cry like she had never before.

**XXXxxxXXX**

He groaned, sitting up. The ringing of his iPhone was heard, sensitive to his ears. Then, he heard thunder roar across the sky, causing the figure beside of him to let out a whimper. Her sweet scent consisted of fear, and his eyes, which had quickly adjusted to the darkness, looked over beside of him to see the expression on her face. Her face was twisted up in fear, and she groaned, shifting slightly. Lightning flashed, lighting up the room for a split second, allowing him to get a better look at her face. He reached forward, running his fingers through her hair, hoping to remind her that he was here and that she was okay.

He swiftly grabbed is phone, and groaned softly when he saw Miroku's name show up. Another sound of thunder was heard, and Kagome shifted once more before she rose up, her eyes wide, trying to adjust to the darkness. "Inuyasha?"

She shivered, and he pulled her close to him, hoping to warm her.

"What do you want, lech?" Inuyasha asked roughly as he answered his phone. The lightning flashed again, making Kagome jump in his arms. She shivered once more, snuggling into his warmth even more.

"_**Inuyasha,**_" he heard Miroku croak out. "_**Do you mind if I come over to stay?**_"

Inuyasha sighed. He had never heard Miroku sound this serious, it scared him almost.

"What happened?" Inuyasha asked, his voice wary.

"_**It's a long story. Please, Inuyasha? I have nowhere to go.**_"

Inuyasha growled, looking down at the trembling girl in his arms. "Kagome's here."

"_**I won't bother you. I promise.**_"

In a gruff voice, he said, "I really don't know what's wrong with you, lech, but okay. Just for tonight." He heard Miroku give him a thanks, and then Inuyasha hung up, still concerned about his friend.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome asked, her voice worried, too. "Who was that?"

"It was Miroku," he replied, still concerned.

"Is he okay? Are _you _okay?"

"He's coming over, I don't know what happened," he told her.

She pressed her lips against his sweetly, pushing him down playfully and crawling on top of him. "Well, I _really_ hope he's okay, and I hope you're okay, too," she pressed her lips against his once more, emitting a growl from him. "How long do you think it'll take him to come?" She asked before kissing him again, not giving him a chance to reply. The kiss was becoming more intense, and he growled again, knowing exactly what she wanted.

"Kagome," he groaned out. "Later, I promise. Miroku's coming over soon."

He didn't want her later, he wanted her now and forever. She giggled playfully and slid off of him, wrapping herself in the sheets in hopes that she would stop trembling. He growled and pulled her close, regretting telling her to stop because now, she had started something.

"I really hope him and Sango are okay," she said quietly, her voice extremely concerned.

His lips found her neck, and immediately, he started nibbling on the soft flesh with his teeth, his tongue going in circles on her delicate skin. She moaned, telling him to stop. He didn't listen, pushing her beneath him.

"I think it'll be awhile before he gets here," he told her huskily, answering her question from earlier as his hand trailed down to her breasts, his claw flicking her already hardened nipple and causing a groan to escape her mouth.

"I-Inu, no," she panted as his hand trailed on down past her stomach, resting between her thighs to stroke her. She cried out his name, her hips bucking up into his hand. "S-stop…"

He kissed her again to make her shut up. "But you're already so wet," he whispered in her ear, stroking her faster, her pants and moans sounding like music to his ear. "We have time for one more fuck," he stroked her faster, and her eyes shut tightly, her body arching up into his. "After all, the Kagome I know has never been the one to start things that she can't finish."

Finally, she complied, calling out his name as she let him take her once more, the sounds of thunder and rain blocking out the delicious sounds she made as he loved her body inside-out.

And when both of their worlds shattered, he kissed her once more. He had lost count of the real kisses they had had by now, but it didn't matter. She was _here_, she wasn't angry at him anymore and she was his, even if it was only for a little while longer, or only for the moment, she was _his_.

Not only would she be the death of him. He knew in that moment that he kissed her that he would be the death of her, too.

**A/N: I'm **_**really **_**pissed off at the moment. I wrote this whole chapter on my iPod first, and as I was looking at it to type it on here, all of it magically erased as soon as I was getting to the end, too! The end was supposed to be the _best _part! I spewed out some pretty inspirational, meaningful crap, too. So I had to try my best to remember at the end what I wrote, and I know I did a horrible job at it, so for that, I'm sorry. Let's blame it on that damned stupid iPod of mine!**

**Anyway, I know a lot of you think Kagome's really weak and you probably hate her **_**and **_**Sango at the moment, but it's only like the fourth chapter, I mean, you have to be patient. And I know you all probably hate me for what I did to Sango and Miroku, but hey, it's my story, and I'm not gonna sugar-coat things. I'm gonna write about pain and lost, because it's realer than all of that bullshit where everything goes perfect. Not every moment of their life is going to be perfect. If I didn't make them go through these things, I don't even think this story would be worth reading. It would be meaningless.**

**What I'm trying to write, get you all to feel, is realness. And pain goes along with that, weakness too. But trust me, they'll get stronger. It just takes time, you know? Like I said, there is going to be a twist, so you have to be patient. This is the shit **_**real **_**people go through everyday, and it's not all perfect and rainbows and butterflies and I know you want Kagome to admit her feelings to Inuyasha(because he obviously feels the same) but she's scared of rejection. I would be, too. And really, would this story be that interesting if I made it all perfect and shit and neither had to worry about their feelings and they were happy at all times and had no problems? No.**

**Things will get better, though, and everybody will end up with the happiness they deserve in the end. But hey, if you don't like it, it's my story and there's nothing I can do about that. But thank you all for your reviews, it means the world to me, I swear! It makes me so happy to read the nice things you say, and your words are really inspiring and encouraging.**

**Thank you all, and don't forget to review and tell me what you think! *hugs everyone* See you guys next time! (:**


	5. Hope

That's what he loved most about the young girl. She had always been so helping, so considerate and trustworthy. She placed a hand on his shoulder, concern evident in her eyes as she spoke to him softly, carefully. She looked in his eyes, knowing well that he was still upset. But still, she had been so nice about everything. And now, he knew that would change.

"You did _what_?" she asked, her voice completely different. Louder, angrier. His eyes went downcast, and he was afraid to say it all over again. Inuyasha stood behind them, looking at him incredulously. His whole life had went to hell now. Kagome rarely got angry. But she stood in that moment, her angry eyes on his. He looked back up at her although he shuddered with fear. The hanyou had stepped closer now, his brow raised. "Tell me again! Tell me that what you're saying _isn't _the truth!" She yelled out, her fists balled and her body shaking with anger, flames in her eyes. Inuyasha stepped even closer, placing a hand on her shoulder as if to calm her down.

But Kagome was extremely angry. And he knew her well enough to know that he would never hear the end of all of this mess.

And even though his voice shook horridly, he spoke the truth. "I slept with Kazumi," he stuttered, his eyes desperate and filled with a fear that took over his whole body as the young girl continued to look down at him. "B-but it was a…it was an accident."

"A _fucking _accident?" Inuyasha growled out, pulling Kagome behind him. "It was no accident, lech! She fucking _loved_ you, Kazumi didn't! You made a promise to her!" He yelled, hastily moving forward to pull Miroku up from the chair he was sitting in. He yelped, his face close to Inuyasha's as he snarled, his eyes filled with even more anger.

"You fucking _baka_," Kagome cried out angrily as she pulled Inuyasha's hands away from the terrified lech. He growled and stood back, his eyes still hard on Miroku. Miroku gulped, his eyes wide as Kagome raised a hand to his face. The impact of her hit made tears cloud in his eyes, left a red mark on his cheek. He looked at her, his eyes wide with all kinds of emotions that could not possibly be aware to humanity as he brought a hand up to his face as if to sooth the burn that her hit left. It was _almost _enough to make him cry, but he didn't. He noticed that tears were running down Kagome's cheeks now, and Inuyasha growled loudly, pulling her against him. "How could you do that to her? You promised her…you _promised _that you weren't going around fucking that _freak_. How _could _you?" She asked him angrily, her voice hoarse and strained from yelling.

He backed away from them all, his eyes still wide. "It was an _accident_!"

Kagome had the urge to slap him again, but instead, she balled her fists to her sides once again, Inuyasha holding her back. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she said, "So, it was an _accident_ when Sango found you and that whore in _her _bed? And it was an _accident _when you kissed her back, let her tongue in your mouth? And it was an _accident_ when you ended up on top of her, your hands running _all _over her body? It was an _accident _when she made you cum?" she spoke venomously, her words sending chills down his back. "You're disgusting. I don't want to see your face anymore. Leave. Go lay in the mess you made. Go fuck her some more, go break Sango's heart some more, if that's even _fucking _possible."

"Kagome," he reached forward, his voice desperate and his eyes wide with hurt. Why couldn't things be easier? Why couldn't they understand? Before he could reach her, though, the hanyou was in his face, that snarl on his mouth again, his hands shoving him back roughly.

"You've upset her, too, lech. Just leave. _Leave_."

Kagome watched him as he backed away and slowly reached the door, gulping again, his eyes still wide. He looked lost and incredibly tired, incredibly hurt, and she felt guilt swell in her stomach as tears still slid steadily down her cheeks. She felt a strong pair of arms wrap around her, and she looked up to see the hanyou looking down on her in confusion, his eyes comforting. She turned and wrapped her arms tight around him, her tears wetting his shirt.

'_I was so selfish,' _she thought to herself, wrapping her arms around him tighter.

"What's on your mind?" he asked her softly. She shook her head, burying herself even deeper into his warmth, his comfort. "Tell me," he said, pulling away slightly so he could see her eyes.

"I was selfish," she admitted in shame.

"How?" he asked softly.

She pulled away from him swiftly, looking at him incredulously. "How?" she snapped. "I've been complaining to her about all of _my_ stupid problems, and she's been suffering for a whole month without me knowing. I tried," she said, her voice lowering like her eyes as another tear ran down her cheek. "I tried to ask her what was wrong, but she told me it was nothing important, so I let it go. She told me that Miroku did something that hurt her, but that was all I knew. And then, I was angry about what was going on with us, and I went and said all of those things to her that hurt her even worse. I…can't believe it. I was so stupid, so selfish, just because I wanted someone to help _me _when she was the one who need the help all along. I've got to go apologize."

He looked at her, confusion sparking his eyes. "_Us_?" he asked slowly, carefully. He stepped closer to her, pulling her back into his arms again. His lips brushed against her neck and she shuddered, instantly fighting back against his touch that made her disappear. "What do you mean, _us_?" there wasn't an us, was there? What exactly had she told Sango? When had she been so angry with him? It was hard to remember their fights, and he didn't want to. "Tell me, Kagome. Don't hide these things from me anymore, help me understand." He told her as he continued to work on her neck, his teeth catching the sensitive skin between them. He nipped gently, causing her to yelp, then went to suck on the flesh, making the slight pain go away.

'_Mate.'_

He pulled away instantly as if she had burned him, his eyes wide.

'_Mate.'_

What was going on? With his eyes wide, he backed away from her a bit. Had that been his demon, longing for her? Had it just claimed Kagome as his mate? His mouth parted and his throat was dry, and his demon roared inside of him, roaring all the wrong things, things he wouldn't dare to do.

She looked at him, her eyes slanted in confusion. She tilted her head to the side slightly, her waves of raven hair falling over. Slowly, hesitantly, she walked closer to him, reaching out a hand. "Inuyasha?" she asked, her voice almost hurt. "What happened? Are you mad at me?"

'_Mate. I need my mate. Take her. Claim her. Claim out mate.'_

His demon roared inside of him, and he desperately wanted to slam his lips against hers, declare that she was his. So he did, swiftly grabbing the arm that was on his shoulder and jerking her forward, close to his body again, causing her to let out a yelp as she looked at him…not in fear, although it should have been. But, he was only sparking her arousal, making her want him, making him want her. He growled in her ear, his claws nearly digging into her sensitive flesh. He smashed his lips against hers, his tongue already demanding entrance. She kissed him back softly, feeling the slightest bit of fear spark now as his claws almost sunk into her skin. Hesitantly, she pulled back from him, her eyes glossy.

His eyes were wild, hungry, intense and full of lust as he licked his lips. His demon was stronger than anything now. "Mate," he reclaimed her lips harshly, making her whimper in surprise. "_Mine_," he whispered dangerously. "My mate…."

It was the first time he had spoken that out loud, and she felt her eyes widen, felt her heart race as he pressed his lips against hers once more. Did that mean that they were _supposed _to be tied together for life? Did that mean he loved her? It couldn't have, he couldn't have loved her. So she pulled away to see his eyes slightly red.

"Inuyasha," she spoke softly, her hand making its way to the silkiness that was his hair. "Mean what you say."

He couldn't have meant anything. He had to be fooling around, playing some kind of cruel joke on her, knowing that it would make her long for something that was impossible. She would've been able to doubt it, but the redness that seeped into his eyes told her something else, told her that this was real, that what she had wished and hoped for all along may finally be coming true. But she knew, nothing could last forever, and if he knew what was going on, if it was Inuyasha in control and not his demon, she knew he would wince and tell her sorry, avoid her for a while until he craved more sex, attention. Until he craved her body once more.

He had told her once before, a million times before that they could be nothing more. So what was going on now? It couldn't have been real. So why was he the one who was deciding to break all the rules now. She was angry at his demon, at him. But still, she had to calm him down, make him go back to normal.

"I'm not your mate, Inuyasha," she spoke confidently, although she wasn't so sure from the way his eyes looked into hers. He growled again, his tongue flicking across her neck, which was her greatest weakness.

"You're mine," he growled viciously into her ear, and she felt even a bit more fear and arousal strike her.

"Calm down," she told him, leaning into his touch although she was angry with him.

"Mate…" he declared again, growling it loudly as if to prove it to her. But still, she refused to believe.

She pressed her lips against his unceremoniously, causing a rumbling growl to erupt deep from within his chest. She frowned against him before she could help it, and she kissed him rough, quickly, hoping to get this over with and soon, because she wasn't his. She wasn't anyone's property or claim. He'd said it too, himself. All there was to this was sex, and friendship. He growled, kissing her back just as roughly. He bit her lip, and for a second, she was sure he'd drawn blood, but he hadn't. Her hands were fisted in his shirt, and tears ran down her cheeks as she kissed him with all the pain he'd but her through without knowing. Who did he think he was? It had hurt when he'd told her that they could be nothing more, and here he was, claiming her as his. He couldn't make up his mind, and she lied to herself as she continued to kiss him roughly, blaming him for everything. She couldn't have loved him. She couldn't have loved a monster who wanted nothing from her other than sex. Even though she wasn't sure what she wanted, she deserved better, wanted better, she knew that. Sango had been right and she'd swore that she wasn't.

She hated him.

She hated him with everything inside of her at this moment. She hated cigarette smoke, she hated her father for leaving her, hated Miroku for hurting Sango, hated Sango for not being there. She hated how her heart never grew nor tired from him, and she hated her mind, and her heart. Everybody had always said that she should listen to her heart, and she hated her heart because she didn't know what the fuck it said, what the fuck it meant. She hated it for beating so extremely fast when he was near, when he touched her. She hated him for smoking, drinking, and purposely getting in trouble when he promised everyone that he loved he would do better. She hated him for being her best friend, and she hated him for using her to get his pleasure. She hated him for being so dense and not realizing how she felt.

She bit his lip, her tongue making way into his mouth.

She pulled away and his eyes peered into hers. His pretty eyes. Not the angry, possessive ones that she loved anyway, knowing it was wrong. He opened his mouth, but no words came out. She looked at him angrily. She hated him. Hated him and always would, no matter how much comfort his words or touches bought on. No matter how many feelings she got from just looking at him.

She growled out, almost sounding as dangerous as him. He opened his mouth to finally speak, but before he could, she grabbed fistfuls of his shirt once more and slammed her body against his, her lips against his. He was slow to respond, and she didn't dare open her eyes to see his wide ones. She knew they were open wide, wide from surprise. And she knew that he could tell her scent all too well, she knew that he knew she was very upset. She hoped he knew he was the cause of all of this, the cause of the tears slipping down her cheeks.

Why couldn't they be friends, and why couldn't things be simple? She hated him for ruining that, too. She wished that he had never kissed her, making her want more. All of it was his fault.

She pulled away, quickly pushing him down on the couch and climbing atop of him, her eyes still angry, and his still surprised. Gods, she hated those eyes. She hated him. She hated old movies, too, unless they made her cry. She hated the sand that held all the seas back. She hated that him and her friends would be the death of her. She hated crying. She hated being weak and giving into his every touch. She wouldn't be weak anymore, this was it.

"I'm done with you after this." She lashed out firmly, her voice still holding all of the viciousness in the world.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, surprised and hurt, desperate.

Instead of answering, she angrily removed her clothes, then reached forward to roughly pull off his shirt, hurting his ears slightly. And then she unbuckled his belt and removed his boxers, sliding them down to his ankles. And then she looked at him, angry. "This is all you want from me."

"Kagome-" he tried, but she shut him up by leaning down to slam her lips against his as hard as she had ever did. Her kisses had always been so soft, so sweet, but now, she didn't kiss him with the nice things she felt about him. He could tell she kissed him with all of the pent up anger she was feeling, the anger that he had caused.

She hated him, hated him so much. She had kissed that oh-so confident smirk off his face. She looked down at him, shaking her head angrily at him, her jaw clenching together.

"I'm not your mate. I'm no possession to you."

She leaned down again, her breath hard and hot against his sensitive ear. He groaned, but then he opened his eyes, looking up at her angrily. He flipped her underneath him, and she wrapped her legs around him as he kissed her neck. If she wanted to be angry at him for no reason at all, he could play the same game.

"I never said you were my fucking mate! And you're done after this? Be fucking done then, Kagome. This is all bullshit. That's the fucking problem with girls," he growled as she wrapped her legs around him tighter, her growl almost sounding like his. He didn't care why she was angry with him anymore, he was done with all this bullshit. "T-they always think that…they think that shit like this always means something. It's _nothing_."

He didn't recall himself saying that she was his mate, that possessiveness in his red eyes as he did so. This, it angered her. She was done waiting on the impossible. How could she have loved a jerk like him? That was the answer. She didn't, she never did. They grew apart.

"I hate you!" she cried out, her eyes angry as a single tear slipped from her one of them. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

He growled, looking at the angry face beneath him as he pushed himself inside of her. He groaned at the feeling of her that he'd felt so many times. But still, she was something that he never tired from. But, was she telling the truth? Did she actually hate him? Was this the last time he'd see her, get to feel her? He didn't like the thought of that.

She moaned softly, her eyes shutting as he pushed up into her again, slowly. She opened her eyes and looked in to his, only to see hurt. She laughed, even though she didn't really want to. But that all went apart of hating him. "I mean what I say," she told him, hoping that it was effecting him.

He growled, his jaws clenching together in anger and frustration, but one thing he couldn't help showing was the hurt he felt. What had he done? And when had he done it?

She was there for him when no one else was. He guessed that all along, she hadn't really cared.

She made him feel like he meant something. How could he mean something to anyone?

He had never meant to hurt her. But now, he did.

He gritted his teeth together and moved himself in and out of her quickly, making her moans get louder and louder. He grunted with each thrust, sweat forming on his brow and slowly trailing down, getting in his eyes. He wiped it away, his eyes still angry on her moaning, writhing figure beneath him. Her nails raked down his back, and he fucked her like he hated her, fucked all the pain she had purposely caused away. He hated her _now_, and that was all that mattered. How had he come to love the sounds she made, the way she kissed him so sweetly, the way her voice filled with so much warmth and respect whenever she even said his name? He didn't know. She was fake. So fucking fake for making him feel like he meant something, and then declaring that he didn't. If he focused really hard on something besides the pain and intense pleasure he was feeling, if he ignored the sweet scent of vanilla, and the sex, he would be able to see how she was feeling. Possibly worse than him. Possibly a danger to herself and all. But why should that matter if she didn't care about him? It only made sense for him to not care about her back, but he did…so much.

"Stupid bitch," he growled out as he rammed himself inside of her deep and fast, over and over again. He watched as she moaned before snapping her eyes open, her eyes narrowing on his. There was so much emotion she felt looking at them, though, and she wasn't going to cry over him anymore. It wasn't worth it. Crying would never make him feel the same way. It couldn't make him love her.

'_I wasn't lying,'_ she thought to herself before closing her eyes again from the pleasure he caused her, _'He's nothing.'_

Lies. It hurt, but how she felt didn't matter.

"Stupid dog," she growled, too.

He snarled, the way she was making him angry made him even more aroused. He raised her leg slightly, thrusting into her deeper, telling himself that the things she said didn't mean anything. "What…what d-did you mean earlier…w-when you said I called you my…fuck…my mate?" He questioned angrily, watching her face as she tried to respond. She looked up at him, her eyes narrowed and her mouth parted as she tried to answer his question, only to let out a loud moan instead.

"Inuyasha," she gasped, and she opened her eyes again to see the smirk on his face.

"I…I…oh, gods, y-you…you transformed, and you started saying that I was yours. I am no one's!" Kagome stated, trying not to moan as he pounded into her with renewed energy. He was so tired of her fighting him, of her confusing him and causing his head to hurt from all the things he tried to figure out when she was mad at him. He growled, looking down at her as her eyes closed shut and her body gave into him. And his was giving into hers, too.

No more words were spoken, and he slowed his thrusts a bit so they could both enjoy it more. No more screaming, no more cussing, no more trying to figure out what they had or what had happened between them, what had happened to cause them both to hurt each other. No more care in the world. Only pleasure, but still, she felt more. And she hated him so much because she knew he didn't feel like she did. She arched her back as he continued to thrust into her as if he was proving that she was his. But she wasn't and she never would be, and he didn't want her, so she wasn't going to want him anymore. That was it. Just like that. Her mind was made up and she was done and she wasn't going to feel like an idiot for liking him anymore. She couldn't love him, and she couldn't get the idea that he actually did care about her. All he cared about was her body.

"Kagome," he allowed himself to whine, even though he knew he shouldn't have. What was on her mind? Why were they okay one day, and then the next, she hated him? It hurt, but he'd rather die than tell her that. After all, she was nothing. But then again, she was so much more than the other girls. She was his best friend, and he didn't want to lose her.

"I-Inu," she cried out, her eyes shut tight. "Faster…" she commanded, and he did.

And he guessed that this _was _it, it was the last time he would actually be able to feel her, have her body heat so close to his. He growled. She was a liar. When they had met three years ago, before either of them were thinking of fucking each other almost everyday, every chance they could get, she had been his best friend, and she said she would always be there for her, no matter what. He had learned to trust her, and even though he didn't want to, he still did. And somewhere deep down, he knew that even though he would no longer be able to kiss her, touch her so intimately, she'd always give him those same feelings. It angered him, badly.

What if she'd start meeting up with the wolf from the club? What if he was the one touching her, kissing her, making her cum? No one else had touched her before he did, and no one would touch her after, either. He thought of the way the wolf had touched her. The way she grinded into him like she actually felt something for him. The way his hands tangled into her hair the way he had did so many times.

Something funny went through him, something he couldn't really explain. He'd never felt this possessive over someone, and he growled, not being able to think anymore. He pounded into her harder, faster, causing her to moan out and whimper even more, her back arching up as he continued to fuck her possessively. He growled louder, she was _his_.

His orgasm came so quickly, and hers did, too. He pressed his mouth harshly against hers, muffling the scream that threatened to slip past her lips. He released his mouth from hers, allowing her to let out one last moan.

She panted, and when she finally caught her breath, she sat up, avoiding his eyes. "I guess this is it."

He growled, but decided to play along with whatever game this was. She reached for her clothes, pulling them on quickly and avoiding his gaze. He rolled his eyes and pulled on his clothes, too. "That was fun," he said with his fakest smirk. It wasn't fun. And even though she was so innocent, their sex wasn't. It was intense, and he knew that she felt things, felt like he was the world and more. It felt so real, so amazing, but it was _never_ innocent.

She looked at him, a scowl on her face to mask the pain, but he saw it all in her eyes. He saw everything through them. And so when she stood, muttering something along the lines of, "You disgust me," he stood and grabbed her arm and kept her in place, his eyes wild and intense. He didn't want her to leave. He cleared his throat, his eyes wide and surprised by his quick movements, by the desperation he felt in his body. "How exactly are you getting back to campus, Kagome?"

"I'll call mom," she said urgently, jerking forward. But still, he held on to her tight. "Let. Me. _Go_." She told him desperately, refusing to meet his eyes.

He raised her chin up, his eyes turning angrily immediately. He looked at her angry ones too, and then he lost it. He tore his hand away from her arms, swiftly turning away from her and running a hand through his hair. "Damn, if you wanna go, then go!"

She stepped forward, turning away from the exit to his apartment. She didn't really want herself to leave, either. She wanted him to show her anger, fierceness. She wanted him to show her anything, as long as he was showing that he cared. "You only want me to stay for sex, dammit!" she accused, poking a skinny finger as hard she could into his chest. "I _meant _it when I said I hated you! I meant it when I said that I was no property to you, that I am no claim of yours!"

He turned around, his face in hers in nanoseconds it seemed. He snarled, growling in her ear. "What I said earlier," he said, his voice venomous and his breathing hard, "meant nothing….How could you ever mean anything to me? You're nothing but an insignificant girl to me. You're nothing! And if you think you're something, think again, bitch!" he knew he'd probably regret every word he spewed to her in his rage, but she angered him so much, more than his brother, his good-for-nothing father. "I'm done! This is why I never get in fucking relationships! Girls are nothing but bitches who love drama and _always _need someone to love them!"

She looked at him coldly, not a single tear slipping from her eyes even though her eyes were filled with them, threatening to fall. He'd broken her heart many times before. She used to keep track, but finally, it had gotten to be too many times, and too many chances she had missed out on to leave him behind, move on. She loved him. And she'd fell in love so stupidly even when he had warned her not to. She still did, and she couldn't figure out why. But this time, her heart broke and also, she felt something snap inside of her. And she felt it, a demon inside of her, challenging her to fight. To break his heart like he'd did hers even though it was impossible because Inuyasha had never felt the intimate kind of love, the love that he would have with a girl.

Everything had deafened in her ears. All she could hear was her the collision of her fists against his hard chest, and all she could feel was loneliness and pain. She had been so lonely, so hurt, and he wasn't the one to fix that. Only she could. She punched and punched at his chest, her eyes closed, and she no longer cared about tears showing that she was weak. She was. "I never fucking asked for your love," she sobbed as she continued to hit him until she was panting, near choking. Her fists hurt and her body was so tired and she didn't want to leave him, but it was bad to do what was easy just because it was easy, and she wanted to do what pleased her but she couldn't. "I hate you! I fucking _hate _you! I never want to see your face again! _I hate you_!"

He stood there rigidly, not knowing exactly what to do, not knowing how to handle her when she was like this and showing him a side of her that he'd never seen before. So he let her hit him just as she pleased, let her body tire and let her fists become sore and red. Each time she said she hated him, something broke inside of his body, and it was much worse than any physical pain he'd ever felt. It was worse than the image of his mother's sad face as she died, as she gave up all hope on him and let him go unguarded as if he was no longer a responsibility to him, as if he meant nothing to her anymore. Kagome had been the only hope he had ever known when his mother left him, and now, she had lost it and he didn't know what to do.

He thought of his father telling him when he was younger about mates. He'd told his son, his eyes warm and his voice filled with all the sureness in the world, that one day he would find a girl who meant more to him than life did, more to him than anything. It wasn't a possibility. It was sure. He had called her his mate. He'd thought about it so many times before, wondering what it would be like to spend the rest of his life with Kagome. He had always been insecure and so unsure, so tough and merciless. But she brought out the best in him, or the worst, in his opinion. She wasn't supposed to be his mate. He wasn't supposed to find love with her. He was suppose to find pleasure. But it hurt so much, and even though he was a demon, he wasn't sure if she was lying when she said she hated him.

Breathless and incredibly tired, she fell against him, tears soaking up into his shirt like they had so many times. Her tears. He had seen her weak so many times, especially when he was the cause of it. He held her wrists in his hands, stopping the hits that didn't cause him physical pain, but emotional pain. "Kagome," he rasped out, barely managing to say her name. "You're tired. Calm down," she let him stroke her hair.

"Hate you so much…" she muttered, her voice still broken. "Take me anywhere, as long as I won't see you."

"Where do you want to go?" he asked, his voice still heavy with emotion.

"I want to talk to my mother."

That's what she needed. She needed to ask her questions, from daughter to mother. She needed to ask why passion died, and why people involuntarily asked for love even though it rolled on by. She needed hope that only a mother could give her, that only a daughter could take.

He took a deep breath, still holding her in his arms, stroking her hair until her breathing was back to normal. He didn't want to like her like this anymore. He didn't want to care about her, because that gave him her the advantage of hurting him so as she did now. "Why don't you stay?"

"You never asked me to before, so I'm leaving." She told him, her voice a whisper.

"But I did," he told her.

"Only for sex, Inuyasha."

Oh, she was angering him again. But then again, she was tearing him apart. "What do you think this is?" He asked her steadily, her heartbeat racing against his chest.

"Well," she whispered, her eyes still shut as she tried to calm herself down once more. "Now, it's nothing."

That tore him apart even more. So he kept his mouth shut, his teeth gritting together as he tried to control his anger while driving her home. Gods, he really cared about her. One way or another, he had to take care of them both. He _had _to.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Kazumi had always been a beautiful woman. Even without all of the makeup and nice clothes that she wore, she had still been beautiful, and that's what had caught his eyes about her. He never loved her, though. He loved her body. And she had never loved him, either. She loved what he gave her. She had never carried herself well, and all of his friends had told him of her, told him that she was great when it came calming someone down, making all the pain go away. He had touched her, and he'd been burned. He had touched her, and now he had lost everything.

He had women, sure. But none that loved him anymore. Only one had loved him to space and moon and stars and back, and because of Kazumi, he had lost her. But she hadn't lost him. His heart still belonged to her, it still was broken in her hands, and he knew that she refused to fix it.

He watched the way her hips swayed, he saw every single curve of her body, and he'd felt it under his fingertips. He saw the way that she smiled at him. That smile that meant that she wanted him desperately and knew he needed to be taken care of. But he didn't want her to take care of him tonight. He wanted to fix things. He wanted to make someone love him again, someone who meant everything to him and more than she ever could. She meant nothing. Sometimes, she cried out his name as if she had known him her whole life, but really, she knew nothing about him. She knew about loss herself, and so when she'd volunteered to fix his, pouring him drinks and whispering the sweetest things that he'd ever heard a woman tell him, how could he have refused.

Sometimes, he didn't think people understood pain. Like the pain of fighting every single night with your wife. Or the pain of her purposely taking a life away like she didn't want what he had wanted so bad.

He had waited so long for Sango, promised her things that he had never promised a woman. And she had seemed to love him too. She had gave in to his lips, into his touches, into his love.

But she didn't understand, he'd only been in love once in his whole lifetime.

Sometimes, he still thought of the life that she had taken away so unceremoniously without any mercy, without any regrets. He hadn't seen her cry, so he knew she didn't have them about their unborn child. And it had hurt worse than anything in his life, and he had felt an anger that he'd never felt before. And that anger had scared him, and he didn't like it. He didn't like the feeling of not being able to hear anything but the pounding in your heart unless it had to do with love. But this had to do with something nothing short of murder. That anger that he'd contained inside was the anger of losing a child. It was the anger he felt when he'd found out she had gotten an abortion. The word still sent chills down his back, still made his hearing go away for a second so all he could hear was his insides breaking, the sound of his heart beating.

He had never felt that before.

All he'd felt for her was love, and all he'd known was that for the rest of his life, he wanted to spend it with her and no one but her.

For her, he had changed. He had changed so much. And now, he could feel himself changing again. He was becoming braver, stronger, and determined as he had ever felt, and he knew that it was one of the many changes that was actually good.

She smiled at him sneakily like she knew something he didn't as she handed him her alcohol of choice, red wine. He though of Sango, She had never gave him that smile. Her smiles were true, they were innocent. And he missed her. He remembered the feeling of his fingertips tracing against her bare skin all of the things he'd like to say, but didn't have the energy to speak. She meant everything to him, and she still did even if she couldn't find an ounce of love for him in her broken heart. There weren't any words to say for all of the things she had become to him. His mind may have forgotten, but his body remembered everything. In the taste of her skin, the feel of it, the moonlight scattered against her skin. He remembered the looks she gave him that was actually not meant to be a look, and he remembered the movement of her hips, the first time he'd touched her and how nervous his hands were to actually be handling someone that he really loved. He remembered the sound of her heart as he laid against her bare chest, his body spent. His body remembered everything so vividly, so wildly, so freely. It was the realest dream he had had, and gods, he missed her.

He didn't love Kazumi. He could never.

"Drink up," she said, that smile still on her lips.

He shook his head lightly, a fake, polite smile plastered to his mouth. She tilted her head at him in confusion and scooted close to him so their thighs touched together. No feeling at all. Being with her was like numbness. He couldn't feel her like he felt Sango. He didn't feel the need to lay down beside her and tell her that he felt her in his heart, because he certainly didn't and never ever would.

He didn't want to be alone. He hated being alone. He hated screaming, he hated fighting. He wanted things to be easy, and even though he should have learned long ago when he was a quick boy, diving to deep for women, it slowly came to him, slowly but surely. Love wasn't easy, and it was never supposed to be. But pushing Kazumi away wasn't easy either because he had become use to the numbness she made him feel, the pain she took away. He hated how aloneness quickly turned to utter, complete loneliness. He hated how loneliness's cure was her body, how it lived in her body and how eagerly he fed off of it.

But he had felt like she hadn't loved him anymore, and he wanted things to be easy. He didn't want to walk away from Sango knowing that he would never feel such things with anyone ever again. Kazumi had no idea what it was like to be him looking at her.

She was a whore. Her hair and her nails were just as phony as her smile, and she always wore fake eyelashes, always drew her eyebrows. He wondered if she had pride in herself, and he wondered if there was a soul inside that she didn't even know existed. Also, he wondered if she made up like a mask to hide herself. Rich men fucked her, real mean hurt her. That was his guess. Why else would a woman need the attention of every man she laid eyes upon.

He was done trying to figure her out, he just wanted this all to end and go to hell where it came from.

Slowly, her fake nails ran against his flesh. He shuddered and pulled her hand away. "We can't do this anymore."

"What's wrong?" she asked, but it wasn't full of concern or actual care. It wasn't like the way Sango spoke to him so long ago when she knew something was wrong. It wasn't like the way Kagome spoke to the hanyou, wondering in fear if she had did something to mess things up. It was disgusting and so wrong, and now, he no longer saw her as a cure for loneliness.

She didn't know how to love. She bit rather than kissed. And even though the touches she put on him felt gentle in some kind of imaginary world, it was a slap rather than a stroke. Maybe she recognized how easy it was for love to go to hell in seconds, to be come impossible, unworkable. So maybe she avoided it and sought solace in angst and intimacy and fear and aggression, which is always so readily available. But then again, he was done trying to figure something out that could never be.

"I have a wife who I love, that's what it is," he said after taking a deep breath and pushing her fast hands away from him once more.

Her eyes narrowed. "Sure, but your wife doesn't love you."

"My heart is devoted to her," he declared sincerely.

She took another sip of her wine, and he knew her well enough to know that once she took a couple of sips, she was gone and her true self was recognizable. "Just let me…let me take care of you," she slurred. "That wife of yours, how long has it been since she's touched your body, loved it in the way that I have? I let you feel me, I give myself to you, and she doesn't."

"Because I hurt her, and you're the cause of it."

She smirked. "Am I also the cause of her murdering your child? Taking it away as if it didn't mean shit to her? Come one, Miroku. I can take care of you. She can hurt you."

He sat the glass of wine that she had gave him on the coffee table as he stood. He was scared again from the anger he felt, the deafening of the world and the hearing of what went on inside his broken body. The beating of his heart scared him, and the anger that blinded him did, too.

"But you can't love me," he said, shaking his head at her as if he was pitying her. "I won't be seeing you anymore. I love her, even if she no longer feels the same," he was making his way the door now, anger still pumping through his veins. He turned his head to catch her confused, drunk gaze. "By the way, it wasn't entirely your fault. It's mine too for not seeing that you wouldn't be able to make me feel loved again. I never loved you, and you never loved me. You're feeling cheap now. Don't you ever say you can take care of me again. Liquor makes a liar."

And with that, he left. "Goodbye, Kazumi. I do wish you well."

**XXXxxxXXX**

It really was nice to see her family. To see them all happy. It almost made her feel happy again. _Almost_. But she wasn't, because it was still there. The heavy feeling in her chest. Not having any desire to move or speak. All she wanted to do was close her eyes and sleep because the process of being irreparably broken was incredibly exhausting. She wanted to make her day successful and fulfilling, but no matter how hard she tried over and over again, she couldn't seem to connect to anyone or anything.

She told him that she was finished with him and she meant it even though she didn't want to. It was nightfall now, and her mother had promised to drive her back to campus tomorrow. But it was nice being home to see Souta growing up so quickly, already having a girlfriend. And her grandfather was getting old, and he was still him, cranky at times, but she still love him all the same.

But still, she thought of him and all she could wonder about was the day she wouldn't be able to anymore. But would that day ever come?

Her and her mother were high on their chairs at the kitchen counter when she said, "There's something wrong, Kagome. You look like you have nothing to live for anymore."

She almost laughed to herself, and her mother looked at her daughter so strangely as if she didn't know her. Kagome looked straight back and shook her head to herself, a bittersweet, melancholy smile. "Tell me five things that made you stay."

Her mother looked at her, confused once again and also, a little wary of the smile that her daughter had giver her, a smile that showed nothing but pain and brokenness. She had never seen it before. "What exactly are you talking about, sweetie? Are you sure you're okay? Are you and Inuyasha fighting again?"

His name still did funny things to her, and she shook her head, not saying no, but not saying yes, either. All she wanted was answers. "I meant, tell me five things that made you stay with dad. Even when you felt like walking away forever, because certainly, he was a human-being and he made mistakes. Tell me how you came to love him so much. Tell me everything you felt, how you made it through your problems and toughened it out."

At this, her mother gave a knowing smile, her eyes sparkling. "You're in love."

"I am not," she lied. "Not in anyway do I love him," she didn't dare say his name, because whenever she did, she got those feelings again. So may times she had pondered her feelings for him. But that was the funny thing about feelings. They were nothing but a whole bunch of lost vocabularies that no one knew how to express, and no one dared to try it or figure it out, either. Feelings didn't make sense. They had her all flustered, all confused. They drove her mad for hours, only to drop her off right back where she started from. "Tell me how he made you feel everything, how happy he made you. Tell me five of your greatest mistakes. I feel doubtful, mama, I need new faith that only you could give me, that only I could take."

Kaori sighed, resting her elbows against the counter and placing her head between her palms. "Honey-"

"No," Kagome interrupted rudely, something that her mother had always scolded her for when she was nothing but a child. But she was older now, and she felt as if her life depended on these answers right now. "No. We never talk and it's as if you're scared of my probing, but you're so much older and wiser. So tell me the truth, because I'm ready to hear it all now, even if it hurts. There's worse pains. So tell me. Tell me everything."

Kaori looked at her daughter lovingly, a tired smile on her face. She was in love whether she wanted to admit or not. But anyway, she had always found human beings as funny things. They always longed to be with the person they love, but refused to admit it openly, freely. Her daughter was afraid to show even the slightest affection to the hanyou, who's name she wouldn't dare mention, knowing that it would upset her daughter even more than she already was, because of fear. Fear that her feelings may not be recognized, that the hanyou would be oblivious to them, or even worse, he wouldn't return them. But the one thing that puzzled her the most about human beings was their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection, even if it killed them slowly but surely within.

She laughed. "Baby, you're basically asking for my whole life story," Kagome looked at her expectantly. "When I met your father, he was perfect for me."

Kagome looked at her as if telling her that she needed to be completely truthful. "Don't lie to me. I know that it's become second nature to protect me from the horrible truth that would make you seem weak and afraid, but I know about the sacrifice you made, just to give me life."

"Baby, it's late," she said, but she was nowhere near tired. "My mind feels useless. I'm getting old and I'm getting tired, and all of this talking is futile. You've got to learn for yourself how life goes."

"I've learned that it isn't fair. Mama, just tell me," she said desperately.

Kaori's eyebrows drew together in counterfeit confusion. "Baby, if you don't love him, then why do you need to know all of this?"

Her eyes went downcast, and she shrugged her shoulders. "Mama, I think I hate him. I think. I think again. I'm over thinking. Help me to understand all of this a bit better. I'm tired of feelings, completely sick of them. I'm doubtful. I'm confused, and I don't know whether to love him or hate him."

She took a deep breath, not daring to state that she loved him again. "Of course your father wasn't perfect, honey. He was nowhere near, actually, because nobody's perfect and were all human beings, and we all make mistakes and if we don't fall in love or don't pursue it because we let something like rejection or pain stand in the way, then our whole lives are lived in vain. I fell in love, baby. And it was the most beautiful thing in the world. All the time, people discouraged me, said that love hurts and I should be careful," she looked at her, a sincere smile on her face. "But Love doesn't hurt. It's the only thing in the world that doesn't. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Envy hurts. Confusion hurts at times, and we all have doubts. But love is the only thing in the world that pushes it all away and makes someone feel wonderful again, and no matter what, promise me that you'll always believe that."

Kagome nodded, promising her and also telling her to continue. "So many times, I almost lost all hope on him. He partied too hard, and if a girl confessed her love, hoping that he'd feel the same way, he'd tell her to get in line," Kagome smiled a little and shook her head at that, almost not believing that the gentle man that she'd had in her life six years ago had actually said something so horrible. "Out of nowhere, though, we were friends, and no one was sure how. I was a good girl. Good grades. I had never smoked before in my life, and never had I gotten so drunk to the point where I threw up everything. But he was the exact opposite. But still, I fell in love, and I fell hard, and it hurt. It hurts to miss someone that you love so much, to argue with them and end up feeling like you're nothing," she said, truthfully. "It would hurt to look at him sometimes, and when I didn't, it still hurt."

"But he changed. They always told me that people can't change, but they certainly can, especially if they're willing. I tried, I didn't give up. I was in high school, and then, I found out I was pregnant with you. Instead of being happy, I was horrified," Kagome winced slightly, her mothers word leaving a sting. "But still, I loved you. I loved you from the very first day I found out. I was so worried though because he was only a boyfriend who still got too drunk and smoked a bit too much sometimes. He was scared, too. I could feel it. And never before had I ever seen a man cry, but he did. And I did, too. But still, he loved me. I dropped out of high school for you. I got a job for you. And your father, he had three. He loved you just as much as I did, even though he couldn't see your face or feel you in his arms or look into your eyes yet, he loved you so much. You came from the love we had for each other. Don't you ever forget that. We fell in love. Madly in love, to be exact. Or maybe we always were from the first glance into each others eyes. Don't you ever think that love at first sight is non-existent or cliché. It's _true_."

Already, she felt better and knew that tonight, she would sleep easily, even if her mother hadn't told her exactly everything. She opened her mouth again, her eyes loving and warm. "Fall head over heels with him. Because if you don't, you haven't lived. Love is one of the most important things that will ever happen to you, and you learn so much from it. I can tell that you love him, Kagome. Even from the first time you met him, you loved him. Don't let something like rejection keep you from being with him."

Kagome nodded slowly, her mother's words slowly sinking into her head. And even though she desperately wanted to go back up to her old room and sleep all of the pain she still felt away, she asked her another question. "How do I know if he loves me, too?"

"I'll tell you one thing your dad used to say. It's the greatest scene, and I still hold it in my heart to this day."

"What is it?" she asked, excited even though she was so tired.

"He said 'I know we're not perfect, but I love you anyway.' Baby, I know things are hard right now, and I know you feel as if he doesn't love you, but learn how to listen to your heart, not your mind. If he wants you to stay, stay. You two trust each other, and that means everything. I've seen the way he looks at you. He trusts you. You make him happy."

She couldn't believe her mother's words. She wouldn't dare to, even if it was the truth. She nodded and muttered thanks before going up to her old room, closing her eyes and wishing that sleep would come quickly.

But she couldn't get the words out of her head.

But now, she had something to make her brave. She had something her mother and father used to say, and she had knowledge to never give up. But she had to, because she knew that he didn't love her. It was the truth, and it was final, definite. Her mother's words weren't exactly science, and she didn't really cover everything. But her mother and her father loved her, at least she knew that.

**A/N: Guys, I'm really sorry this took so long. Couldn't find any inspiration and I've been sick. But thank God for music and Xanga quotes. I think this chapter means a lot to me, and I hope that it hits a cord for all of you.**

**I know it did for me, and my favorite part was the scene where Kagome was talking with her mother. I'm constantly wishing I had a mother who'd stop drinking and doing drugs and actually talk to me about things like that, so that scene really meant a lot to me.**

**School has started back and West Test is soon, so things have been hell. Lots of studying to do. But I promise, I'm nowhere near done with this story and I won't give up on it, because it means too much to me. So please review and tell me what you think, because really, your reviews are what keeps me going. Thanks for all the comments I've gotten so far. It makes me feel so happy to know that you guys enjoy this story. So review if you want to know what comes next! (;**


	6. Chances

For him, she undressed down to the sheaths of her nerves. She removed her jewelry and sat it on the nightstand. She unhooked her ribs, spread her lungs flat on a chair. She dissolved like a remedy in water, in wine. And when it was over and her world shattered and she felt the blissfulness of sleep slowly pulling her in to it's arms, she spilled over without staining, and she left reality without stirring the air. She did this for love. For love, she disappeared.

Oh, she worked so hard to keep a quiet heart, and oh, she worked so hard to fix what he'd left behind in pieces. She loved it when he kissed, but gods, she hated it more than ever when he bit. She loved him most when he was in desperate need of her body, and she gave into his heated touches so quickly. But then, there were the other kind of heated touches. The heated hits, she should say. She couldn't stand how he hit her when he was mad for no reason. Loving him was the most horrible experience she'd ever had, ever felt. But still, she loved him so much.

An idiot for it, she was. She let him take the pain of his past out on her body, her lips, her heart.

He growled, the half demon bearing his fangs as he bit into her neck. "I can smell him on you, you know," he said softly, yet so sinisterly. She shook, her bare body slowly giving into his. She had learned to ignore his words, but suddenly, she was feeling fearful and broken, and these words, she couldn't ignore even if she tried her hardest. He laughed, the scent of her fear and her sadness making itself known to his sensitive nose. "And I just want you to know that I will find out who he is," he said softly, his sharp claws digging into her flesh. "And I'll kill him."

She had never meant to cause this much trouble. She just wanted to feel loved by _someone _since she knew her husband, a man who should've been devoted to his wife and loved her until death do part, didn't love her. She knew it for sure, and she wasn't so sure why she loved him so much when he only loved to see her fall, loved to see her hurt. She remained quiet. "I can smell your fear. It's almost stronger than his stench," he laughed into her ear, his lips beginning to suckle the sensitive, so ready to give in skin on her neck. "Do you love me, Kikyo?"

She knew that he would only be angered more if she didn't respond, so she did, quickly. "O-of course. I-I've never recalled…f-feeling this way before." She stuttered stupidly, refusing to moan as he continued to suckle her neck.

He laughed. He laughed in her face, pulling his lips away from her neck like he'd done so many times before. "Of course you love me. I'll make his life hell. Now tell me," he said as he slipped a finger down between her thighs. She gasped loudly, her back arching. There went those heated touches again. She was surprised that he hadn't taken out all of the aggression and anger that she had caused out on her body, adding to the many bruises that already rested upon her body. She called them battle scars and bruises. "Who's most precious to him?" he asked viciously, the ugly anger that he showed so well definitely here now, floating heavily around them. Fear went through her body again, but her back arched again as he continued to stroke her. "I'll kill her, too."

"Naraku," she moaned out, pleasure taking over her whole body against her will.

"Tell me," he growled. "Tell me before I hurt you, badly." He was already hurting her. With every touch he gave her, every time she saw the evil glint in his eyes that proved he wasn't right at all, every time he hit her, and now, even more as his claws dug into her flesh.

"I-I don't know," she spoke the truth, her voice shaking. "He said that he has a girlfriend."

"What does he look like?" he demanded. "What does his whore look like? Tell me, Kikyo."

"I don't know!" she spoke louder, taking a risk. She thrust her hips harder into his hand, her climax so near.

"You do know!" he growled at her, his other hand still digging into her flesh, only harder.

"H-he has silver hair. Golden eyes. His g-girlfriend…I haven't a clue what she looks like."

"Inuyasha," he smirked, pulling away from her and causing her to whimper out in fear and from the empty feeling. He'd left her hot, aroused, and angry as he always did. "I know well of him."

"Don't," she protested, sitting up immediately. "He means nothing to me, and you mean everything," she never cried in front of him, but those were _real _tears staining her pink cheeks. "I love you. I love you so much. He didn't know I was with you," she lied, even though she'd told him last time they met. It wasn't technically a lie, though. They hadn't seen each other since, and before, she had never told him, only told him that he needed to go back and soon. "He's innocent. If he knew, he never would have…" she trailed off, her eyes looking up at him, pleading with him. "His girlfriend is nice, too. They're happy together," she didn't lie. Even though she'd never met the girl he seemed to be so crazy about, she could always see it in his eyes whenever he was with her, desperately trying to rid himself of the pain that one of their fights must have caused. "Naraku, they're happy. Please, leave them be. This will never happen again."

She wasn't sure about that. Even though the other half-demon barely knew her or cared for her, still, she slept with him whenever he needed it to soothe his pain. And he soothed her pain, also, making her feel at least a little loved. He didn't use both hands to hit her, and even though she didn't know him, either, she knew that he wasn't a bad guy. She felt safe when she was with him.

"Whore," he spat out, jerking his hand away from her as he towered over her. He brought a hand up to her face like he'd did so many times, and this time, instead of holding the tears back, more trailed down her already wet cheeks as she raised a hand to where he had hit her. Why, _why _did she love him when all he did was hurt her. Was she masochistic, insane for taking all of this pain. There was something to this and she wasn't sure why. And _how _could she have fallen in love.

'_It was because he used to love me, too. He hasn't always been this monster that he's turned into.' _She thought to herself as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and mouth parted in surprise.

He went into another room to dress, and then, without a sound, he left.

Still, she was surprised and sad and angry. Those were the way his hits left her feeling, even if it _was _all of her fault…

**XXXxxxXXX**

Two weeks.

It had been two weeks and he hadn't called or texted her, and of course that hurt, but that was the way things were supposed to be. It made her sick to her stomach for both of them to be avoiding each other, but nothing lasted forever, and both of them had tried to carry on whatever they had for so long, but they both tried, and she should've known long ago that nothing lasted forever. She didn't love him, and he didn't love her, it was as simple as that.

She glared at the words on the textbook and brought the end of her pencil to her lips, deep in concentration, trying to ignore the feeling of her roommate's eyes on her figure. She growled to herself a little, her eyes flicking to the side to see Rin sprawled out again her bed looking at her, a knowing smirk on her face. She rolled her eyes and focused on the words again, only to growl once more, louder, before throwing her pencil to the side and allowing her head to fall down on the textbook in utter frustration and confusion. She had been forcing herself to study a lot lately since she was falling behind on a few classes, but it was _so _difficult.

"Thinking about him again, huh?" Rin asked knowingly. Kagome spun around, her eyes narrowed on Rin's figure. "Hey, hey, I was just taking a guess…" she told her, moving up to sit beside of her. "What all did you two _do _over the weekend? You can tell me, you know. I can tell that you've got a lot on your mind. That's why your falling behind in some classes. You just need to take a break, Kagome."

Kagome folded her arms angrily, a heavy blush on her face as she huffed and looked away. "I'm not telling you _anything_, because there's nothing at all to say. And if there was, I don't think that it would be much of your concern, Rin. After all, you don't even tell me about _your _relationships."

Rin looked at her, surprise making her eyes wide. "What do you mean, _my _relationships?"

"What I mean is," Kagome took a deep breath, closing her eyes. "You never told me that you were screwing Inuyasha's brother."

Rin laughed, shaking her head. "I wish, Kagome."

Kagome snapped her head to Rin, her eyes alert and open now. "Don't lie to me. Inu-" she paused, having some difficulty speaking his name. She let out a light sigh before she started speaking once more, "H-he told me that you were always busy with him."

A smile graced her lips, and her child-like eyes brightened. "I like him, sure. He's a nice guy, but he has way better, more mature girls. We're just…friends. He's a sweet guy, really, and a lot of people judge him. I wouldn't dare. I wish we could be more, but for now, we're just talking. Besides, he's always telling me about this girl, her name is Kagura. I've never seen her before, but the way he talks about her, she must be really beautiful, and I think that he really does love her. So really, it's pretty stupid to have a crush on him, but I do. One of those big crushes that takes months to get over, but I'm sure that I'll forget about him pretty soon." Kagome watched as Rin's eyes dimmed slightly.

This surprised her once more. "I've never met him. Never even caught a single glimpse of him," she chuckled lightly. "But if you really like him, don't give up on him. You never know, him and this Kagura girl could just be friends, nothing more."

Rin snorted, shaking her head lightly as a smile graced her features once more. "You know, Kagome?" she paused, looking at her intensely, making her shift uncomfortably. "Sometimes, you should really take your own advice…"

Kagome looked at her, her eyes narrowing in slight surprise and anger. "You really think that that advice will work for me?" she cried unbelievably, standing to her feet immediately. "I'm doing fine. He is, too."

Rin stood, too. "I was just trying to help."

"I don't need any help," she snapped. "I don't need any at all because I _don't _love him!"

"I never said you did," Rin said calmly, her eyes sparkling as they always did. "But I remember when you said that you _think _you do. All I'm saying is that I think he feels for you, too. I've heard the things you two say to each other, I've heard the arguments that go to hell, then end up going to heaven in just minutes. I know you love him, and if you don't, you really like him. It's that or nothing," she took a deep breath, surprised that her friend hadn't interrupted her yet. "I think that you at least need to try before you let him go so easily. I can see how hurt he is when you two are arguing, and I can see how happy he gets when he sees you, Kagome. I'm not an idiot, even though you must think I am. You're _scared_."

She was tired of people thinking they knew what she went through, knew what she felt every second. _No one_ knew, they didn't care to, and they didn't care to understand. Rin, she didn't know half of the things that he'd told her, and she didn't know that they were all lies and they meant nothing and they only slipped past his lips to intentionally hurt her. She didn't know that he thought he had control over her. But he _did_. And her heart scared her, the way it constantly ached for him every single second, and it scared her, the way it started and stopped for him, only for him. She was so done, so sick and so tired. "Tell me, how do you know if I love him."

Rin shook her head as if she was amused, a chuckle slipping past her pink lips unintentionally. "Your eyes, Kagome. It's your eyes. You can see everything through them, and if he hasn't yet, then he's an idiot, no doubt about it."

Cheeks already hot and eyes already swelling with tears, she slipped out of the door, leaving Rin confused.

**XXXxxxXXX**

It was stupid. It was all so stupid. She was stupid, he was stupid, and everyone who even dared trying to understand how she was feeling was stupid, also.

'_Thank gods my classes are over,' _She thought to herself as she sat down on the bench, taking deep, calming breaths. Her tears had dried, but still, it didn't make the feeling go away. She thought that she was tougher than this, stronger than this. But still, she cried over him. She had cried until she was sure that all the tears were in her body were void. She cried until she couldn't dry all of them, all she could do was bury her face into her hands and cry some more. She looked on at the sky, her eyes vague and glassy from the crying that she'd did.

Why she was so emotional lately, she wasn't exactly sure. Maybe because things were officially over, but she shouldn't have been this upset. He had told her millions of times that there could never be anything more than sex between them, and she had dealt with that fact, letting him have her body each time anyway, and always being there to comfort him when he was upset. But then again, he was always there for her, too, and she missed that.

Maybe she needed to be alone, in complete peace. Maybe she needed to contemplate on her feelings. She wondered if Inuyasha really could see that she loved him through her eyes. Even though she denied that she loved him to everyone else, she didn't know how she felt. Often, she found herself wondering how it was possible to fall in love with him after he had told her over and over that all that mattered was the sex. She winced to herself, realizing that back then, it had even hurt. It still hurt, badly. And that's why she had to put an end to it all. She couldn't go on loving-she winced once more…_liking_ someone who had no intentions of being with her in any form other than intimacy.

She gasped, not even realizing the tears in her eyes until she felt the salty taste of the liquid that she had been sure was completely gone from her body for the moment. She reached up, her hands quickly wiping them away and rubbing her eyes, making sure they were all gone. She had been so involved in whatever she was thinking about that she didn't notice that someone had sat down beside of her on the old, battered, wooden bench.

"Are you okay?" the stranger asked her, and she refused to look up until she composed herself. She took a deep breath, her hands wiping away the rest of her tears. She tried to get a hold of herself, try to focus on something other than him, perhaps maybe the stranger whose eyes she refused to meet at the moment, but she couldn't. And she cursed herself, but mostly her heart when she let out an audible gasp, another tear slipping down her cheek. And then, she was broken all over again and she knew that no matter how hard she tried to rid her heart of the empty feeling it currently held, it wouldn't leave. What exactly had she done? Why couldn't she have just gone along, winged the whole thing out and dealt with the pain he brought on, because the pain she felt now, she was sure it was worse than the pain she felt before.

"Hey, look at me," the stranger said as she continued to cry. She gasped once more when he leaned over and put the pads of his fingertips underneath her trembling chin, raising her head. She shook her head and closed her eyes. "You know, I won't hurt you. I just want to know what's wrong with you," figuring that she probably looked absolutely inane, crying out here in front of a stranger, she finally opened her eyes and gasped when her chocolate met his blue. His eyes widened in surprise like hers did, and he smirked at her expression. "You know," he pulled away from her, his smirk replaced with a cheeky grin. "You look very familiar. Wasn't I the one who messed up your _incredible_ dancing that night?"

Her mouth parted slightly, and she scooted away from him, a blush staining her cheeks. "And _you're _the one who gave me an invitation to your apartment," she looked at the young man warily. "I was drunk that night, I'm sorry."

He simply smirked once more. "Well, who exactly were you getting drunk for?"

She looked at him, her eyes slanting in confusion. She scooted herself farther away from him, even more embarrassed and uncomfortable. "Excuse me?"

"You had to be getting drunk for someone. It's the only reasonable explanation. You're beautiful, if I must say so," she blushed again at the unexpected compliment. "But your eyes are sad. I watched you the whole time you sat here, crying. I thought you looked familiar. You're gorgeous, to be honest, but you have that look in your eyes. That one where it's as if you have nothing to live for."

"How do you know this?" she snapped, her temper getting the best of her. "You don't know _shit _about me, buddy."

He looked at her, his eyes going wide as he raised his hands. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you at all," he paused, observing her, and she squirmed in her seat uncomfortably. "How do I know it, you asked," he smiled a little, his eyes looking into hers. She blushed, noticing how pretty they were. "Well, your eyes are really puffy, but it doesn't make you look any less beautiful. You have your hair up," he nodded his head to her hair, his eyes going up to her messy bun. "Still, that doesn't make you any less beautiful, either, but it screams to me that you're most likely not trying to impress any boys that walk by," he paused, and she looked at him incredulously. "I'd think that you're nursing a hell of a broken heart. It's not the school girl crush kind, either. I think you're dealing with the real thing."

She rolled her eyes, but somehow, he managed to make a small smile appear on her lips. And this made a smile appear on his lips, too. "And I'd think that you're pretty good at reading women."

He smiled. "Nah," he told her, resting his hands behind his head as he leant back onto the bench. "Actually, not once in my life have I ever been good at reading women."

"Even though you haven't a clue about my life, you made me smile."

He nodded lightly. "You looked upset. What I said about you being beautiful, I said it because without a doubt it's true, and there's nothing that a girl loves more than being called beautiful," Kagome nodded, closing her eyes as a soft gust of wind blew through her hair. Little did she know, those pretty eyes watched her. "So, who's the lucky guy that lost all of his luck when he lost you?"

Kagome chuckled lightly, turning her head to meet his eyes. He was extremely handsome with his jet-black hair that was hoisted up into a pony-tail, and those blue eyes and tanned skin of his was extremely gorgeous, but he wasn't what she wanted, and if he thought he was, he was wrong. "It's complicated."

He snorted. "Tell me about it."

He reminded her of someone.

Was that what love did? In every boy that she met, would she find herself looking for a little piece of Inuyasha's personality in each and every one of them. She smiled at him. It was sad, just like her eyes as the young man watched them dim. "You have girl problems?"

"All I can say is that it's hard to let go of someone once you really get hold of them."

His words, they struck her deeper than she expected them too. She nodded slowly in understanding and almost laughed at herself when she felt tears well up in her eyes again. She had been stupid to think that the emptiness had left. Thank gods he couldn't see.

"Don't cry," he told her, his voice soft.

What? "But I'm not."

"I can smell your tears. I'm a wolf demon, couldn't you tell?" he asked her.

She observed him to come to realization with the fact that he indeed was. A tear fell down her cheek. A single, lone one. There went something else, someone else to remind her of him. "I'm sorry, I didn't notice."

"You reek of it, you know?" he told her. "You reek of sadness, and you reek of his scent. I don't know him, sure, but I can definitely smell him all over you," she looked surprised, and kind of angered. His scent should have been long gone by now. It had been two weeks. "It kills me to see such a beautiful girl sad over a guy that was too stupid to realize what he had until it was gone," this guy, he was definitely being a jerk now. Another tear rolled down her cheek, and she wiped it away angrily, disgusted with herself. She was so weak to even think she could find comfort in someone she barely knew, someone who she had danced with when she was drunk and when all of her senses had flown out the window. "How long has it been since you've seen him?"

"That's none of your business."

"How long has it been?" he demanded but not harshly.

She sighed. "Two weeks almost."

"Surely you've bathed. His scent still clings to your skin. It's just…there," he told her honestly, but he didn't look at her in disgust. "I take it that he's a mutt, huh? An immature puppy."

She stood to her feet, swiftly walking away from him. It angered her to hear someone talk so lowly about Inuyasha, even if they were done. He had been a best friend to her. She almost thought she was free until she felt the wolf boy latch on to her arm. All she wanted was peace. She didn't want to talk about any of these things anymore. Most of all, she wanted to cry some more so it could be over and done with and she could go back to being angry, because she wanted to be mad and stay mad as long as she could because once she wasn't, she was sad and it fucking hurt like hell.

"You know nothing about him!" she turned around, her eyes angry, fuming. "I'm fucking sick of everyone saying that I love him when I don't! I'm sick, so fucking sick of fucking questions! Gods, just let go of me and leave me _alone_!"

"I'm not leaving you out here alone to walk back by yourself wherever the hell you came from. You're weak right now. People could take advantage of you, and even though I don't know you, I can tell that you don't deserve that. I'm sorry."

"You don't even know my fucking name, so why do you care?" she lashed out, tearing hand away from his hold and latching her hands onto her hips impatiently, waiting for some kind of answer.

"I don't know," he answered, his eyes sincere. "Just…just let me take you home, alright? I know you're going through a lot right now, and I wasn't raised to just leave a lady behind whenever she's in this kind of state. Maybe you don't like me and we don't know each other, but I'm not going to leave you and let anything and everything happen to you. So I'm sorry for all the things that I said. Obviously, it's none of my business. I was just curious to why his scent clung to you like that. And I don't like seeing any girl cry. So, just let me give you a ride to wherever you stay, okay?"

She said nothing else to him. She let him take her hand, which was warm in hers, and followed behind closely as he led her to his car. She watched as he opened the door for her, wondering why she couldn't find a nice guy like him.

"I'm sorry," she admitted to him, mumbling it.

"It's okay, I understand that you're upset. So I'm sorry, too. Where do you live?"

"Just take me back to the campus. You know where that is, right?"

He sent a smile her way. "Of course I do. You look younger than a college student, though."

She didn't reply. His car was warm and she allowed herself to lean her head back against the leathery seats, looking out the window in deep thought. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she over-thought things way too much. She glanced over to him really quick, then looked back out. Had her and Inuyasha really spent so much time together that his scent refused to fade from her skin?

As soon as she was about to leave the car when he stopped outside of the campus, he grabbed her hand. Her eyes shot over to his expectantly. "I never really got a name. Either that, or I've forgot it."

She looked into his eyes and she saw a good guy. Even if he had angered her, it was sweet of him to at least try making her feel better. "It's Kagome. Kagome Higurashi."

"Let's start over," he said, bringing her hand to his mouth to lay a kiss upon it. She felt the heat shoot to her cheeks and she froze, not being able to pull away. But he looked up to smile at her, and she broke into a goofy smile against her will. "I'm Kouga. Kouga Tanaka," he still hadn't pulled away, and his eyes still held a gaze on hers. "Can I get a number to go with that name, Kagome?"

She pulled her hand away slowly. "I'm not so sure-"

"I'm not forcing you in to anything. I just want to get to know you better," he told her, his eyes sincere.

"If you have time tomorrow night, I can take you out to dinner," he told her, a big grin on his lips, making him flash his white fangs. He was handsome, yes, she had to admit that. So she smiled and nodded her head.

So he ended up with her number and multiple smiles and blushes, and as she walked into the dorm, ignoring the questioning from Rin, she went to bed with a smile on her face and hope in her heart, even if he wasn't Inuyasha, even if it was just the beginning of friendship. She had someone who seemed to care. And that, it gave her hope that maybe things would get at least a bit better.

**XXXxxxXXX**

The next day, she trudged around to make it to her classes, having no enthusiasm at all. There was something extremely funny about the whole ordeal, though. Really funny, actually. Whenever she thought of the soul-called date tonight, she got a huge smile on her face, and her heart lifted with something that was hope or related immensely to it. And that gave her inspiration. Since she felt like there was practically nothing to live for anymore, she thought about getting the day being over and her date finally arriving and completing college successfully and then taking a long break before she went job searching.

Finally the day was over. She couldn't stand classes. She couldn't stand listening to people debate on senseless things and she couldn't stand how they tried to word their ideas and thoughts in the vaguest way possible so they wouldn't seem stupid. She hated how it was all tricks and games of getting the professor to reward them with his words that wouldn't and couldn't mean shit to her. She hated all of the stupid ranting and the way that their eyes shone with so much confidence when they thought they were fucking geniuses. She didn't like college. She didn't live for partying and drinking and all her ambitions and dreams and goals and _sense_ going out the window. That made her boring. And, she didn't live to study. She hated studying. She hated how the words got all muddled and confused in her head as she felt like it was exploding, wondering how it would ever be able to process so many things all at once. She hated remembering things. She hated that she couldn't just skip out on everything every once in a while. She hated her professors, and she hated taking notes. She fucking hated college.

But gramps was getting old and her mother was, too. God couldn't count the many times when she'd caught her mother crying, wondering how in the world she was suppose to come up with the money to pay all those bills. So back then when she was sixteen, she had started working, vowing to herself that she wouldn't let her mother or her little brother who so badly wanted to go to college and be successful, too. Family was family, and they were first over everything. Her mother needed her help. She hadn't given up on Souta or her when their father died, so it was only fair that she returned everything, returned the love that their mother had given them.

They meant the most to her. Souta, even if he did pull too many pranks and even if he could be incredibly annoying, that was her little brother and he was everything to her, and she couldn't lose him. She couldn't lose her mother, either. Even that time her eyes had been so dead and she'd been so hurt because she'd lost her soul mate, the one and only man that she would ever love, she hadn't given up on her either. Even when she saw her pick up a bottle of wine, pouring it down her throat steadily and drowning herself in alcohol as if to drown herself in misery, too. She remembered telling her mother that she couldn't do that, that she meant too much to Souta and herself. Life had always been hard for her, and even when her father was alive, it had been a struggle to pay all of those bills that they couldn't possibly afford. She remembered the arguing and how she had held her own hands over Souta's innocent ears, blocking out all the ugly things they spat to each other because of how stressed they were. There were times when Souta had nightmares and had to sleep in her bed, his eyes watering as he asked her to hold him and not let him go, as he asked her what was going on, if they were going to be one of those messed up families because he assumed that her mother and father may be getting a divorce. But she was there for him to dry his tears, and she'd been there for her mother to pull her up, hoisting her thin frame against hers and laying her on the couch so she could sleep on something softer than the floor she had passed out on and placing a blanket over her shivering body. She remembered everything and sometimes, she wished that she couldn't.

She erased those thoughts out of her head and decided to indulge herself into more studying that she knew would surely kill her. But the bad things were getting to her again and she couldn't let that happen. She opened her textbook and notebook and looked at her notes and she died. She just wanted a good job so she could pay for Souta's success and help her mother with the expensive bills that living in the shrine had caused. It was so _hard_, even though every fiber in her body, ever little intuition she had knew that life wasn't and would never be easy.

She hated the library, too. Too many people.

"Maybe you should just put the book down. You look as if you're about to cry from frustration, and believe me, every boy hates seeing such a pretty girl cry," a familiar voice whispered teasingly.

She gasped, her eyes immediately glancing up to the tall figure that towered above her. His eyes seemed to be even prettier especially since she could see them better since the dark had not yet come. "What're you doing here?" she asked him, her smile widening.

He smirked, taking a seat beside of her. "You sort of looked like the girl who studies way too much. You know, I could see right through you even though you were drunk that night. They say that when a human gets drunk, their real self is revealed. But the sober you is the real you. I'm sure of it." He smiled, his eyes on hers.

She smirked sneakily. "Sure."

"Are we still on for tonight?"

She hesitated, and she regretted herself for it. _'Kouga is a nice guy. An extremely good-looking nice guy, too. Plus, he doesn't have his own fan club like Inuyasha does, and I think he knows how to love a girl the right way. Inuyasha had to know that I felt __**something**__ for him, even if it wasn't love…I bet that if I ever fell in love with Kouga, he wouldn't go fuck other girls every single time we got into one simple argument.'_

Her thoughts, they controlled her. And before she knew it, she was sad again. She didn't want Kouga. But maybe if she pretended too, her dreams would finally become reality and she could be happy. "Of course we are," she said slowly. "Even though I do find it creepy that I now have a stalker."

"Maybe you do," he smirked. "Well, are you ready?"

She gasped unintentionally. "I've been in classes _all _day. I haven't even had the peace to take a shower or put on some nice clothes, or makeup."

"I didn't think you were the type of girl to wear makeup. Besides, you're already beautiful without it," he told her truthfully. His eyes scanned her body for a second, and she blushed heavily and shifted in her seat before clearing her throat loudly. "Your clothes are fine. And I don't see the need to wash with all those chemicals. Your natural scent, vanilla with a hint of lavender suits you amazingly. But then again, you kind of stink. You still smell of that half demon, and you reek of depression. So tell me, what exactly is going on in your head?"

She growled. "I don't think you have the right to know those kind of things yet and-"

"_Yet_?"

She growled again. "And anyway, it's none of your business. My thoughts belong to me and not you, in case you haven't noticed."

He frowned for a second, and then he smiled although it wasn't as bright as before. "I know. I'm sorry. I don't know why," he started. "but I can't stand to smell him clinging to your skin like that. You two must have spent a lot of time together. Tell me, what's his name?"

She slammed her textbook down, causing some alerting glances that she ignored. He looked at her, surprise written all over his face. "Like I said, this is _my _life, _my _thoughts, and it's all so personal and not interesting anyway, so could you please leave this alone? If you're going to take me to dinner, take me. I refuse for you to pay for everything, though," she narrowed her eyes. "I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself. And by the way, I don't look fine. I look like a mess, but you refuse to notice this," she said and instantly wished she could take it back. She didn't need his approval and honestly, she could care less what he thought.

He shook his head in amusement. "You're a very peculiar girl, Higurashi. You don't trust me, don't believe the things I say to you. But I assure you that they're true," he stood quietly, holding out a hand so that she could take it. She growled at it and stood by herself without his help. He licked his lips, his eyes holding hers and some kind of gaze made her heart race, but not the way it did for _him_. "All I'm saying is that you're a queen, you deserve the title. You deserve someone who is going to treat you better than that guy ever did."

"You don't know anything."

"And you don't know how to give people chances," he said warmly, a smile gracing his lips. "Just give me one chance to make things okay for you again."

"I don't even know you," she muttered softly, but he easily picked up on what she'd said.

"But we _can _get to know each other, and I don't mean in the wrong way that's intense and could be passionate but never innocent. I want you to know me and trust me and I want you to realize that I'm not like that _boy _who broke your heart. I'm a man, and simply, all I want is a chance."

Without waiting for a response, he took his warm hand into her cold one and lead her out of the library. She could do nothing but comply.

**A/N: No Inuyasha in this, I'm sorry. I really don't know what's coming next. Some of you have already picked up on the little surprise I had planned for Kagome, and I guess it's pretty obvious by now, lol. But the plan will go on.**

**Tell me what you want to see next.**

**Please, don't forget to leave a comment whether it's constructive criticism or something that's really nice. Thanks for the reviews I've gotten so far! You guys make me soooo happy! I guess I'll see ya'll soon!**


	7. Sick

There was no way that she could lie. The way he was holding her made her feel nice, kept her heart at a steady pace, made her eyelids droop in a sense of comfort. She buried her nose into the nape of his neck and found herself smiling. He smelt nice, too. He was perfect, and she wasn't sure if he was perfect for her yet, but with the way he held her, his hold on her loose as his hands rested on the small of her back, not daring to go down farther, almost made her feel like he could've been perfect for her. Maybe in another life. She wasn't going to fall in love again.

They swayed to the soft music playing in the background. Although she had insisted she would pay, he had paid for everything. And although she knew nothing about him, she knew he was a good man that she couldn't get herself to fall in love with. The question still nagged at her. _What's wrong with me_? There had to be something wrong with her when she looked into his eyes and didn't fall in love with that warmness or deep blue of them, there had to be something wrong with her for not falling in love with his words and believing them. There had to be something wrong with her right now as he kissed her neck, one hand trailing up to her back and tracing words onto them that he didn't have the nerve to say. There had to be something wrong because she didn't love him.

And he was still kissing her neck. There was lust, but nothing more than that for her. And she didn't know what he was feeling. She couldn't tell, and if she couldn't tell, she couldn't trust him. But instead of worrying about that, she wanted to feel nice for once. So she wrapped her arms around his neck and got the courage to look into his eyes. She smiled meekly, not knowing any other way to smile since she was confused. And his eyes, they were so warm, so inviting. And instead of seeing just one thing, which she expected to be lust, she saw a million things, things that she didn't know of yet. She could tell that he didn't just look at her as a woman, as a girl that would make him feel good, only taking pleasure and nothing else. Maybe he wanted love, and that scared her because she wasn't ready for that yet. Not again.

She didn't know if she ever wanted to love a man again, because love and pain went hand in hand and she didn't know if she could go through all of that again.

They had danced before, again and again. It had been a good night, a great night almost. She hadn't gotten too drunk off of the wine to the point where she drank in way too much so she would eat highly off of expectations. She didn't need to end up doing something reckless like sleeping with him or letting him touch her. She didn't trust him. She didn't know if he would take advantage of her. She didn't know anything really and she knew that she was judging him again, but at times like this, she needed to be protective of herself.

"You're beautiful tonight," he whispered into her ear softly. She smiled, burying her head into his neck again as they continued to sway. It didn't feel the same. This didn't feel like love, it just didn't. And his words were so redundant. It was as if he said a lot without really saying anything at all. There was no way a man could want love, especially when he was so young. And the wolf demon was young. Twenty-two, to be exact. "So beautiful, Kagome."

"You're just saying that," she told him but she didn't really mean to. "How many other pick-up lines do you have, Kouga?"

He shook his head, chuckling. "I've never been one for pick-up lines. You just don't know how to believe what's true," she said nothing back, but her mood was down in seconds. But still, she held him close, hoping that he could take all the pain away. "Kagome?" he asked her softly, pulling his head away a bit so he could look into her eyes again. Her eyes were wide, waiting, expecting. "You can talk about him if you want to. I know I don't even have the privilege to know the truth, but I want to know what he did to make you like this."

There he was again, trying to pry into places where he was not welcomed. "I'm fine-"

"You're just gonna say that you're fine and he's fine, too. I don't know anything about him, and truthfully, I hope he's getting drunk, moping over you. I hope he's driving too. And I wish that it wasn't summer. I wish that it was cold and there was ice on the roads, and I wish that he'd forget his seatbelt and think about you when his head goes through the windshield. He's hurt you…badly. And for that, he's nothing," Kagome looked at him, anger slowly inflaming her eyes as she realized what he said. She began to pull away, but he held her. "Let me hold you."

"You can't just say those things about him when you don't know anything, Kouga!" she cried out, causing some attention on them. She lowered her voice, and the smell of her tears was already there, knocking him down almost. "If you want to know so much, he was my best friend. He was all I had when dad died, and he was all I had when I was struggling to help mom out with the bills while she drunk herself to death. He was all I had when I had to be a mother to my little brother and to myself. He was there, Kouga. And we fucked it up by one simple mistake. We had sex because we were stupid, young, and way too high off of hormones and summer and we were lonely and we didn't know how much damage it would do. And now, I don't even know him anymore! I don't know who he sleeps with or who he kisses or who he loves the most! All I know is that he loves the girls who drink wine with him and touch him and say that they're in love with him. And another thing that I know is that he doesn't love this crazy, sullen girl. So stop asking me all of these questions! Stop saying those things about him when you have no clue what he's been through, what I've been through, what _we've _been through!"

Eyes wide in surprise from her confession and tears, he felt guilt take over him slowly, and in a matter of seconds, it was stronger than ever, tearing him up from inside out. He parted his mouth, but his throat felt dry and he didn't know what to say and he didn't know how to deal with a heart that he didn't break. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She looked at him funnily. "That's exactly what he used to say all the time. I'm sorry this, I'm sorry that," she smiled weakly. "Those words mean nothing to me. Prove it. He never proved it. Can you?"

"You won't give me the chance," he said.

"Have you ever been _scared_, Kouga? Not the kind of scared that makes you run physically, but the kind of scared that makes you run mentally. That's what I am. I'm scared of emotions and feeling things that make my heart stop only to start up again and I'm scared of all the 'I'm sorry's', because frankly, it does nothing for me besides start me over from where I left off, only to embrace being hurt again. Your words, the way you say I'm beautiful and that you care, you sound just like him. I don't want to get hurt again, Kouga. I hate pain. I've had too much of it and if I have even more I don't know if I can survive through it this time."

"I'm not like him," he said, fire in his words. "I like you. I really, really like you. And I want you to give me a chance. You're telling me I'm supposed to prove all of this, but every time I do, you push me away."

"I said prove that your words mean something!" she told him. "I didn't say for you to come into my life and ask me all kinds of questions that I don't want to answer! I don't trust you…trust has to be gained. You're moving too fast. You're moving like there's no time left in this universe. What am I? I'm no mission. I'm not some girl that you can get to fall in love with you. I bet you I won't see that satisfaction in your eyes, knowing you broke me. 'Cause guess what? I've been broken over and over again, ever since the day I left the womb. Don't hurt me, and don't you dare _think _that you can."

"I'm trying to _help _you, Kagome!" he declared, his voice raising. "He hurt you and if you just let it sit and think that you can let it all go, that all of your feelings will go, well, life-love…doesn't work that way! You've got to get over him. You've got to forget about the people who forgot about you. Do you…do you love him?"

"No!"

She made him growl in anger for the first time. "Well, you sure do act like it! I was pretty drunk that night, but I could see guilt all over your face when he caught us dancing together! And when he took you into that bathroom, I could hear the sounds you made for him! I could see the way you looked at him! If you don't love me, then tell me, why are you being so bitter?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm not bitter. I'm mad as hell, and sick as hell of crying!"

He was near desperate now. "Let's get out of here. I want to talk to you. I don't want to be angry. I want you to trust me and know that I won't hurt you. Please, Kagome. One single chance is all that I'm asking for."

**XXXxxxXXX**

"Tell me about him," came his simple words, his voice sound velvety smooth and soft, full of compassion and care. She looked over at him, a small smile finally breaking through on her face as she wiped away the remaining tears. "No more screaming or crying, though. Do you promise?"

"I promise," she whispered.

It was a beautiful night outside. It was still so warm, and she couldn't help herself from loving weather like this. But still, she shivered when a gust of warm win blew their way. It wasn't because she was cold. Maybe it was because he was sitting way too close to her. Their thighs touched, and she could feel the heat radiating off of his skin. His eyes were on her as she sorted out all of the memories in her mind, wondering exactly where she would begin. She groaned in frustration. Why was it so hard to talk about him now? She missed the way things were before. She missed him and she missed how he was there for her and how they could talk to each other without wanting, needing, _and craving _sex.

"You're getting frustrated," he said softly. "How about a name?"

She shuddered again, not even knowing why she was telling him all this, trusting him so easily. "His name?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Inuyasha," she whispered. "His name is Inuyasha."

"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?" he said softly. "I'm not so sure if I want to know about him," he looked away, a small smile on his lips. She looked at him, wondering what he could be talking about when he was the one who'd practically begged her to tell him all of this. "I mean, I do, but then again I don't. Like I said, I really do like you, Kagome. But I know you're in love with him," her mouth parted, and she instantly wanted to deny that she did, but however, no words came to mind. She was frozen. Stuck. Just like that, and it hurt, but she'd been hurt so many times before and the feeling wasn't anything new. "You want to scream, you want to say anything just to deny the truth. But I can see it in your eyes, and I can smell it all over you. I can smell his scent and it…it just won't fade and I'm not sure why. All I can say is that I'm sorry and I know you hate that, but that's really all I have to say," he paused and looked at her and still, she wanted to say things that were angry and harsh but she couldn't. "I hope that you can get over him one day and see that…I-I…I hope you can see that there are other people who care about you, even if they just met you."

Finally, he was finished with his speech and he looked over at her expectantly, wanting her to say something, say anything. He watched as she bit her lip, watched as her eyes turned stormy. And he smelled her mood dampen even more than it already had, and he felt guilty.

"Kouga," she said, learing her throat and hoping to rid away of the tears that threatened to choke her. "You don't understand, no one does. But I don't understand either," she didn't understand how people saw love in her eyes. "How could I have ever fallen in love with a jerk that only used me for sex?"

He growled, his eyes going down. "I don't like the idea of you being with him that way," he said hesitantly almost like he was scared. He wondered how she made him feel all of these things when they had just met. "He doesn't love you. And you deserve someone who does."

"He does love me. Maybe not romantically, but he trusts me. We aren't _in _love. I think we just love each other and that's it. He's my best friend, after all."

He snarled. "Do best friends get that protective? It's the silliest thing I've ever heard, best friends fucking each other whenever they get the chance to. He's a jerk, Kagome."

"Of course he's a jerk."

"Why do you still love him, then?" he asked her.

"He was all I had. I trusted him. I loved him. I don't know for sure if I'm in love, but I feel something and nothing can change that," she told him truthfully, not really in the mood to talk anymore. "It's stupid, Kouga, I know."

She could sense his anger. And that was something that she had never intended on. For some reason, she didn't want him to be angry with her. She didn't want to fight with anyone, and simply, all she wanted was peace and she wanted to feel okay again, be happy again. All she could do was hope that it wasn't impossible. But still, he said nothing and she looked at him, confused. Why did this make him so angry, and why had she even let him persuade her into trusting him with things that he would never understand?

"Kouga?" she asked, her voice almost a whisper.

"Yeah, Kagome?" he answered, his voice sounding tired, his eyes on hers once more. There was something about her. He didn't know why he hadn't been able to forget her face and he didn't know why, despite how angry he was at her for loving a jerk, wanted to lean forward and kiss her senseless, take her breath away, make her his. No one had ever had this affect on him before.

"Do you…" she had some difficulty summoning up the courage to ask him the question. "Do you…you know, um…like me?"

He looked into her eyes and watched as her cheeks went red. And then he looked down to see their thighs still mushed so closely together, and he realized how much he really did want her. He wanted to take her pain away, make her fall out of love only to fall back in it again, this time with him and not with the jerk that hurt her so badly that she had problems trusting anyone, even herself. "That's a really stupid question, Kagome."

"Don't give me a stupid answer, please," she sounded desperate and her eyes had swelled with tears. "I don't want to love him anymore. I don't want to be hurt anymore. So just answer the question…please, Kouga."

"Of course I do," he answered softly, hesitantly reaching a hand to her face to wipe away the tears although he wanted to kiss them away. She wouldn't let him. He wondered what was going through her mind, and he wondered how much more of this she would be able to take. Maybe he was just stressing her out more. But her lips were parted and so soft looking and he couldn't stand the tears that ran down her cheeks, so he shifted his body slightly, wrapping his arms around her and burying his nose into her neck to inhale her scent. How could anyone treat her this badly? Treat her so badly until she broke down, sure that she meant nothing? He wanted to get a good glimpse of his face, he wanted to hurt Inuyasha just as bad as he had hurt her. "I care about you. Even though we just met, I care about you."

Did he? She needed this, she needed someone, needed to feel wanted again. She wanted somebody so bad that didn't really need her, and she wasn't sure if she could take that anymore. What was she to Inuyasha? Nothing. No most likely about it, no doubts needed to be thought of. She was nothing and to Kouga, maybe she was at least something. He kissed her neck and she forced her eyes shut. She nearly choked on her words that she had intentions of saying. She didn't want to regret anything anymore.

"Kiss me," she told him brokenly.

Surprise took over him and he paused, pulling away from her neck but still holding her warm figure so close to him. How could that idiot not want her? _How_? He wanted to know so badly. Her eyes were so pretty, her raven hair so long and so shiny that he couldn't resist running his hands through it as if to soothe her. It smelled like flowers while her skin smelled like vanilla with the tiniest hint of lavender, and he hated Inuyasha. He hated him when he didn't even know him. Maybe because he had her first. Maybe because his earthy scent still clung so clearly to her skin. He didn't know. But he hated her, too. He hated her in the most loving way for loving him and not letting _him_ hold her, not letting _him _earn her trust. But maybe he had a chance.

But still, he refused. The thought of her being in love with _Inuyasha_ disgusted him. "Kagome, you sound drunk. You sound so sad. You're turning into a liar, because you don't want this. You love him. I'm not taking advantage of you."

"Don't," she said. "Don't…say those things right now."

"Kagome-" he started but her mouth pressing against his softly and timidly interrupted all of his thoughts and he didn't know what to say and he couldn't think and all he could concentrate on was the feeling of her mouth moving against his, begging for some kind of response. She whimpered, and a few of her tears landed onto his cheeks, making them almost as wet as hers were.

He wanted so badly to push her away, but he wasn't thinking so he tangled his hands into her hair once more, combing his fingers through the silky tresses as he gave her exactly what she wanted, his mouth now moving against hers. He kissed her with how he felt, and she kissed him with what she wanted to make into _something, _but that something turned out to be pain. He still moved his mouth against hers, hoping that she would kiss him the way that he wanted her to. Like she felt something.

It didn't happen.

He pulled away, his eyes opening slowly to the sight of her panting, her cheeks red. How could one kiss that meant nothing for her simply take her breath away like that? He wasn't angry, no. He was disappointed, and he felt as if all hope was lost. He wanted to mean something to her so bad. But still, he couldn't resist herself from asking her, "How did that feel?" _He _panted heavily, and she did too but she was so worked up over something that meant nothing for her when it mean a lot to him.

She looked away, shaking her head and wiping away the remaining tears that stuck to her cheeks. "I…I don't know."

There went the disappointment again. It was silly of him to be acting this way, wanting someone so badly who's heart was already taken. But he couldn't help it. "You really mean that you don't know?"

She shrugged, refusing to meet his eyes. And suddenly, he felt hopeless. "I'm sorry. That's what I mean."

He nodded but he didn't understand. He should. It was simple. She loved Inuyasha and no one could take his place no matter how hard he tried. "I'm sorry, too. Do you want me to take you back now?"

She nodded, trying to give him a little smile but it was fake and it meant nothing, just like her kisses. "When will I see you again?"

He shrugged simply, standing up and offering her a hand.

"You're a really good friend, Kouga. And I'm really sorry," he looked at her and she looked guilty. She knew he had hurt him but she had no intentions to. "Thank you…thank you for everything."

"Anytime, Kagome," he said dully. The drive back to her campus didn't last long. He didn't want to talk to her anymore, so whenever she brung up the stupidest, simplest things while he drove, he ignored her mostly, only giving her a simple nod as he looked at the road. He knew she didn't like it, and he knew she was upset but so was he. He didn't mean to hurt her anymore than she already was and all he could do was hope that he didn't as she gave him another fake, meek smile before walking away, her hips swaying and her steps slow.

And he could still smell her tears. He could still smell the hanyou's scent on her skin and he decided that maybe they needed space.

**XXXxxxXXX**

"Tell me exactly what you want," she whispered seductively, and he looked up at her, his eyes vague as the emotions that surged through his body. He could feel her hot breath on his sensitive ears, he could feel her hands trailing down his chest as she unbuttoned his dress shirt slowly, almost teasingly. Her warm, thin body felt good against his own but it wasn't doing much for him. But still, he forced his hands to trail lightly up her back and there was nothing romantic about it. There wasn't even anything lustful about this. She leaned in and kissed his neck, her pretty pink lips moving slowly against his hot skin. He groaned but it wasn't from pleasure, and he found himself wanting to push her away. "Whatever you need, I'll give you. Tonight, I'm yours."

It was the weekend. He was supposed to be partying and having fun and living it up but he couldn't think straight. It wasn't because of the alcohol that reeked on him and the girl that he had picked up. It wasn't because of the high that nicotine and marijuana gave him. And if anything, it was wearing off quickly, at a rate so fast. His heart slowed and his mind was able to think clearer, and he didn't like that. He liked for things to be cloudy and fuzzy. For a while, he wanted to be blind, wanted to be deaf from all of the sounds of the world except the sound that each girl made while they were beneath him. He didn't want to be deaf to the moans that they breathed out, the way they called his name. But lately, he couldn't find himself giving a fuck about any of the pretty girls, cigarettes, alcohol, or weed. It couldn't keep him going for long.

She pressed her lips to his, and he couldn't help the fact that his were unresponsive against hers. It didn't feel right, she didn't taste as sweet, she didn't smell as sweet. This just wasn't making him happy even more, and he wasn't so sure that he'd been happy before. She wore nothing but a thin, black, lacy thong, along with a matching, lacey, black bra. The thin material clung to her hot skin, but it didn't excite him. She tasted like cigarettes and way too much wine, and he wondered why he even bothered with girls like this, the kind of girls who drowned themselves with alcohol and let rich mean fuck them and broke men abuse them. He didn't like the way she tasted, didn't like the way she smelled. But he let her continue whatever she was doing to his mouth, and he felt her tongue shoving against his bottom lip but he didn't let it slip in her mouth.

She broke away from him, drunk and confused. "What's wrong with you tonight, Inu?" she asked him, her pink lips twisting up into a pout as she batted her fake eyelashes at him. She raised his chin and he almost snarled as she tried to look at him understandingly. "Come back to me. Let me take care of you."

He shoved her off of him then. She looked hurt for a second, but he knew that she would get over it. Girls like her always did. "Leave."

"Inuya-" she began again.

"I said leave!" he didn't bother being calm with her, he was pissed. And maybe he was a jerk for shoving her away so roughly and not giving into her kisses, but he didn't know if he could take that anymore. He wanted to think, and he didn't know why he had even offered that she come into his apartment. "Take the alcohol with you if you please, but just _go_."

"What'd I do?" she slurred and he sighed.

"Nothing," he replied, aggravation sinking into his features. "I just don't feel up to this anymore."

He couldn't remember her name and he was surprised that she even remembered his. She was a simple whore, and he dared her to try and say that he loved her like most girls did.

"But I do," she told him, her voice seductive once again.

He growled, not being able to stop it. "I don't even remember your name. I was sure you wouldn't even remember mine. I don't give a fuck if you do or not. I just want you out of here," the confusion was on her face and her eyes became watery and he almost rolled his eyes, but then, he felt like a bigger jerk. He cleared his throat and lowered his tone. "Listen, I just need to think, and I can't do that with you distracting me. I'm sorry, but you have to leave."

She didn't look so confused anymore, and in fact, she looked rather angry as she pulled on the rest of her clothes and grabbed her bag and left, being sure to give him a glare before she walked out of the door. He sighed, realizing he was tired. Not only physically tired, but mentally tired, too.

He had already considered calling her, but that would just make him feel like an idiot if she didn't pick up. He didn't want to be weak in front of her. But he missed her so badly, and no one could make him feel the way she did. He felt guilty to the point where it was eating him alive, and drinking alcohol made him drown in his misery even more. He didn't want to hurt her or ignore her anymore. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry for all the name-calling and for the way that he kept hurting her over and over again. But she wouldn't understand or care to listen, he knew that well by now.

He grabbed his iPhone and stood, making his way into his bedroom. He fell down on it, taking his phone into his hands and scrolling through his contacts until he reached her name. Maybe they could just talk. After all, she was his best friend and he missed her.

He was frustrated now. She wouldn't want to talk to him and he couldn't ask for her forgiveness again because he had hurt his best friend way too many times and watched her die inside, knowing he couldn't do anything to make it better. But he _missed_ her, truly missed her like how he did whenever she was away for too long. And now, he hadn't seen her for almost three weaks and he wanted to growl, wanted to curse everyone but curse his self the most for being so stupid and letting her leave like that. He shouldn't have said the things he did, shouldn't have let her go like he did. And now, his best friend was gone. But were they even best friends anymore? He remembered when everything changed. He remembered the first kiss and how she kept wanting more.

And then, that one night when she was crying about her father and telling him how much she missed him, he remembered not being able to do anything. He couldn't summon the intelligence or courage to tell her what he needed to hear. So he had kissed her tears away instead of her lips, and then he remembered when she had brushed her lips against his timidly, fearful of rejection. But how could he reject her when they had kissed before?

He remembered her taking control of the kiss, pushing him down onto the bed that was in her old room and stripping herself of her shirt, then his. He growled again to himself. Why didn't he stop her, tell her that he felt like he was taking advantage of her? He had realized long ago how strong she was when he saw her at her weakest point. And still, he didn't push her away as she kissed him with something more than all the other kisses held.

He didn't want to remember what had went on anymore.

Why hadn't they realized a long time ago that sex would be the destruction of their friendship? Nothing felt right anymore, and his head was pounding. He didn't bother erasing her number from his list of many contacts. He tossed his phone onto the nightstand and tried to sleep peacefully for once without the images of her in his brain. But it never, ever worked.

**XXXxxxXXX**

When she woke up the next morning, she didn't feel good. She opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the light that nearly blined her. Nausea settled in her stomach and she stood abruptly, and her movement made Rin awake. She looked at her, confusion glinting in her eyes. Kagome ignored the peculiar look from her roomate and rushed to the bathroom, not paying attention to the fact that Rin trailed steadily behind her. Her shoulders lurched forward and she gagged before throwing herself to her knees in front of the toilet. Rin's eyes were wide as all of her dinner from the night before came up. She held her hair back, keeping vomit off of the locks.

Rin felt as if it wasn't going to stop. The dry heaves enfulfed her chest, and after forever, it seemed, she pulled away, the burning sensation in her throat causing tears to well into her eyes. The ones that slipped, she brought her hand up to wipe them away.

"Hey," Rin said comfortingly. "Are you okay, Kagome?"

She looked worse. Her lips were about as pale as her skin that was covered in a light sheen of sweat. Rin brought hesitantly brought a hand to her friend's forehead, almost as if she was scared to touch her, only to feel that she was scorching with a fever. Kagome looked up at Rin and shook her head, and with a weak voice, she said, "I didn't drink too much last night. I…I wasn't drunk. I only had a few glasses. It must've been the food." She gave her a weak smile, and it almost looked painful.

Rin winced and licked her lips. "Can I take you to the clinic? It may be a stomach virus. After all, it's Saturday. We don't have to go to any classes."

Kagome didn't seem to hear her. Her eyes were glazy and she seemed to have trouble breathing, and for a second, she thought that she was going to lurch forward and lean over the toilet again.

But instead, Kagome fell limply against her.

**XXXxxxXXX**

The middle-aged woman rushed into the hospital blindly in a desperate search for her daughter. Her baby was sick. The baby that gave her hope when she thought all was lost, the one who took care of her and the one who had refused to give up on her so easily. Kira needed to see her daughter. Her wide chocolate eyes that resembled her daughter's so much held fear and all the concern in the world.

"Mrs. Higurashi," she jumped at the sound of her name and whipped around, her eyes wide and pleading. Sitting there with fear in her eyes was the roomate that she had heard so much about from her daughter. She swiftly walked over to her, and although she didn't really know the girl, she pulled her into her arms, surprising her.

Rin smiled slightly. So, this was the woman that she had heard so much about from Kagome. The woman with the kind eyes, arms like castles that protected you, and hands that always wiped away the tears that you would cry. This was the woman who had been through hell and back, the woman who had almost gave up on her daughter in her time of need, but battled through her struggles of her husband's loss and refused to let life's defeats get her down. This was the woman that Kagome was so proud of.

She pulled away, and Rin took a bit of time to notice the woman's eyes. They were unique, just like Kagome's. They had the eyes that poured out every single bit of emotion, and she could decipher them all. They were a wide chocolate, just like Kagome's. Her face was just like Kagome's, too. But the struggle of life showed on the face, the struggle of sadness, too, as she frowned at Rin, her pretty eyes pleading, begging for an answer, begging to hear that her daughter was okay.

"Please tell me that she's okay," she whispered.

Rin frowned even more than she already was. "Honestly, I have no clue. They took her in about an hour ago, and I haven't heard anything yet. I'm sorry."

Mrs. Higurashi nodded sadly, looking at her understandingly. "I'll wait. She's my daughter after all."

Rin smiled a little. "She talks about you a lot. You know, you mean the world to her."

"I love her. She was there for me, always watching over me and watching over Souta when I was…sick," Rin smiled and nodded her head in understanding. She knew what she meant when she said she was sick. She had heard so much about Kagome's mother, but still, she could tell that she was a good person. "She's my baby. It hurts to see her sick, and I hope she's okay. You say it's been about an hour since they took her in?"

Rin nodded, her eyes glinting. Mrs. Higurashi gave her a warm smile, already liking the young girl. "I think I'm going to ask someone if they can give us a check up on her."

Without any response from Rin, Mrs. Higurashi swiftly walks over to the desk, muttering an "excuse me" to the nurse sitting behind the desk. Rin watched from afar as the nurse's expression darkened.

"Yes?" the nurse asked as politely as she could, but Kira could tell that she didn't want to be bothered.

"I'm Mrs. Higurashi," she said, mustering up a sweet smile although she had no clue what was wrong with her daughter, and that scared her. "I'm here with my daughter. I believe she was sick with some kind of flu or virous, I'm not sure. Her roomate took her in," she pointed a finger over to Rin. "She said that she was vomiting, and she supposedly passed out. Could you please do a check up on her for us?"

"Her name?"

"Kagome Higurashi," Kira said impatiently, a hand on one hip while she tapped her foot against the tiled floors.

"Right," she nodded grudgingly. She picks up the phone, ignoring the look that the mother was giving her while she dials an extension. "Hello? I'm looking for an update on someone by the name of Kagome Higurashi?" She turns away from Kira for a second as she speaks into the phone, her voice now low. She turns around, looking dazed for a second before setting the phone back down.

Kira looks at her expectantly and the nurse purses her lips, looking away from her gaze. "I'm really sorry, but I can't tell you everything," she pauses. "There's no need to worry, though. They told me to assure you that your daughter is stable and she's doing fine."

"You really can't tell me anything else?" Kira asked suspiciously.

"No, I'm sorry," she sounded annoyed rather than considerate or sorry. "The doctor said they would be sending her out in a few after she-um, well I guess that she should be on her way by now."

Confusion took over Kira unexpectedly, and she gave a small thank you to the nurse before walking back over to where Rin sat, her eyes going downcast. "They said that they couldn't tell me everything. I really have no clue what's going on with Kagome, but I'm going to find out. They said that she's doing okay now. I don't know, maybe she was just stressed. She didn't seem all there last time I spoke with her. They said that she's on her way. I think I'm just going to take her home with me."

Rin nodded. "She's already falling behind in some of her classes, but I'm sure that she'll be okay. After all, she needs rest. And it's only Saturday. She's been studying so hard, she needs a break. She deserves it. Just take care of her, okay? And if there's something wrong with her, something she doesn't want us to know about, try your best to get it out of her. Kagome needs to learn how to trust people, if you don't mind me saying. I love her and I try to be so understanding, but she's going through a lot right now with Inuyasha. She's stubborn."

Kira laughed slightly, a smile brightening her face and making her eyes look come even more to life. "Yes. She…she reminds me so much of her father. But she's a strong girl. Inuyasha and her have been best friends for three years now," she laughed again. "The funny thing is, I always thought they would end up together, you know? She needs to learn not to give up on something she really wants. She's a fighter, I know she is, but she doesn't think so. She's got to have a little faith."

Rin laughed, too. "Honestly, I still think they are going to end up together when they finally realize how much they miss each other. Trust me, they'll be talking again soon before you know it. He means a lot to he-"

She paused, and both of their heads whipped around when they heard feet dragging acroos the floor. Kira looked up to see her daughter with bags under her eyes, her face blotchy. Had she been crying? Had she been in that much pain? She frowned as she stood up again, walking towards Kagome to encircle her amrs around her frail figure. She heard her gasp, felt her try to pull away.

"Mom, don't do this to me right now," she said frowning. "I'm tired, I want to go home."

Kira nodded. "Whatever you need, baby."

Rin knew that something had to be wrong. She watched as Kagome slowly walked over to her, the same frown still on her face. "Hey," she said. "Thanks Rin, thanks for everything."

Rin forced a smile and wrapped her arms around her friend. "Anytime. Now you go home and get some rest. You don't look too well. I'll see you soon, okay?"

Kagome nodded, forcing a weak smile of her own before walking away.

**A/N: Finally it's finished. You all can pretty much guess what's up with Kagome. I know that Inuyasha probably pissed you off and she did too for not returning Kouga's feelings. But I have no intentions of turning this into a Kagome/Kouga story, lol.**

**I didn't really like this chapter at all, though. It was pretty difficult to write, and I couldn't think of the right things to write, especially on Kagome's behalf.**

**But review and tell me what you think, please? I don't know when the next chapter is coming. There's a big test in school soon and I'm gonna be stressed and busy, but thank god, school is over soon. But I'll try to see you guys soon! Thanks for all the reviews I got on the last chapter! It means more to me than ya'll will ever know! (:**


	8. Choices

She cried that night. She had cried as soon as she had found out, but as time passed, it seemed to get worse. Tonight, she was crying harder than she ever had in her whole life. She was crying like she did when she got the news of her father being in that car crash. Maybe she was crying worse. She didn't really know. The pillow that was smothered against her mouth muffled her screams and sobs. Her whole body shook with emotion that came out in broken cries because she didn't know any other way to express what she felt inside.

She lied and told her mother that she was feeling better. However, the sickness still settled in her stomach, even if it was nighttime and not morning time. She was sure that her family was downstairs laughing, eating, watching television as they usually did while she was sick _with _life and sick _of _it. When her mother asked her if she wanted any hot ramen, hoping that it would help her, she almost regurgitated the little that she had left in her stomach. The though of food sickened her to the core. Her stomach growled out in disagreement, but she ignored that because her stomach didn't know what was good for her, only she did.

Therefore, she had decided that it was best if no one knew. Of course, she had cried all day. She almost cried again when she saw her mother and Rin sitting there, their faces full of concern. She almost cried when her mother wrapped her arms around her, because she hadn't realized how much she needed her as soon as she found out. She cried because it was all falling down and she had no clue what to do or how to pick up the pieces.

What was she going to do about college? What about Inuyasha? What was she going to do about this life?

One thing for sure, she couldn't take it away.

Her noises stopped when she heard footsteps, and her body went rigid, completely frozen with fear. What if her mother had found out so immediately? What if she told Souta? They were going to hate her surely, hate her for all that she stood for, for the mess she had gotten herself in, and for being so stupid and not thinking. Souta was twelve and way too smart for his age. He would hate her, too. Her own brother would hate her. Her mother would hate her, her grandfather would hate her, Sango would hate her a little more than everyone else, and Inuyasha would hate her the most.

She jumped when she heard a knock on the door. She had thought whoever it was had went away, but she had guessed that had stood outside to see if they could pick up from any noises coming from her. "Sis? Are you in there? Mom told me to come and check on you. Can I come in?"

She debated on telling him that he was a brat, telling him to go away. That would only make her feel worse. So instead, she cleared her throat and wished she wasn't going to sound like she had been crying, although she knew that her wishes were not going to come true. "Yeah, go ahead."

She watched as the knob on the door twisted, watched as he walked in, concern written all over his face and smothering his eyes. He gave her a small smile and went to sit next to her.

"Be careful, I don't want you to catch whatever I have," she told him carefully, hiding her face with the pillow.

He looked at her and gave another weak smile before his eyes went downcast. "Take the pillow away from your face, sis," he told her. She followed his orders, not wanting to seem too suspicious. He sighed and continued on, his eyes not holding her curious gaze. It wasn't like she wanted them to, anyway. She was scared. She was scared that any moment now, she'd break down crying again. "You're not sick. I know you're not. Maybe you're sick, but not with what mom thinks it is. No matter how much pain it is, sick people don't cry like this. They're too weak to, or either they ask for help again."

Fear made her body go rigid again, but still, she denied him. "I'm telling the truth, brat," she spat out at him, not meaning to. "You know nothing," but oh, he did. He was too smart, and his words always held some kind of intelligence to them. "I'm sick, and maybe you should leave. I was just about to rest, anyway."

He glared at his sister, and she almost cried again. There it was. He hated her. "You can't lie to me. You practically raised me. I know that look on your face, Kagome. It's the same look you had when dad died or when you watched mom pass out drunk."

Tears were swelling in her eyes now, and she closed them, willing the threatening tears, willing Souta away, willing her life away. "I don't need this now, Souta. I'm sick, I want to go to bed."

His eyes narrowed, and he was becoming impatient. She could tell by the way his fists were balled up to his sides, his knuckles turning white from the force. "Dammit, Kagome-"

"Watch your language," she told him and meant for her words to come out hard, but her voice came out watery, sobs threatening to break through, and she was weak once again and she couldn't keep up this façade anymore.

He rolled his eyes, but then, he got serious again, his eyes hard on hers, begging her to tell him the truth. "Mom said that the nurse told her that she couldn't tell her everything that was wrong with you. You told them not to, Kagome! Don't lie to me!" his voice raised even more, and he was desperate. Her eyes landed onto the hand he had placed on her shoulder, and her lips quivered against her own will. "You've always been there for me! You've _never _lied to me unless it was for my own good about mom! But now, it's not for my own good…it's for yours and you telling me the truth is the best thing to do right now. I've never lied to you, Onee-san, so don't lie to me right now. I want the _truth_!"

"Shut _up_!" she cried, her eyes failing to hold what needed to not be shown. "Leave, Souta! Let me _sleep_! I'm tired, I swear I am…" she told him as she continued to cry.

She watched as her little brother's eyes watered, too, and she realized that she couldn't hurt him like this. She couldn't keep him in the dark like this. Wouldn't that hurt them both even more. "Onee-san," he said brokenly. "I'm here for you. I swear I am. Don't do this to me, don't cut me off like this. I already know the truth, so there's no need in lying. If you are tired, I know why. I know why you were throwing up this morning, and I know what you didn't want anyone to know, especially mom."

He hated her. He really, really hated her, and if her mother knew, she hated her, too. Just because she had decided to bring a life in the world, it wasn't fair that she had to lose everyone because of disappointment. But still, it stuck in her mind. The boy who she had practically raised her whole life would turn on her, would hate her for ruining his future like she did hers. Although she knew she was done and he probably was too, she couldn't help the sob, couldn't help her broken voice or her pleading eyes and pleading words. "D-don't…_please_, don't leave right now, and _please_, _pretty please _don't hate me. I-I…I ruined your future, I know. So asking you not to hate me is asking for a lot. But…everyone is going to hate me. Can I at least have you for support?"

He smiled a little. "Only if you promise me you'll stop crying."

"I promise," she told him and smiled a little, too, but it didn't feel right on her face.

He was quiet for a while, but then, he spoke up again. "How far along are you?"

"Just a little over five weeks," she responded, not noticing the frown on her face.

"You're crying again."

Kagome sighed, realizing that she didn't notice her tears, either. She raised her hands to her face once more, wiping them away and almost wanting to laugh at herself. "I'm just…frustrated, you know? You're a smart boy. Too smart, actually. You understand. I-I…I promise I tried to make you and mom proud. But now I'm…I," she had some difficulty saying the word and she realized that more tears were slipping down her cheeks. Souta leaned forward, wrapping his thin arms around her and kissing her cheek, clinging to her so tightly that she though for sure that he would never let her go. "I don't want this to be real." She whispered.

"But you know it is," he frowned as he held his sister tighter. "Does Inuyasha know, Kagome? What are you going to do about college? You need to tell mom, you know. If you don't, it'll just make things worse."

She pulled away instantly, her body tensing up and the sickness making her swim. "Don't you _dare_ tell her anything, I swear."

He nodded, but still, she wasn't so sure. "Answer my question."

"About Inuyasha?" she asked, wiping the tears away even though there was no use because they kept coming.

"Never mind," he told her with a playful roll of his eyes. "Of course you haven't told him. You think he'll hate you," he laughed lightly and shook his head. "It's obvious you two are so in love, so why don't you just admit it? He's not going to hate you for having his child. I bet he'll be happy, actually."

She gave him a weak smile, reaching forward a hand to pat his head. "You just don't understand right now, Souta. He _will _hate me. Gods, I hate myself."

His body went rigid and his eyes widened. "You're…" he gulped as his eyes trailed down to her stomach, making her shift slightly, making her uncomfortable. "You're not going to kill my niece or nephew, are you?" he asked her seriously, his eyes meeting hers again. Kagome froze, too, gulping. "You're _considering _it? If you are, don't even speak to me anymore. It's not fair for you to try and take away a life just because of your mistakes, Kagome. It's not fair. My niece or nephew deserves to live, too, and not be punished for your mistakes. You're the one who deserves the punishment, and the best you can do is be strong. For you and the baby."

Tears were in his eyes now, and she didn't know if he realized it or not. She pulled him back into her arms as he cried quietly like she had did so many times when they were younger. "Just for you, Souta. Just for you."

He seemed to calm down. "You've got to tell him, you've got to tell mom."

She sighed. "Give me time."

He nodded. "Can I…can I sleep in here tonight? Like old times, Onee-chan?"

She nodded and laid down, her little brother still in her arms. She stroked his hair, willing herself not to shed any more tears. His breathing calmed down even more, and she smiled a little to herself. "You know," she whispered, "We haven't done this forever. You're a little too big for this now."

"I just want you to know that I don't hate you and I'm here for you, Kagome, even if no one understands," he said before he fell asleep.

She fell asleep too, calming herself down and still willing herself not to cry anymore. At least her brother didn't hate her. He was disappointed, sure, but he didn't hate her. With that in mind, she slept peacefully.

**XXXxxxXXX**

It was 9:00am when she woke up the next morning. The rain pounded steadily on the roof, and she groaned, her body weak and tired. She looked over to see Souta still in her arms, and she smiled to herself and stroked his hair like she had last night when she remembered all the things that he'd said. When she remembered that he said he didn't hate her. She laid there for a while, and suddenly, it all hit her. It hit her hard, and she almost winced. She remembered her promise to Souta and she wondered how she would carry through with it. She remembered the questions that he'd asked. She wondered why he didn't hate her. How would she be able to get all of that money now to get him into college? How would she support herself? How could she go back to college?

Questions made her sick, and before she knew it, she was gagging. She rushed out into the hallway as quietly as she could, making her way to the bathroom. Just like the day before, she fell to the floor in front of the toilet and felt her throat burn as she regurgitated. She held her hair back with one hand, but still, the vomit got into her raven hair and she couldn't help it. She threw up everything that was left in her stomach, and the stench was horrible and it made her throat and nose burn, and she was no longer groggy. She was full awake, now. Finally, it was over. A light sheen of sweat had broken across her forehead and she panted, pulling a hand up to her mouth to wipe whatever was left away.

Why couldn't she have noticed this before? Had she really been too stressed to notice that her period was supposed to arrive a week ago? Why hadn't she taken note in the mood-swings, the way she had gotten angry in seconds at people for stupid reasons? Hadn't she realized that she had forgotten the birth control over that weekend she had spent with Inuyasha? Hadn't she realized that she didn't take it when they were in the bathroom of that cheap club, both drunk and out of their minds almost? She wanted people to be disappointed, because if they weren't, what could they be? Happy wasn't an option. Her plan had always been to make the little family that she had left proud. Having a baby, not finishing school and pursuing her career would make them disappointed and angry. Inuyasha would be indifferent. Her grandfather would be angry. Sango would be infuriated. Her mother would be disappointed and sad. Rin would say I-told-you-so. And if her father were here, what would he be?

She shook her head and stood to her feet before flushing the toilet, not wanting to think about things like that. She walked over to the mirror and took herself in. She wasn't fit to be a mother, not again. She had mothered Souta most of the time, and that was hard. No one had helped. She wouldn't dare ask her mother. She had been sad all the time back then, drinking herself to death. She didn't want her child growing up without a father, leaving only her to take care of it. She didn't want to be alone when she was so young. Even though Souta had said that he was okay, that she should only be worrying about herself and the baby, He would hate her in the end for it. He would hate her because she had promised all of her family, herself, and her deceased father that she would make something out of herself, help her mother with the bills that she struggled to pay all by herself. Her mother had given up everything for her and Souta, and she knew Souta thought more of her as his mother than their actual mother. What was she going to do now? Cry about it? She couldn't.

She stripped herself of her clothing and turned the shower on, deciding that maybe she could be unselfish for a little while longer, and that maybe she would pay a visit to Sango who was desperately in need of some kind of reassurance. She couldn't be selfish, even if she was the one who was having the baby. She just couldn't let all of these people down.

She washed her skin roughly as if she was trying to wash away all of her sins. She was having a baby, and the father was nothing to her, nothing to the baby that was soon to be here but a biological father. As she watched her hair, it really hit her that she would be alone. All of the realizations were coming to her way too fast, and she felt sick. She didn't like this. How could woman deal with being sick every morning? The act of regurgitating burning their noses, their heads swimming with sickness? But still, she couldn't be selfish. She couldn't take away an innocent life for her stupid mistakes.

Even though she was alone and bound to be hated, she just couldn't be selfish.

She stepped out of the shower, her hair up in a towel and another towel wrapped around her thin body. Once again, she looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn't doing good. She wasn't feeling good, either. Sickness still swam in the depths of her stomach, but she was sure she had thrown everything up.

Suddenly, the door opened. She pulled away from the mirror, her eyes wide in surprise as she watched her mother walk in on her, looking at her quizzically. "I'm sorry for not knocking," she apologized. "I just wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing."

Kagome nodded, trying to regain her composure. "I'm doing a lot better." Lie number one.

Her mother gave her a small smile. "Sango called. She said she heard about you going to the clinic, and she wants to make sure that you're alright. She said she was wondering if you two could go out for breakfast if you're feeling well enough. She wanted an answer. If you say yes, she said that she'd be over to pick you up whenever you're ready."

Perfect. Sango knew, and that lead to questioning, and questioning made her feel guilty and sick. _Breakfast_? That made her stomach roar in agreement, but her mind told her _no. _"I guess she's planning to get ramen for breakfast?" she forced a little smile. She wanted to go, but she didn't want to get sick. Sango was even smarter than Souta or anyone she knew. Sango didn't need to know. She didn't need to hear about her mistakes and failures, she knew that she'd messed up bad enough and she didn't need to hear it from someone else. She didn't need to feel more horrible about her situation, her condition. But still, Sango needed her, and hopefully, she wouldn't ask too many questions. "Thanks, mama. Could you call her back and tell her I'll be ready in about ten minutes?"

Mrs. Higurashi nodded, but she looked at Kagome weirdly as if she could sense something and she forced a smile and shifted a bit on her feet in the comfortless atmosphere that surrounded them. She bit her lip, wanting her mother's eyes off of her. "Baby, are you okay? Do you promise to tell me anything but a lie?"

She went rigid and she cursed herself. "Of course I'm okay," she said smoothly. "I'm just a little weak. This virus has taken a lot out of me, you know?"

She nodded again, the eccentricity still showing clearly in her eyes. "You know you can tell me anything, don't you?"

"Of course I know that," lie number two. She couldn't tell her.

"And you know that I'll support you no matter what."

Her mother's words almost made her want to spill everything. But she was stronger than that. "Mama, I know you'll be here for me no matter what. I trust you, I really do. Thank you so much for everything." Lie number three.

"Are you and Inuyasha texting? Are you two calling?" What was up with all of these questions?

"I've been trying," lie number four. "I really have. I think I'm just going to leave it alone for a while. I guess that even best friends need space." Lie number five. What did she look like right now? A lying idiot? Liar, liar, pants on fire. She didn't want to speak to Inuyasha.

And that made her fifth lie. Oh, she was definitely going to hell now.

Her mother walked over to her, took her in her arms and kissed her forehead. "I hope that this sickness will go away soon."

"It will," lie number six. "I'm sure it will. I've got to get ready, mama, I'm looking really sick and I don't have much time before Sango will be here. I'll tell you when I'm ready."

"Kagome, will you at least eat something before you go? You haven't ate _anything_."

"What's the point in eating when I'm going to eat anyway when Sango gets here? I'm fine, mama. Stop worrying about me, please."

Mrs. Higurashi nodded in understanding and quietly slipped out the door, mumbling something along the lines of I love you and please take care and make sure you eat something. She didn't reply because she was too busy wondering what going to hell would be like. But the thing was, her whole life felt like it was hell.

**XXXxxxXXX**

"Can we just get something light?" Kagome asked, gulping at the rich food that the menu she held in her hands showed. She had taken forever to get ready, and by the time she was finished, it was 11:30am, which meant breakfast was over and they had to get lunch. "I haven't been feeling well lately."

Sango smiled. "So I heard. You've got to update me on what's been going on with you."

"Yeah," Kagome replied with a little smile. "It's been a pretty rough week. I haven't got much rest. Too many things on my mind. But you've got to update me too on some things. I feel like we haven't talked in forever."

Sango smiled again, but she realized that all of them were forced. Sango was going through a hard time, too, but she had never been the one to be open about things. "Ah," she says, brining the straw in the cup closer to her mouth. "I wish that I was still in college. Those were the good days."

"Yeah," Kagome muttered, the thought making her sick and giving her no other option than to think how she would go back tomorrow. She couldn't go to college in her condition. She looked through the salad menu, hoping to find something that wasn't too heavy or rich on her stomach. God knows that she didn't want to end up getting sick in front of Sango. That would lead to curiosity, then to questioning, and then to the first person who would actually say that they hated her for her stupid mistakes. She quickly brought the glass of ice water to her mouth, sucking hard on the straw and trying not to expect the worst thing possible to happen. "What are you getting?"

"Mmm, ramen, of course. You sure you don't want it? Ramen is one of your favorites, Kagome," she mentioned, a peculiar look in her eyes.

"Nah," she rejected, keeping her composure. "I really don't want to end up sick, especially here in front of all these people. Plus, I wanted to…talk to you about some things."

"About Miroku, huh?" Sango questioned, a sad smile on her face. Before Kagome could say anything, she was speaking again. "I don't know where he is. I kind of regret our argument, you know? I didn't try to fix anything. I just let him leave and now, things are hard. You don't have to say anything back, Kagome. I don't want to pile all of these problems on you when you're sick. I'm not that selfish."

"I know you're not," she told Sango, her eyes getting serious. "Listen, why don't you two just apologize to each other. I know you two love each other more than anything, and fighting with him is just going to put more stress on you," she tried to help. "He came over to…he came over to I-Inuyasha's that night," she quickly regained her composure. The sound of his name sent a million feelings surging throughout her entire body, and Sango picked up on this, raising a brow in confusion. "You know, he really looked broken. He said it was an accident, and I know he didn't mean it. I haven't heard from him. Even when he's upset, he'll usually call me or Inuyasha. But I don't think he has."

Sango nodded, her eyes still glinting with a hint of confusion. "Things aren't that simple, Kagome. I…I told him that I wanted a divorce."

She restrained herself from gasping, but she couldn't help it when her eyes went wide. "S-Sango…" she said with some difficulty. "He's a human being. He's going to make mistakes and he's not perfect, but neither are you. You two have got to work things out. Please work them out. Miroku doesn't need this, and neither do you."

She paused. "It's not that easy, Kagome. I'll try," just when Kagome was about to speak up to give her friend a little but more of reassurance, Sango spoke up before she could, a little smile on her face once again. "Could you _please_ tell me what's up with you?"

She didn't want to. She didn't want her to figure anything out and she didn't want to hear those hateful words when she did. Just in time, a waiter came up to them, politely asking for their orders.

"A salad with a bit of dressing on the side for her, and for me, ramen please. Any kind you have, it doesn't matter," Kagome watched as her friend gave the waiter a bright smile, showing off her pearly white, straight teeth.

The waiter smiled and gave them a nod, then went off to retrieve their orders before telling them that it would only take a couple of minutes.

Sango snapped her head back to Kagome, a sneaky smirk gracing her pink lips. "Back to what we were talking about. I'm worried about you, and I swear if you don't tell me what's up, I'll kill you. Why did you pass out and everything?"

Kagome winced playfully before laughing. That's what she loved the most about Sango. No matter how hard times were, the girl always seemed to make her laugh. "It can't be that bad…right? You're not dying or anything, are you?"

"No, no, of course not," she smiled a little and rubbed her eyes, hoping that it would stop Sango from seeing them water. She didn't want her to know. She was scared that all of these questions were going to lead to an answer, and she was scared that she'd lose her best friend, she was scared that if the question, 'are you pregnant' ever popped into Sango's head she didn't know if she was going to be strong enough to say no and lie to another person that she loved. "It's definitely horrible, complicated, frustrating and tiring."

"Kags," Sango said quietly. "You're _crying._"

All she could do was give herself a pathetic laugh as the tears strayed from her eyes and fell to her cheeks and onto the table. She buried her face into her hands, suddenly wanted to rip all of her hair off. That was how frustrated, confused and angry she was. "I know, I know. I'm just _frustrated. _I'm worried about mama and Souta and you, and _me_, and Inuyasha. It's just so stressed, worrying about everyone."

Sango frowned in sympathy, reaching across the table to take her hand. Just then, the waitress came back with their food, and Sango muttered a small thanks to her, speaking for Kagome, too. "I know you are. Kags, maybe you should just focus on _you _for right now," Kagome nodded, wiping the remaining tears away. She had disappointed herself once more. She had promised herself that she _wouldn't _cry. "Babe, let's talk about this later. Can I have the prognosis?"

"What?" Kagome asked, confused.

Sango rolled her eyes playfully, taking some of the ramen into her mouth and giggling. "What did the doctor say?"

She didn't want to remember everything that had went on in that doctor's office. She didn't want to remember them asking her about her period, if she was late or not. She didn't want to remember the fear she felt when she finally realized that it hadn't came. She didn't want to remember them asking her if she had been sexually active late, and she didn't want to remember them telling her that she needed to take a test. She didn't want to remember how they all handed her tissues and held her hand when the results were in. "Well," she started, deciding to explain why she had passed out. "I fainted because I was dehydrated and I was sick." Wow. What an explanation. She wanted to smack herself.

Sango's eyes narrowed in something that she hoped wasn't hate. She took another taste of her ramen before speaking again. "What exactly were you sick with?"

Tears welled in her eyes again and her body went rigid, and suddenly, she felt as if her stomach couldn't hold the coarse pieces of lettuce that seemed to stick to her throat. She gulped and said nothing, just shoved more of the lettuce that was smothered in dressing down her throat, slowly grabbing her glass of ice water to take a long sip.

"You're about to cry again," Sango probed. "You're going to make me guess, huh?"

She said nothing again, and for a while, Kagome thought she had forgotten about the conversation. "You're pregnant, aren't you?" she gasped, looking at her incredulously. Kagome froze and tears threatened to break her down, but she hoped that she would keep guessing so she continued chewing her salad again, forcing herself to swallow it all down and not caring anymore if she paid for it in the end. "You're fucking pregnant…" She said again as if she was trying to get herself to really believe it.

Kagome sighed and buried her face into her hands once again, letting out a shaky sigh as she realized that the tears had won their battle. "It was an accident," she whispered brokenly. "I never meant to end up like this. I'm sorry for not listening to you or Rin. I'm _sorry,_ and I understand if you hate me. It's something I have to deal with."

"How long have you known? How far along are you?" Sango asked, honestly concerned.

"I found out yesterday," she gathered herself together and picked up the peaces, calming herself down so she could talk steadily. Right now wasn't the time to act weak and hopeless. There had to be some hope, and she'd die looking for it. "They said I'm a little over five weeks."

"Holy shit," she cursed, her mouth agape in surprise. Kagome winced at the curse word. "I'm sorry! That wasn't exactly directed to you," she paused, her eyes still wide. "What're you going to do, Kagome? Does your mom know? Does _Inuyasha _know?"

Her defense mechanism came barging in at the wrong time. "_Why _does everyone instantly assume that it's Inuyasha's, huh?"

Sango laughed. "Of course it's his child. Nobody is stupid, Kagome. Everyone knows that he's the only one that you've ever slept with. Don't lie to me and try to deny it. But seriously, what're you going to do?"

Kagome looked at her, surprised. "So you don't hate me?"

She shook her head, giving her best friend an encouraging smile. "I'm disappointed in you. I thought you were smarter than this, I thought you took your pills everyday and when you didn't, I always thought that you'd have some other form of contraception. But it's okay. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, Kagome. I couldn't hate you. All I can do is be here for you, let you know that I always will and nothing will ever change that. But baby, you can't go to college like _that_," she pointed down to Kagome's flat stomach, her eyes also landing on the soon-to-be-bulging belly. "You just can't. There's morning sickness, the studying causes stress, and you definitely don't need that right now. Telling Inuyasha and your mom will be enough stress. Deciding what you're going to do with the baby is enough stress, too."

Once again, she felt defensive and Sango could see it in her eyes, and she winced. Why couldn't she have been more careful with her words? "What do you mean, 'what I'm going to do with it'? Inuyasha is _nothing_. He's simply the biological father, nothing more. I've raised Souta nearly my whole life. You don't think I can handle this baby?"

"Of course I do," Sango reassured her carefully even though she wasn't so sure. "But Kags, you're young. Two years younger than me. And I'm worried for you, I honestly am. I'm worried about what your mother will think, what Souta will think, what Inuyasha will do or say."

"I told Souta," she told her. "He doesn't hate me, at least not yet. I don't really think that it's hit him yet. I'm not telling mom."

"So," Sango's eyes narrowed. "You're going to go to college…pregnant, not letting your mom or Inuyasha know? Kagome, I'm sorry, but that's the stupidest plan that I've ever heard. I know you think she's gonna hate you. I know you think Inuyasha will, too. But they'll be even more upset if you don't tell them. Kags, Inuyasha's your best friend. Even if you two aren't…regular best friends," Sango blushed a bit, her eyes lowering. Kagome blushed, too. "But do you really think he'd leave you behind?"

"I remember everything he said, you know," she replied sadly. "I asked him if he ever wanted kids. He said that he didn't. He said that no one would be getting pregnant since birth control and condoms practically ruled the world," she sighed. "It's a lot more difficult than you think. The entire weekend I spent with him, I paid no attention to the fact that we didn't use any contraception. And when we went to that club and got drunk, we didn't use any then, either. But then again, he said if it ever does happen, he wouldn't leave his _pup _alone, or the girl that he got pregnant. But Sango, he wasn't thinking. He probably just didn't want to make me feel bad, I guess. He's going to be mad. He knew I was on birth control. We were always so careful. I don't know what was going up inside my head."

Sango giggled, trying to lighten the mood although the things that she'd heard from Kagome had her worried, too. "Well, it's pretty fucked up in there," Kagome frowned. "Hey, hey, don't take it so offensively. It was just a joke," Sango smiled a little, reassuring her. But then, she ended up frowning. "Listen, I really can't tell you if he's going to stay or not. But you're going to have to tell him. You're going to have to tell your mom, Kagome. And to be honest, when they find out, they'll probably be just as scared as you are. They aren't going to hate you for your mistake, though. They'll never hate you, especially Inuyasha. You're his best friends, Kags. He trusts you, and I know he misses you because I haven't seen him around at all. C'mon, Kags. You can't keep this a secret forever."

"I know. It's…difficult. I have to handle myself, first. What am I supposed to tell my mom? Tell her that I want to drop out? She'll look at me funny, she'll be disappointed and I can't handle that. The morning sickness is bad…like really bad. How am I gonna help with all those bills at home? What if mom starts drinking again when she finds out?"

"Of course I know it's difficult," Sango leaned over to place a hand on her shoulder. "I know it's going to hurt to know she's disappointed in you. But I know she won't give up on you and Souta again. Mrs. Higurashi is stronger than that, Kagome. And as for Inuyasha- wait…shit, is that _him_ right over there, ordering food?" Her voice was serious and her eyes were widened, and instantly, Kagome snapped her head over, and her eyes widened at what she saw.

There he stood impatiently. She wanted to smack herself. How could she forget that he always came here to get his favorite food, ramen, claiming that they served the best. "Wow," Sango said, her mouth hanging open in surprise as she continued to goggle her eyes at his figure, which was currently not facing them. "That's really Inu-"

"_Shut up_!" Kagome cried quietly, swiftly standing to her feet, careful not to cause any of his attention on her. "We've got to go Sango…we've got to go!"

"Right on it," Sango said before pulling out a few dollar bills to leave the waiter a tip. "I'll block you."

Her heart rate increased as she swiftly walked over to the door, in a hurry to get out of the noodle shop, tears already fogging up in her eyes. "Shit," she heard Sango curse, and she froze, not daring to turn around. "He's walking towards us," she gave a defeated sigh. "Kagome, no matter what kind of shit you two are going through, you can't fight him off forever and you're going to have to tell hi-"

"Hey, Sango," Kagome heard his voice and she knew that all hope was gone. There was no use in running now. She turned around, watching as Sango gave him a fake smile. Her cheeks reddened and her eyes fell to the floor, and an awkward atmosphere seemed to be surrounding her when his eyes landed on hers. "Hi, Kagome."

He still had that same effect. He could make his words sound like honey whenever he wanted them to. His voice was softer when he spoke her name, and finally, she raised her eyes to meet his once she was sure that all the tears were gone. But what was the use? He was a half demon and he could smell them, anyway.

"Hi," she said politely, gulping after she said the strained, hard words. She was angry and she wanted to stay that way.

"Um, hey," Sango said finally, observing Kagome for a while before deciding to step between them. "What're you doing here?"

Sango could tell that he was forcing smiles, too. Everyone seemed to be so unhappy lately. He sighed before he spoke again, his eyes still on Kagome's face, making her shift uncomfortably and stare at her shoes. "I ran outta ramen at home. Didn't have anything to eat and grocery shopping would take too long."

Sango gave a fake, soft smile. "Oh. Well, I guess that we'll just go on now. After all, Kagome's not feeling so well, and I'm about to drive her back home. I guess we'll see you soon enough, Yash. Take care."

"Are you okay, Kagome?" Inuyasha asked, moving a bit closer to her. And without realizing it, she took a few steps back. His eyes burned into hers, and she didn't bother trying to be nice anymore or forcing him a smile. He didn't deserve that right now. She was angry. She hated him for acting as if he forgot about all those words that he'd said to her, those hateful words, those possessive words, too.

"_You're mine…my mate."_

What had he meant by that? She glared at him. Couldn't he smell it? Couldn't he smell that she was carrying his pup, or was he too much of an idiot to not realize that either, just like he hadn't realized her feelings? _Fuck _him. He was just the biological father, nothing more and nothing less.

"_Damn, if you wanna go, then go!"_

She had done exactly as he had said. So why was he bothering to even speak to her now? Maybe there friendship had been okay in the beginning, but then, they needed the sex, the kisses, the comfort that their bodies had brought each other almost every day. "I'm doing just fine." She answered him coldly.

"That's really good," he said, no signs of confusion showing on his face now. He knew exactly why she looked at him like he had betrayed her. Damn, he had betrayed her, hurt her over and over again when he said they should stay as friends. Didn't he know that she wanted more? Didn't he know that he was the father of the child that she was carrying now? He was an idiot and she hated him, hated him with every fiber in her body. Wait…scratch that. It was another lie but she didn't bother counting it. She had lost count in her lies now, and hell didn't scare her anymore because she was already living in it. But he was going to hell, too.

Sango looked worried now. "Come on, Kagome. Let's go."

Yes, let's go.

"_He's only there to __**fuck **__you up, Kagome."_

She tried to walk away, but he latched on to her arm, his eyes wide like they had been when he had tried to stop her from walking away from her before. Her eyes narrowed.

"Can…can we at least talking things over, Kagome?"

How dare he ask her that? Especially out in public. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Sango giving her a look as if telling her that maybe she should consider it.

"Hey, Kagome, I'll be out in the car. I'm ready whenever you are," Sango said with a smile, walking out the door.

And Inuyasha was still latched onto her arm. She looked down at his hand and glared before jerking her arm away from his. "I don't want to talk to you!"

Not when he was still with all of those pretty superficial girls who wore more make-up than she did, had better bodies than she did. She wasn't his girl, but he was the father of her child and she just couldn't bring herself to admit that to him, and now, he would never know. He didn't have to. She would raise it by herself. He didn't deserve to know. He had other girls and he had no right to be clutching onto her arm like this, his voice and eyes desperate when he begged to talk to her.

He had other girls, and she wasn't one of them.

"_Does the idea of me being with someone else bother you, Kagome?"_

Fuck his words. Fuck how he knew her feelings and refused to return them.

"What happened to us?" he asked her.

"You're words is what happened! Sex is what happened! Gosh, I can't even be your _friend _anymore, Yash!" she whispered fiercely, not wanting to make a scene in front of everyone. "Let me go now…I'm tired, I wanna go home."

And then, she was crying as she remembered the words that hurt her the most.

"_What I said earlier meant nothing….How could you ever mean anything to me? You're nothing but an insignificant girl to me. You're nothing! And if you think you're something, you better think again, bitch!"_

"Bye, Inuyasha," she walked away, out of the door and wiped her tears away. Like she had said earlier, now wasn't the time to be weak. She looked down at her flat stomach. She had to be strong for her and this new life that she was bringing into the world. She was tired of him breaking her over and over again, telling her that she meant nothing and using her body for his pleasure. She remembered the way he held her tight as he moved himself in and out of her, and all along, she had called it 'making love'. Maybe that's why she was so fucked up today.

She shook her head to herself and calmed herself down, sighing when she heard her racing heart go back to it's regular pace. Never again. Never, ever again would she long for his love. She slipped into Sango's car, avoiding her gaze. "How'd it go?" she asked.

"It went horrible," she told her. "You shouldn't have left me alone with him like that."

"I'm sorry, Kagome. You can't do this by yourself. You need someone. You need him. You two are having a baby together and no matter how bad things are right now, both of you need to grow up and fix these problems. Think of the baby. Think of him or her growing up without a father."

"He's the one who never asked me to stay, and he's the one who never wanted more from me besides sex. You think that he'd want a baby? No. I'm not having a baby with him. I'm the one carrying it, and it's just his seed into my egg. It's my baby, and I can take care of it by myself. He's the biological father and that's it. I'm this baby's mother and I can give it love, and he can't when he doesn't even love me."

"I still think he does," Sango whispered. "I tried to prevent you from ending up like this. I really did, Kagome. I kinda always knew that he loved you, though," she admitted, a dreamy smile on her face as she drove. "I think you two can work it out."

"I can't even stand being around him," Kagome replied, stopping her shaking hands. "I'm done, Sango."

Sango didn't know what to say to this. This was Kagome's baby, and she would be the one raising it, all by herself because she was too stubborn. But she didn't want her best friend to end up regretting everything in the end. She sighed. Maybe she'd try to help them fix things another day, but Kagome wasn't having it today. "Well, have you considered your options? There's always adoption. And there's always…" she was having some difficulty saying the word, and she could feel Kagome's eyes boring into her. "There's always abortion."

Kagome calmed herself. "Abortion is definitely not an option. It's cruel, it's selfish," she sighed tiredly and brokenly. "I think I already love my baby."

"So, what about adoption?"

She was angry again because she didn't know the answers to any of these questions, so she said, "Only if I can't handle this. Only if things get to be too bad. Adoption isn't selfish, especially when my baby deserves a better life. Maybe you're right."

She didn't say anything as she felt herself regret the options she had brought up.

After all, it was Kagome's choice, and her choice only.

**A/N: Wow, I'm proud of myself. I finished this chapter so quickly. Don't worry, Kagome and Inuyasha will work things out soon enough. And Sango and Miroku, too.**

**I know Inuyasha is dense as ever, but think about it, he never considered Kagome being pregnant with his child because he was sure she was taking birth control. In the next chapter though, he'll find out in a horrible, **_**horrible **_**way, her mother too. Sorry, I just had to get that out, lol.**

**I didn't get many reviews on the last chapter, lol. I feel unloved! Am I boring all of you or something? I hope not! Please review though, I really need some kind of inspiration and I love hearing everything that you guys say about this story, and when you tell me you like it, it really makes me happy. Just simple things, reviews that aren't long, too. They really make me feel good. So thanks for the few reviews I did get.**

**Pleaseee review and tell me what you think of this chapter though. I'm seriously excited about writing the next chapter. See you guys soon! (:**


	9. Collision

"So," she spoke nervously, her hands folded neatly onto her nap as she looked at her mother with pleading eyes, "I was thinking about staying home and taking those online classes," she knew her mother would ask her why, and there was no way that she could avoid that question. Therefore, in a matter of seconds, her brain formed some kind of believable lie. "There's just too much temptation. Too many parties, too much alcohol. You know how bad I'm trying to make you and Souta proud," she felt guilty now. "And I really need to focus on studying. I think there's _way _too many distractions. Or maybe I could take a year off…" She suggested desperately and quickly as if she already knew the answer to her question.

Her mother gave her that look she had wanted to avoid seeing so badly. She looked at her funny. "Something's got to be up. Most kids I know would _love _freedom. You're lying Kagome, and I want to know what for."

Her brain was immediately searching for another lie. And when she found it, her eyes narrowed at her mother, not too harshly, but enough to make her feel like she was worried. "How are you doing with the bills? How is Souta doing? Mama, I don't know if you're taking care of him or not. And to be honest," or to be kind of honest, "I'm worried about him, I'm worried about you. I know you need my help. And I feel _so _guilty, being away like this. Let me come home. Souta says that he misses me too, and college is just _so _stressful."

She could tell that this was hitting her mother hard. Her mouth opened and then closed, and fear took over Kagome for a second. She was drinking again. Why hadn't Souta told her? "Baby…I'm doing fine. Souta's doing fine, too. He misses you, but he's…I _think _he's happy."

Kagome looked at her softly. She hadn't really expected her words to be true. "You're drinking again, huh?"

She didn't get a reply. Just a facial expression. Her mother looked down into her lap guiltily, and that was all the answer that she needed. Disappointment took over her, and she imagined the horrible feeling as how her mother would feel if she ever found out a baby. "Mama, you promised me you were doing fine. You promised me that Souta was, too."

Her mother looked up at her immediately. "Listen, Kagome Higurashi, you're not the only one that's stressed! I hate to tell you, but your grandfather is dying! You really think I can take another death in this family? Baby, were falling apart and all you can do to help is try to get a good job! You don't know how it feels to be in my shoes! Souta, he's falling apart, too!"

Fear took over her once again and her body froze. She didn't need this right now. She couldn't scream at her mother though. She was mumbling to her shoes now, and her heart was breaking again but it was something that she was use to. Her grandfather was going to leave them soon. The grandfather that had took care of her and Souta, tried his best to help her mother but to no avail. The grandfather that used to read her and Souta to sleep. He was getting old and weak and tired and nothing lasted forever, and people didn't either. "What's wrong with him, Mama?"

She sighed, shaking now, tears falling down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around herself. No wonder why she'd been drinking. She was falling apart and she was lonely and no one was helping her through all of this. What could Souta do? And what could she do if her family wasn't telling her the things that she desperately needed to hear? Somebody should've told her. Somebody should've told her, because now she was even more stressed, confused. "He's falling apart, too. Just like this family. He's sick, Kagome. Really sick."

She still refused to cry even though now was the time when she needed to. She couldn't cry because she was being selfish. She only wanted to stay home for school because she didn't want to be judged. She didn't want people to look at her like she was something that she wasn't. She didn't want to be called names just because she made one mistake. And here her family was falling apart, her mother struggling to pay bills and drinking again because she didn't have enough money and she drunk her troubles away. And her young brother who didn't need to hear all of this. The only thing he should have to focus on was being happy, but his beloved grandfather was dying and it hurt him so bad that he probably didn't dare to tell her. Is that why he had held her so closely the night before, begging her not to let him go? Did he not tell her because he knew that things were already bad enough with the…condition that she was in?

Without a second thought, she rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around her mother, hoping she could be some kind of aid for her even though she needed that, herself. "Let me help you," she whispered into her ear. "I can get a job again…I can help you with Souta and take him to his soccer games, I can work hard enough to pay all of these bills. I can take gramps to the hospital whenever he needs it, I can put food on the table for us. Mama, I swear I can."

Once again, she couldn't be selfish. She had to be there for her mother, let her know she would always be there for her regardless of what she was going through, regardless of the life that she was going to bring into this world.

As her mother continued to cry silently, wetting her shirt, she knew she couldn't tell her. Not right now.

**XXXxxxXXX**

He was still walking around with the grim, sullen look on his face and it was impossible that if you looked him in his eyes, you couldn't tell that his heart was broken. He was running out of places to stay and he was running out of places to hide, and now, he didn't know when he was going to have his next meal since he didn't have anywhere to stay.

He didn't really have any friends to stay with, and he'd considered calling Inuyasha or Kagome, but he already knew what they'd say because they were too mad to consider anything. They thought of him now as who he used to be. But he wasn't, and he never would be that person again but it was hard convincing people that that was the truth.

Rain splashed against his scalp, and he found himself happy that it wasn't so cold and that the air around him was still humid and sticky. He felt dizzy when he thought about going back to her and apologizing. But he looked ahead of him and realized that the home he used to stay was so close now, he'd only have to take a few more steps and he'd be at the door, and perhaps he would get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness, or perhaps he would pull her into his arms and kiss her from missing her so much even if it was without her consent.

He was tired of being angry and having a part of himself hate her for the life that she'd purposely taken away. He was tired of not knowing the reason why and always coming home to another argument, a million disagreements, he was tired of coming home to her ignorance, and he was tired of dealing with his. He didn't know anything anymore, and he remembered it all.

He knew she deserved so much better, and he wished that he could take back every single unnecessary argument.

_**Flashback;**_

_It wasn't the first time that he'd found himself wishing that __**here **__wasn't the place that he had to come home to everyday. It was wrong, sure, but so were the arguments, the name-calling. He let out a sigh as he stepped closer to the door of his home that didn't feel like home. He closed his eyes and held his breath as he stuck the key into the lock on the door, twisting it slowly before pushing the door open._

_He found her in her usual spot. She was seated on the couch, a remote in her hand as the television flashed before her eyes. She didn't acknowledge him and he was glad that she didn't. He made his way into the kitchen, glad for once that she hadn't uttered a word. He was still annoyed with her. She couldn't ignore all of their problems to make them go away, and she couldn't sit around watching television all day, hoping that time would solve their problems. Only talking it out would solve everything, but their relationship had gotten so bad that he didn't know if that would work. They could barely talk now. That's how messed up they were._

_He stopped breathing when he heard the soft sound of a woman's footsteps. He turned to see her and let out the breath that he didn't really notice he was holding in. No matter how many bad things she said to him, no matter the way she used both hands to hit him, no matter the way she cried, she was still beautiful in his eyes._

_For a second, he felt like it would be one of those days where she ran into his arms, kissing the neck and his jaw, telling him how sorry she was while he held her. But he watched her as her eyes narrowed, and he knew that it was another one of those days where they just didn't know each other anymore. Her fists were balled to her side and her mouth opened, and he waited until the sound of her ugly words filled his ears, made him think and scarred his heart forever and more. "What took you so long getting here?" She asked, deathly calm. That was the voice that made him nervous. He could handle her cannonball words and profanities, but he was nearly in agony when she spoke in that dead, calm voice._

"_It's work, you know?" he lied. "It's been a busy day…I'm sorry."_

_Truth is, it hadn't been a busy day at all. When did walking around the park, visiting a few friends and bitching to them count as a busy day? He just couldn't call this place __**home **__anymore, and although he'd never tell her, sometimes he felt like he was living with a monster._

"_Fucking liar," she retorted angrily. "You've done nothing! You were supposed to be home two hours ago! What was going on? Were you out, fucking another one of your whores?" she laughed cruelly. It was all a mask though, because this wasn't the girl he knew, and it never would be._

"_Wouldn't you like to know?" he laughed sarcastically and that was it for her._

_She walked closer to him, her angry eyes locked onto his narrowed ones. Her fists collided into his chest, and he almost fell back from the force of them. He steadied himself and tried to push her off of him, but she refused to stop hitting him. His face twisted up into anger, and he was so close to exploding. He was tired of all the disrespect being put into this marriage. It was failing already, and it had only been fourteen months. He couldn't take much, and every hit she gave him hurt physically and mentally and he was slowly breaking down, falling apart._

_She was crying now, and that was unusual because she never let __**anyone**__ see her cry, not even him. She had even refused to cry as the phone dropped to the floor when she heard about what had happened to his father, when she heard that she had lost another parent. At first, she looked like she had fallen to the floor from the force of a harsh slap, but then she got back onto her feet, silently vowing to herself that she'd let __**nothing **__happen to her little brother and that she'd protect him from the cruelty of the world._

_Sango had been hurt all of her life, he knew that. And he had tried his best to help her, hut she wouldn't let him. He seemed to be a punching bag. He seemed to get the blame for everything and he was tired of that. And now, their relationship seemed to be nothing but ruins. They were so used to having the other around, having the other bitch and complain that they forgot to be polite and quickly became monsters. Talking things out never fucking worked. He was losing all of his energy on trying to work everything out. Maybe it was time to move on, but moving on was a hard thing to do._

_For once, he decided that he would face his problems and be the man that he was meant to be. She was tiring, her body slouching and convulsing and her breathing was coming out in huffs and pants. He grabbed her fists and pulled her close to him harshly, not meaning to. She looked up at him then with those sad eyes that seemed to get to him every time._

"_What's wrong?" he asked her, his voice cracking. "Baby, please tell me."_

_She whimpered and looked away, burying her head into his chest. He sighed, knowing that she was a little too weak to tell him now. With all of the strength he could muster, he kissed her on the forehead before gathering her in his arms and carrying her into the small bedroom of their apartment. She lay there, still crying._

_He laid himself beside her and shifted himself into a comfortable position before pulling her into his arms. "Even though we never have sex anymore," he began, "even though all we seem to do is fight, I still love you, I still trust you, Sango. You can tell me anything. You can tell me __**everything**__."_

_She was silent for a while, and then she let out a shaky sigh. "Will you still love me if I tell you?" she breathed out._

"_Of course," he said calmly, sure that he wasn't lying to himself._

"_I was happy," she began. "I was really happy when I found out I was pregnant __**again**__," she told him, a broken smile on her face. His heart was racing and his eyes sparked to life and he wondered why she had the melancholy smile on her face instead of the jubilant one that was on his face. "It's gone," and then, she started crying again. "It's gone and I don't know what happened and I'm __**sorry**__."_

_His heart dropped like it did the first time she told him that they'd lost the baby. But he didn't show it. He acted nonchalant, because he knew he had to be strong for not only her, but for himself, too. But still, he wanted a baby so bad. He wanted something that they made out of their love for each other, but it kept dying and it was making them die, their relationship die, too._

_He gave a hopeful smile even though he didn't have much hope._

"_We'll just keep trying. After all, trying is fun, right?" he was rewarded when she snuggled into him._

"_I love you, Miroku."_

"_And I love you too, no matter what."_

_**End of Flashback;**_

He would deal with his oppression. He would deal with her no longer being able to love him or trust him because he knew that whatever ounce of love or trust she had for him was gone when he decided to choose a whore over their marriage.

But if you really, really loved someone, you never really moved on, did you?

With just a touch of hope, he careened towards the door of his home that held so many memories, good and bad.

**XXXxxxXXX**

The park had always been her favorite place to go whenever she needed to think. She should've been happy. Her mother had agreed, telling her that she could go and pick up her stuff later today when classes were over and tell her professors of the news, that she was taking some time, maybe about a year, off to help her family. And she needed to help herself.

But never had she felt so selfish in her whole life.

Of course, she had really meant that she'd get a job despite how stressful that would be, too. She really meant it when she said she was going to help around the shrine, pay the bills, put food on the able, help her grandfather out, and take care of Souta. She'd meant all of that. Every single bit of it. But still, a big part of it was because _she _needed to stay home too. She needed to take care of herself, take care of this baby, take care of telling the people who needed to know the most. But she found that so incredibly hard, so extremely frustrating. No matter the convincing words Sango and Souta had promised her about Inuyasha's reactions, she knew well that it wasn't true. No one knew him like she did. Maybe she was judging him too quickly, but that was the only Inuyasha she'd ever known.

The weather seemed to suit her mood. She'd ignored the weather forecasts, ignored the people and her mother who said it was likely to be a thunderstorm. The sky was gray, and she felt like she owned it, controlled it, felt like she was the cause of it. She frowned when the first drop of rain landed onto her scalp. Letting out a sigh, she buried her face into her hands like she had been doing a lot lately and decided that she felt like a hurricane, decided that she felt like she was on a road of self-destruction. Since when did the sky, the rain, and thunder know her exact feelings? Was it taking sympathy on her? She sighed again, deciding another thing. Maybe she was losing her mind. The stress she felt was enough to make her lose it completely, see it swimming out somewhere and not daring to rescue it back.

Her mind was swimming and she felt like she was drowning. Drowning in a realm of misery and selfishness, and she knew that this was the only way to feel and she deserved it. Now wasn't the time to try and figure out her feelings and why she loved and missed him so much, why she wanted to stay and talk to him so much. It wasn't the time to feel sad about her grandfather. Now was the time to worry about herself, but it didn't feel right.

Light drops of rain fell down on her, and she looked up and closed her eyes, the rumbling of the sky seeming to match with the sounds her heart was making as she continued to think. She didn't mind the rain splattering across her face. It was nice, she felt like she was coming clean, getting her sanity back. She sighed in contempt, happy that the rain wasn't cold on her skin.

But then, the rain started getting heavier and it snapped her out of her peace. She sighed and stood, although she didn't feel like leaving. She wouldn't be able to leave before it started getting really bad. She didn't need to be sick now, she was already sick enough. Her mood had soured now, and it soured even more when the rain started to get colder. She wrapped her arms around her fragile figure, her bottom row of teeth colliding with the top as she began shivering and wanting to be anywhere rather than where she was.

Her mood soured even more, and she felt herself cursing as a car drove by fast, making the water that had started to make pools on the roads splash on her. She growled to herself and closed her eyes as it hit her, getting her more soaked than she already was. She pushed her soaking wet hair back and opened her eyes to see the car slowing down. And then she realized, it looked familiar.

She froze. She knew that car. She knew those sneakers that were walking towards her fast, steadily. She knew that angry posture, she knew that face that said he was infuriated. She knew those golden eyes, she knew the wrathfulness that swarmed around in them when she annoyed him to no end. But what mattered the most was that she knew that compassion in his eyes as she stood frozen, unable to do anything but _stare_.

She knew that grip on her arm. She'd felt it so many times before when he tried to stop her from walking away forever. And, she knew that angry voice. "The fuck are you doing out here, Kagome?"

**XXXxxxXXX**

It was warm in here, and he liked that. It felt like home again, and he liked that, too.

His eyes were betraying him as he watched her walk into the kitchen, her hips swaying and her backside seeming like the most attractive thing that he'd ever seen. He missed his hands on her hips, and he missed the way she felt underneath him. He missed the soft texture of her neck as he kissed it passionately, and the way her long hair sometimes tickled his skin. Most of all, he missed her loving him. He didn't want to be the only one who was still madly in love. He didn't want to be weak in front of her and beg.

She came back with his tea, her eyes scrutinizing his face and he shifted uncomfortably before bringing the hot cup up to his mouth, ignoring the scold it left on his tongue. This would feel okay again, it would feel perfect if she wasn't looking at him like that. "Thank you, Sango."

"Yeah," she said quietly, her eyes falling to the floor and he could tell that she was sad.

He didn't say anything. He was scared to ruin the peace that he felt surrounding them, the silence. He didn't want to fight. He was all out of energy. So he leaned back, trying to make himself comfortable on the couch but failing to do so. Finally, he gave up and sat rigid in his seat, sipping on his tee.

"Are you hungry?" she asked him quite guiltily.

He gave a small smile. "I'm…I'm fine." The gods knew he wasn't.

What he wanted was for things to be fine between them again. He thought of warm food and the scent of the things that Sango used to make and his stomach rumbled in disagreement. He wasn't fine. He was hungry. Hungry for food and definitely hungry for her love, for her lips. Not only was he hungry for her body, too, but for the way she made him feel. He wanted to feel those warm feelings again.

She let out a small chuckle when she heard his stomach and he smiled to himself. He had always loved the sound of her laughing, especially when he was the one who brought that laughter on. "You're not fine," she said and he wished that she knew that he wasn't fine in the other ways, either. "I'm gonna fix you some ramen. I know you haven't had a nice meal in a while."

Why was she being so nice after all that had happened? It made him feel guilty, and he mumbled an okay to her, his eyes betraying him again as they looked down to the low-cut shirt she was wearing. He was hungry for her the most. He wanted her back. His eyes were on her hips again, on her backside again as she made her way into the kitchen once more, and he could hear her rummaging through some things. She could take really good care of him whenever she wanted to. He knew that she felt guilty. It was written all over her face even though she was great at hiding emotions. She couldn't hide this.

And he couldn't hide it either. He wanted it all to be okay again. He couldn't think straight, and he was in a daze and almost didn't notice that he had rose to his feet, and he was slowly making his way over to her.

He felt her jump beneath his fingertips when his hands landed onto her perfectly curved hips. His mouth was on her neck before he could stop it and he heard her whimper in something that he hoped was agony because she needed him just as badly as he needed her. His lips continued to work on her neck, and then, he was sucking on her skin, hoping to leave his mark. Her eyes fluttered shut and her back arched back into his chest, and he smiled to himself. She was giving in. She wasn't fighting him.

She moaned again. She wasn't fighting him at all.

"Baby," he panted into her ear. "I'm sorry."

Her eyes widened for a second, only to flutter shut again when she felt his hands caressing her curves. She realized that she wasn't in for talking. She wanted him, maybe because she hadn't had intimacy for months, but her arousal was so strong and she couldn't deny it. She didn't care if this would make her feel guiltier. Maybe it could help fix things. Maybe they could make it. Maybe she wouldn't have to fill out those divorce papers that waited for her choice. She missed him. She missed his hands and his eyes and his smiles and the way he made her feel. That feelings was nice, possibly the best feeling she'd ever had.

She felt his hands on her hips again, and he turned her around and pressed his body against hers, making her back arch and her chest bump into his even more. Without any warning, he slammed his hips against hers and she cried out. Being pushed against the cabinets was uncomfortable, but she didn't mind. She felt his hands underneath her thighs, lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around him and her hips had their on mind as they repeated his movements, making her head toss back and a loud moan slip from her lips as her eyelids shut tightly. He took this as the opportunity to lean down and kiss her neck again, increasing her pleasure. His hands were still holding her up and it was starting to get difficult, so he sat her down on the cool, granite cabinets.

He took a break to breath. She sat there, her chest moving up and down from her pants. Her eyes were glassy and she was biting her lip, wishing that he knew just how much she really wanted him, just how much she was really sorry. She wanted him to know how the guilt had nearly ate her alive. But then again, she knew that if he forgave her, he was an idiot. She knew how much he had always wanted children. She had seen his eyes when she'd first told him that she was pregnant. She had seen the way they dimmed in seconds and seen the way the smile was wiped from his face when she'd told him that she lost it. She wanted to try again. She wanted to forgive him for what he did, and she wanted to be happy with him because she loved him and she knew that he loved her, too, and they were too young to be this sad.

"I love you," she whispered, and her voice was cracking even though she had forced herself not to cry, promised it to herself. She was usually good at keeping promises but she didn't know if she was strong enough to carry through with the promise she'd made not to cry. He was _here_. He was here and in her arms and giving her everything that she wished for…love. He was giving her another chance and she was giving him another, too. "I really, really love you. God I do. And I'm _sorry_. I'm sorry and I want to try…I want to try again."

He almost looked like he didn't believe her, but he did. "And I love you, and I'm sorry, too. Let's try again."

He leaned back in to kiss her neck, but she pushed him away. "What if I'll never be able to have your children, Miroku? I know you've always wanted children and what if I can't give you that?" she looked away. "You'll leave me. You'll find someone who _can _have your children and I'll be lonely and I'll never be happy. You'll hate me, won't you? You still hate me about what happened. Miroku, I can't do this. I _can't_."

"Shh," he calmed her down, pushing against her again as if to calm her down. He didn't like the sound of her crying and he didn't like the sight of it either, so he closed his eyes, hoping that everything would be okay. "You're still my wife. When I said until death do us part, I meant it. I meant it to the skies and to the stars and to the moon and back to earth. Sango, I love you. I was mad, but I think I can understand," he said with some difficulty. "You didn't think I loved you. You were uncertain and you were angry and you weren't thinking. But right now, you're forgiving me. And right now, I'm forgiving you, too. We deserve to be happy. We deserve something beautiful and we deserve something we created out of this crazy love. I'll never hate you. You're part of me. If there is a god out there, he wants us to be together," she looked up at him as he spoke his words, and he looked into her eyes and without second thought, he captured her lips with his in something soft, his mouth moving against hers in what he felt most for her. Love. Undeniable, compassionate, irrevocable, mad love. "I love you forever and more." He panted against her.

She whimpered at his words, whimpered at the way he felt against her, and cried, cried happily, because he loved her just as she loved him. He loved her madly, and she found it all to be crazy, but she kissed him back, the saltiness of her tears on her tongue now as she kissed him with everything she felt. Things were okay again.

She wanted him. She wanted to feel everything. She wanted to feel his body join with hers like it did so many months ago and after, she didn't want things to go bad again. Small, simple, irrational arguments she could handle, but she didn't think she could handle the big, complicated, desolating arguments.

She grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him even closer, wrapping her legs tight around his lower waist. He groaned and she cried out from the feel of it, and she realized that she needed to feel more. His tongue thrust in and out of her mouth in what she hoped his arousal would mimic later while he was inside of her. She moaned as she felt his tongue brush against hers, playfully pushing it back, fighting for dominance. But somehow, she always seemed to win.

She yanked off his shirt, a sneaky smile on her face. He smiled, too. Finally, things were okay again.

**XXXxxxXXX**

"Are you fucking crazy? Don't you know that there's flood watches? It's all over the news! What are you, a fucking idiot?"

For a while, all she could do was stare at him. He was soaking wet, but he wasn't shivering like she was and she knew it was because he was a half demon. Sometimes, she envied them, envied them all for being so strong while she was so weak. His hair seemed to be even longer due to the rain that poured over them, and his jeans were getting damper by the second, and the red shirt he'd decided to wear, since she still knew that red was his favorite color, stuck to his skin. And he was still as beautiful as she remembered with the same ugly attitude.

Her eyes trailed down to the grip he had on her arm. She'd felt his grip so many times. But he was touching her, and even though her jaws were clenched together, trying to keep from shivering, and even though her whole body was wet and now cold from the heavy rain that poured down on them, his touch made her feel warm and she missed him. She felt dizzy, and she tried to break away from him when she realized that all she was doing was standing there like an idiot, but she stumbled and his grip on her tightened and he growled.

"Let me go," she said weakly, and she was shivering again.

He didn't say anything. He looked at her like she was stupid and she couldn't stand that. She tried to break away again because his touch was doing weird things to her that she couldn't take right now, but his grip on her was steady. Just as she was about to open her mouth and will him away and tell him that she was doing fine, he jerked her towards him, into him. He wrapped an arm around her and she couldn't do anything but walk with him. She realized that he was dragging her towards his car. She tried to keep her feet glued to the ground, and he let out a loud, warning growl, so she instantly shut up, almost in tears.

He all but shoved her into his car even though she had given up struggling against him. She was too weak to cuss him, so she sat in his warm car and folded her arms angrily, looking out the window and fighting tears. What if he could smell it on her, smell that she was carrying his pup? What if all the hard work that she'd put into trying to keep him from knowing was all in vain, and what if he found out and things got worse?

He looked angry when he opened the door. He shot her a glance and growled, his mouth twisting up into a snarl. She wrapped her arms around herself and sunk down in the seat, sure she was screwed.

"This is new, huh?" he started, sarcasm in his voice. "This thing about trying to kill yourself when you swore you were sick. You think being out in the cold rain will make that better, Kagome? What were you thinking?"

"What I was thinking was frankly none of your fucking business!" she was starting to lose her control. "You've got some audacity to just grab me and fucking shove me into a car when you knew so god damn well that I didn't want to go! I said I wanted to be _away _from you!"

She could tell he was angry by the look on his face. It was a look that she'd seen many times before. His mouth was twisted up into a snarl and he was driving faster than usual on the slick roads. Her heart was beating faster and she wished that he would slow down, but she wouldn't show that or tell him about the bad feeling she had that something terrible was going to happen. "You know what?" he growled. "There you go being the childish, immature bitch you always were, Kagome! I don't really give a fuck if you wanted to be away from me…you were fucking _sick _and you, being the imbecile that you are, didn't fucking realize that a fucking thunderstorm was supposed to be going on, or that rain would only make you sicker!"

She was near tears again. She didn't feel like crying, though. She felt like arguing and she felt like hating him, but even though he was screaming insults and profanities at her, she couldn't bring herself loath him the way that she wanted to. Maybe he had shoved her into the car, gripped her arm so that his claws almost dug into her flesh, screamed and cussed her, calling her stupid and foolish and immature, which she was, but in the midst of it all, the fact that she was next to him in his comfortable car like she had been so many times before was a lot to take on, and she was still getting those same feelings and she was stupid for that, too.

She found herself laughing from the irony of it all, and he was looking at her like she was mad. "What's so fucking funny?" he was still driving fast and all of the roads were still wet with rain and when they hit a bump in the road, the rain would splash up on the windows. She was still laughing, her cheeks and nose turning slightly red from her laughter. "Are you fucking _mad _or something?"

"I don't know," she gave a silly, sad smile. "It's funny. I tried my best to stay away from you, because I don't think I can stand you anymore. I really meant it when I said I was done. I thought it would be the end and I wouldn't be bothered by you anymore and I thought that for once, I could be really, truly happy, but I guess not. You're always going to show up and be here although I wished you weren't."

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Her words had always gotten the best of him but he wouldn't admit that. He watched as her eyes watered and the salty scent of her tears filled his nose. He knew that he had hurt her. And he knew that yelling at her wouldn't make things better between them, it wouldn't make any sense come into that head of hers that maybe he did miss her. She had claimed to be his best friend. She always had. But if she really was, she should have known that his actions spoke louder than his words. But still, she didn't seem to realize that he cared about her, like _really _fucking cared and for that, she was an idiot. He didn't want to fight anymore.

When he'd seen her walking out there, her dark hair seeming even darker because it was wet by the rain, and when he had seen her almost in tears and wrapping her arms around her fragile figure, he'd broken down. He couldn't help the way his car slowed and he couldn't help feeling the funny things he felt inside when he had seen her again. And then, he felt angry. He felt angry because she said she was sick and she was only making herself sicker. And he'd been angry when he realized that this time, he couldn't help her because she wouldn't want his help.

"Don't cry. Don't you dare," he told her, but she buried her face into her hands before letting out a loud sigh and pulling back so she could rub her eyes. The scent of her tears, though, was still there. "I'm serious, Kagome."

She was making him feel guilty. He decided that maybe if he would have left her alone, even if that did mean her getting sicker, it would have been for the best. "I hate you," she muttered, hoping he could hear her.

Apparently, he didn't, or either he didn't want to believe what she'd said even though she had said it many times before. "What'd you say?" He demanded harshly.

"I said I hate you!" she broke down. "You shouldn't have even cared if I would've died from being sick, stupid! You don't know anything and you're the one who said I meant nothing! You're the one who didn't want me to stay-"

"I didn't want you to _leave_! I only let you leave because you were so fucking desperate to, Kagome! And you can't lie to my face and say you weren't! The thought of actually staying with a half-breed must disgust you, huh? Why would you stay, anyway?" he cried out, not even paying attention to the sad fact that she was making him admit things that he wasn't supposed to. "You probably have that wolf from the club to look after, right?" he snarled in disgust, his eyes hard on the road. "I'm not supposed to be wondering what would make you stay and what would make you go!"

"I wasn't desperate to go! When I said I would stay by your side, I meant it," she said sadly remembering the promises that they'd made to each other. "You never cared about my feelings. You never, ever did. All you cared about was the sex-"

He interrupted her by crying out again. "That was all there was supposed to be, Kagome! Sex. Sex whenever we needed it, whenever we really wanted it. Feelings weren't supposed to have any involvement in that. Our friendship was supposed to remain in tact," he calmed his voice down so that it sounded deadly and she felt that scared feeling take over her. "I remember how you taste," he acknowledged. "I remember how you feel, too. I've had you so many fucking times and it wasn't supposed to mean shit you or me. Just pleasure and that's it. What _happened_?"

She was crying again. "I made a mistake, and you don't deserve to know what the mistake is."

Things were deathly quiet for a while and she could feel him about to explode. "God dammit, Kagome! I'm trying to make this better, I swear I am! I'm trying to figure out what went wrong!"

"Just let it go. Drop it. Forget about it, because my feelings never meant _shit _to you."

He pressed harder on the gas and his jaws were clenched and she knew she had went past the brink. She didn't want to talk anymore, and she was still crying silently. She angrily wiped the tears away because they weren't worth it anymore. He glanced at her out of the corner of her eye and drove faster, ignoring the speed limit.

"Inu…calm down," she found herself almost wheezing. "…You're going past the speed limit," he ignored her and she sat up. "Inu-"

"Just shut the fuck up and let me drive you home, and then hope that I'll never fucking run into you again or give a fuck about any of this shit anymore!" He growled out loudly, and she shut up, her hands clenching onto the seat. The way he was driving was scaring her.

She wanted to lay a hand on her stomach as if to protect her baby from his words and whatever would happen. She was angry with him and he was angry with her, even though he had no reason to be. He was the one who wanted her to leave. Nothing she did ever seemed to be right.

He was still mumbling under his breath.

"How about _you _shut up!" she cried out, and his eyes snapped over to hers quickly, only to land back on the road. His face was turning red and she wouldn't care if his demon came out right now. "I didn't do _anything _wrong to you, and you're getting mad at me!"

"Don't you know how it fucking _feels _for you to tell me that you hate me after everything that we've been through? You're a fucking idiot, Kagome!"

"If I'm depressed then I'll tell it like it is!" she cried.

"Stop crying like a fucking baby!"

"Do you want the truth?" she asked angrily, at the brink of her emotions. She was so sick of him being the idiot he was and she was sick of taking this abuse when he didn't know anything that was going on.

"Hai!" he cried out and she knew he was at the brink, too, and she was tired of fighting with him and she wanted it to all be over.

"I never wanted to have a child, knowing that the father wouldn't love him or her, and knowing that he wouldn't love the mother, either!"

With his driving still out of control and his heart beating even faster, his body went rigid and no sound was heard except for the beating of his heart, and she was looking at him expectantly. But still, he couldn't give her an answer and he couldn't breathe. He was too busy looking at her, spacing out and not being able to breathe properly, that his eyes weren't even on the road, and he barely heard her cuss or tell him to watch out.

He didn't even have the time to focus on the road again. The only sound he could hear was the beating of his heart and then the collision of his car hitting another, of the screech it made when it slid. He thought about her and he thought about the life she was carrying. It only took seconds before she passed out. Those seconds must have been awful as her heart nearly burst and her lungs almost collapsed and the only thing in her head was a horrible panic. Panic of losing her life, and their child's life, too.

She was bleeding. He could smell that, and he could see it, too. She had a cut down the side of her face and she sat there limply. His vision was starting to go out and he could've cried because it was all his fault.

"_Kagome_."

In a matter of seconds, his vision went out and all the screaming and the sound of his heart beating he heard in his sensitive ears did began to fade out. Before he knew it, his world went black.

**A/N: I haven't updated in a while, I know. I got in big trouble and I needed some time to think to myself. I've been stressed and it's been hard to write.**

**This chapter didn't really go the way I wanted it to. I really tried, but I just wanted to hurry up and update so I could get started on the next chapter. Gosh, you guys, thanks for all the reviews! I'm so close to a hundred reviews, so thanks a lot for that, and the things you guys say means a lot to me! I promise, I'll try to make the next chapter better than this one!**


	10. Hurt

Her smile was sinister, curving up the way it did as if she had achieved some great accomplishment. Her blood red eyes were sparkling with mischief as her smile widened. It was pride and that was all. She did not feel a bit of sympathy and she knew that was what her master loved the most about her. She was merciless and she showed no fear, empathy, or sympathy. She showed nothing, not even one bit of evidence when she was done with her work.

She watched him as he slowly walked closer to her, the same sinister smile placed on his lips. "Did you kill her and the unborn child? Most importantly, did you kill _him_?"

She smirked. "No," she answered truthfully. "I didn't kill any of them. The most she should have is a slight concussion and the child may be gone, I'm not sure. He's still very much alive. I'm sure of it."

"Next time," he smirked, "I want them _dead_."

She smiled. "Yes, sir."

"Keep an eye on them all for me, will you, Kagura? Befriend the girl if you have to. I assume that she means a lot to him."

"Yes, she does, I believe," Kagura answered him. "I think he loves the girl. I know for sure that she loves him, too. Don't worry. I'll keep up with them…I can promise you that."

"Make me proud, Kagura," she smiled in response to his demand. He walked away with the evil glint still in his eyes, and a determined smirk raising the corner of his mouth. As soon as he left the room, her smile went away and she crossed her arms, and against her own will, she found herself pacing back and forth. She had meant it when she said that she showed no sympathy and she killed mercilessly. However, she'd never meant to end up doing his dirty work. The way he looked at her, it was as if he knew that he had all control over her but he didn't and he never would.

Honestly, if she had the chance, she would kill him mercilessly, too.

**XXXxxxXXX**

For the first time in a while, she found herself happy to wake up and endure the day. Letting out a yawn, she looked over beside her and she couldn't help the small smile that took over her face when she felt his soft embrace around her and heard the light sounds he made as he slept. For a while, all she could do was continue to lay there in his arms and smile foolishly at him as the happy feeling engulfed her completely, as his presence swallowed her whole. She was happy. She was elated and it was a nice feeling to feel and she realized that she had missed the feeling dearly. He was home again. He was _home_, and this was exactly where he needed to be.

Carefully, she unwrapped herself from his arms and quietly sat up, and unbeknownst to her, she still had that foolish, stupid smile on her face. Without a sound, she made her way into the bathroom and wrapped her arms around her body. The smile had widened when she thought about last night. But her eyes, they gleamed just as they used to.

She had missed him.

And for the first time in a while, she believed his words when he had spoken them last night, and then he proved it by his actions and that made her happy, really, really happy. As happy as she had ever been.

The smile was still on her face when she finished showering. She walked quietly back into her room, and her smile widened when she saw him still sleeping soundlessly, still snoring quietly. With an idea set in mind and determination, she smile a little more and made her way into the kitchen, figuring that he must have been hungry.

Honestly, she wasn't good at cooking and she never thought that she made a good wife. In the kitchen, she seemed to destroy everything she touched and if she made some kind of success with the food, it would end up burnt in the end. But just for him, just because of what he made her feel and maybe because she still felt guilty for kicking him out, leaving him without a place to stay and good food to eat, she would try her best.

She had always found cracking eggs to be frustrating. Pieces of the broken eggshell always ended up everywhere, but she was trying her best. She found herself smiling in achievement when the eggs were finally in the hot frying pan without any eggshells in them. Next was the bacon, and she just hoped that she wouldn't burn that, or the eggs.

She was so involved in her careful cooking that she didn't hear the footsteps behind her, and that resulted in her jumping when she felt warm lips on her neck and strong, steady hands on her hips.

"Shit!" she hissed, turning around to face him. Any trace of the dreamy smile was gone now, and she looked at him angrily. It angered her even more to see him smiling stupidly. "What exactly were you doing, sneaking up on me like that? Jerk!"

His smile widened and he leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers, and she wanted to push him away because she knew that she would be enchanted by him all over again. It didn't matter, whatever. The food didn't matter anymore, either. All that mattered was his warm, soft mouth against hers, saying things that words couldn't, things that left her breathless. Finally, he pulled away and she couldn't stop herself from slumping against his chest, her eyes still closed like she wanted more. He made her feel so many things.

"Angel," he whispered against her neck, making her shudder. "I think the food may be burning."

Her eyes widened and she tore herself away from him and back to the stove. "Shit!" she cried out, although it wasn't a big problem. "This is all your fault, you know." She complained as she pulled the food away from the eyes on the stove.

He smiled and moved towards her again. "You didn't have to do this," he whispered as his arms encircled her. She closed her eyes and leaned against him as close as she could get. "I know you can't cook anything but microwave ramen," he joked and she growled warningly. "But this…for you to actually try just for me, it's sweet. But let's face it, most of your food is bad enough to poison a man though."

She chuckled. "Well, I guess that poison just isn't working fast enough then, huh?"

"I guess not," he smiled as he began fixing himself a plate. "You gonna eat some of this poison?"

She gave him a bright smile. "I'd rather not."

He shrugged his shoulders and began to eat, and she watched him in disgust without a clue how men could eat that much, eat that quickly without getting sick. "The _poison_," she started amusingly, "must not taste that bad, by the way you're eating it."

He looked up at her with a smile on his face. "I'm surprised. It really doesn't taste that bad, even if the bacon is a little burned," she growled at him. "Thanks, angel. How'd you know I was this hungry?"

Her eyes went downcast and she felt that horrible feeling of guilt engulf her once again. "I knew you must've been," she started. "I mean, I kicked you out and you didn't have a place to stay or food to eat, and all I wanted to do was make this all up to you. I know sorry may not be saying much, but I really am, Roku. And I can promise you that it will never happen again."

She wouldn't cry in front of him. She had already showed him enough that she was weak when it came to things like this. But she couldn't stop tears from welling in her eyes. This was the really bad kind of guilt. The guilt that felt like she had murdered an innocent person without any remorse. But now, she did feel that remorse, more than ever.

"Don't cry. Cause if you do, even if I'm a man who's not supposed to cry, I might cry, too," he told her as he rose to his feet and began making his way over to her. Her tears fell anyway as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly and letting her tears soak up his shirt. Hesitantly, he pulled away and looked at her before smashing his lips against hers, kissing her with everything that she made him feel. How could she feel guilty? He should be the one. He was the one. He didn't deserve to be holding her right now, and he didn't deserve to have someone in his life that loved him this much. "I love you." He murmured against her lips and she whimpered.

Her hands wrapped around his neck and she kissed him back, her lips moving against his in all that she felt for him, too. She moaned, realizing that she wanted him all over again. Just as she was about to tug at his shirt and pull it off his head, she jumped when she heard the phone ring. She tore herself away from him and ran into the next room, hoping that her voice wouldn't sound too breathless when she answered the phone. He followed closely behind her, a stupid smile on his face.

"Hello?" she panted into the phone, and she growled lowly when she heard him chuckle behind her.

"_**Sango? I-I've been trying to reach you forever!"**_ Sango's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at Mrs. Higurashi's voice. What exactly was going on? Mrs. Higurashi never called unless the situation was extremely important.

"What's wrong?" she asked urgently. Miroku wrapped an arm around her waist as she spoke onto the phone, and she tried to pull away from him but he wouldn't let her. She sighed in annoyance before finally giving into him. "W-why are you calling from the hospital? Are you okay? Is _Kagome_ okay?"

She heard something from the other line that sounded like a woman trying to hold back her cries and before she knew it, her heart was racing and her voice had heightened from concern. She didn't hear an immediate response and worry set in her veins, sending a chill down her back. "What do you need, Mrs. Higurashi? What happened?"

"_**Listen, I know you're busy with your own life…" **_Mrs. Higurashi started, only to be interrupted by Sango.

"I'm _never_ too busy if it concerns my best friend or her mother." Sango assured her in a firm voice.

On the other line, she heard silence, and just when she was about to make sure that Mrs. Higurashi was still there, she heard a that broken, pained, quiet voice again. _**"She's doing okay. We're here in the hospital, now. Her and Inuyasha…he was driving her home…and he didn't mean to, but they ended up crashing into another car. She's got a mild concussion. She…she never told me, Sango…she never told me she was…pregnant…." **_she heard her crying, and regardless of Kagome being in the hospital with a concussion already, she wanted to give her another concussion for not listening to her after all the times she had tried to tell Kagome to tell her mother. This was the result in the end. Her mother was worried to death, she was worried to death, and she didn't know if the baby was okay.

Miroku's grip on her tightened, and she didn't know that she was crying until she tasted salt in her mouth. She gasped and used the other hand to wipe her tears away. "Dammit," she cursed out unintentionally. "Don't cry. Is Yasha there? Is the baby alright or what? Is she awake? Can I speak to her?" She asked her all of these questions urgently, and she felt Miroku bury his nose into her neck and look at her in a funny way, like he wanted to know what was going on, too.

"_**I-I don't know whether the baby is okay or not. She's not awake right now, her sleep has been on and off…" **_she heard Mrs. Higurashi trail off, but then she took a deep breath and when she spoke again, she sounded better, happier. _**"Of course Inuyasha's here. He said he's staying until she wakes up, until he knows for sure that she's okay, that the baby's okay. He's not here now, he said he went to go smoke. He's…stressed. But of course, he'll be back soon. He hasn't left her once. But I can tell that he's upset, possibly even more upset than me. He didn't know about her being pregnant, either. He's angry, I can feel it. He feels as if it's all his fault. Even though he's tried to hide it, I can tell that he's cried once or twice. He's…guilty, you know?"**_

"Shit," she cursed again. "I'm coming. I'm on my way, right now!"

"_**Thank you, Sango. I'm grateful that my daughter has such good friends. She needs you now. She doesn't know that I know about the baby, and I don't know if she told Inuyasha or not. She needs somebody. I don't want my…I don't want my baby, the baby who was always there for me, to go through these kinds of things by herself."**_

"Anytime, Mrs. Higurashi," she whispered into the phone before hanging it up.

For a while, all she could do was stare into space, feeling guilty. She wished that she would've been there for Kagome more. She wished that she would've realized how stressed she was. She knew Inuyasha made a mistake, but she swore if he said that he wouldn't want the baby or realize whatever he felt for Kagome soon, she'd kill him. Right now, Kagome deserved happiness. Not bullshit. Just peace, love, a sense of security. And their child, it deserved that more than anyone. The child deserved a mother who was happy and a father who was just the same, a father that loved him or her more than the world. And although she knew that Inuyasha had never been the type to show his feelings so bluntly, maybe because he was scared of the outcome, that whoever loved him back would leave him or hurt him, he should know that Kagome would never hurt him like that. She couldn't.

She didn't need to cry today. She didn't want to. Now was her time to be happy that Miroku was finally where he belonged, but she couldn't help feeling sorry for herself, but mostly, her best friend. Guilt was overtaking her and she didn't like it, but maybe she deserved it for not being able to realize that Inuyasha _was_ Kagome's happiness, ever since when she was sixteen and he was nineteen. She felt stupid for not realizing that he loved her just as much as she loved him.

She felt both of his arms wrap around her, and she closed her eyes as he kissed her neck softly, showing that he was here for her and he cared and wanted to know what was going on, what was making her breakdown like this. "Don't hold back from me," he whispered softly in to her ear. "Let me know what's gotten you like this, Sango. I can't stand to see you crying."

She pulled away from him. "I've got to go, Miroku. I've got to go."

"Can I go wherever you're going?" he asked with a smile, although it was a weak, worried one.

Sango sighed to herself. "Kagome's pregnant," she watched as his eyes widened in disbelief and as he opened his mouth to say something, his brows furrowing in confusion. "Don't you dare ask me who's baby it is. You know damn well. If you're lecherous mind hasn't picked up on what's been going on between her and Inuyasha for three years now, you've got to be an idiot. They got into a car crash last night, she's in the hospital. I feel so guilty," she let herself admit, sighing to herself again when she tasted salt in her mouth once more. "She was so upset, and I tried to keep her away from the one thing that kept her happy."

His eyes were still wide, but when he saw a few more tears slip down her cheeks, he regained his composure. "Shit," he said, still dazed. "Inu…Inuyasha…he's always told me everything. I-I thought they were only best friends. I thought they had no feelings for each other…I thought he only got so protective because he didn't want to see his best friend hurt…I thought he only held her like that because she was hurt and he wanted to make her feel better. Dammit, I should've known…it was the way they looked at each other, you know? I thought…"

"You _thought_, Miroku!" she cried out at him even though she didn't mean to. "The shit you think isn't always so fucking true!"

He looked at her and she shifted on her feet uncomfortably before wiping the rest of her tears away, realizing that she must've looked like an idiot. "I know she's your best friend," he said warmly. "I know that. I know you hate Inuyasha right now, I know you're worried that he won't want the kid, but I know him better than that. I know you're mad, but please, don't be mad at me, angel."

"I'm not," she told him before grabbing her keys and her purse. She gave him a weak smile before placing a chaste kiss on his lips. "I'll be back later. I don't think it would make any of this easier on her if she knew that you knew everything. But you know that this is your home, so act like it. I'm sorry for everything, and I love you. Bye, Miroku."

He didn't have a chance to say anything back. Her movements were haste as she made her way to the door, and he closed his eyes, missing her touch already and hoping that Kagome would be okay, and hoping that Inuyasha would love the child just as much as he knew Kagome already did.

**XXXxxxXXX**

It hurt when he looked at her, and it hurt when he didn't. Frustration, guilt, oppression, it was all weighing heavily on his shoulders and he wasn't sure what he could do anymore. Thinking had became his enemy. It would creep up on him when he expected it the least, and his thinking would eat him alive. Looking at her, looking at the way she was because of _him_, that ate him alive, too, to the point where he was sitting by the hospital bed side, his head in his hands and his eyes near tears. Sometimes, he wanted her to be awake when he was holding her hand, hoping on everything that she was okay, that that life they'd created, no matter if it had been an accident, was okay. He didn't believe the words the doctors said at all hardly. She dozed off again, and by the time she would be awake again, he would leave, even if he didn't want to.

She hadn't spoken. He didn't deserve all the love that her mother gave him, because he knew that he had ruined her life and her daughter's, too. The boy that used to look up to him like he was some sort of hero, he had ruined his life, too. He had ruined his future, all because he wasn't able to keep his filthy hands off of her. The hands that didn't deserve to touch her skin, the hands that had touched more skin than the girl that loved him knew about.

He didn't see how she loved him in any way other than thinking of him as a best friend. All he had wanted from her was intimacy, and he had put her life in danger just because things started getting too complicated, just because he had started feeling things that he wasn't supposed to feel for a best friend that he had sex with. He knew that she still hated him and it was supposed to be that way. What was she supposed to do? Love him for knocking her up and ruining her life with a baby that neither of them would be able to take care of? Things didn't work that way, and life had never been fair to him and he'd learn to deal with that a long time ago. But she didn't deserve this.

Maybe he should've been angry at her for not taking care of the contraception, but he couldn't bring himself to be mad at her. He couldn't because she didn't deserve that, either. Right now, all Kagome deserved was happiness and he was so scared that he wouldn't be able to give that to her. He couldn't say he loved her. And maybe she did love him, maybe it did mean something when she'd said those words just before his car went out of control, another car crashing into his and making a collision that he didn't want to think about. It made his head hurt.

There he was, thinking again. He didn't know what to do, so why not just leave it all be? He wanted to see her again. It was getting late and he wanted to know she was okay. He wanted to know that he didn't destroy her life or the other life completely, even if it only was a mild concussion. He didn't know if she loved this baby yet, but if she did, which she probably bound to, she deserved to love it. She didn't deserve to lose another person who meant so much to her.

Angry, he blew out his last puff of smoke before throwing it to the ground, crushing it with his boot. He was making his way back to the room she was located in. Mild concussion or not, it meant a lot to him just to hear her breathing like he had did so many times before when he had laid himself down beside of her, wrapping her in his arms and listening to her steady breaths as she fell asleep with a smile on her face.

Her mother was still there, and when she looked up at him, she smiled.

Not knowing what to do besides stand there awkwardly, he weakly smiled back and embraced her when she wrapped her arms around him, although he didn't deserve that, either.

"I think that she would want you to stay. Please, just stay. The doctors are already sure that you two are married, anyway. When she wakes up, I think it would mean a lot to her if you were here."

He smiled again. He wanted to stay, too. But he didn't have that benefit anymore. She deserved someone who would stay forever, and although he wanted to, he wasn't sure he could because he knew with everything in his heart that she didn't want him to. Her arms were still wrapped around him and she was crying. He hated smelling peoples tears. Especially if the person meant a lot to him. Mrs. Higurashi had taken it to herself to act as her own mother to him. And for that, he was grateful.

"Please stay, Inuyasha. Don't make my baby deal with all of this by herself," she whimpered into his shoulder and he felt his arms wrapping around her even tighter.

He had given in. "I'll stay."

He would, even if he was scared of what she might say. Her daughter's mouth could be a cannonball when it wanted to, and the words she spat at him, the way she said she hated him killed him every single time.

She pulled away, laughing at herself. "Sango will be here soon. I believe that the cafeteria hasn't closed yet. You've been here all along. Go eat something," she giggled. "Don't you dare lie to me, you must be hungry. I promise you, if I was home, I'd cook some of you're favorite. Ramen." She gave him another smile and he knew she was trying to be strong and act like everything was okay even though it was nowhere near. Her daughter had lied to her. Her daughter had ruined her own life, and he couldn't stand that.

"Go on, now. Don't stand here looking at me like that. Go get you something to eat. I know she'll be up by the time you get back. You two, you need to talk."

He wasn't good with talking, though. Her daughter wasn't, either.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Her eyelids fluttered open at the feeling of someone stroking her hair. Finally, she didn't feel so groggy, and her eyes landed on the blurry face in front of her. The face had a sad smile on it's lips, and the person's eyes were like hers. She wanted to close her eyes again, but now, she felt awake. She looked away, looked at the ceiling. It took her a while to remember everything, but when she did, tears welled in her eyes and she sat up urgently. The movement caused a stabbing pain in her head, but it didn't matter. She had questions, and she wanted them answered. Tears were already falling and she didn't bother trying to hold them back.

Her hands instantly reached to touch her stomach and she let out a broken cry. She remembered it all now, every detail. She remembered the collision, she remembered the jerk of her body as the other car came in contact with the passengers side that she was on. She remembered her whole body going out, she remembered being to weak to even call his name, she remembered the taste of her blood in her mouth. Against her will, she let out another cry and she heard the comforting words of her mother in her ear, and she heard the door to the room open and two pairs of feet barging in, but she didn't bother looking over to see who the unexpected visitors were.

"Mama," she was choking on her words. "My _baby_! My baby!" she choked again, and Inuyasha and Sango stood at the door, a look of confusion on Sango's face and a look of guilt taking over the hanyou's features. She was screaming now, almost kicking the sheets away from her body. "Dammit! Dammit to _hell_, mama! I _want _my baby!"

"Baby," Inuyasha heard her mother say to her as she stood from the seat she was in to wrap her arms around her daughter. "Everything's okay," her mother was crying now, too. Her hands were clutching her flat stomach and her body was doubling over in pain, and he couldn't tell if it was all emotion or physical. He stepped forward with some urgency, not knowing exactly what he was doing, but knowing that she needed to know that everything was okay, and she was extremely lucky that the baby was still _here_. "I promise you. Calm down before they start thinking that something's wrong."

"Something _is _wrong!" she cried out. "I need to know what happened," her cries were quieting down now, and she was slumping back down into the bed, her face still stained with tears. "Is it…is it gone? God, mama, don't lie to me. _Please _don't lie to me. I-I want my baby. Godammit," she cried brokenly as she looked around at everyone that was currently in the room. Her eyes locked with Inuyasha's, and he shuddered and stood there as if he didn't know what to do. Hell, he didn't. "You…" she whispered. "I-I want to talk to you," his eyes widened and his heart was pounding and he knew that she'd blame him for everything and he didn't know if he could take that right now. "I want to talk to you and I want you to tell me everything that happened. I want you to tell me if my baby's still here," she clutched her stomach once again. "I don't want lies, Inuyasha. I want the truth."

"Kagome," he rasped out. "Calm down."

"Fuck _no_! Don't you dare tell me to calm down when you're the cause of all of this _bullshit_. You're a fucking father now…I told you that before…before what happened. This is your child, or it was. And if there still is a child," a few more tears slipped down her cheeks. "It's _our _responsibility and _no one _else's. Don't you dare lie to my face, Yasha. You've been here before. You've stayed. Sometimes, I could see you but I thought it was just a nightmare. But then I realized I could feel you. You know better than any of them. Even though you paid no attention to the scent of the pup before, I know you recognize it now. I know that you know it's _your _child. So if there is a pup, you can smell it. I wasn't the only one in that car crash. You were there, too. I want the _truth_."

His jaw tightened and his eyes went downcast, but he looked up at her instantly after he regained his composure, his eyes gone to flames and he had no clue how she managed to make him angry so easily. "So now, I'm the cause of all of this? You want the _truth_, Kagome? You're flipping out for no fucking reason! _Our _baby is _still _inside of you, I can _still_ smell my pup on you, I can _still_ hear the way his or her heart beats! But no, I'm the cause of all this bullshit, huh? Maybe I am, but you know damn well that I would never hurt you _or _our kid. You know that, so stop acting like I tried to kill you or either kill that damn kid!" he cried out, and Sango grabbed onto his arm as if to calm him down, and he could see Mrs. Higurashi backing away from the scene. "You want the fucking _truth_? How can I tell you _shit _when you planned on keeping this kid away from me for the rest of my life?"

"It wasn't for the fucking rest of your life, you baka!" she was crying again and she sat up angrily, a hand on her stomach. "I loved this baby so much that I wanted to protect him! I wanted him to know that if his father didn't love him, I could be a mother _and _a father for him! I wanted him to know that I would love him twice as much and I would give him everything he needed with or without support! If you wanted to be involved, maybe if you hadn't said you were never having kids, maybe if you hadn't said that that shit was never going to happen, maybe if you hadn't said that nobody would get knocked up with all of the birth control and condoms in the world, I would've given you a chance!"

"You made fucking assumptions, Kagome!" he was hurt inside. He thought that she had realized he had more worth than that, more worth than his own father, and that he would never leave the people he loved. She was a stranger now, a beautiful stranger. With her dark locks of hair falling over her shoulder, the way her voice sounded when she screamed at him, with the fire that filled her eyes when she tried to prove him wrong. He felt his voice weakening. She had always had that effect on him. "The thing that I said before, when I said that I wouldn't ever leave my pup alone, or his mother…did that mean _shit _to you, Kagome? I think that you're more fucked up than I am! No one could solve all of that shit going on through your head!"

"God…please…stop. Don't do this right now, just _don't_. You two are supposed to be adults. Please, stop." He heard Kira say brokenly but he paid no attention at all to her. He didn't know why he had said those things. Maybe because he was angry. Or maybe it was because she had hurt him way too many times. But it was fair. He had hurt her more times than anyone could count.

"I would never leave you _or _this baby alone…" he told her, his voice angry again. He felt Sango wrap her arms around his once again, and he jerked away from her. "Can you all…can you just _go_…_please_?" he asked quietly, his bangs shadowing over his eyes. He had broken out into a sweat from all the hard work he had put into their fight. "I want to talk to Kagome alone."

She rolled her eyes and ignored the other few tears that slipped down her cheeks. "Sure. Just leave me alone with him, because what's the worse that could happen? I'm already pregnant-"

"Gods," he interrupted her with an angry chuckle. Her mama was crying and Sango was confused and hurt, and he watched as they both reluctantly stepped out for a while. "You're so stupid at times, Kagome. I wouldn't have left you. You're my best friend. You're having my kid, and I don't know if I should be happy about it or mad. But I can promise you I can support you with whatever you need, even if I barely have enough money to feed myself."

"But you can't love me, though, can you?" she asked through clenched teeth. "You can't love this pup, either, can you?"

He laughed, but it was shaky like his voice. "I-is…is that what all of this is about, Kags? I'm not cupid. I can't love you," he didn't know if he did or not already, but the thought scared him and he watched in agony as a few more tears slipped down her face. "Listen, Kagome," he lowered his voice and walked over to her with some hesitancy. "Maybe it angers you, but I don't know what's going on in my life. I don't know who I love or who I want to make my wife. Maybe since you're having this baby, you think that I want to spend the rest of my whole life with you. But I'm just trying to figure myself out right now. You are, too. Girls usually think just because they're having your first child, men are supposed to make them their wife or something like that."

"You're stupid if you think I'm just another girl," she told him quietly, tears still slipping down her face and staining her porcelain skin.

"I know you're not."

"Don't treat me like that, then," she was getting angry again.

He growled. "Let me finish what I was saying…"

"I'm barely over twenty, Kagome. How are we gonna handle those bills? How are we gonna pay for all that shit? I don't wanna bring my boy or my girl in this world when I don't have shit to give them."

"Are you talking about abortion, Inuyasha?" she accused.

"Of course not-"

"You've got some nerve, I have to admit that. But I wouldn't expect anything less. You're not God, Inuyasha. You can't take away lives whenever you want to. This is my body, and you can't force anything. You're acting so fucking typical," she cried out, her calm phase gone. "You're acting like _any _other guy would! You knew all the right things to say. I'm pregnant, and with what you just said, you sounded like you don't want to get involved at all! Did you forget all those conversations we had?" she asked him sadly. "It was all about your father. You told me you hated him. You said you'd never be like him, because he left you and your mother when she had you and he didn't mean shit, but here you go, doing the same shit. If you're going to follow through with all of it, you're not shit to me, Inuyasha."

"God, you don't understand anything, do you? Everything I say goes right through your fucking ears, Kags! I'm here for you, I'm here for my baby! How many times do I have to tell you! How many fucking times?" he stood then, his anger getting the best of him. "Do you think I would be proud to tell you that I cried? I cried! I cried cause I was so damn worried about you and that kid, cause I felt guilty over what happened, I felt like it was my fault! We could make this work, we could. But you're doubting it!"

"You're the one who seems to have no faith in anything! This new life in my stomach, I'm going to love it with or without your help! My mama raised me without any help from a man! She raised Souta the same fucking way! You don't think I cried? You don't think I cried because I knew you would never love me back? I shouldn't have to cry in front of you for you to realize just how many times that you've hurt me! I'm his mother, Inuyasha, and I'm worried! Were growing apart! I wanted you to show your heart and say you loved me, but I was stupid for thinking I could get those words out of you by fucking you! Now, look what's happened. If you don't want this baby, that's fine by me. But I _do_! I love him already! You remember the first time I felt you against me? Do you remember the first time I let you have your way with me? You've got to! You opened up to me and on the same day, you fucked me!"

She was crying and screaming again, looking at him like he really meant nothing this time. "You know, I would put a ring on your finger if I could, but you only loved me because the sex was good. I'm not a wife and maybe I'll never be, but the truth is that I'm crazy about you, and if it ever came down to it, if I ever had one day to live, I'd breathe you and only you in. I've waited forever, baka," she whispered. "I didn't plan on getting pregnant. It was a mistake. But I don't want this child to grow up, seeing us not together, seeing us fussing and fighting every chance we get. No one deserves that. You didn't, and he doesn't, either. I could get an abortion, sure. I could get rid of him just like that, but I love him and he deserves a life, he deserves to be happy. If I got an abortion, what about your seed? Just…just think about it…"

She loved him. Maybe he always knew she had, maybe he didn't want to believe anyone could love _him_. "Kagome-" he croaked out, but she interrupted him.

"I hate you sometimes," she said, sniffling quietly.

"If you hate me, say it like you mean it," he told her.

"But I can't, because you can't hate someone you love."

He was silent.

"I really meant it when I said I loved you," she told him.

"Will you give me a chance, Kagome? I'll be there for you. I won't leave you alone. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. Can we…can we just…take this one day at a time?" He asked her quietly.

"I don't know," she said, drying her tears before wrapping her arms around herself. "I want to, Inuyasha. I feel like an idiot for telling you all of that when you can't even say the l-word back to me."

He closed his eyes and sighed quietly before walking over to her again, pulling up a chair and scooting in close to her. "To be honest, I don't know if I'm ready. I don't know if I'm ready to be a father, either, but I can try."

"Will you be here for the sonogram tomorrow? Mama told me earlier when I was dozing off and then waking up again. She said as soon as they finish, I can go home." She asked quickly, changing the subject. She felt like some sort of an idiot, telling him all she felt when she had kept it hidden so good for all these years. The stupid feeling was there to stay.

"I'll be there," he gave her a small smile.

"Will you stay here with me tonight?" she asked him timidly.

"I'll do whatever it takes for you to know that I'm here for you and my pup," he answered her.

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, you guys. I seriously hope y'all don't hate Inuyasha as much after this chapter. I hope y'all can tell that he's really trying to make it up to her, and that he does already love his pup even if he doesn't know it. It just takes time. Reviews and little comments to keep me going would be extremely nice! See you all again soon!**


	11. Proof

Like many times before, she was awakened by the sensation of someone stroking her hair. Her eyelids fluttered open, showing her mother the eyes that were just like her own pretty, chocolate ones. Kagome groaned and let out a light yawn before smiling weakly at her mother. Sensing someone else, she looked around, only to find Sango sitting in a chair near the window, her face buried in her hands. Her head slowly rose at the sound of Kagome mustering all her strength to sit up in the uncomfortable hospital bed, and she watched as Sango gave her a small smile.

"Hey, sleepy head," her best friend cooed at her, standing suddenly. She looked tired, and Kagome remembered her being here last night. She wore different clothes, a faded blue t-shirt and a light pair of denim shorts. "We've been waiting for you to wake up."

She tried to sound happy, but she had known her best friend too long to know when she was or wasn't happy. And right now, she was stressed out more than anything. She felt guilt clench in her stomach, and she knew that she was the reason why Sango was like this.

"Hey," she tried to smile back. "D-did you stay?"

Sango let out an extremely forced chuckle. "Oh, no. You and Inuyasha had said that you needed to talk so me and your mom stepped out for a while," she smiled a little. "When we heard the yelling stop, we stepped back in to check on you two, but both of you were passed out. And even if I wanted to, and no matter how hard I tried, they wouldn't have let me stay, anyway. They know she's your mother, and I think they believe that you and Inuyasha are married. I would've said I was your sister, but honestly, we look nothing alike. Best friends are no exception." She forced a giggle.

She nodded in understanding. She hated how everyone was forcing their smiles, forcing their laughs. She wanted those smiles and laughs to be real, but everyone was too disappointed. Right now, she didn't want to think of her grandfather slowly dying away, the car crash, the bills, the responsibilities of bringing new life into the world. She didn't want to think about the stupid mistake she made when she told Inuyasha she loved him, only to get no response back. She didn't want to think of her child growing up with a mother who had to play father, too. She wanted to be happy, but maybe it would take a while.

"I'll stay here with you until it's time for you to leave." Sango assured her.

Kagome nodded, not having the energy to make the muscles in her mouth work so that she could smile back. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I mean, I'm fine…" She lied.

Sango let out a light laugh. "Babe, have you seen yourself lately?"

"Sango," Mrs. Higurashi warned her.

Sango backed away a bit, raising her hands as if to defend herself. A smirk graced her lips, and Kagome wondered how she got that happy, and she wished that at least for a day, she could trade places with her friend. "Hey, I'm just playing," she laughed a bit. "Kagome, you look gorgeous as always, alright? Just like your mother…"

The muscles that formed smiles, they were working again. She giggled a bit as she watched her mother playfully hit Sango on her arm, her own smile showing and her eyes sparkling. Her mother laughed lightly before looking back to Kagome. "The sonogram is later on this evening. Then, we'll finally be home. You know we need to talk, right?" Her mother looked serious now and Sango froze, clearing her throat.

"Yeah, I know, momma," she didn't want to talk here. She didn't want to break down and show everyone just how weak she was. "I know you were really worried. I just want to say I'm sorry."

She got a weak smile as a reply and a nod following that. Her momma was upset and she didn't blame her. She was upset that her baby girl, the baby girl who she had learned to depend on so much and trust, had damaged their family. She had lied. Lied about her college, lied when she told her mother all the times that she was going to Inuyasha's house was mainly to study, or to hang out. She thought about her child. If he or she grew up lying like she did, she would be more than hurt, too. She didn't want to cry. But guilt was an overwhelming emotion, and it seemed to rage worse than the hate she felt for herself, for her failures and mistakes. She didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.

Maybe she should've been feeling regretful, but that wasn't one of her emotions. Sure, she had been stupid for not taking precautions and getting pregnant by someone who couldn't see her for more than a sex-buddy. But this baby, she loved him or her even more. She was done making assumptions and jumping to conclusions and wanting Inuyasha to love her back. She had family who loved her. Her mother, Souta, and her grandfather, they all loved her dearly. Along with Sango, Miroku, and Rin. A baby took more love than it gave, but she wasn't worried about that. She wanted to be the best mother she could be, even if that meant raising her child up without the father being around all the time. She would be the best she could be. For her child, for her family, for herself.

She heard Sango clear her throat, and maybe the air seemed to be incredibly awkward for her best friend and her mother, but it wasn't for her. She was tired, worn out. She didn't want to feel restless anymore. She wanted to sleep with a smile on her face and know everything was okay. When she went home, she didn't want to feel like a stranger.

"Mama," she asked, her voice tired. "Where's Inuyasha?" After all, he said that he would be there.

Her mother paused, briefly looking over at her. Sango cleared her throat once more before raising her voice. It seemed high-pitched, uncomfortable, and out of place. "I'll go look for him," she said, moving towards the door in a hurry. She looked back before she left, a small, forced smile on her face. "I'll be back."

Once Sango left, her mother's eyes were on her again and they made her feel uncomfortable. She gave her a soft smile as she watched her sit up carefully, maybe a little too quickly. The pain in her head was dull now, but it still hurt. "Not too fast, Kagome. Take it easy," she told her warmly, reaching for her hand. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, I guess so. There's still a bit of pain, but not much," Kagome told her mother honestly.

Things were quiet for a while, but her mother was still caressing her hand, and she was still feeling guilty. It filled the air around them, it tore her up inside. People were right when they said that her and her mother had the same eyes, the eyes that you could see everything through. In those eyes that matched hers, the emotions in them matched hers, too. She didn't want to look into them now, but whenever she caught a glimpse of the eyes, she saw guilt, fear, confusion. She was the cause of all those horrible emotions, and it hurt her inside to know that, to be so sure of it.

"Mama, I really am sorry-" she started pitifully, only to be interrupted.

"I was worried, Kagome."

"If you don't want to help me, if you don't want to care about me anymore, and if you want nothing to do with this baby, I understand. If you want me to leave you alone, if you want me to go back to college and just deal with it all and learn how to be strong for once, I understand that, too." She told her, sadness seeping in with every word.

Her mother brought her hand up to her lips to kiss it, and she gasped when something warm and wet landed on the hand she was kissing. She looked closer at her mother only to see that she was crying silently, but the cries wanted to increase in sound, in force, and they didn't want to be held back. Her mother was shaking and tearing up inside and it was all because of her. "I love you. Don't you know that? I love you and your brother. I'd die for you, but I won't leave you alone right now. I'll _never_ leave you when you're going through something like this, because I know how it feels to be alone when you're going through this I don't want you to be scared like I was. I don't want you to get that lonely."

She wouldn't cry, but as she spoke, her voice was breaking and her eyes were losing the little bit of life that was left in them. "_How_ do you get this lonely, mama? How do you make these kinds of mistakes? How are you supposed to be happy? It's not like I don't want it. That would never, never, ever be the reason why I'm this sad. I don't want to be alone. I know what I did was horrible, I know the lying was the wrong thing to do, I know that not telling you soon enough was the worst thing that could've happened. But how can I be happy when you're so disappointed, I'm so lonely and scared, when I ruined Souta's future? _How_, mama?"

She was kissing her hand again, tears still dripping down her face. "You're not alone. Didn't Inuyasha tell you that? Didn't Sango, didn't I, didn't Souta? You're _never _alone."

"You don't know Inuyasha like I do," she told her. "Sango won't always be around. What can Souta do? What will he do when he can't find the money to get into a good college and realize that it's all my fault?"

"Souta will love you anyway, and he'll do anything he can to support you," she smiled. "I know my son. Sango loves you too much to leave you behind. You love Inuyasha, and if he didn't love you back, he wouldn't support you the way he did last night. I heard you two yelling about everything that you could possibly throw at each other. I know that kind of yelling. He's frustrated and confused, I suppose. Wouldn't you be, too? Love takes time, and you can't force it."

She almost laughed. "It's not love with him, mama. It's something way ordinary than that."

"Sex, then?" she asked, and Kagome froze. "You two were smart about sneaking around. I would've never figured…"

"Apparently," Kagome said, interrupting her mother as she trailed off, a bright blush covering her cheeks. "we weren't smart enough."

"Maybe not," her mother concluded. "But everything happens for a reason."

**XXXxxxXXX**

It wasn't hard to spot the long curtain of silvery white hair, doggy ears that were perched atop of his head, his molten gold eyes and the perfectly angled face that looked tough, daring anyone to come near. As she stood there watching him eat his food, she could understand why Kagome had been so enchanted by the hanyou. He was beautiful, really, and beneath the scowl that he was currently sporting, he seemed like a good person.

She'd known Inuyasha for a long time, considering that he had always been friends with Miroku. They had been close, but maybe marriage had got in the way of their friendship, and also his friendship with Miroku. But she trusted Inuyasha and knew people judged him nearly all of his life, but right now, she was going to give him a chance to prove himself.

She walked over to him, a smile on her face.

"What do you want?" Inuyasha asked her in his gruff voice, quickly deciphering her scent.

She sat down beside him on the bench, the smile gone. "Well, you don't sound too happy to see me."

He chuckled, but she knew that nothing was funny. "Don't give me that bullshit. What were you expecting? Me to buy you your own lunch and welcome you to sit down beside me with a huge smile on my face and tell you that everything is perfect?" He snorted.

"You know," she started, her eyes going dull with any hope that she had left for him. "I don't understand why Kagome likes you so much. Sure, you're nice looking, unlike most demons. But you're _so _rude. Do you think that you're immune to getting hurt or something? You've got that tough exterior, but I bet that you don't have the balls to back it up," he growled and she rolled her eyes. "You know that you can still talk to me, right? Even if me and Roku are married, I still want us to be close. I want you to tell me what's on your mind."

He growled again and Sango wondered how Kagome could deal with someone who was so complicated. "If this is about the baby," he sighed, avoiding her gaze, "I hope you know that I'm there for Kagome no matter what."

"That doesn't necessarily mean that you want it," Sango prompted.

She was frustrating him and she didn't care. He growled once more, his eyes that were swimming with anger meeting her intense hazel ones. "Stay outta my business, Sango. You don't know anything…"

"She loves you. I've known you for a long time, and I know about all the things you've done to her. How many times you've hurt her. She told me the first time she slept with you. She told me the first time she thought she may have had feelings for you. She told me about all the other girls that she knew you went to see, but she couldn't say anything because it was supposed to be no strings attached, but now, there are a lot of strings attached. She loves you and she feels like an idiot for telling you so and she wishes that she wouldn't have told you. You love her, but you're so frustrated that you refuse to believe it. And now, there's a baby involved, too. A baby that she plans on keeping and loving, with or without your help."

"You don't think I know all of this?" he whispered harshly, not trying to make a scene. "This is my life and you have no fuckin' right to go around sticking your nose into me and Kagome's business. This baby, it's our business, Sango, not yours."

She could've laughed in his face, but actually, he was making her sad. This whole situation was killing him, and it was killing Kagome, too. "You love her, right? You don't want her leaving you. You don't want her thinking less of you. But she will if you don't tell her soon enough. She's getting tired of you, she's getting tired of life and tired of being alone. Don't lose someone who means the world to you, Inuyasha. You're an idiot if you don't see what she means to you."

"I know what she means to me!" he cried out, his claws begging to dig into her flesh to shut her up. "You don't know half the shit we've been through, Sango. You don't know _anything_ so don't act like you do."

"You don't know-" she started angrily, only to be interrupted.

"You think you really know all of this shit, don't you?" he laughed in her face. "Well guess what? I know what Miroku did to you. I know why he comes to me complaining about you. I _know _that you tried to tell Kagome that I was no good for her. Ain't it funny? The same girl who found her man all in her sheets with some freak is trying to tell me that I'm no good."

He had hit something inside of her, and he regretted his words when he saw the pained expression take over her face. "You're not perfect," he kept going on. "I'm not either. You're no better than me. Get outta my face before I say something I don't want to and hurt your feelings."

He could smell her anger as she looked at him hard, trying to mask the pain in her eyes. It wasn't working, and he felt her giving up. She stood, dusted off her clothes, and tried to keep the stoic expression on her face. She turned around to meet his eyes once more before she walked off completely. "Kagome, she wanted to see you. Tell her that I won't be able to stay," she said, her voice raspy. "Goodbye, Inuyasha."

He watched her as she walked away from him fast, her heart hurt enough from him bringing up the past. He sighed, burying his face into his hands. He sat there for a while, wondering why he had to be the way he was when his old friend had just been trying to help out, tell him the right thing to do, and watch after her best friend.

He just didn't know what was going on with him anymore.

**XXXxxxXXX**

"Hey," he said simply as he walked through the door. She could tell something was wrong with him by the look on his face, but she'd learned not to question him. She watched as her mother looked up to smile at him, but he didn't bother smiling back and her mother sighed. "Um, Sango said she won't be able to stay."

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, because Sango said that she _would _stay. She knew that look on his face. He was guilty. "Inuyasha, what'd you say to her? There has to be some kind of reason why she suddenly wouldn't want to stay…" She told him, not trying to start another fight. But she could tell that one was coming by the look on his face, and she heard her mother sigh and she did, too.

"I didn't do anything," he said simply, and she was waiting for more but it didn't come after a few seconds. She looked at him accusingly, and his eyes were on her, his face twisted up into anger. He always knew how to mask his face so people wouldn't think he was guilty, or so he could hide any pain he felt, any irritation or any other emotion he wasn't fond of, which was basically all emotions. "Don't look at me like that, Kagome. How the fu-" he paused, shooting a look over to her mother who was looking at him disapprovingly. He growled. "How am I supposed to know what's wrong with her?" he corrected himself. "Maybe she's busy. Maybe she had other things to do."

She growled, sitting up and looking at him challengingly. "You're a jerk."

He shrugged, and she shook her head, letting out a light chuckle even though she found nothing funny. "I really don't know what's wrong with you, or what you said to Sango. But whatever it was, you really hurt her."

"How is that funny?" he growled.

"I'm laughing at your stupidity, you moron. I'm laughing at you because you think you're the toughest thing in the world, so unbreakable. People say they can see everything I'm feeling through my eyes. It's funny, because you have this mask on your face. But I can see everything in your eyes. Your eyes don't show that you're tough, Yasha. They show that you're weak sometimes, just like the rest of us."

"Yeah, and all you do is try to pick fights with me," he said, no emotion in his voice. When he started talking like that, it made her nervous. "I'm seriously not dealing with this right now, Kagome. I'm here for you, but I'm not here to take your bullsh-" he paused again, his eyes flashing over to her mother once more. "I'm not gonna take all of _this_."

"Deal with it," she glared at him.

Before he could say anything else, her doctor came in and Kagome was happy to see him instead of all the nurses that had been constantly been checking up on her. She smiled brightly at him, and she tried to ignore Inuyasha's grumble. Sometimes, she didn't know why she'd put up with him for three whole years, or how. "Feeling any better?" The doctor asked. His hair was short and black, he had warm brown eyes that made her feel like everything was going to be, and he had circle lens that covered them and a smile that didn't make her feel so horrible about the situation, especially when the ones that surrounded her, particularly Inuyasha, didn't seem to make her feel any better.

She nodded her head, ready to do as he told.

Slipping on his gloves, he smiled, looking over to Inuyasha. "You're the husband, right?" Inuyasha froze, and Kagome couldn't help but roll her eyes at him. After a few seconds, he cleared his throat and sat up, regaining his composure before giving a slight shake of his head. "Boyfriend, actually."

The doctor smiled, and Kagome was confused since he had no problem with saying he was the husband before. But in a way, she was relieved. He probably wouldn't have been allowed in here unless he was the boyfriend or husband. The nurses and the doctor, they were all fooled. Inuyasha was much less than a 'boyfriend' or a 'husband'. She didn't consider him a best friend anymore. You didn't have sex with your best friends, and accidentally end up pregnant by them. She didn't know what Inuyasha was anymore. But she wouldn't go as far to say that he was nothing. He was definitely _something_. Something more than she could explain whether she wanted to believe it or not.

He looked back at Kagome, his face suddenly serious. "We're checking you so early because of your circumstances. I heard the crash was pretty bad. When we checked before, the baby seemed to be fine, but we can never be too sure." He explained nicely before ordering her to lay on her back. Assuming that she already knew the deal, he gave no warning as he squeezed the gel onto her still flat stomach. She winced slightly, now uncomfortable. She was uncomfortable with all eyes on her, too. Her mother was watching her, and when she glanced over to meet the eyes that were so much like her own, her mother smiled encouragingly, her eyes filled with hope and love. Inuyasha was watching as the doctor took the wand into his hand and then onto her stomach, spreading out the cold gel on her flat stomach. She didn't like him looking at her like this. She loved her child already, sure, but she didn't like the idea of Inuyasha being disgusted by her stomach that would surely be bulging soon. She took a risk and decided to look at Inuyasha. He still had that tough mask on his face, but his eyes had softened and they were full of intrigue. She sighed and squirmed a little. Even if he wasn't completely disgusted with thoughts of how she would look later on into the pregnancy, he still made her incredibly uncomfortable for some reason.

The doctor gave her a smile before turning on the machine, and Kagome watched intently as the screen came to life. When it did, it really hit her that she was going to be a mother.

She could've cried when she saw what was on the screen, but she was determined to hold the tears back. The doctor still had the wand on her stomach, looking at the screen, too. He smiled at what was on the screen, at what little could be seen. But for Kagome, it was there. It was proof that her baby was okay. It was realization that she had to do better than she was doing. It was joy, just because he or she was _there_, growing inside of her stomach. Someone she could love. It was a promise that she would always be there for he or she, no matter what. On this screen was everything she needed to see. Seeing the embryo, no bigger than an apple seed, filled her heart with love and determination, and she was _happy_.

"He or she," the doctor began, "is in good condition," he assured with a smile. "Amazing condition, actually. The embryo is just at the right size, which, of course, is good news."

Kira was smiling ear to ear. The tears had won Kagome over.

She was smiling at the doctor's words. "I need to check the heartbeat, and I'm sure that you two would like to hear, right?" He said, smiling.

"Of course," Kagome assured him.

Reaching over to the machine once more, he pressed one button and Kagome's heart swelled with love as soon as the sound of her child's heartbeat reached her ears. Too spellbound to say anything as she listened to the glorious sound, her eyes were filled to the brink with nothing other than love. The sound of her baby's heartbeat was more beautiful than her favorite song or any other music that she'd ever heard in her whole life. The sound was a gift, another reassurance that her baby was okay. This sound, it had to be her most favored sound. It was the sound of the life she was bringing into the world. No longer was she worried about what Inuyasha would think, no longer was she worried about the disappointment and guilt from getting pregnant and letting everyone else down. This baby had to be her savior and more. She promised that she would at least _try _to be his or her savior, too.

She didn't realize she was crying until she tasted the salt in her mouth. She gasped when she felt someone reach over and take her hand. Looking around and expecting it to be her mother, she was surprised to see Inuyasha instead. She looked at him. He wasn't looking at her, he was still looking at the screen, his mouth still agape a little bit in disbelief and his ears perked up at the sound of _their _child's heartbeat. But she knew that he could tell she was crying, and this time, it wasn't because of something he had did or said. It felt like the first time in her life that she was crying from pure _happiness_.

She was crying even more, and she knew that the smell was now even stronger to his nose. He looked at her, a frown on his face. He squeezed her hand a little bit. "Stop crying," he told her softly. "You're supposed to be _happy_, Kagome."

She smiled a little, wiping her tears away and looking at him. "I'm happier than you could ever imagine."

The doctor was smiling at the scene, and his hand over, he cut off the sound that sounded so glorious to Kagome-_and_ Inuyasha's ears. "Do you two need some time-"

"No," Kagome interrupted him, wiping away the other tears that had managed to escape. "We're fine."

The doctor nodded, a bit confused, like Inuyasha, by Kagome's immediate, final answer. "…Uh, okay, then," he said awkwardly. "You should know that the first term is the most difficult stage of pregnancy. Morning sickness is still there, I assume?" Kagome nodded to his question. "Don't eat less. You're at a good weight now for you and your baby, but still, you need the protein and nutrients. Eat lighter meals. But still, make sure you're eating. You also need to get a regular doctor. Although, your next appointment should be when you're around 18 weeks since you and the baby seem to be doing fine."

Kagome nodded in understanding.

"Also," he began, an amused smirk on his face. "Try to stay home and away from any danger, or at least drive more carefully. Causing harm upon yourself not only affects you, but your baby, too. Remember, you have to know what's best for the baby. You've got to be extra careful, Ms. Higurashi," she grumbled suddenly, and Inuyasha looked at her quizzically, and she remembered all of the stupid things she'd told him last night. She was uncomfortable again, and she wanted his gaze off of hers, and she wanted out of here. "No more crashes, please."

The doctor had meant to be light-hearted and funny, but she found nothing funny at all. Right now, all that mattered was that she was okay and her baby was, too.

**XXXxxxXXX**

She had never been so happy to finally be home.

Souta's arms were wrapped around her middle, squeezing her so tightly she could barely breathe. Her grandfather gave a small smile and a nod, and she felt a little disappointed, knowing that he knew everything and he was disappointed, too. But she'd promised herself to stop worrying about other people's disappointment, even if that meant her grandfather, too. Her grandfather that was sick, and now had even more to worry about.

Lately, she'd been thinking that maybe she should just move out. Get her on job, try to support herself and the baby while helping her mother with the bills that desperately needed to get paid. Everything seemed to be so problematic.

"Careful, brat," she warned her brother. "You're going to squeeze the life out of me _and _the baby." She pulled away, smiling brightly at him and ruffling his hair a little bit, something that always annoyed him. He wasn't annoyed. He was happy and she could tell that her baby brother had been worried.

"Sorry," he blushed, scratching the back of his head. "I missed you, though," she smiled and began making her way up the stairs, a hot bath on her mind. Souta stood at the bottom of the staircase, a confused look on his face. "Um, I thought Inuyasha was gonna be here."

She froze and turned around to face her brother. Quickly, she regained her composure and gave him a small smile. "Actually, he said he was pretty tired and he wanted rest," she lied. Actually, since his car was pretty messed up from the crash, her mother had drove him home, ignoring all of the times he refused. When they finally stopped at his apartment that was on the bad side of town, he mumbled to her that he'd call or text her later, and she swore to herself that he wasn't the reason she had been carrying her phone around, clutching it in her hand tightly. He _wasn't _the reason.

Rin had texted her, telling her that she was sorry about not being able to come and visit her, that she'd been busy with her classes and studying, that maybe when her classes were over, they could find some time to hang out, some time to _talk_. It didn't embarrass her that Rin knew about the pregnancy. She didn't have a reason to be embarrassed. Maybe a little disappointed, maybe a little guilty, but never regretful or embarrassed. The baby had already taken so much love out of her and she hadn't realized it until she almost lost her baby boy or girl.

Sango had texted her, simply saying that she was sorry for not being able to stay. Still, there was no doubt in her mind that Inuyasha had been the cause of it, and she intended to find out what he'd said to make her so upset.

When the water was hot and she was free of all of her clothing, she sat carefully sat her phone on the edge of the tub, being sure that the vibration was off so it wouldn't fall into the tub. She was scrubbing at her skin rougher than usual. She was looking at her phone every five seconds, and something was terribly wrong. She was worried to death. Worried that despite Inuyasha's promises, she _would _end up alone.

She didn't want to wake up every night to the sound of her baby crying. It would make her feel as if she wasn't achieving anything. She didn't want her baby to go without his or her father. She didn't want to be _alone_ and Inuyasha was making her feel that way, _lonely_. Most of the time she didn't mean to push him away, but if she didn't, she'd end up feeling even more stupid, even more desperate. She didn't want to be the needy one, even though she deserved to be. For once, she wanted to show him that she was stronger than that.

She stepped out of the tub, feeling light headed and she realized that all she wanted to do was sleep. And when her mother offered her dinner, some Chinese food that her and Souta must've went to get while Kagome was taking an incredibly long time to finish up with her bath, she almost screamed at her, refusing the food. Even Souta looked at her strangely, but she ignored them.

She stomped her way into her room, not caring if she was acting stupid and immature. Sleep was winning her over, and when she was so close to the bliss that sleep had to offer her, she checked her phone quickly.

The text wasn't there, and it had never been.

She growled. He was a liar. A pathetic, irrational, jerk of a liar. He was a bastard. An asshole, or whatever. She didn't want to give a fuck just like he didn't. But then again, she didn't want to jump to conclusions so things could be worse for them. There were 8 more months to go.

Just 8 more months.

He had to prove himself. Maybe not for her, maybe not for anyone else who tried to get him to do right. But he at least had to prove himself for their child. He couldn't make promises he couldn't keep.

**A/N: It's really fucking boring right now, I know that. I know that maybe I'll lose a few reviewers, but it's my story and I have no intentions of pleasing everyone. It's been a while. No school for me tomorrow, but I'm going Thursday, which is the last day. So finally when school is out, I'll have more time to just finish this thing and focus on my other stories that I've been working on for the summer.**

**Maybe you guys hate Inuyasha even more. But you can't, cause you don't know what's gonna happen in the next chapter. He's also dealing with some things, too. Maybe some of you guys will say Kagome's weak once again, but if I was pregnant at my young age, I'd be thinking the same shit that she does. Maybe you guys wanna see some fluff, but you can't rush the realization of feelings, especially when Kagome's pregnant and everybody is having doubts and going through hard times.**

**It takes patience. I know things are up and down, but if y'all can't handle that, that's what relationships and love and life is all about. The ups and downs. Okay, once again, this is probably the most fucking boring chapter ever, and it was so damn hard to write. I kinda went brain dead for a while, but I'm trying to patch things up. I still have big plans for this story. Also, finding the information about all this pregnancy shit is really frustrating. It's such a complicated thing and it's hard to write about, especially when I haven't experienced that shit. But whatever. Feedback would be lovely, though. (:**


	12. Changing

Suddenly, she was regretting the fact that she was home. Now it was time for heart-to-heart talks with her mother, the talks that made her extremely nervous, the talks that she definitely wasn't fond of.

It was early. 6:00am, to be exact. It was Saturday and Souta was still sleep, her grandfather, too. Her mother had walked up the stairs herself, interrupting her peaceful sleep and dreams by shaking her until she was awake. She remembered the feeling she got when her mother told her that they needed to talk, that serious look on her face. It wasn't a genuine smile gracing her lips, it was a worried frown that made her mother look much older than she was. And it left her so scared and worried about the things that her mother was going to say.

She was pouring herself a cup of coffee now, and Kagome was sitting at the kitchen table, feeling tired and groggy, and the morning sickness was still there. The fact that she was so jittery and nervous only added to the nausea, it seemed. Her mother wasn't smiling brightly. There was a stoic expression on her face.

"Do you want breakfast, sweetie?" her mother asked her, but her voice wasn't cheerful like it usually was.

The thought of breakfast made her dizzy, and she really didn't want to end up sick in front of her mother. "No thanks, Mama."

Her mother turned to face her, giving her a stern look. "You've got to eat something, no matter how bad the morning sickness is. I want my grandchild healthy."

Kagome wanted to crack a smile, but the look on her mother's face was restraining her from doing so. So instead, she said, "You wanted to talk, right?" She wanted to get this over with, even if she wasn't ready.

"Yes, I did," her mother said as she sat down, placing her cup of piping hot coffee in front of her. Still, she wasn't bothering to smile. The same stoic expression was still there, the expression not changing once. Kagome decided she didn't want to smile, either. She was too nervous and she didn't know what her mother was going to say and that scared her.

"About what?" Kagome ventured light-heartedly.

Her mother looked up at her then, her face completely serious, her eyes telling her daughter that now was not the time for laughs. "I don't want my grandchild growing up without a father, Kagome."

Kagome wanted to laugh. But then again, for some reason, she wanted to cry from the reality of it all. The chances of her baby growing up without a father right now weren't small¾they were actually huge, and the thought of that bothered her every second. She wished that her mother would have brought up something, brought up anything besides this. "Mama," she managed. "…Tell that to Inuyasha. I'm not the once who decides if he stays or not¾"

Her mother caught her off, her voice frustrated. "You can _try_, Kagome."

"I am, mother," Kagome replied, wanting to bury her face into her pillow and run away from it all.

"You're not trying. I know you, and I know that it will kill you if you find out that he doesn't want the baby. I'm no idiot, and I know you well enough to know whether you're trying or not. Honestly, I don't know how the hell this happened. I don't know how the hell I didn't realize that you and Inuyasha were having sex," Kagome cringed as she realized how fast this conversation with her mother was going to hell, "but that doesn't matter. I'm not just blaming you. I'm blaming him, too. Maybe it means something if you two have feelings for each other. Maybe it means a lot. But what shouldn't mean anything is the past. Forgive him for the things that he's said. God knows that he's merely a man, Kagome. And men, they don't think. This is the present. You two have got to make things right. If not for anyone else, at least make things right for the baby. Just talk to him."

She was becoming frustrated. People always seemed to think that they knew whatever she was feeling, but no one did. "Mama, he didn't even call when he said he would."

"Another mistake. But what about you, Kagome? What about when I overheard you say that you hate him? And what about when you wouldn't even believe him in the hospital? He's not perfect. And you're nowhere near, Kagome."

She sighed, and ended up burying her face into her hands, all of these accusations making her feel even sick. She took a deep breath before looking up at her mother with a pleading look in her eyes. "Can we please…can _you_ just _please_ not do this to me right now?"

Right about now, her mother was getting snappy. "I thought you were brave enough to handle the truth. Grow up, Kagome. I'm telling you now, _grow up_."

"That's what I've been doing!" Kagome raised her voice in disbelief. In the past, before everything had happened, she had never raised her voice at her mother, and she had never looked at her mother like she had betrayed her. She noticed how rapidly everything was changing. "What else do you think I've been doing, Mama? What were you thinking when I gave him all of those chances, only to be crushed in the end? Did you like seeing me that way? Do you want Inuyasha to keep hurting me like he does? It's not fair to me, and whenever the baby comes, it won't be fair to him or her, either."

"I told you a million times that when I got pregnant with you, and your father knew, it wasn't heaven," Kira was speaking a bit more calmly now. "Did I ever tell you that we split? Our relationship wasn't like you and Inuyasha's, it was a lot less complicated. But still, that's no excuse," her mother took a deep breath before continuing on to tell the story to her daughter. "Anyway, I was two months when I found out. Me and your dad¾we were actually happy. Things started to get complicated and we were arguing, wondering how we'd make it because we had to take care of _you_ too, now. It wasn't just about _us_ anymore. He left for a month and I was hurt. And then I knew that it was time to come to terms that I couldn't do this by myself, and that I made mistakes, too, just like your father. I had the pleasure of growing up with a father to take care of me, and I knew how amazing that was. I barely knew my mother before she died. And I realize how empty a child can feel when they don't have a mother or father there for them. Your father's father left him and his mother, and because of that, your father didn't grow up all that strong. He had to learn, he had to struggle. My grandchild doesn't deserve that."

She crossed her arms and huffed, acting like the child she still was, but didn't want to be. "Mama, your grandchild doesn't deserve to grow up with his parents arguing in front of him, either. He or she doesn't deserve to worry about his parents getting a divorce."

"Maybe if you'd actually try, things could work out. Even if you two don't get together, at least give him some sort of right to the child. After all, you weren't the only one that made my grandchild. It takes two¾so it wouldn't be fair for Inuyasha to be left out, Kagome."

"Don't say his name," Kagome snapped. "I'll try, Mama. Not for you, not for me, but for this kid. But if it gets to the point where I can't stand him, and if he does something _stupid_ on purpose, he won't be forgiven, and I'll be on my own¾and I'll be happy."

Her mother finally smiled at the tiniest bit of faith. Kagome stood to her feet and began walking away to get her mother to leave her alone, but her mother interrupted her, slight amusement in her voice. "By the way, you were wrong. He did call last night."

"It doesn't matter," Kagome answered. "I'm sure I'll be seeing him soon enough."

Just as she was about to turn away again, her mother spoke up and Kagome let out a frustrated sigh. "Actually, he was convinced that you'd be angry with him for not calling you soon enough. He was right. But he told me that he was busy and he'd lost track of time. I told him that he should come over today, pick you up and take you out to eat since you obviously aren't eating enough and so that you two can talk."

Kagome stiffened, and turned around to face her mother. "Now, Mama? Why?"

"Because the sooner, the better."

Kagome was feeling snappy again. "That's too soon."

Her mother sighed. "Do you want him to prove his self or not?"

"Of course I do," she answered seriously. "I want him to prove to me that he's ready to be a father more than anything in the world. But what I don't want is for him to push me away again, tell me that he doesn't need me and crush me again, and then crush our child by not being in his life."

"But you don't know what he's going to do for sure. But I know Inuyasha well enough to know that's not the kind of man he is, and you should, too. Are you really this scared, Kagome?"

"Scared? What am I supposed to be scared of, Mama?"

"Don't act like that, Kagome. There's no use in hiding it, because I can see it in your eyes, all over your face, and I know that Inuyasha does too."

No matter how sick she felt, no matter how tired she was, she felt anger keeping her here in the kitchen, keeping her firing back at all her mother's questions. "How _should_ I feel?"

"I'm not blaming you for feeling scared. Maybe that's how you're supposed to feel. But you've got to face your fears sooner or later for the baby, Kagome." Mrs. Higurashi said, still serious as ever.

For a while, Kagome stood there and looked at her. "Are you disappointed in me, Mama? To the point where you've lost at least a little bit of love for me?"

To her surprise, her mother cracked a smile. And then, she laughed. "I'm mad. I'm angry. I'm disappointed, too. Mostly for all the lying you've done for all these years. All the times you said you were staying over Sango's, all the times you said that he was just your best friend and nothing more, when you told me you wanted to quit college for other, untrue reasons, but the lie that hurt the most…" she trailed off before starting up again, and Kagome winced because she could tell her mother's voice was getting uneven, breaking, just like her heart. "The lie that hurt the most was when you told me you were only _sick_," her mother finally finished, taking a deep breath that was certainly need. "Because that lie…it lead to me almost losing you. But losing _love_ for you? I could never do that, Kagome."

**XXXxxxXXX**

She was upset again, because of the things her mother had said.

But there was absolutely no reason to be feeling upset when she had been listening to her mother say nothing but the truth. It was true. Her mother could have lost her. She could have lost the child that kept her from falling apart, her first child, the one that brought so much joy for her father and mother. The daughter who had taken care of her when she began drinking, the one that always held her tight and whispered encouragements in her ear, encouragements of being strong for her and Souta.

Her mother once told her that things weren't as bad as they were when you woke up from a much needed sleep. After her mother had finished talking to her, she went back to bed. She had slept until 4:00pm. She was awake now, and she was remembering all of the things that her mother had told her. It still hurt like hell.

And worst of all, he would be here soon.

Where they were going, she didn't know. All she knew was that she had to take a stand for herself, take a stand for her baby. All she knew was that she couldn't keep running away, and he couldn't either. He would have to come back one day. But what if her mother was wrong? And her mother was counting on her to make things better. What if she failed her? She couldn't tell herself not to worry. This was a chance for her child's happiness, and her child came before her. And he or she would, every single time.

When she was finished with her shower, her eyes started betraying her. She was looking at her stomach and she wasn't meaning to. Unconsciously, her hands found her stomach and they rested on the small bump that was beginning to protrude out, making her lose her usually flat stomach. Her body…it was changing. Her breasts had gotten bigger, more sensitive. Her temperature was higher. She was tired all of the time. Hungry, too. But really, she didn't mind the baby making small changes like this. She loved him or her, and it was another reason to come to terms that all of this was indeed real.

She still worried about Inuyasha, still worried about the money her family needed, and worried to death that her grandfather may not be able to see his great grandchild.

And sometimes, it felt like this baby was all she had left.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Things were going to hell very quickly.

It all started when he walked through the door. When Souta ran up to him, bumping his fist with his and laughing, and shooting her an encouraging look that Inuyasha had definitely caught on to, she wanted to cry. And then, when her jii-chan came barging into all of it, giving Inuyasha some lecture while he looked guiltily down at the floor. And then, the worst came when her mother started rambling, saying things that would only hurt Kagome in the end, and being way too friendly to Inuyasha.

She had all but shoved them out of the front door, giving Kagome the same look that Souta had given her.

Right now, she was sure that her face was a bright red, but it didn't matter. Inuyasha didn't say anything as she walked past him, opened up the car door and hopped in. She didn't know why, but she wanted to feel angry. But then, she wanted to just allow herself to forget all the mistakes he had made and listen to her mother's desperate voice for once. Sometimes, she wished that she wasn't such a stubborn person like her father.

"So, where do you want to go?" he asked as he gently closed the car door, his eyes on her.

Things weren't even supposed to be like this. At least in her mind, they weren't. It was supposed to be simple. They were supposed to take baby steps. Maybe he could've just stayed for dinner, and then, they could have talked a bit, not too seriously, while she watched him play games with Souta as he usually did. Her mother had been the one to ask him if he was taking her out. He stuttered for a second, his eyes squinting as he tried to think of something to say. But before he could have said the answer that would have saved them both from the bullshit of awkwardness, her mother all but pushed her out of the door, telling her that whatever time she would be due home would be fine with her.

She knew her mother wanted to fix things with them for the sake of their grandchild. But Kagome wanted to take baby steps, and she wasn't ready to put her whole heart and trust into him again, because if all failed, the pain would be too much to deal with _again_. Her mother couldn't see that, and that might have been one of the reasons she felt like the baby was all she had.

She didn't want arguing. But then again, she didn't want talking and laughing like the old times, either. She wanted peace. "Go wherever," she told him. "It really doesn't matter to me."

He shot her a look that told her that she had better not be trying to start any arguments. Her eyes said that she wasn't, and he surprisingly picked up on that.

Giving up on looking for a nice restraunt that wouldn't cost too much, he ended up taking her to a burger joint, through the driveway.

She let him order for her, and he still knew all of the things that she liked the most from this place.

Small fries, a bacon cheeseburger without any pickles, and a vanilla milkshake.

The title 'morning sickness' was bullshit. She knew that now. It was all day sickness. Her mouth was watering at the sight of the food, but she took it slow. Only taking small bites of her food and little sips of her milkshake. He was French friends into his mouth, and she giggled. It was feeling like old times again, and she didn't want that, but she was afraid that maybe she couldn't help it.

By the times he was finished, and she had given up, sort of terrified of getting sick all of a saddened, he opened his mouth to speak. It wasn't awkward before when they sat in silence eating, and surprisingly, it wasn't awkward now as he spoke.

They knew each other so well.

"Is that really all you're eating?" he asked her, gold eyes burning into hers.

She smiled a little. "If only you knew what it was like to be pregnant, you wouldn't finish the rest of this food, either."

His eyes flashed down to her stomach, and she felt uncomfortable. She felt like he was judging her, just as everybody else did who took one look at her. But still, she smiled a little and realized that she didn't want to feel uncomfortable in front of him. She wanted to be at peace with him for the sake of her child, even if her and Inuyasha would never end up together.

He studied her stomach for a bit before he looked into her eyes again. She couldn't decipher the emotions in his eyes, but she knew that they were sparkling more than they did before now. "You know, you're gonna get bigger¾like¾a lot bigger," he told her, and she rolled her eyes and let out a laugh.

"Of course I am," she told him.

"No, Kagome," he explained. "I mean, maybe to the point where it'll look surreal. At least I think so. That's what happened with my mom. You know this baby is half demon, right? It's not like most babies. They're more powerful. They're stronger, healthier," he said with some kind of pride in his voice that kind of made her smile and forget about all of the bullshit between them. "At least, that's what mom always told me."

She looked away from his gaze. "I'm not worried about it. As long as he or she gets here safe and healthy, it won't matter. It doesn't even matter how fat I may get, or if I'm bedridden by the time it's all finished."

He let out a chuckle, and didn't say anything back.

And when the awkwardness came, it was so unexpected. They weren't digging into their food anymore, and she didn't know what to say because everything was constantly _changing. _Nothing was stable anymore. It was all volatile, and it wasn't something she was used to. She wasn't used to this, and he wasn't either. And she wished that she knew what exactly was going on inside of his head.

So she decided she was going to ask.

"What do you think of all this? About the baby, I mean?" she asked him, badly wanting an answer.

He didn't seem to be himself. This was a calmer him, one with apologetic eyes, one that was trying to work things out for once instead of destroying them. Words were dangerous. You had to use them right. That was his case. On her case, she couldn't break down anymore. She couldn't show him that this was her weakness. She couldn't depend on her tears, or her depression that seemed to steal her identity and completely change her, to make things any better. She decided then that no matter how bad the situation was, she wouldn't turn to tears.

She had to steady herself, learn how to get stronger, not weaker.

She was still looking at him expectantly. She wanted to forgive him so badly. He looked like he was hard concentrating on his words by the way his brows furrowed and how he averted his eyes from hers, but when he opened his mouth, his words sounded like honey. They held honesty, truth. "I'm sorry," he blurted out, not really answering her question. "I ain't really good at things like this, you know," he growled a little, looking at her. "but I'm sorry. That crash…I could've lost you. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to save you. And then, I smelled her on you. I felt stupid and miserable and hopeless."

She knew him long enough to know that he definitely wasn't great at apologies, but this was his own way of saying that he really was sorry. And she believed him, but she wouldn't cry. She refused to, no matter how broken he had caused her voice to sound. "I know," she whispered. She really didn't have much to say. She wasn't used to this and it was different, because finally, he was saying something that held power and truth. It scared her. "I don't blame you."

He was too much of a man to cry in front of her. He was close, but still, he felt so far away from her and that wasn't what he wanted. He had had so many things to say, so many things he'd told himself he would say to her, so many things that he had practiced and played out to ensure himself that he wouldn't fuck things up once again, but now, he was at a standstill. The feelings that she caused him to have still scared him. The feelings he had now scared him. And the intensified feelings, maybe because of the fact that she was carrying his child, scared the fuck out of him.

The way her mouth opened when she was about to speak scared him. The truth of her voice, the honesty in it, the way it went from broken and raspy to delighted and playful in a matter of seconds scared him. The look in her eyes. Her silence. Her words were everything to him. He didn't want her silence. He wanted her forgiveness and her understanding.

There was silence and he could tell that she was over thinking his words, analyzing them, judging them, and trying her best not to get hurt by them once more. She was a fighter. He smelled her confusion and her interest, and her eyebrows furrowed and her face kind of scrunched up, and suddenly, he had some inane fear that she'd found some kind of fuck up that he didn't know about in his words. "…What do you mean…_she_?" Kagome asked him, intrigued.

He chuckled. "That's how I imagine it. I want a girl."

More silence on her part. "Does that…does that _really_ mean that you want this baby?" she asked him, wanting an honest answer so bad.

"What else could I want, Kagome? I know none of this was planned, and I definitely know it's not the best time, but I'm not leaving my baby. I'll tell you that until you believe it. He or she doesn't deserve to grow up like I did."

Like she'd said before, she didn't know for sure if she could trust him. But she wanted to and it seemed like the right thing to do. The look on his face spelled it out that he was serious about this, serious about her, serious about this baby. She gathered herself and when she looked at him again, her brown on his gold, a smile was on her face. "I think want a boy, and sometimes, I wish I would have a girl, but I know I want a boy more," she said to him. "I don't want to call this baby 'it', because it's not that."

Truth be told, the baby was nowhere near an 'it'. This baby wasn't the product of alcohol. It was something much more, something much more real. He was the result of love, of feelings. He was the product of passion. Even if that love was only one sided, it was something.

"What's the baby to you?" she asked him, again, wanting an honest answer.

He paused for a while, a playful smirk on his face, and she was falling in love all over again whether she knew it or not. Their faces were close and it was getting dark, and what had seemed to be awkward, was now something that was completely natural, and it was a moment that she wished wouldn't have to end. But wasn't this what life was all about? Great moments ending? Being so in love from before, falling out, only to fall all over again? She didn't want this to be one of life's tricks. She wanted every word that he was saying to be real. "To me…? She's," he started enthusiastically, only to lose it. "I don't know, I guess she's like…just…life. This is what really happens. And I guess that it happens for a reason. Baby girl or baby boy, they'll have a reason in this world; I can feel it."

His words were utterly vague and instantly they caused confusion in her mind. The emotion took over her face, and she heard him chuckle. "What do you mean?"

"There's got to be a reason why the man up there, who controls everything and most likely laughs at his own creation's stupidity, decided to give you a baby and make it mine, Kagome. Maybe it's time for us to grow up, even though that idea scares the shit out of me. And maybe he's giving us the chance to be good parents so our child will grow up without feeling like I did when I was young, or how you did when it came to your mom and her…problems."

Even though things were getting private and personal real quick, and even though he was bringing up things that he didn't have the right to, she still couldn't be mad at him anymore. And maybe not at all after tonight.

"I'll love him, always. I'll catch him when he falls. For the rest of my life, I'm going to be his mother, and you're going to be his father. It seems so unreal when it's actually happening to you. You're not talking to other people about it, you're not gossiping about it, and you're not judging yourself because you know exactly how your baby came to be. Everything's changing, and it's always changing. But I'm happy," she said with a smile on her face. "I know who I am, and I know my baby's not something to be ashamed of."

"Why do you say that?" he asked quietly, but thoughtfully, so she would know that he wasn't trying to say that she _should _be ashamed.

"I was ashamed at first," she admitted. "And I guess I was so _ashamed_ because soon I knew I would have a bump, and I knew that I would have to go somewhere and the baggy shirts and sweatpants wouldn't be enough to hide him. But I think that he's a gift now. And I feel like there's really something wonderful inside of me, and I can't wait until I really _know_ him and his attitude, until I _know_ what he's like. And I know my body's changing and my life is too, and me, myself is changing, but I think that's something wonderful, too. I'm learning about life, and I'm learning about myself. And soon, I'll be known about my baby boy¾or girl. It doesn't matter which. Either is a gift."

She had tried not to make this like their old times, but it was. She was comfortable, and her stomach didn't feel as huge and she didn't feel as sad. She felt alive and he was her best friend again, and maybe a lot more than that, and someone she told everything to. It was nice. She was filled with love. With hope, and joy.

"I'm not ashamed. At least we're trying, right?" he tried to smile, but it faltered.

"What…what's wrong?" she had taken notice.

"What're we gonna do?" he asked seriously. He sounded like a scared child who couldn't find his mother, and she let out a deep sigh. "What's she gonna think when she grows up? What if we fuck up and we can't be there for her, just 'cause we've got our own issues? What's she gonna think, Kagome? What's she gonna do if she grows up angry just because we couldn't stick it out and we failed and fucked our lives and our kid's life up, too?"

"Well, you care about him, right?" Kagome asked quietly.

"Why the hell would I have a reason not to?" he spat back, and she sighed as she realized that he had gone back to his old self. "Of course I care about _her_," he emphasized the 'her', and Kagome growled lightly at him. It was like he got so worried that he was going to fuck up, that he ended up fucking everything up by himself.

"You care about him, and I care about him," Kagome concluded. "That means all that we can _do _is try. We don't have to be together. I don't want to be together. I just want my baby boy to have a father who's _there_."

**IMPORTANT A/N. PLEASE READ:**

**Okay, it's short. Fucking sue me. I've been brain dead lately. I don't know. I think I want to just quit for a while because I feel like this whole story is going up in flames. I really don't want to give up, but everyday I wake up, I'm like 'shit, I've got to finish that damn chapter. I can't wait until that story is finished,' and that's not the way it's supposed to be.**

**Writing's starting to feel more like a chore, and basically, it's not supposed to feel that way. It's supposed to be something enjoyable, not something that you don't look forward to. And I really don't know why I'm feeling like this. Maybe I've just got the blues, or maybe I'm just growing up. I feel like for now, I need to get my life back on track and try to figure myself out, but then again, writing was the thing that helped me figure myself out!**

**I'm only good at writing about pain, because I feel like people should be able to relate to that. I feel like people can read my stories and really understand and feel the emotions that my characters feel. I wanted my writing to be some kind of reminder that with whatever you're going through, you're not alone. I still want to share my stories, but I seriously don't know about this one. People just don't get it. I try to emphasize that Kagome loves and misses him, and it's like they think he deserves hell for something he had no control over, and just because he's confused by and scared of his feelings. They just Don't. Get. It.**

**I had all these story ideas for this summer, but my brain isn't working the way it's supposed to. My words are just losing their depth, and I feel as if I'm losing my characterizations for this story because the main character is pregnant, and the father doesn't know how to deal with that. It's like I just can't give them the personalities that I want to anymore, and that absolutely kills me. It's hard to focus, too. I've been going through a hard time lately. It's about first love, first heartbreak, making the wrong decisions, and learning how to be strong and depend on myself. And it's like when I'm thinking of all of that shit, I can't focus or get that depth in my writing that I'm desperately longing for.**

**I know I've probably lost all my reviewers because I haven't been updating and this story has gotten pretty shitty. I can't even stand to look through the chapters. It's like I was a child while writing this, and I'm so much more mature than that. **

**But please, if there is at least one reviewer, please give me your opinion and if you believe I should quit or not. I'm so tempted. And also, I've heard this thing where FF going around deleting fictions with sexual themes and violence and shit? I think that's stupid.**

**I honestly don't know when I'll update again, it's extremely hard to say. It could be within a week, a month, or it could be years. I don't want to give up, but I just don't really know what to do. I've got this one story idea, it's going to be called Insecure, and even that's going to hell. So I don't know, I guess I just need some inspiration.**

**I hope with all of my heart that I can somehow grasp this seemingly intangible inspiration that I've been missing, cause God knows I don't wanna give up. I'll try my best. Goodbye.**


	13. Masochistic

Okay, she was getting a bump. Not a very big one, but it was the type of bump that would _definitely _be bulging soon. And it was somewhat scary.

She found pregnancy to be extremely weird. It was the way your stomach stretched out so far, the aches, sickness, and everything else that she was sure to experience later on down the road.

Her hands rested on her stomach. There was some kind of connection.

She wasn't _extremely _big. After all, she was only eight weeks. But still, she could definitely tell that she had grown a lot. Before, her stomach didn't poke out even the slightest bit. But with her shirt raised and her eyes steady on her stomach in the mirror, she was realizing that she was really growing. She had had friends back in high school that had dropped out due to being pregnant. Usually, they had found out around their sixth week, or fifth week, like she did. They had put up with school for a few more weeks, probably until they were about eighteen weeks.

She was bigger than all of those girls when they were eight weeks.

She was big enough to the point where you could tell she was pregnant. But the sweatshirts helped, even if it was August and there was still a bit of heat outside, it helped a lot. She wasn't ashamed, but the looks that she got told her that people felt sorry. And not sorry for her, but for the baby. They felt sorry for him because they would take one look at the mother who had decided to carry him for nine months, and they would think in their heads that she was a whore, and they would pray, most likely, praying that god would be with her child. Kagome wasn't stupid.

But she knew that she could never be that kind of mother.

She had to admit that it was a connection unlike any other. She felt so close to her baby, so close to _him_. She didn't know exactly why she called the baby a 'him' when she wasn't exactly sure yet. But it just felt right. It felt natural. What didn't feel right was calling the baby an 'it', because the baby was so much more than an 'it', even if it wasn't the best time or even if none of this was planned.

Even if she was scared of the stretch marks and the pain, sickness, and the sudden need to be as strong as she'd ever been in her life, she was still happy.

Inuyasha was doing…better, kind of…at whatever the hell he was supposed to be good at. She didn't trust him and she was still refusing to give in because she didn't want to prevent herself from getting hurt, because the baby didn't need that and she definitely didn't need it. But it wasn't like he was trying, anyway. They weren't exactly friends again, but they could talk again. She hadn't seen him, but he texted and he spoke on the phone with her every other day over these two and a half weeks, asking her if her and the baby were doing okay.

Still, she wasn't sure if he was there to stay. Sometimes, the fact that he was only talking to her was because of the baby hurt, but things weren't about her anymore, and she felt as if she had given her whole life up and dedicated it to the baby. But there was nothing wrong with that. She was learning to be happy and look at the bright things, despite how hard it was sometimes.

She smiled at her reflection before pulling her shirt down and smoothing her hand over to barely visible bump.

Yeah, she was happy and her baby would be happy, too. With or without Inuyasha.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Miroku didn't exactly know why his best friend had been so grumpy tonight.

Inuyasha was drinking again. The shot glass in his hand held the warm colored drink of scotch. When Miroku had refused to drink, saying that he needed to get home to Sango soon anyway, Inuyasha had just grumbled before pouring himself another shot, his words slurred as he spoke. Miroku called it talking in cursive. "You don't fuckin' know how to have fun, Roku."

"You're the devil," Miroku said. "What about Kagome? Why haven't you at least tried to see her instead of calling her like...twice a week?"

"Stay outta my business," Inuyasha muttered to him as he held the shot glass up to his lips again, letting the warm liquid burn the back of his throat. He could hold up better than humans when he was drinking. Now, he was only feeling tipsy. The guilt was going away. All of the things that he had fucked up were going away, out of his head. In a way, he was happier because he was free from any feelings. But still, he was so fucking angry. He definitely couldn't escape that one emotion.

If he wasn't tipsy and on the verge of being shitfaced, he'd be scared out of his mind. And if he wasn't tipsy and on the verge of being shitfaced, he'd pick up the phone, try to call her like he'd been doing for the past few hours. And maybe if he wasn't so fucked right now and maybe if he knew that in the morning he wouldn't wake up with a hangover, he'd go over to see her, check on her.

But then what?

Kagome was going through enough, and whenever he was around, he felt like he was taking the little bit of hope for happiness that she had left. And he felt even more guilt pile upon his shoulders every day, knowing that Kagome would be the mother of a child that wasn't planned at all.

They weren't married and they weren't happy. They only kissed when they had sex, or when they were making their lives into even more hell by starting things that they weren't supposed to feel, and they _used_ to think of each other as best friends and that was all. Maybe. They wouldn't celebrate Christmas together and their child would probably have two birthday parties. They wouldn't sit at the table together and eat a meal as a family because they were far from that. This child would never have a brother or a sister. Mommy and daddy wouldn't be able to play with him or her at the same time, and every week, the child would go back and forth from the two parents because Mommy and Daddy couldn't be happy together and they made many mistakes that ruined their friendship and everything else they had.

Mommy would be completely alone and helpless and his daughter-or his son, or whatever, would be confused because they would look at most of their friends and see their parents together and happy. And while his child would spend maybe a week with him, he or she would be missing Mommy. And while they were with Mommy for the week, they would be missing Daddy. Just because they couldn't make things right. Just because he constantly kept hurting her.

Maybe she had been happy when he bought that fast food and when they sat in his car and ate, and talked. Talked about _their_ child. Did Kagome know the damage that it would do to their child? Was she thinking about that when she said she didn't want to be with him?

Hell, he never wanted a relationship either. And definitely no marriage. And most fucking definitely no kids. But now he was having second thoughts and it was hurting him, especially when he thought that he could be immune to the whole situation. Was it hurting the child, too? Even though he or she wasn't born yet, when he was around Kagome, could their baby feel the tension?

And what if Kagome wasn't taking care of herself? What if she wasn't eating right or something?

And then, he would start thinking about the crash, thinking that it wasn't just a horrific event that accidentally happened. From the moment that the collision was over and he heard the sound of ambulances in his ear before he blacked out and from the moment he saw Kagome's body just lying there lifelessly, and while he had no clue that it was even more hell because she was carrying his child, and while he was in the hospital with her and holding her hand and scared out of his mind, all he could think was; _This was not just an __**accident**_.

He would like to think it was an accident. That would make things seem better and safer for her. But something just told him that someone did this intentionally with some kind of vengeance. It just _wasn't_ right.

"What's on your mind, Inuyasha? I know that alcohol is your best friend right now instead of me, but I've always been here for you, and I always will be, even if I don't support what you're doing." Miroku told him. It didn't interrupt Inuyasha from his fucking thinking. Always fucking thinking. Was this how shit was when you had to grow up because you knocked up the person you cared about the most in the world? He cared about her, and he missed her. He wanted her safe.

But what would she do? The side of town that he was on was dangerous. His apartment wasn't...the safest, best environment. Where she lived was a safe place. But she wasn't safe with her brother or mother and grandfather; they couldn't protect her like _he _could. They were weak, and he was strong. At least he would be for her, and their baby. Right now, the old shrine was the best place for her to be. He didn't have much to offer her. But he wanted her close; he wanted her in his sight. He wanted to feel like he was a part of the baby's life _and_ hers.

But things were changing and him and Kagome were barely best friends anymore. It was all different, and he hated himself for the first kiss he ever gave her. She, and him, were too young to be dealing with this shit. And Kagome was too young to be feeling empty. He saw it in her eyes whenever he was around. She was lonely and she didn't want to raise his child by herself.

Whatever Kagome was feeling was much more important than what he was feeling. But he couldn't talk to her in this state. And if he was going to talk to her, he couldn't fuck of it up again.

"I can't fuck it up again," he said solemnly. "I really can't fuck it up this time. I want to be apart of their lives."

"Then don't fuck it up," Miroku said with a hint of a smile at his friend showing at least some kind of compassion. It was what he was waiting to see. "Make her happy, Inuyasha. Make her trust you and show her that you won't let her or the kid down again. She needs you, she really does, even though she never says anything. Just put down the alcohol, get some sleep, take yourself a pain pill in the morning for the hangover, get dressed and stop bitching around and go fucking see her, man."

Inuyasha didn't really want to put the glass down right now. But then again, he didn't want to get out another bottle of scotch from the pantry. He didn't want the alcohol to make everything go away. He wanted to be brave enough to make it all go away on his own. But he just wasn't, not tonight. Because in his mind, it was just him, Kagome, and all this _shit_, all these fucking worries and…and he just wasn't sure he could deal with that by himself, _not tonight_. "I _really _don't want to fuck up. I don't want to _fucking _hear that she hates me again. When she says that bullshit, everything feels so fucking _final_."

Miroku's little smile was fading, and his gaze landed back on the TV screen. Before his eyes was some stupid game that Inuyasha had called him over to watch, but he knew the real reason that Inuyasha wanted him over. He didn't want to feel so alone and helpless. He wanted to spill his problems, at least tell them to someone before he blew up, even if telling his problems meant that he would have to get shitfaced to do so. His best friend was hurt and confused and he knew the feeling. No one deserved to go through all of that shit alone, even if the circumstances between them were different. Miroku knew how he was feeling.

"She's not as happy as she's ever been. Sango knows, I think. It's amazing how she can read Kagome so well. I think she can read you too," Miroku began. "You know what's hurting her the most? What's hurting her most is the same shit that's going through your head. She doesn't want to be alone either, even though she would never admit it. Also, she would never admit that she misses you. She's happy about the baby, sure, and of course, she doesn't regret anything. But it hurts that she lost you so quickly. It kills her. She's scared for the baby, too. She doesn't want her child growing up and feeling like he's not normal, because his parents or not like his friend's parents. She wants you apart of her life, too. And she doesn't want her kid to be so _angry_ because he or she has to go away from one parent, just to see the other."

For a second, Inuyasha looked like he was deep in though. And then his eyes narrowed when his gaze went from the floor to Miroku. "How do you know all of this shit?"

"Sango," came Miroku's simple answer. "Another thing, Inuyasha. There's no need to blame innocent people for the shit that goes through your head and all of your struggles. Sango didn't mean to upset you, and you hurt her. She won't tell me whatever you said, but I'm not stupid."

He froze.

He had a lot of making-up to do. It all began with pouring the rest of the scotch out of his glass, then putting the bottle that he had beside him in case he ran out again back into the pantry. Miroku stayed around to watch TV with him, and there was some sort of comfortable silence between them. Miroku understood how he was feeling. When he left, not before asking him how Kagome would feel if she saw him, he considered calling her at first. But he was so tired and sick of these feelings, and he didn't want to call her when all of this shit was running through his head.

So he fell sleep. And he couldn't really sleep well with the idea of her pain and his child's pain, too, on his mind.

**XXXxxxXXX**

His head was pounding. And then, there was more banging. He opened his eyes, the loud banging sound making his head hurt even more. His vision blurred out for a second, and then his eyes focused. He let out a loud groan, using his hand to cover his eyes from the sunlight that poured through the blinds in the window. It was hot all around him, and he felt sweaty, he felt disgusting. The fact that he tasted something dead in his throat didn't seem to help either. And then he remembered the scotch, the fucking, horrible, killer, years old scotch that he had stolen a few years ago, waiting until the right occasion to drink it. And fuck, had last night been the night.

He looked at the alarm clock. Fuck, it was about to be five in the morning. It was way too early.

The things he had thought out last night all came rushing back to him at the fucking speed of light, and it made the pounding in his head worse. Something was pounding underneath his eyelids and he closed his eyes and groaned again in pain. Motherfuckin' bitch ass headaches. Fuck alcohol.

And then, he heard the banging on his door, only louder.

With a fucking growl that would have made Mufasa shit himself, he jumped up from the bed, ignoring the throbbing in his head that seemed to rush all over his body. He looked at the door, and the furry appendages on top of his head twitched at the sound of the fucking continuous, loud knocks.

"Who the fuck is it!" he shouted. It didn't matter that the sound made his whole body ache. He had been through enough hangovers in his life to get over this one.

"Open the door before I break it in, half breed."

Inuyasha growled again. He knew that fucking, bitch boy's voice anywhere. "What the fuck do you want, you fucking pansy?"

"Like I said, half breed," came the calm voice again. "Open the door before I break it in."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, and he instantly regretted. The smallest movement made him feel as if he was dying.

He didn't know exactly what Sesshomaru wanted with him. But whatever it was, he had a feeling that it had something to do with Kagome. And if it _was_, it was important. He would listen to bitch boy if he had to. If it was something about her safety. Nothing else, though.

"What do you fucking want?" Inuyasha questioned carefully.

He heard bitch boy sigh on the other side of the door. "It's important, Inuyasha. It's about father."

For some reason, Inuyasha froze when he heard that. Sure, his pansy of a brother always sounded serious, and maybe that was why him and Inuyasha never got along, and maybe it was also because of the fact that Sesshomaru never accepted him for who he was. Sesshomaru sounded as he normally did, so Inuyasha didn't really know why for one split second, he felt worry course through his veins. There was five seconds of silence, and no more banging. Another bored sigh came from Sesshomaru, and it snapped Inuyasha out of whatever state he was in.

And then he thought about his father always choosing Sesshomaru over him, and he thought of how broken he left his mother and Inuyasha knew that he couldn't deal with that, and he knew that he could _never_ be that kind of father. Anger was coursing through his veins by now. And suddenly, he wanted to see Kagome so badly so he could prove to her that he'd be the best father the baby could ever have.

He tried to make his voice sound strong. He tried to sound tough like he usually did when he was around bitch boy, because Sesshomaru fed on his weakness. His whole life, the hate emanating from his brother always made him feel of less worth. Inuyasha always felt worthless. He felt heat in his cheeks, and his vision was blurry again. "Yeah?" he asked softly. He couldn't find the strength to scream anymore. He couldn't show how pissed he was. He could feel it, though. "It's about father? Well fucking come on and break the door down then, bitch boy."

"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru began, "This is about Kagome, too."

Inuyasha froze once more. There was too much fucking _freezing_ going on this morning. It was…strange.

Before he knew it, he was opening his door, inviting his half brother into the warmth-wait, fucking scratch that-the shittiness that was home for him. He let out a sigh, not liking the feeling of giving in so soon. "Sit down if you want," Inuyasha told bitch boy before going into the kitchen, slinging the drawers open in hope of finding some kind of drug that would cure this headache. It seemed to hurt even more, and he was rubbing his temples. Fuck, he was done with scotch or _any_ alcohol for a while.

"No thank you, half breed," came the calm voice again. God, it pissed him off to no end. He whipped around angrily, his silver hair flying behind him as he shot bitch boy daggers with his eyes. Sesshomaru remained emotionless, the stoic expression on his face. And then, one side of his lip curved upward so he could give his half brother an icy smirk. "Half-breed, I can be as cold as your ex-girlfriend's heart."

He growled. He knew exactly who bitch boy was talking about, and it wasn't Kagome. It was the girl who looked so much like her. "Kikyo was never my girlfriend, you fucking pansy. Now just shut the fuck up, and when I'm done taking these pills, you better tell me what the fuck is going on."

"Shouldn't you take a shower first, half breed? You smell like an alcoholic. I wonder if that bitch of yours feel any shame for carrying your child." Sesshomaru said as if it was the simplest thing in the whole world.

Inuyasha's blood was boiling by now, his fist balled and his knuckles turning white. He could run at bitch boy full speed, knock him to the ground, throw a few punches in his face. Wouldn't that make them even? But he couldn't do that. Not if he wanted to know what was going on with Kagome. How Sesshomaru had the information about her, he didn't know. They had never met, he had made sure that they wouldn't. Kagome asked about his half brother often, resulting in a pissed off Inuyasha. But now, this was vital. At least for Kagome's safety. Maybe Sesshomaru could give him a warning, a sign, or whatever.

"If you're going to tell me," Inuyasha growled, "_tell me_. Don't call Kagome that. Don't insult my child. How the fuck did you even know-"

"I have my ways," Sesshomaru interrupted him.

Inuyasha rolled his eyes again, the pain increasing in his head, but it didn't really matter. He'd rather die than listen to bitch boy talk, but this was about _Kagome_.

"Sit down, Inuyasha," Sesshomaru ordered him, only to receive a glare.

"It's _my _fucking apartment, you-"

"Sit down, Inuyasha."

He did as was told, but not before a threatening growl slipped from his mouth, his jaw clenching and unclenching. Right now, how much he hated Sesshomaru...it didn't matter.

He looked at Sesshomaru, hate in his eyes. Sesshomaru resented Inuyasha for what he was. Well, Inuyasha resented bitch boy for what he was, too. It didn't matter if he had taken care of him when he was on his own without his mother and their father. He had did it coldly. Hatefully. Eager to get Inuyasha out of the way, out of his life. He didn't know what to call Sesshomaru's action. But it was far from _caring_. At least, he thought it was. So what he couldn't justify was why Sesshomaru was _here_, telling him what was up with Kagome and his father. He just didn't know any-fucking-thing anymore.

"Father is not happy with you. He didn't want you to make the same mistakes that he did," Sesshomaru began, but Inuyasha ended it before he could go on.

"Why the _fuck _would I care if I'm making him happy or not. We mean nothing to him, anyway! He left a long time ago," Inuyasha said, his voice lowering and his eyes going downcast. "It doesn't fucking matter, okay? It doesn't fucking matter if I'm his fucking biggest mistake! Fuck him. I'm over that shit, I'm over him. What were you gonna say about Kagome?"

To his surprise, Sesshomaru chuckled. "You've gotten her pregnant, and you still have feelings for her, I see. You always have," Inuyasha growled, unable to take Sesshomaru's fucking _presence _much longer. "Half-breed, I've come to tell you that Kagome is in danger. Let's just say, you have pissed the wrong person off, and that certain person knows how much she means to you. He's coming for the ones that she loves the most, first," Sesshomaru said, and Inuyasha wasn't dumb enough to miss the worry in his voice. What was going on? "Kagome is tough, but when it comes to the people that she loves, she's at her weakest. He will keep her around for a bit longer after that, but then, he will jump to you. But he won't kill you, no. He will hurt you," Inuyasha growled. He didn't want to hear much more. "And don't you dare believe that he won't," Sesshomaru smirked. "That will hurt Kagome even more. Give that some time, let the child have it's birth. He will take them away from you. Both of them. And at the same time, he will kill everyone else that you love. He will destroy you. It's undecided whether he will let you live through your grief and misery. But killing you would spare you of your pain."

He was angry as he'd ever been. There was some kind of throbbing within him, pumping furiously through his veins. But then again, he felt fear. The most fear that he'd ever felt in his whole life. The throbbing in his head got worse. What in the fuck was he supposed to do? Tell Kagome that he'd fucked up somehow along the way, and then fucked up more by getting her pregnant and risking her harm and their child, too? What in the _fuck _was he supposed to do.

He couldn't think. He felt monstrous. He felt fucked up. He felt regret and protectiveness and he felt everything. He was unaware that his eyes were flashing red. He had no idea his claws were getting longer, more dangerous. This feeling took over him completely. It transformed him. And then he spoke in a voice that didn't belong to him, a loud, deep growl emerging from his chest. "No one will touch Kagome or my kid, Sesshomaru. I can assure you that."

His brother watched him, not even the slightest bit amused. "Calm yourself, half-breed," he spoke calmly with as much care as his half brother would ever get from him. "Like I said, this is why father is not happy. This is the whole reason why. He wanted to be happy that you were having a child with someone you love. But Inuyasha, you messed this up. Now raise a little hell and fix this. Or let this be the death of you," before he walked out of the door, he turned around to look at his brother. "Father will be here for a while. He wants to be sure that nothing will go wrong. Prepare yourself, Inuyasha."

**XXXxxxXXX**

She was not happy.

When he was inside of her, it felt like hell. When he was out, it felt like hell. When he looked at her, it felt like hell. And when he touched her, it felt like hell. But still, when he wasn't around, it felt like hell, too. Could he steal her happiness? Or was it just another one of his tricks?

She never let him see her cry. She had to be strong, because she was the one who had gotten herself into all of this. She had gotten herself into hell, and she knew there was no way out. She didn't deserve heaven. Especially not when she loved someone like him. But sometimes, love just wasn't enough. This love was not light. It would not guide her in the darkness and comfort her. This was a sick, masochistic love. And she hated herself for loving it so much.

She felt his claws lightly tracing circles on her naked back. She looked over her shoulder, her eyes shining in the light that the rising sun provided for them. She winced suddenly, jumping a bit. His claws were digging into her soft flesh, and she caught his eye. She didn't see love. She saw something that was the opposite of it, and maybe just a little bit more.

He still held her eye contact and she was showing him that she was strong. She was his woman, and she had to be.

She felt the warmth of her blood trailing down her back as he whispered to her, "You're apart of this now."

**XXXxxxXXX**

He was driving faster than he had ever driven in his life. It was about seven in the morning, but it didn't matter. His knuckles were white again, and he gripped the steering weel with all his strength. How should he feel? How could he protect her? And what could his father do? Kagome was in danger. He had known it, and god, he was stupid for not calling her enough, for not even fucking driving over to the shrine to check on her.

What would Kagome's mother do? And what would he do if they were all taken away from him, all of the people he loved? What in the hell could he do? What if everything Sesshomaru said wasn't a lie? He could feel it. _None_ of it was a lie, and dammit all to hell, he was going to do something about this. He couldn't watch his child die, and he couldn't watch Kagome die either. Both of them meant too much to him.

He didn't bother knocking on the door.

When this affair, or whatever the hell that went on between them was called, he would climb the old, huge Goshinboku tree on the side of the shrine, the one that by his luck, was on the side of the house where Kagome's room was. All he could do was hope that she still left her window open.

He climbed up the old, huge tree, trying not to any noise. It was starting to feel like the old days. When he climbed up half the way to see Kagome's window open and her light on, he smiled a little, possibly the first smile that he had smiled all day. He climbed a bit more until he could peer into her window.

She wasn't sleep. She was nowhere near sleep. And suddenly, he wondered if she had been thinking about him as much as he'd been thinking about her. Thinking about what they were going to do. He frowned. He should have been happy with her when he had the chance. He should have ended the sex that was ruining their friendship when he had the chance. He knew he had failed her, and he promised himself that he wouldn't do that again. He couldn't. He couldn't watch Kagome hurt anymore, and he couldn't watch her suffer when whoever this was killed the people that she loved the most.

He moved up a little bit so he could see her better.

When he saw her, he smiled a little despite everything that was going on. Her eyes were closed and her hands were on her stomach. She wasn't that big, but she was bigger than most when they were eight weeks. He remembered her telling him on the phone, telling him that she was doing great. And he wondered if she had been lying. She couldn't have been great. She had to be considering the things that he had been considering, too.

Contemplating how this was going to work out, he tried to lean forward a little bit more and formulate some kind of plan. But the branch beneath his foot decided to creak out, making his heart race and his body go rigid, because he knew Kagome wouldn't understand what was going on. But he'd wasted his time, and his eyes widened as he watched her eyes open and as he watched her sit up on her bed, curiosity on her face. She stood, inspecting. She looked around, and he tried to shift his weight a little on the branch, only for it to creak louder, making him wince and growl lightly in impatience and annoyance.

It was too late. Her long, shiny, raven hair whipped behind her as she turned around to face her window. He looked at her sheepishly as he watched her eyes widen and her hand find her tummy, most likely in fear. For a moment she stood there, a look of shock still on her face as her eyes squinted to get a better look. And when she finally realized that it wasn't just her imagination, he smelt anger overpowering the scent of her fear. He wasn't going to count this as another fuck up, though. Somehow, he had to make her understand exactly why he was here.

She turned away quickly, and he wondered what she was looking for. And then, she was walking towards the window, a frown on her face. He could heard her heart racing, and his was too. He didn't know whether it was from everything that was going on and falling apart, or whether it was from getting caught and trying to find some explanation that wouldn't make her feel to fearful.

He needed her to feel safe. For her sake and for the baby's, and possibly for the man that was after her. Sesshomaru had not been playing around, and no matter how much Inuyasha couldn't stand his brother, he always took him serious. _Always_.

She opened the window a bit more, and when she spoke, her voice was shaky as if she'd seen a ghost. "Inuyasha?" she questioned, confusion still clear on her features. Then, there was more anger. "What in the _hell _are you doing? It's six in the morning!" she quipped, her voice sounding tired.

He was still looking up at her sheepishly. "Listen, I came here because I need to talk to you. It's important. And I didn't want your family worried," she still wasn't looking all that convinced, but he was desperate. "Please, Kagome."

She looked unsure for a second. But finally, she gave him a slight nod of her head and backed away so he could have room to climb through.

Things were still the same around her room. It was still pink, she still had the same bed that brought back so many memories, and the carpeting was still the same, and the only thing that was different was that now, there was some kind of laptop her Mom had bought her for Christmas on her desk instead of the homework he was used to seeing a long time ago.

His gaze landed back on her. She smelled like fear, and that fruity soap that she used whenever she took a shower. Her hair was still damp, and she frowned at him and tightened the robe around herself a little more when his gaze landed on her stomach. "What do you want?" she meant to sound agitated, but her voice came out puny, weak, and tired. "What's so important that you're here?"

He noticed that her laptop was on. There was some kind of website that was up, and he caught a glimpse of it before she blushed, and rushed over to shut the laptop down, not caring if she looked extremely obvious.

"Instead of being nosy," he had a smirk on his lips as she spoke. She was making things better somehow. Before she had cut the laptop off, their was some kind of pregnancy site. So their baby was the size of a kidney bean already? The thought made him smile. "Tell me why you're here, Inuyasha. I'm not kidding," Kagome looked at him, her eyes narrowed and her hands on her hips. "And are you drunk? Why do you smell like alcohol this early? What's going on?"

"Listen, it was a tough night for me," he explained. He had to tell her, but wouldn't that just make her stressed? Wouldn't that be bad for her and the baby? But he had to. How else could he explain himself? "There's something…bad going on. And I don't want you in the middle of this," he told her, even though she already was.

Kagome laughed as if he was joking, but then she frowned at the look he was giving her. What was going on? Did it have something to do with the baby? Suddenly, she was serious, her brows furrowed forward as she took a step back from him. "Inuyasha, what's going on? Don't play games with me. I'll kill you if you're playing games with me. What is it?" She was starting to panic, and that's exactly what he didn't want.

"Somebody's after us for the mistakes that I made," he said honestly. "I…I can't let him hurt you. I can't let him hurt you and I definitely can't let him hurt the baby," his gaze dropped down to her stomach before landing back on her face. His eyes were hard on hers, and she gulped. "I'm sorry. I really am," he muttered. "I don't want you out of my sight from now on. I don't care if you make me sleep on the floor or wherever, but I'm not leaving your side because you can't handle this by yourself."

This wasn't what she needed. But Inuyasha wasn't playing around. It wasn't a trick he was playing on her. Maybe it _was_ a game, but when he was speaking, his fist balled to his sides and little specks of red could be seen in those golden eyes she was used to. No, this wasn't a play game. This was serious, and he was worried.

"I-" she started, but she didn't really know what to say. She was getting choked up on her words. But he shushed her.

"I know," he said. He pointed to her bed. "Get some sleep, Kagome. You sound tired. Don't stress yourself out. I can't lose you and I can't lose the baby, either. Just relax. At least for me."

"No," she said softly, tears forming in her eyes again. She was scared, and her hand instantly went to rest against her stomach. "Inuyasha-"

"I know you're scared," he told her softly. "But I'm going to fight for you and for this baby. I didn't mean to bring you into this."

"Inuyasha, you're scaring me," she told him. "Promise me this isn't a game."

"A game to him, maybe, but not to me," he answered honestly. "I need you to believe me more than anything right now. Even if you're mad at me. I'm mad at myself, too. But that's not what matters right now. It's you and the baby."

She didn't know exactly what was going on, and she was still confused, still hurt. But he was looking at her, his eyes intense and pleading and her hand still on her stomach in fear. She was uncomfortable, and for some reason, she didn't think that she would sleep good tonight. But Inuyasha was serious, as serious as he'd ever been. She could see it in his eyes, in the way they held flecks of red as he spoke.

"We'll talk when you wake up," he told her. "I don't...I don't know what to say to your mother, but I'll handle it. She'll be even more stressed. I had to tell you though. C'mon, Kagome, just go to sleep. I'm here. Nothing's gonna happen to you."

He could smell her fear, but she was being strong.

He was preparing to sleep on the floor, preparing to sleep anywhere except beside her because he was still extremely tired, emotionally tired, but he didn't have that privilege anymore. But she grabbed his hand when she started walking to her bed. She looked behind her shoulder so her fearful brown eyes could meet his golden ones. "Stay," she said. "Stay beside of me. Please?" She asked him desperately.

He nodded.

She was scared and he felt guilty. He was the one who had cause all of this. But right now, he just needed to keep her safe. He settled himself beside of her in bed, his back turned away from her. There was no romance. There was nothing besides fear in her eyes. She wanted to be protected. She wanted to feel safe. And only he could make her feel that way.

**A/N: I thank you guys so much for supporting me! You guy's words really inspired me to try again. At first I was like 'oh shit, I'm never going to be able to finish this chapter', and then I sat down, listened to some music that got me in the mood to write. It's amazing, the miracles that music can make. I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't stop writing and the juices in my brain started flowing again and it was so amazing.**

**If I had the time, I seriously would reply to every single review. Because every single one means a lot to me. Just remember that. I real all of them and they made my day.**

**My life is getting back on track, slowly but surely. And this story is turning out the way I want it to. And in my opinion, this was the most important chapter. I tried to add a bit of humor. I TRIED. Lol, but anyway, I hope to see you guys again soon! Review my loves! (:**

**Oh, and by the way, I'm still hearing the thing about where they're supposed to be taking stories with too much sex and violence in them and deleting them. I'm trying to back up all of my stories. If this is true, do you guys know any other site where I can post my stories? I don't think I could live without writing anymore.  
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	14. Love

He was almost scared to move even the slightest muscle. It was still morning, and she was _still _sleeping soundlessly in his arms, _still_ carrying _their_ baby. And everything was fine and quiet and peaceful in her world where she didn't know the details of the situation, where she didn't know the risk. But his world was for from hers. He was thinking of the worst and he couldn't stop himself. And even though the sun outside was already shining, he knew it was dark out somewhere. It was dark across the country, far from where he lay, and it was dark in people's hearts. He knew that, and he wished things were different right now.

Because maybe if they _were _different, he could be laying here with her not for protection, but romance or affection. Or both. But it wasn't like that and it was his fault for getting involved in a bunch of bullshit. The thoughts he were thinking now, they made him. They made him feel at tension with everything and nothing felt safe.

Yes, they were in different worlds. Because in hers, everything was okay. But he was laying here, his arm wrapped tightly around her to keep her safe and make her feel better, and she was so close. But she felt so far away, because in his head, it was just him and all of this _shit_.

He waited for her to wake up. His ears were perked up, listening intently to the sound of the small breaths she took as she slept, the rise and fall of them showing him that she was still here with him and safe for the moment. He was snuggled close to her, taking in the warmth she provided even if none of this was romantic. He missed the feeling of his arms being wrapped around her. But things had changed drastically. And they were still changing, and maybe they'd never stop.

He wanted her to wake up so badly. He wanted to tell her what was going on without her being angered. Right now, he needed her to understand and he needed her forgiveness. He didn't know how to explain everything to her and her family without upsetting them. But god, he didn't want anyone hurt. Especially Kagome, who he'd cared about for so long, and not the baby that he was feeling so protective of already.

He felt her shifting, and slowly and carefully, he unwrapped his arm from around her, giving her space.

She was facing him now. He watched in fascination as her eyelids fluttered open, and in that moment, he considered himself lucky. Maybe this baby wasn't planned and this wasn't the right time, considering they didn't know how to define their relationship and he had really fucked things up somewhere along the way, but still, she was beyond stunning, even after just waking up from a most likely tough day, and he couldn't have imagined anyone else being the mother of his child, no matter how odd that statement was considering they'd been best friends a few months ago.

She was feeling grave and fearful, he knew, he could see it all in her eyes.

She spoke before he could apologize for all he was about to put them through. Despite everything, there was a blush staining her cheeks. "I'm going to take a shower. Mama should have breakfast cooking by now. Then, you explain _everything_, Yash."

He nodded. He didn't need to say words to promise her he would, he knew that she could see everything in his eyes, too.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Her mother was already downstairs, her morning cup of caffeine placed between her palms. Quietly, he walked down the stairs, not sure if he was ready for this. But he had to be. This was the first step to taking precautions. All of them had to be aware of this situation, even if they did take it harshly. It was the truth, and it was better than comforting them all with lies that would only destroy them more in the end when they figured out exactly what was going on.

Hell, he still didn't exactly understand.

There were so many things to think about, so many things to worry about. All he wanted was peace, but he was sure that things would stay fucked up for a while.

Being half-demon, he was used to staying alert, wide-eyed and watching for whatever was thrown into his path next. But he didn't like this at all. He didn't like the fact that he had to be so careful before, and he didn't like what he was feeling _now_. All of the emotions were muddled and jumbled together, as were his thoughts. And it was almost like the new moon, which would be coming soon. The emotions would intensify, and he'd feel even more confused and scared than he already was. He wasn't used to any of this. He'd never had anyone to protect but himself, but now he had to think about his friends, Kagome's friends for her sake, her family, and most importantly, Kagome and the baby.

And he knew things would stay this way for a while. But he just needed them all safe. But he couldn't stop thinking about the worst scenarios possible and Godammit, it was really _hurting_ him.

At his low growl, Mrs. Higurashi looked up, startled to see him standing there with his eyes intense as they'd ever been. She looked worried, and immediately, her mug of caffeine was long-forgotten as she stood to her feet, alertness in her eyes. He had always liked her eyes. They were just like Kagome's, except for the emotion. Kagome's eyes, they always showed more emotion than any other eyes that he'd looked into.

She was never rude with him. Never accusing. She was always so hopeful, so nice. She didn't care about the fact that he was half-demon. She was wiser than him and Kagome, and dare he say it, he trusted her.

He didn't have to say anything. She slowly walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him for comfort. It wasn't an awkward hug, though. He took all of the comfort he could get for now. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around her, too, burying his head into her shoulder. She reminded him so much of his own mother. They were both caring, compassionate, and loving. But he had to admit right now that Mrs. Higurashi must've been the strongest woman he knew.

"You're home," she whispered in his ear. "_This_ is your home. This is where you belong. You can trust me, Inuyasha," she slowly pulled away, taking his hands into hers. She looked at him, her eyes wide with worry. "You can tell me anything. I know that look, and you're not okay. Tell me what's bothering you."

Her words were warm and he knew the truth would hurt her, but she wouldn't be mad about it. But how could he tell her when he wasn't sure what he'd done in the past to cause all of this mess? He just didn't fucking know anything anymore.

"I know this is my home," he told her. Honestly, her words had warmed his heart, and it felt like he had a mother again. And at that moment, he realized that he'd die trying to protect her, too. He loved them all. He loved Kagome's mother. He loved her strength, and he loved her kindness. And he loved Souta, the boy whom called him a hero. But what would he think of him now? And he loved Kagome's grandfather, even if he annoyed him sometimes. And most of all, he loved Kagome. Maybe he wasn't sure yet in which way he loved her, but he _admired _her. Even when she cried, he saw her strength. And when she was completely, fully-blown pissed off at him, he saw strength too, and her weaknesses. And if he hadn't seen her weaknesses, he would've never known how strong she _really _was. And he loved the baby already with all of his heart, even if he wasn't sure how it had happened so soon when he or she's face and body wasn't completely developed yet.

But all of these people, they were his strength, and he couldn't lose any of them.

He didn't want to seem weak and needy, but he knew that if he didn't tell her, the situation would be worse and someone would end up dead or hurt in the end. "I fucked up," he said, his eyes on the ground. He didn't care about his language anymore.

Mrs. Higurashi gave him an exception. She didn't scold him, just grabbed his cheek gently, raising his head until he met her eyes. "Everybody makes mistakes."

He was frustrated. He let out a low growl. "They don't make mistakes that may have people dead in the end of all this shit," he told her, his voice raising a bit.

He smelled more worry on her before he saw it on her face. Her eyebrows drew together in confusion, and he smelled fear on her before he saw it in her eyes. "Inuyasha…" she started, her voice shaking a bit. "Tell me you're being serious."

"I'm serious," he confirmed, his voice high.

"How?" she asked, the two sour scents that were combined intensified.

"I don't know how, exactly. Like I said, I fucked up, and I'm trying to figure out how. But it's kind of hard," he let out a deep sigh, taking a seat and burying his face into the sweaty palms of his hands. "I know he's after Kagome and the baby. He's after _me_. But first, whoever this sick bastard is, wants to weaken her, wants to make it so that she's almost completely given up. And then, he wants to be done with them, and I can't let that happen. He wants to hurt her family and friends and push her to her limit. And then, it's my friends. After that, her and the baby. Maybe I deserve nothing but pain, but I can't see her and the baby hurt, and I _definitely _can't see her and my baby fucking _dead_."

Tears were about to fill her eyes, and he didn't dare look up, because if he did, he feared he would completely fucking lose his mind. He couldn't deal with smelling her tears right now. He let out a growl, lifting his head slowly, his eyes on her. "Don't cry, don't you _dare_ cry."

"I'm sorry," she murmured. He could still smell it on her though. The truth was scaring her. "Did you spend the night?"

"Of course I spent the night," he answered, his voice soft. "I'm not letting her outta my sight. Not ever again."

She paced around for a second, her arms crossed. He didn't want to see her. He tried to prevent them all from getting hurt, but he seemed to make it all worse. Finally, she slowed, turning to look at him. "I'm not angry," she said suddenly. "I can't be. You…you're _home _to her. And even though I want to cry from all the worry, I know you're not going to let anything happen to her or the baby. You're not going to let anything happen to _us_. We're you're family, Inuyasha, whether you accept us or not. It can't be changed. But I know you accept us. I know that we're family to _you_, too. And I know you'll do anything it takes to protect her, to protect all of us."

He was too stressed to even talk. But he let her see his eyes, and she smiled a little because she knew he was telling her thanks in his own way. He gave her a sort of melancholy smile, the only smile he could manage at the time. It was unique, though. His eyes were filled with warmth. She could see that. She could feel it.

"Do you…do you think you can explain to Souta and her grandfather?" he asked her, his voice tired.

She gave him a nod, giving him a small smile. The whites of her eyes were red, and they looked watery. He had never felt guiltier. "You look tired," she told him. "Go and get some sleep."

"I would," he began, "but I've got to at least try and explain the whole thing to Kagome."

"You came in early this morning, I'm guessing," she stated, taking a sip of her coffee. He could feel tension. But still, he felt grateful for her understanding and for her comfort, her kindness. She actually made him feel like he was family.

"Yeah," he told her, his voice sounding sluggish.

She smiled, this time bigger. "That's you, alright. You love her. You don't have to admit it to yourself right now, but if I was Kagome, I think it would be nice to know."

And she was absolutely right. But the thing was, he still felt scared to sort out his feelings. Of course he loved her. She was his best friend. But what if he did decide to give all of it a try and give his child what he or she would want, which was two parents who loved each other, only for her to be taken away from him in the end?

Yes, he loved her a lot. There were too many feelings swimming around inside of him, but when he focused on the ones he felt for her, it was nothing but love.

But right now, all of it was bullshit compared to her safety. He couldn't focus on catching feelings right now.

**XXXxxxXXX**

"Tell me what's really going on," Kagome said, crossing her arms as she sat on her bed. He sat beside of her, making sure that they weren't touching. She noticed this, and she was bothered by it even though she shouldn't have been.

He was avoiding looking into her eyes, but still, his voice came out soft. Right now, he was being the child she knew him to be sometimes. Or maybe he was being both man and child, she wasn't sure. He was hiding his feelings well, and she was trying to hide hers. But honestly, as she sat there, feeling stupid and contagious because he refused to look at her or even sit within an inch away from her, she felt the longing in her veins to _touch _him again, _kiss _him again, talk to him without things being tense and awkward. "I told you, Kagome. I don't know all the details. All I know is that this bastard wants you weak. He wants _me _weak. He's made up in his mind that I really care about you and the baby, and he wants revenge."

She frowned. What exactly was he saying? Did he mean he didn't care? But she didn't want to jump to conclusions. She didn't want fights between them. She didn't need it, and she was already stressed enough. But still, she needed to know, even if it wasn't the most important thing to know right now. "Are you saying you don't care?" She asked, her voice a little too high, too angry. She didn't want to be harsh. But she needed to know.

Finally, he looked at her, his eyes as soft as his words. "Of course I care," he said, not a trace of anger in his voice. "If I didn't care, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be sitting here, about to lose my mind while trying to piece all of this shit together."

Still, his voice was soft, caring. He looked away from her, and she watched him. His features showed that he was in deep concentration. Before she could say anything, he spoke up, staring at some imaginary object on the floor. His words were soft, but his ways toward her felt so cold. "This bastard had something to do with the crash. I know he did. There's no doubt about it."

She nodded, sort of surprised. Because all along, she had felt like the crash wasn't just an accident. "That's what I was thinking, too," she breathed softly, still studying his features. "Do you have any idea who it might be, though?"

He growled a little, his head snapping towards her, his eyes angry. "Don't you see me _trying_?"

She shook her head at him, scooting a little closer. "Don't act like that with me," she told him softly as she felt his body go rigid from the contact of their arms. He was looking away now, choosing to be the child he could be at times. She sighed, and decided to take the risk. Hesitantly, she reached over, grabbing his face with some care and turning his head so he could look at her, so she could finally read the emotions in his eyes. "I know you're trying. I know you want to protect everybody. But just because you feel like this is your responsibility doesn't mean you have to go through it alone. Let me in, Inuyasha."

His eyes were wide, but she could tell they had softened and all the frustration he was about to take out on her was gone in just a moment. She didn't like him being able to see all of the emotions in her eyes, but she didn't want to pull away. She wanted them to be okay again, and she wanted to know exactly what was going on, and she wanted her baby safe. She wanted a lot of things, but like Sango had said once, wanting was what children did.

"Inuyasha," she started again, a frown on her face when she got no reply. "Don't act like this. You're acting like a child again," she told him softly and quietly, her voice almost holding fear.

What she dreaded was exactly what happened. He broke away from her, frustrated once again. He stood abruptly as if she had hurt him in some kind of way. "I'm acting like a child?" he retaliated, crossing his arms. "You've got that wrong, Kagome. So wrong," he turned away and paced a bit, running his hand through his thick, uncombed heap of silver hair. "Do you know how worried I am? Do you know how _hard _I've been thinking? I'm all I've got for support now! And when I lay down, trying to get some sleep, I can't. Because inside of my head, it's just me and all of this _shit_!"

She stood too, not knowing exactly what she was going to do. But all she knew was that she didn't like seeing Inuyasha like this. He looked crazed, the whites of his eyes red, his golden eyes full of emotion, and his face concentrated every time she looked around to see him because he was in deep thought, in deep worry. She stepped close to him, maybe a little too close, because he backed away. And that hurt. She felt as if she disgusted him, but that wasn't what mattered right now.

He was still her best friend. She still knew how his mind worked, how it ticked. She knew the emotions that took over his eyes so well. Back then, before the sex had even began, the girls he had fooled around with before had hurt him at times, and he'd told her that people still judged her and being a half-demon hadn't gotten any better, even if he was older. Whenever he had told her these things, she would never really know what to do. All she could do back then was give him hope and wrap her arms around him and tell him that things would be okay, that people were stupid for judging him.

Inuyasha had never bitched about his problems. He'd seem angry, frustrated, and she wouldn't dare asking him what was wrong because she was scared she'd end up with her feelings hurt. So instead, they talked about simple things, and he always made the mistake of letting his problems slip out of his mouth, and before he could make amendments to his words, she would always catch on before he could. And then, she'd slip her arms around his neck and whisper in his ear that whatever it was, it would be okay.

And so that's what she would do now. It was the first time he'd ever been so open about his feelings, and she knew why. He was worried and he was guilty. But she had forgiven him for her sake and for her child's sake. Things had to change and they couldn't stay this way. She didn't want anymore arguments. All she wanted was for things to be the way they used to be. Once again, she knew wanting was what children do. But she couldn't help it. Not if it came to Inuyasha or the baby.

Before he could stop her or ask her what she was doing, she flung herself against him, her arms around his neck, face buried into his chest. It felt intimate, but it didn't matter right now. She wanted him to know he wasn't alone, that she had even dreamed of the things he'd been thinking about.

Her eyes were closed, and she hoped with everything in her that he wouldn't push her away and shut her out. She didn't feel his arms wrap around her immediately, but finally, they did, and she almost whimpered but buried her face deeper into his chest instead.

"I have the right to know, too, Inuyasha," she murmured, raising her face up and meeting his eyes. "You're not alone. I heard Mama while she was talking to you this morning," she admitted. "She was right. You're family. I know you're trying hard to sort it all out. But don't leave me out. I'm his mother, and I love him just as much as I know you do. Don't push me _away_."

She felt pretty stupid, grabbing onto him like this out of nowhere. But she felt as if it needed to be done. She felt as if he needed to understand that she was right here and she wasn't going anywhere, and she wanted to really understand this whole situation, too. But she didn't want him to go through all of this alone.

He was about to pull away without saying a word. That's exactly what he did. She stood there, feeling even more stupid before she felt anger take over her. "There you go again," she growled. "You _are_ a child! don't you realize that you shouldn't be going through this all alone?" her voice was softening. "Yash, if you're going to take a stand, we're doing it together."

"Kagome," he started softly, running another hand through his hair, "Don't you realize you can get hurt? And what do you think I would do if I lose you and the baby? Huh? Did you _ever _think about _that_?" His voice was husky, and their faces were impossibly close so that she could feel his hot breath tickle her face. Her eyes trailed down to his full lips, even though she knew this wasn't the right time for that kind of thinking.

"We're going to be okay," she breathed into his sensitive ear, leaning closer to him so that their lips were only centimeters away. But she was scared to make the first move. She was thinking of all of the wrong things and he was making her hot, making it harder for her to focus. Maybe it was the way her body was changing and the increased hormones, or the crazy libido she still felt between them. But she _wanted _him, dammit, and she wanted to make him feel alright, even if only for a moment. "Just let me…just _trust _me again, dammit."

He chuckled a little, and the sound made her close her eyes. He was still close, and she had the inane feeling that he'd leave, that he was _disgusted_. He stopped chuckling, and she heard his frustrated voice again over her racing heart. "Fuck, Kagome. I know what you're thinking," he wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear. "Stop thinking bad of me. I can sense that you are."

She opened her eyes to meet his. "Inuyasha-"

He sighed in return. "What're you thinking?"

He pulled away from her, and she felt disappointed. What was he doing? Playing with her once again? Did he really _not _want her that much? She missed him. And all along, she had been wondering how he had been coping. She had really _missed_ him, missed him so fucking much that it hurt, so much that sometimes, she'd be thinking about him over and over again and she'd find herself _crying_.

This was stupid. She should've been feeling fine since she felt like he wanted to be apart of the baby's life. But she wanted him to be apart of _hers_ too. She was always _wanting_, _needing_. She didn't want to need Inuyasha, especially if he felt nothing for her. Her feel were unrequited, and she was stupid for thinking he could reciprocate them.

"Leave it alone," she said. "It's almost noon and Souta's still in bed. I need to go grocery shopping for Mama, anyway."

She was about to walk out of her bedroom door to get the _fuck _away from all of those emotions, but before she could even take her first step out of the tiny room, he grabbed a hold of her arm. Harshly. Claws almost digging into her soft flesh.

"You don't go _anywhere _without me by your side. _Nowhere_, Kagome," he said, baring his fangs. "You weren't going anywhere, anyway. At least not until you tell me what the _fuck _is going through that head of yours. You're thinking bad about me, and I don't know why."

She pulled away from him, her eyes challenging his. "What does it matter?"

He let go of her, growling and clenching his eyes shut. "This is how everything got so _fucked _up in the first place! You want me to trust you, but how can I do that when you won't even tell me what's on your mind? I told you."

She watched him in interest. If telling him meant that he would calm down, she would. She didn't like the idea of her stressing him out more than he already was. Quietly, she told him, "You barely let me touch you anymore. You hardly let me help you. And if you really want to know, this is me falling apart, coming undone. But it shouldn't matter because now's not the time to focus on _us_. You need to focus on everybody, and I know that's stressful and I wanted to help you. But I can't when I don't even know how to help myself. And I need to focus on him," she smoothed a hand over her stomach. "And maybe, trying to work things out between us will just make me feel more stressed. I _can't _do this."

He growled, but there was no hint of anger in his eyes. "_No_. _We _need to focus on not falling apart."

"I can't fight with you," she said warily. "Screaming and shouting won't keep you."

He froze a little. "You want me to stay if we make it out alive?"

"For the baby," she answered, her voice quiet.

Inuyasha sighed. "And what's she gonna think of her parents? What if we're still arguing like we are now, still fighting with you saying you hate me?" she winced a little, but before she could open her mouth to protest, he started again. "What will she thinks when she won't have a brother or sister? And what about when she sees that her parents aren't like her friend's parents? What then, Kagome? What do we do?"

He was making her feel stupid again. "How can we do any of those things when you won't even let me touch you, Inuyasha? It's like I fucking _disgust _you!"

He was in her face in seconds. "The _shit _you come up with, I fucking swear, Kagome! Did anyone tell you that I was disgusted with you?"

"No, but you showed me. You showed me when you sat beside of me and refused to even touch arms. You showed me when I tried to get you to look at me instead of avoiding my eyes, when I tried to get you to understand that I care, that you can let me in. You moved away. You moved _fast_. And when I tried to hug you and tell you that you weren't alone, you pulled away without a word. And when you pulled away after we had gotten so close-"

"Shut up," he interrupted her. "Stop."

"No," she said simply. "Why'd you do it? You really can't stand the idea of me pregnant and fat, useless?"

"Stop," he warned with a growl and she listened, scared to say anything else. "Have _you _ever felt so fucking worthless and idiotic that you could barely stand yourself? Maybe that's how you're feeling now, but you're wrong. You're completely wrong about _everything_, Kagome! You know why I didn't respond the way you wanted me to? I don't have that fucking privilege anymore!"

"Inuyasha," she started, her voice quiet. "You've _always _had it, no matter what. If you didn't, you think I would've let you stay with me last night?" she moved closer to him. "You've always had my trust, too. I know you're sorry. I forgive you. I need to forgive me."

She stepped closer so that they were just centimeters away once again. He inhaled deeply, pulling her close to him. "I'm sorry. You know damned well I don't hate you, that I never could. Forgive me."

Instead of saying anything, he pulled her closer, cradling her body against his before his lips met hers in a soft, long kiss. His tongue slowly slid over her bottom lip and she whimpered, allowing him entrance. His tongue swiftly glided across hers, and then, he began moving, pushing her back along with him.

They made it to the bed, but she was too wrapped up in the kisses he was giving her to notice. He pushed her back even more, and she let out a yelp, falling onto the bed and bringing him along with her. He landed on top of her and she groaned almost painfully, and his eyes widened.

"Shit," he cursed, pulling away from her. "Did I hurt you?"

Instead of answering, she laughed out loud, and he looked at her, confused. Her laughs quieted down to giggles, and before he could say anything else, she grabbed him by his silver hair, pulling him down on top of her and meeting him for another kiss. She bit his lip hard, felt his tongue glide against hers once more. His tongue continued to explore her mouth, and she moaned as her tongue met his and began battling for dominance. In the end, he gave in and let her do just what she wanted. Her hand found his ears, and instantly, he moaned into her mouth.

She felt his hard erection pressing against her through his jeans, making wetness settle between her thighs. She arched up into him, gasping as his hands massaged her breasts. His tongue was still moving against hers, in and out of her mouth, over and over again. He growled, quickly pulling away so she could catch her breath.

His eyes were focused on hers, and she _still _couldn't say what she knew she felt. And when she'd said that she hated him, she had meant the exact opposite. In all truth, she loved him so much it hurt, but she wouldn't tell him that. She didn't want to be the first.

"What's wrong?" he asked her, his voice raspy and heavy with lust. His eyes were full of lust, too, so full with that emotion that she could hardly decipher anything else he was feeling.

But what was she supposed to say? She wouldn't tell him. But if she didn't, wouldn't everything be the same way it was before? She didn't want to seem needy or desperate or lonely. But she was all of those things. She was desperate for love and affection, but most of all, she was desperate for him. And he was still searching her eyes for some kind of answer, looking sure of himself and sly, and she wondered in that moment if anyone thought as strongly as he did.

Maybe they couldn't say those three words right now. Maybe now, it just wasn't the time. But at least she knew she meant _something _to him. Maybe one day they would find one another in a place that was better than this, a time filled with only them and the things they could never say. She didn't want to lose him if she decided to give herself to him this very moment. She couldn't lose him. He was her _home_. Because if he left her, who was she going to have to hold down? And who would make her feel better about everything? And who would make her day by saying the most stupid things, making her smile?

She had made herself the fool for falling for him. Maybe it would be better to just give up, but she really didn't want to.

Sometimes, she wanted to feel smaller underneath her sheets. She wished for the whole truth every time he spoke or looked at her. But then, she thought about how much she cared for him, and how sometimes she felt as if he cared half as much for her. And if she even decided to have sex with him in this moment, when she woke up from her euphoria, she didn't want to watch him smoke cigarettes and she didn't want him ignoring her. She didn't want this to ruin things. She didn't want him to stick what he knew she felt for him in the pocket of his jeans, lock it away and forget all about it the next day. She didn't want his heart to tear hers away.

He must've sensed the tension, because he frowned. "Kagome, what's wrong?" he asked, pulling away slightly. "We…we don't have to do this if you're not ready."

She smiled a little. He did care. He noticed. He stopped. But she didn't want him to. And she felt like things would be alright when this was over. So she smiled even wider and shook her head, pulling him down and crushing her lips against his again.

He groaned and unintentionally grinded his hips against her, causing her to moan. "I want you, Kagome," he whispered into her ear. "I really, really fucking want you. And if you give me another chance, I can fucking promise you I _won't _screw up this time. I'll be the best I can be for you and the baby. I'll give you whatever you want. You already know I'd give up my life protecting you, don't you?"

His words brought butterflies to her stomach. But still, she couldn't say it. So instead, she nodded her head, a small smile playing across her lips before pulling him in for another kiss.

She felt his hands roaming over her stomach, under her bra. She moaned into his mouth, and she reached down between him, fumbling with the belt on his jeans. She let out a light whine when she realized that she couldn't get them off fast enough. Inuyasha chuckled. "Take your time."

She made a sound of frustration, deciding to leave his difficult jeans alone for now.

He wanted to take his time with her. Maybe it was because he didn't want to remember all of those other times. They _always _had fast, rough, sweaty sex. He wanted to make _sure _she would feel as good as she always made him feel.

Her shirt was thrown to the floor, long-forgotten. As was her bra. She moaned lightly as he kissed her neck, her chest heaving in anticipation. Languidly, he trailed his tongue down, and she heard her whisper his name as he swept it over her nipples. Greedily, he began sucking at one, his hand massaging her other breast. Her back arched in an almost feline way as she grinded her hips up into his erection. She was losing herself so quickly in her world of euphoria and bliss. That was the effect he'd always had on her, though. The tip of his claw brushed across her nipple lightly, and she grinded into him again, letting out a moan.

He loved the way she looked when she was so aroused. He pulled away from her body, moving up to press his lips against hers, intentions to make them even more swollen. Her eyelids stayed closed, and her face was flushed. Perspiration was already starting to stick onto their skin, and although he wanted to take things slow, he wanted her completely bare, and he wanted out of his clothes, too. But he wanted to have patience. He wanted to make her feel special.

So instead of shredding their clothes off, he worked slowly. She let out a little groan as his mouth moved away from her nipple. He languidly slid his tongue up and down her neck, imagining where he could mark her if he wanted to. But he wouldn't. He couldn't. He didn't know if she was ready. He didn't know if he was ready. And plus, with some man he did not know of on the verge of breaking them down, there was no time for it.

"Inuyasha," she breathed impatiently, her chest still heaving up and down, her hips still grinding against his in need.

He wanted to tell her that she had to be patient, but he was too busy trying to make her body feel good. He smirked against her skin before kissing down her body, to her stomach.

She giggled out, making Inuyasha smirk again. He was kissing the tiny bump on her stomach, his hand rubbing against it. It was a weird feeling, but it brought absolute bliss. She felt butterflies again, and wondered if it was the baby's way of responding to Inuyasha. "At least wait until I get bigger," she told him, a stupid smile still on her face. "But I think that he likes you already."

"Really?" he responded, his voice still husky, she looked down to see him with a toothy grin on his face. "I think she likes me, too."

He continued on torturing her body, kissing it and running his tongue along her soft flesh, leaving her insane. Slowly, he stuck both thumbs on the insides of her denim shorts before sliding them down. He heard her let out a low whimper, wanting him to continue on and hurry up. He threw her useless shorts somewhere along the floor before also hooking his thumbs on the insides of her panties, sliding them down.

He pushed her knees apart, and she sat up, but before she could tell him that she wanted him to hurry up and go faster, before she could tell him how badly she wanted him, his head was between her thighs, stroking her clit with his tongue. She threw her head back harshly against the softness of her mattress, letting out a loud moan and completely forgetting that her mother may have heard her. She didn't care. She whimpered as he stroked her clit with his tongue harder, and grinded her hips up into his face, silently begging for more.

When she felt his tongue enter into her, she was sure she was in heaven.

And the funny thing was that they'd done this so many times before and she still didn't know how to control herself.

"Inuyasha," she was begging for more, panting, her chest moving up and down rapidly as he continued to bring her closer and closer to an orgasm.

His tongue went back to licking her clit, and her eyelids fluttered as they closed again. She bucked her hips against his face again, letting out a sharp cry, her back arching off the bed. She reached down, pulling on his hair, begging for more. Because Kagome was never shy when it came to sex.

Once again, his tongue was thrusting in and out of her. With the pads of his fingertips, he rubbed against her clit. By now, her legs were spread, and all of her shyness had disappeared. He peaked up at her as he continued to pleasure her and the site of her face right now was enough to make him cum. Her hair was sticking out in every direction, a big heap of raven curls and waves. Her lips were red and swollen, her face sweaty and her cheeks flushed. The expression on her face almost looked pained from the immense pleasure she was receiving.

Kagome felt like she was on fire. She felt like she was going to explode. And she did as she cried out his name in pure ecstasy and bliss. She felt as if she had blacked out for a second or two, her body shaking. She felt Inuyasha's lips on her again, and she felt his hands slip between her thighs.

"Are you ready, Kagome?" he asked her, his voice raspy in her ear. He ran his tongue along her neck, wanting to mark her badly.

When she had recovered from her orgasm, she opened her eyes to see him. His bangs were already damp, sticking to the sides of his face. He was pulling his shirt off, but she pushed his hands away, pulling it off instead. His chest was mesmerizing. She was honestly lucky. His chest was chiseled like he was some kind of god, and slowly, she let her hand run up his chest, a smirk playing at her lips when she heard him groan.

He reached for the buckle of his jeans, and she bit her lip at the sound of it unbuckling. She ran her hand up his chest again, surprised at how much she _needed _him in this one moment. She pulled up, sitting at the edge of the bed, still watching him, mesmerized with the body that she knew by heart.

She was getting even more wet just by watching his face as he shed himself of his jeans and boxers, tossing them off to the side along with her clothes. Before he could crawl back on top of her, she stopped him. He had done her a favor, so she wanted to do him one.

With one swift move, she reached out her hand, grabbing his erection and carefully pumping it up and down in her cool hand. He groaned after he got over the surprise of what she'd did to him. "What're you doing, Kagome?" He asked her through clenched teeth. She smirked at him, pumping her hand faster, squeezing it tight around his cock. His eyes were on her as she did so, and when his eyes flashed red only to quickly turn back to their usual melting gold color, her smirk widened.

"You deserve this," she spoke softly. "You're stressed. I want to make you feel better."

His head fell back when he felt her warm mouth engulf his dick, and immediately, he thrust his hips forward. His head fell back, sweat falling into his half-lidded eyes. When he moaned and grabbed her by her hair, his thick erection seemed to harden even more. Wetness was still pooling between her thighs, and had her clit throbbing for some attention. Kagome slowly, painfully bobbed her head up and down his hard erection, and he groaned, beginning to rock his hips forward a little bit harder.

Her free hand was massaging his balls, and she pulled back, her tongue running over his slit, making him hiss. The pre-cum in her mouth was salty, and she wanted him to enjoy this as much as he could. She slowly took his head into her mouth, working at it, licking, while her other hand rubbed his shaft. He was moving his hips back and forth faster, but still, he was careful not to hurt her.

He whined because he didn't want her to be careful. He wanted her to take it all, but this wasn't supposed to be some quickie. It was supposed to have some kind of meaning, and he honestly didn't want to ruin that. So Kagome continued her tantalizing, slow licks, and he stopped moving his hips, letting her do exactly as she wished.

"Fuck, Kagome," he whispered, lost in pleasure. "_Fuck_!"

Finally, he allowed himself to move his hips, but he was still careful. And when he came in her mouth, she thought it would be unending. He let out a near whimper as the warm, salty, thick liquid coated her tongue, and as he watched her swallow it down.

She still had the devilish smirk on her face when he reached down to pull her up. She held his grip on her hands, and then pushed him down on the bed, carefully crawling atop of him, straddling him. They moaned at their contact, and Kagome leaned down to press her cheek against his, her breath coming out in pants already.

"I'm on top," he told her, his voice raspy. "I'll feel emasculated if you are."

She made a face at him, but obeyed with him anyway.

He flipped her over carefully before crawling on top of her. "Be careful. Don't press too hard on my stomach."

He chuckled, leaning down so his lips could meet hers once more. "Never," he said with a smirk, spreading her legs for him.

He leaned down to kiss her again, softly, no tongue involved. He kissed her, his mouth moving against hers in all of the things he felt for her. And he felt as if her mouth was moving the same way against his. But still, he couldn't bring himself to say those three words. But he knew that if he couldn't tell her, he at least had to show her. He _wanted _to show her, even if he wasn't completely sure of his feelings for her.

She whimpered into his mouth when he slowly pushed into her, his body hot against hers. She panted, immediately breaking out into a sweat. Her eyes closed tightly, her face immediately flushing. He pushed into her slowly again, letting her moan into his mouth. Sweat was trailing down into his eyes, and he squeezed them shut tight before opening them again. He pushed inside of her again, harder, making her back slide up the mattress, making her hair frizz up even more.

"Fuck," he panted, his breath hot against her neck. He placed butterfly kisses on her skin, all over her neck, his eyes focused on the junction between her neck and her collarbone. He licked her right there lethargically, dog-like. He was showing affection, and she felt butterflies in her stomach again. He opened his eyes and focused them on the stunning woman that lay beneath him. "Open your eyes," he told her suddenly. He didn't want them closed. He wanted her to see how fucking crazy he really was for her. "Keep your eyes on mine."

Her body had always amazed him to no end, she knew that well. She was as beautiful as she had been back in high school. She had always been beautiful, even if he didn't tell her that enough. She knew. She knew just how crazy she drove him. Back when she was just in high school, she had been skinnier, a few curves, but not as many as she held now. She was perfection, and everything he could've ever wanted. She knew his body better than she knew her on, and he knew hers better than he knew his own. He knew what made her trimble and shake, he knew what made her scream and what put her in the mood.

She did as he said, and slowly, he began pumping in and out of her, letting out a low, primal growl. "You're mine, Kagome."

Those words made her scent shift to something that still held her soft, sweet scent, but it was darker, deeper, intoxicating, more excited, more erotic. He kissed her neck again before suckling at her delicate flesh. She buried her fingers into his hair, massaging his scalp almost. He pushed into her again, to the hilt, making her cry out and making it sound like she could stop breathing at anytime soon.

"Yours," she moaned out, grabbing his hair and tugging him down so she could meet his lips again.

He pulled away, golden eyes still focused on hers. She wrapped her legs around him tightly, forcing him to go _deeper_, but he wasn't at all complaining. He was _relishing_. She wanted him harder. She wanted him giving her his all. She wanted _everything_. She didn't care. Maybe she was being selfish, wanting him to only be hers, but she couldn't help it. He rocked his hips against hers harder, and she began to move with him, moved in the rhythm he was moving in.

He felt her hands on his ass, and she pulled him closer to her. Their bodies were sheen with perspiration from their sex. "Fast, Yasha, faster," she breathed out, her chest heaving up and down and her heart racing like his. "Please." She begged, her nails scraping down his back, making him hiss with pleasure.

She let out a loud moan as he obeyed her commands, wrapping her slick legs around his waist, pulling him even closer to her. Her eyes were still locked with his. It was the most intense, personal, and intimate thing she'd ever experienced, looking into his eyes as he took over her whole body, claiming her on the inside as _his_. She wanted to be his and only his.

The bed was moving along with them now as he took both of them to heaven, making sure she got a glimpse of the stars and the moon. She was moaning loudly, her nails digging even deeper into his back, making him hiss, making him groan. He heard roaring in his ear and he desperately tried to control himself before he marked her with something she may not have wanted. He fought against his demon as he slammed _hard_ into her over and over again, the sound of his flesh smacking against hers. She felt so good, so tight around him.

His demon was still wanting all the control. His eyes flashed red and he knew Kagome saw, but he continued to fight against it. He fought hard because he didn't want to ruin this moment by doing something that she wouldn't want, especially in the state that they were in now. It wasn't the time for romance, and maybe it wasn't even the time for babies, but they couldn't help that. But he wanted to prove to her that she was perfect, that she was the only one who could ever be perfect to him. He wanted to prove her wrong. He wanted to prove that she didn't disgust him, he wanted to prove that...

"I love you," she muttered before letting out a loud moan, her hips thrusting wildly against his as he pumped in and out of her. She must've not thought that he'd heard her, but he did. He He'd heard her loud and clear. With that wonderful thought in his mind, he continued pumping in and out of her hard, his flesh still smacking against hers as she whimpered. She felt the same and she'd been the first to admit.

Kagome's world shattered instantly. Her heart skipped a few beats and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She bit her lip, but it wasn't able to stop the scream that escaped her mouth. Before she could finish the sound, Inuyasha pressed his mouth against hers, and with one hard thrust, it was finally his turn to scream into her mouth. She felt his hot seed coat the inside of her body, making her feel full and warm. He gave one more thrust, milking the cum completely from his body, unloading into her. He panted heavily against her cheek, both of their bodies shaking from the intense orgasms they'd just experienced.

He carefully rolled himself off of her, careful not to put pressure on her stomach because honestly, he didn't know what went on with pregnant women, but he didn't want to crush her or the baby. He felt her body mold against his, felt her chin against his shoulder. No words were spoken as she softly kissed his shoulder wrapping an arm around him and snuggling her naked body close to his, her breathing still uneven.

They both felt warm and sated and sluggish, now. They spoke no words to each other. They had seen everything in each other's eyes, and they understood the other one's feelings well. Hearing her words had been final for him, even if she thought he hadn't heard.

But the thing was that both were too scared to take the risk. They were both too scared of crashing and burning. So for now, those three words wouldn't be mentioned anytime soon.

**A/N: Gahh, upsetting, isn't it? Well, it's all going to be okay. Now honestly, I've had only one reviewer tell me what they wanted the baby to be, and I think it may have been a while back. At first I wanted a boy, but now, I kinda want a girl. But I'm up for whatever you guys want them to have!  
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**Oh, yeah, and sorry about my lemon skills seeming a bit rusty. I hadn't wrote one in a while, and the power went completely off at my house so by the time it was back on, I was like I've got to hurry up and finish writing this! So I rushed it, even though it was supposed to be love-making. Sorry guys. And sorry if you didn't like it, but the sex had to happen. It was necessary, and honestly, I really don't know when the next lemon will be, but it will probably be necessary, too. You know, they have to...erm...mate.  
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**You guys will probably be hearing more about Naraku and Kikyo and everyone the next chapter, and if not that, the next one. I think it'll take over 20 chapters to completely finish this story, so bear with me, please. And I have back-ups, just in case FF stumbles across some of my stories.  
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**Thanks for the reviews! And don't forget to review this chapter! A girl needs all the love she can get(:  
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	15. Fear

_Fear was something that she wasn't entirely familiar with, but in that moment where she was alone in the darkness without his comforting arms around her, all she felt was the overpowering emotion. So she sat there, her knees up to her chest and her hands trembling. In her mind, she felt that with fear, you weren't entirely existing. She wanted to reject the emotion, the feeling, but her heart was still pumping and she was cold and she felt evil._

_Her hands were still shaking as she covered her eyes like a baby. The worst thing was that she couldn't see anything, but she could feel everything. Is this what darkness did to you? Is this how blind men felt? It must've been hell. Your emotions were intensified and you felt everything, but you could see nothing._

_There were teasing voices in her head. Voices that told her to run, but she was sure if she even tried, her legs would give out beneath her. She felt boneless and weaker than she'd ever felt._

_And then, she heard it._

_It was the crying of a baby. Sharp, painful cries. _

_Her baby was in pain, and without a second thought, she stood to her feet, calling the child who was without a name. Another pained cry. Her baby almost sounded like it was dying. Her baby boy. She was trying to build courage to hold back the floods of fear. But the damn broke and fear gave in, and so did tears._

_She was feeling the pain now, taking all of it. She hissed, bowing over as pain went through her stomach. The baby's cries were intensifying. Vertigo surged through her head, and she felt even more boneless and helpless. The sharp pain was still there. And her baby boy, he was helpless, too._

_She felt as if she was facing imminent death._

_But she stood, pain and all, as she realized that she didn't want to fear anything, she only wanted to understand and escape still alive with her baby._

_The evil feeling intensified and so did the fear._

_She fell helplessly to her knees, the sound of her baby's cries still in her head. She left her baby in fear of the evil as she escaped from it all._

**XXXxxxXXX**

It was the thrashing of the bed that immediately awoke him. His ears twitched as he heard her whimper, and he sat up immediately. She was faced away from him, but she thrashed again and turned so he could see her. So he could see that she was crying. That she was still sleeping while she cried.

His heart clenched and immediately, he stretched out a hand to awaken her.

But Kagome wasn't having it. She cried even worse, her face twisted up in obvious pain. He shook her gently, her naked, soft flesh hot despite the cold that filled the room due to her half opened window.

He took her into his arms, her naked skin pressed against his. "Kagome," he whispered, that clench still on his heart. "Kagome, it's just a dream. Wake up. Come back to me." He rocked her gently, scared out of his mind. Was she in physical pain? Was something wrong with his kid that was making his or her mother cry? Or was all of this just because of that bastard who was supposedly after them for some reason that was unbeknownst to the both of them?

She wasn't sobbing. She cried with soft whines, but still, they left him completely fearful. He held her close, hoping that she'd know that he was _here,_ that he was her _protection_.

"Kagome," he whispered again, and she finally opened her eyes so he could see them and hope that he could find out what was going on and what she dreamed about.

"I left him. I fucking _left _him, Yash. What's he going to do without me?" She sobbing hysterically and he didn't know what to do. So he continued to rock her softly, letting her tears soak into his flesh.

"It's all a dream. She's okay," his hand made his way to her stomach, "and you're okay, and I am, too. Now come back to me, Kagome. _Please_."

He was surprised to find his words had calmed her down. She slipped out of his arms, laying flat on her back, her sheets still covering her naked body. She looked at the ceiling, fear in her eyes, and he couldn't take it all. She was still crying, tears spilling from her eyes helplessly.

So he carefully crawled atop of her, and she closed her eyes as he kissed away all of her fear. "I used to have nightmares, too. You know that, Kagome," he said. "But dreams, they lie. And it's all okay because I'm here and I'll always be, even if you try your hardest to push me away." He said these things gently, almost like a lover's voice in the morning. And Kagome didn't know if he felt love, or if he felt far from it.

His lips were hot on her cold ones. His kisses were soft and quick, no tongue involved. But he held feeling in each one of them and to her, they were gifts. Her hands cupped his cheek and she blinked the rest of her tears away.

He was distracting her with kisses as he slipped inside of her. He was slow and gentle, both of them moaning into the others mouth from the much needed connection. His hands were rough and his palms were calloused, but they felt gentle and almost soft as they glided across her skin. She felt like she was the ocean and more as he rocked inside of her, comforting her even more. It was a rising and falling of her chest, and the motions of his love making that calmed her. She felt his heart beating just as fast as hers. She felt his hot breath coming out in pants against her cheek, and he buried his head into her shoulder.

No words were spoken. He was her sanctuary. The only sounds that were heard in the seemingly vacancy of her room were muffled moans as he continued to rock her into peace. He was making love to her. It wasn't rough and it wasn't angry. He was doing this to make her feel safe and to make her feel completely connected with him, and that was all she felt in those last moments as they moaned into each others mouths once again, shuddering as they reached their high and the ache within them became too much to handle.

When it was all done, she almost wanted to say 'I love you.' But she didn't because she still knew that he wasn't ready for that. And if he was, she would remember that it had always been tough for him to catch onto his emotions and define them, and it was certainly hard for him to _say _it and make them final and definite.

So instead, She snuggled into his chest and said, "I'm glad you're here, Inuyasha."

He smiled softly, and with his eyes, he told her that he loved her.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Naraku was angry. And Kikyo knew that from the moment he walked through the door. But then again, there was also something else in his eyes. _Excitement_. She was dreading what he had to say and what he'd do next. He was looking at her, his expression stoic but his eyes showing everything. After all, he was what he didn't want to be. He was something that still had emotion no matter how hard he tried not to let it show. He was a half demon.

"That _bitch_," he started, "That _bitch _has something that I want."

Fear went through her heart. But not only for Inuyasha, the man who had made her feel something better than how Naraku made her feel, even if he loved someone else. She felt fear for that girl he loved. "N-Naraku…" she muttered. "What exactly does she have?"

The guilt was enough to make her sob, because if she had pushed Inuyasha away, him and whoever his girlfriend was wouldn't be going through all of this _shit_.

"You know she's pregnant, don't you?" Naraku told her, a nasty smirk on his face. "She's fucking pregnant. I guess there's another useless half breed about to claw it's way out of the womb and to a place where it doesn't belong."

She wanted to protest. She wanted to know what he'd say if they ever had a baby together. She wanted to know what he would _do _if she told him to his face that he was a half demon, too. "Naraku, what does she have?"

The nasty smirk widened. "The bitch has the Shikon no Tama."

There were no words that could slip past her lips. She watched him for the first time in her life with hate in her eyes.

**XXXxxxXXX**

It was going on noon, and he was sleeping peacefully while she wasn't.

His arms that were wrapped tightly around her resembled her of castles, protecting her. She felt safe and she felt sated and she didn't want the moment to end, but she knew that Mama would probably start suggesting things, and the thought of that brought a bright blush to her cheeks. But the feeling that she had always got when he was around her made her lazy and too cozy to move.

But there were things to be done. There were certain people to see and still, she had to go grocery shopping. She had to figure out a way to help Mama pay the bills, and she had to take care of Jii-chan, make sure that he was doing okay. But she _did not want to move_.

She ran her hand over his face, lightly caressing his cheek. And then she ran a hand through his hair, so grateful for him, so grateful that he was _there _and doing his best to protect her and the baby. Her hand reached up to his ears to caress them, and he made a sound in his sleep that made her almost laugh. But instead, she sported a soft smile on her lips and pure love in her eyes for no one but him.

She sighed before leaning over to kiss him on his temple, and then, she reluctantly unwrapped his arms from around her and tried to start her day.

**XXXxxxXXX**

It was the perfect day outside.

She had left without a word to her Mama and without a word to Inuyasha. Souta was at soccer practice with Kohaku. Sango was probably at counseling with Miroku. After all, they had decided that they still needed to work around the few broken pieces in their marriage. Rin was probably studying or somewhere with Sesshomaru. Mama was worried, probably. Inuyasha was most likely furious. But she needed to think.

Thinking of the dream she'd had this morning still sent shivers down her back.

But here, she felt safe. Maybe not as safe as she felt when she was around Inuyasha, but she was safe enough. There was a warm feeling in her belly and a soft smile on her lips as she watched children play, their parents watching them grow up right before her eyes. Her hand rested on her stomach. That was the kind of like she wanted him to have. She wanted him to feel safe and not go through the fear that she still felt in the back of her mind. It nagged her, and it was like the fear she had developed was the devil himself. Her mind was swimming with possibilities, imagining the worst scenario possible.

All of the people she loved; what if she lost them? What would she do, then? What would she do when Naraku struck her at the worst time possible?

She had to remind herself that tonight was the night of the new moon. The worst time possible for Inuyasha. She imagined how he must've felt. He would be back to feeling the same emotions she did. He was half demon, and he depended on that for remaining strong; physically and emotionally. He wouldn't have claws. He wouldn't have the fangs that scared most of the boys that used to flirt with her away. He would still be strong. He was always strong, stronger than she could ever hope to be. But he wouldn't have that tiny ounce of _power_ he depended so much upon. What would Naraku do? And how would he do it?

In the most painful ways possible, she knew that.

She looked around, the sun in her eyes.

And there he was. Kouga.

At first, she wanted to at least give him a hello. And when she realized the condition she was in and knew he could most likely smell it, she wanted to run. Realization hit her. All of those times when he had said she smelled different-but now, he would definitely know now. He would be sure of it, and she didn't know how he would take it. After all, he had kissed her. And it wasn't against her will, she'd asked him to. And what would he think of her?

But before she could get her shit together and swiftly walk away, maybe back home, he was walking up to her. He held a smirk on his lips, and she put on a fake smile. But she was nervous and she knew he would be able to tell.

"Kagome," he said. "Where've you been? I haven't seen you around here in a while."

She sputtered and honestly contemplated turning away without a word. But before she could help herself, she was spitting out apologies in every direction. "I'm sorry. I'm so _sorry _for last time, I know I shouldn't have asked you to do that and I'm sorry if I hurt you in anyway, Kouga."

He smirked and moved closer to her. "You didn't hurt me."

He still smelt the hanyou's scent on her. It clung heavily to her skin, but she wasn't mated. Not yet. And now, he knew. Two and two came together and he shook his head at her. But the fear that he smelled was almost overpowering the scent of the pup within her. He pulled her arm gently, tugging her against him.

"Kouga-" she gasped, confusion in her eyes. Finally, she tried to tug her arm back, her anger flaring.

"No. Did he hurt you? Did he hurt the woman who's carrying his own pup?" Kagome felt her eyes widen at this, unbeknownst to the fact that her cheeks were flushed from his realization and the exertion of trying to pull away from his grip.

"I'm not hurt," she panted out. "So it would be nice if you let me go. I'm okay."

He did as she wished, and when she got her arm back, she held it with her hand as if he'd actually hurt her. She looked around, happy to realize he hadn't made a scene. "Kouga, I've got to go. I've got to get back home."

"At least tell me why your fear is almost stronger than the scent of that pup you're carrying. At least tell me how long you've known. You're not showing much. I gave you my number. You could've called to let me know at least _something_, Kagome."

"It's complicated," was all she said, desperately trying to get away. She hadn't been expecting things to go this bad.

"Well, how's he treat you?" Kouga asked, his face serious.

"That's complicated, too."

"Kagome-" he started, only to be interrupted by her.

"Like I said, it's complicated. But it took two to make this baby and he understands that, and that's all I really want from him. If he doesn't love me, I'm glad that he at least loves his kid. That's all I need, Kouga." Kagome told him simply. "Listen, how about I give you a call sometime? I've got to get home, I'm not feeling so well."

And honestly, she wasn't feeling too good. The morning sickness- which was bullshit, because you got it whenever the fuck your baby made you feel like having it- hadn't got better at all. And the fact that she was suddenly so jittery and anxious wasn't helping it, either.

So she left Kouga standing there dumbfounded while she hoped that she wasn't hurting him.

**XXXxxxXXX**

"Where in the _fuck _is she?" Inuyasha roared to no one in particular as he paced around downstairs. He was getting weird stares from her family, but they knew the deal. _Nobody got left behind_. Now wasn't the time for this shit, and he was getting more pissed off as he counted the seconds, realizing that the bitch _still _wasn't her.

Maybe she'd gone to pick Souta up and walk him home safely to be sure that nothing was going on. But still, she seemed to agree when he told her that he didn't want her going off by herself.

So what in the fuck was going on?

**XXXxxxXXX**

She had done as he wished just to have the possibility of escaping all of this madness one day. Naraku was sitting there with a smirk on his face, almost challenging her, daring her to say that she didn't do as he wished so he could hurt her like he hurt the crying woman in the corner.

Kikyo's head snapped when she came in the room. She folded her arms over her chest and the sobbing that she thought was silent, but definitely wasn't, calmed down. Naraku pulled away from her.

Kagura shot her a sympathetic look, the most that Kikyo would ever get from her. Kikyo was the one who had put herself in the situation. Kikyo was the one who refused to listen to him, which resulted her getting even more hurt in the end. She was naked, bruises covering her body. She tried to hide herself from the girl's view, but Kagura had seen this so many times before and now, she was very used to it.

She knew how the girl felt.

She knew how it felt to want an escape.

One day, she would break free from it all. She promised that to herself.

"It's done," she told him, her voice raspy with no emotion just as her face.

He gave her a mere nod before looking back to Kikyo who was scared out of her mind as always when he was around. How could she love someone who treated her like this? "You see?" he said, his voice gentle. "Maybe if you'd obey me, you'd get the same treatment that Kagura does."

Kagura was still watching, Kikyo was still covering herself in shame. Kagura saw her ribs. She saw how boneless she looked, she saw that fear in her eyes. She didn't dare do anything.

He fell on his knees before her, leaning close to her, kissing her naked and making her whimper. Kagura closed her eyes and shook her head in shame as she began to walk out of the room.

She could still hear him.

"Tell me you love me."

Kikyo said it gently, emotions nearly choking her and altering the way she spoke.

"I love you, Naraku."

The screams from her came anyway.

They would all escape this hell one day. Maybe she didn't deserve it for all of the things she'd done, but Kikyo deserved heaven and nothing less.

**XXXxxxXXX**

It was like the sky was on fire.

And then, there was darkness. Not real darkness you can see, but the darkness that you can feel. And everything was real because she saw it with her eyes and before she knew it, she was running full-speed to the scene before her eyes. He was laying there. But he was alive still, and that's all that mattered. His breathing was labored. His lips slowly turning blue. And it felt like the people who were supposed to be saving his life were moving way too slow.

She was crying. She was screaming and crying at _them _because she wanted to touch him and they wouldn't let her. She wanted to whisper into his ear that he was not alone and she wanted to tell him that he couldn't give up, that he couldn't go on and leave her and Mama, because he was like her own child. And fuck, she was his mother and she was supposed to be beside of him.

She punched them. She punched all of them that were in her way. And when she was so close to touching him, someone grabbed her by her waist and pulled her back, but she punched whoever that was, too. She needed to be near him. She needed that. But the man or whoever he was recovered quickly and roughly shoved her back. She stumbled a bit, but she caught her balance. In that horrible moment, she forgot she was taking care of two. She felt like she wasn't a person. She just felt like she needed to be by his side.

So she fell helplessly to her knees as the man screamed something at her she didn't understand. Something she didn't listen to. She thought it was something along the lines of "miss, please back away," or "miss, you're not supposed to be here," and the people who weren't helping, the stupid people who just stood there with their eyes wide on his unmoving body and some with their wide eyes on her shouted to her that she was crazy.

_But that's my baby brother. Mama can't lose someone who reminds her so much of Daddy._

But he was dying and they were doing _nothing_, so she let out a scream that pierced the air and wished for the nightmare to end.

She heard loud crying somewhere, and she figured that was strange because she was the only one who was supposed to be crying. And then, she felt someone jerk her up and pull her into their arms, and she knew those arms anywhere. She knew that deep, gruff, but honey-like voice and she knew those amber eyes that reminded her of pure gold.

How did this happen? How did she end up here? How did he end up on the ground, barely breathing?

She watched as they hauled him up and gently laid him on a stretcher. And then, he was off. The loud sounds of the ambulance and police pierced her ears and she winced and focused on his heartbeat, frankly not giving a fuck if she completely soaked his shirt with her tears. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. Mama was gone off somewhere. She couldn't hear her crying anymore. And she didn't want to because seeing another crying face that would confirm that all of this was real, so she buried her face deep into the warmth of him and let him protect her from everything.

She felt like hell. She felt on fire, and she felt like throwing up again. That made her remember the pregnancy. She felt like she was walking to her room in the dark and she could've swore there was another step, but there wasn't and she tripped up a little and tried to analyze the things she'd did wrong.

It was her fault.

She couldn't touch him and tell him that she was _here_. She left him alone, just like she left her baby alone in the dream.

_Souta. Please be okay._

"I'm here," he told her over and over again. "I'm here, Kagome."

She loved him for that. For just being _there_.

**A/N: Short and sweet(; Shit, more like short and sad. But hey, it had to happen. But anyway, everything will work out just fine. And btw, guys, thanks for all the site suggestions. You guys said you wanted twins, but I'm still not sure yet. Maybe. (:**

**Let me warn you guys, I've decided there are going to be more lemons in the future chapters, and I'm sorry, but it'll take just a little bit longer till he admits he loves her. Anyway, actions speak louder than words. Anybody agree? ANYBODY?**

**Reviews are love. I'll see you all again soon (: Oh and btw, sorry if there are any typos. I'm really in a hurry, I should've had this chapter out way sooner.  
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	16. Alone

She had told him that she had wanted to sleep until she couldn't see the sun anymore, so that's what she had done. She had slept the whole rest of the day with him by her side, his fingertips lightly tracing circles on her back. This time, he didn't wrap his arms around her. She needed space. She needed to cry and feel sorry for herself for just a while, and be strong later on, because she knew that you didn't have to be strong all the time. He helped her to see that.

She felt the world on her shoulders and even though he was so there, she felt like he was so far away. Or maybe it was just her. After what she'd seen today, after almost losing someone who meant the world to her, she couldn't connect to him or anybody else. All of her friends had found out about the whole ordeal since it was on the news, against her favor, and now, the calls on her phone wouldn't stop and she couldn't get the break she desperately needed. She wanted to be alone and unbothered, and that was all she was asking for.

The moon couldn't. The room was quiet, filled with obscure. It was the way she wanted things for now. It helped her think. But the darkness made her feel less safe. And one of the biggest reasons why she didn't feel safe, a bigger reason than the darkness that surrounded them, was because tonight, they were the same. He was just as weakened as her.

She turned to face him, to see if he was just as hurt and worried as she was.

It was completely dark, but still, she could see his eyes. She reached out to run her fingers through his mane of now midnight black hair. She ran her fingers across the spot where the fuzzy appendages attached to his head had once set. They were now vanished. There wasn't a trace of half-demon in his features, but she knew that didn't matter to him. What really mattered to him was the conflict that she could feel radiating off of him. He couldn't stand nights like this. She knew. But she loved him, human features and fucked up emotions and all. And she loved him with his silver hair, dog ears, possessiveness, and toughness. She loved all of him completely.

He should know that. But sometimes, she didn't think he did, and she sometimes felt like an idiot for telling him that out loud on that one night. The thought of it still brought a blush to her cheeks and a slight fall to her heart. But she was braver than loneliness and much stronger than depression. And if it wasn't for him, she wouldn't be all of those things.

"You okay?" he asked softly, worry apparent in his eyes.

"Are you?"

He snorted, and she could feel him rolling his eyes. "You know how this works, Kagome. Of course I'm not okay. I thought all of those feelings were bad before," he paused, "but now, they're ten times worse. Can you imagine that, wench?"

He was trying to be tough because he was frustrated, but it wasn't working out so well. His eyes were sparkly, and they were almost the only thing she could see. They were softening in sympathy for her, and something else she couldn't decipher.

"Of course I can," she retorted. "It's only for tonight. And in the morning, we can go see Souta and everything will be okay, alright? It's just tonight, Yash."

"What if something else happens, Kagome? What if that bastard pulls another trick? I'm useless right now." He said, his voice wary.

She traced her hand over his lips, hoping to calm him down. "I'm already hurt enough, Inuyasha. I don't know when his next move is, and I'm terrified at that fact, but after what I _saw_…" she paused, closing her eyes as she felt her throat closing up and nausea sinking into her stomach. "…After what I saw, I think that he knows that he killed me inside perfectly. I think he knows. And this will give us time to at least _try _to discover his intentions."

"Kagome-" he started to protest, but she cut him off.

"Hold me." She told him.

And he did until she fell asleep, sated from his touch.

**XXXxxxXXX**

He felt her looking at him strangely as he pulled her closer while they walked to her destination. He knew they were safe here, but the smells of the place were overpowering, almost to the point where he felt like running back and leaving. The smell made his stomach coil up and his throat burn. He found himself wishing he was back in his human form so it would all just go away.

Kagome must've knew, because she gave him a small smile and a nod of her head, leaning into him, understanding him. She knew what was wrong.

When they were near the room Souta was stationed in, he felt her hold his hand tighter in hers, squeezing his hand to death while she took a deep breath. He looked down to see her face scrunched up in determination. He knew what she was telling herself. She was pushing herself not to breakdown at the sight of her little brother.

She gasped at the sight of him, though. And even though he knew she didn't want to cry, the smell of her tears overwhelmed him more than any other scent that was in the hospital.

He watched as she blinked her tears back and slowly walked over to him. She gave him a weak smile, and he watched as Souta smiled back. Kagome's mother was sitting near the window in the room, her hands folded neatly in her lap, a smile on her face and watery eyes as she watched the exchange between the two siblings. Kagome lightly ruffled Souta's hair, letting out a giggle. And for the first time since all of this had happened, she seemed at least a little happy to see her brother awake, his big, brown eyes full of love.

He couldn't help but feel like he was intruding. So he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, watching them with his lips curved up slightly.

"Hey, sis," Souta rasped, and then frowned at the sound of his voice. "I know I sound weird-"

Kagome interrupted him with tears in her eyes. "I know, you sound weird because you're so exhausted and worn," she pulled up a seat next to the bed. "But hey, I like it. It has more pain in it. And pain just makes you stronger." She leaned over to kiss his cheek, making him frown and wipe at the spot she had kissed him and wipe the kiss away with his hands.

"Not cool, Kagome." He told her, his voice monotone.

She smiled wider, tears still obvious in her eyes. She ran a hand through his messy, black hair. "I'm glad you're okay. You know how much of a big baby I can be. I cried my eyes out for you. I'm sure Mama told you." Kagome sent a smirk over to her mother who smiled weakly back. Instantly, Kagome's smile lessened. There was so much pain in her eyes that it shocked him, and shocked Kagome more.

He instantly knew that she must've been thinking that there was something much more wrong than just a broken leg. She frowned at her mother, but quickly turned back to Souta and smiled.

"How're you doing, squirt?" Kagome asked, her voice laced with worry now.

"It's not that bad," he responded. "It doesn't hurt as much. I can watch cartoons all day. The nurses are pretty hot," Kagome giggled at his bluntness, "but the food here _really _sucks. My doctor is a cool dude. He says it'll only take about 3 or 4 months to recover, cause it wasn't that bad of a break. But 3 or 4 months without soccer…I don't know if I'll be able to survive."

He watched as Kagome laughed again, throwing her head back. The sound was music to his ears. It was something he'd been waiting to hear. And she was the most beautiful girl he knew when she laughed. It was nice seeing her face when she did. It was nice seeing her happy, even if it wouldn't last.

Mrs. Higurashi stood to her feet, giving him a smile as she walked over to him. She hugged him tightly, and he returned the hug with just as much enthusiasm. "It's nice to see you and Kagome here together." She told him as she pulled back, making his cheeks heat up.

They weren't _together_. Not yet. Not if it wasn't really what Kagome wanted right now. They both needed to focus on other things instead of improving the relationship. That's how he felt. He couldn't watch someone him or Kagome loved leave this planet, and he couldn't watch that, knowing it was _his _fault.

Kagome gave him a small smile before standing up and walking over to pull her mother into her arms.

"How long are you staying?" Kagome's mother asked her.

"Not long," she replied, a frown on her face. "Maybe just a little while. You know why, Mama. We need to figure out his next move-"

"Who's next move?" Souta interrupted, confused.

Kagome looked at her mother, her eyes accusing. "You haven't told him?"

Mrs. Higurashi looked down to her feet instead of in her daughter's eyes. "How could I, Kagome? He doesn't need that. What he needs is time to recover. Worry will just worsen his condition, and none of us need that. This family-" she paused, looking at Inuyasha to show he was family, too. "This family doesn't need it. He's fine."

Kagome shook her head angrily. "How's he fine? How's he okay when he isn't aware of what's going on?" She all but yelled in her mothers face, making her give her daughter a warning look.

He stepped forward, closing his hand around her arm and trying to pull her away. "Kagome-"

She jerked her arm away from him. Tears were in her eyes now, and he wasn't sure why.

"Dammit, Mama, he at least deserves the truth. And I thought I could trust _you _to tell him. Because if you don't, he won't ever know what's going on and why the people around him are getting _hurt_."

"Kagome-" her mother tried, but Kagome hissed.

"I'm leaving." She shook her head at her before turning her attention to her little brother. "Souta, I'll see you tomorrow. Be strong, and I _love you_."

And with that, both of them were gone, leaving Souta confused and Kagome's mother hurt.

**XXXxxxXXX**

They had barely made it into her bedroom before she was pressing her lips against his. He didn't know what had gotten into her, but whatever it was, he liked it. It had been a long time since he'd seen her like this, so in control. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, and his around her wait, trailing down to her round bottom. And then, she began pushing him back to the bed, crawling on top of him and still refusing to break the kiss.

Her tongue was rubbing wildly against his, and then she broke away, panting before latching onto his bottom lip with her teeth and sucking on it, making him groan out in approval. And then, she was pressing her lips harshly against his again, and he could feel anger in her kiss. He reluctantly pulled away from her and she groaned, looking at him with hurt and anger in her eyes.

"Are you going to say you're done with me after this like the last time, Kagome?" he asked, a bit of apprehension in his voice as he looked up at her, amber eyes completely intense, lustful, and almost, just _almost _hurt. And he _almost_ had a look of forlorn on his face, and her eyes softened, anger dissipating from her eyes to let the hurt really show. "Stop. We can talk about this- talk about all of it if you need to."

She shook her head. "I'd rather not. I don't want to. I want to get rid of it, I want _you _to get rid of it before it gets worse. _Please, _Inuyasha." She muttered as she let out a deep sigh and pressed her lips against his again, only to get no reaction from him. His cock was hard against her, but he was _angry_, and she was causing it. He wanted to be let in, and she couldn't deal with that right now. What she _could_ deal with, though, was the feeling of him rocking gently in and out of her, making her gasp and her nails slide down his back, digging into his skin. She didn't want conversation. She wanted comfort, and she wanted to find it in him and not through words.

He still wasn't reacting. She pulled away, angry. So angry to the point where she could cry, but she chose not to. "You don't even fucking understand." She spat, gracelessly spilling uncongenial feelings that were stirring inside of her. She tried to move away, but he held her, keeping her legs folded on either side of his hips and her hands on his covered chest.

"You just don't know how much I _do _understand," he said to her, his teeth clenched and his jaws tightening as a result. "You're scared when you know you have no reason to be."

"I don't have a fucking reason?" she retorted, her cheeks flushing from anger and from the feel of him hard beneath her. "I have plenty of reasons. My brother almost died a similar way my dad did. Dad meant a lot to me. Souta does, too," she said angrily. "And whether or not you see it, you became my fucking world, Inuyasha. And somehow, just when I though it was impossible for you to fuck things up even more, you _did_! I can't lose _you_, and I can't lose whoever this is, boy or girl, growing inside of my stomach. It's something _you _gave me, you and only you. And it'll happen soon. I can feel it. And you can't even tell me, fuck, you don't even _know_ what you did! I can lose the two most important people in my life. Soon, this baby will be kicking me from the inside, but you always have!"

His eyes briefly flashing red and then back to gold, he sat up and pulled her closer even though she tried to fight him and pressed his lips hard against hers. She kissed him back acerbically, biting his lip almost hard enough so that she drew blood. She swiftly broke away to yank his shirt off, but before she could, he panted something in her ear.

"Kagome, I don't wanna fuck you like this anymore."

She paused, her heart going a bit faster while it missed a few beats, making nerves coil up in her stomach and explode. She had never been so tired of emotions. Not even when her Dad died and people gave their grief. Inuyasha was making all of this happen so quickly.

"How do you wanna fuck me, then? I never knew there was a difference." She said, her voice quiet.

She watched as he rolled his eyes and let out a groan. "I don't even want to fuck you. It's not like that anymore. You're having my kid and things are changing and I don't think you'll ever know what's going on inside my head, and if you did know, you would refuse to believe it all and deny everything."

She shot him a quizzical look, her body still pressed tight against his. _Inuyasha?_

She cupped his cheek, her eyes softening and she felt stupid and she felt like a bitch. And she _was_ being a bitch, just because she could. She fucking hated that. She hated treating him like this, jumping on him like this. She hated seeing that strangeness in his eyes. "I'll believe you because I don't know any better."

He scoffed, leaning into her to kiss her neck, his hands trailing down her back until they reached her bottom. He squeezed her softly before roughly pulling her against him. She tried not to be so vocal, she tried not to break down, she tried to let him know that she still wanted an answer. But a moan escaped her lips anyway.

"I didn't want _fucking_. I wanted things to stay like this, Kagome." He kissed her neck again, and she moaned, pushing into him even more. He growled, pulling her close. She moaned his name and he smirked against her skin. "I like making you feel these things. And I fucking _love_ you moaning my name, baby."

In just a few minutes, she was free of all her clothing, and he stared at her with that predatory look in his eyes that made heat pool between her legs. He kissed over her naked body, making her shiver with delight as she arched against him, wanting, _needing_ more. He pushed her knees apart, his grip strong. And her body quivered as he kissed _there_, as he licked _there_.

"Fuck," she breathed out, her chest heaving and her pants endless. "Fuck, fuck…_oh, fuck_…_Inuyasha_." She cried his name softly, completely losing herself.

Her voice whenever he did these things to her always caught his attention, but that didn't stop his assault on her. If anything, he made it worse in the most lovely way. A way when her stomach curled with arousal and a way where he made her feel hot all over, a way where he made her feel heaven.

"Your fucking _tongue_, Inuyasha. _Please_," she cried out, begging and losing all her pride. Inuyasha possessed that ability and she hated him for that. So two seconds later, her legs spread wide, he had her seeing stars right there, and he had her _shaking_. He rose, his face glistening and a smirk on his face.

He held her instead of driving into her with mad pleasure. He let her recover and he gave her butterfly kisses as she was slowly, but surely, brought down from her high. "What did you mean when you said you didn't want to fuck?" She asked him softly. After all, the statement was still bothering her, and her heart was racing at the possibility of an answer she didn't want to hear. Was he finished with her? Tired of her because he was noticing the changes in her body, too? The bitchiness and wild mood swings annoyed her, also. She didn't want to be left alone by him, though.

He licked at her neck lethargically, imagining, _wishing_ he could take her as his. He wouldn't risk anything. He sighed, nipping at her neck, determined to leave at least a love bite. "I meant I wanted to make love to you. Last time you were like that, you left. You took too long to come back to me, Kagome. I know how your mind works. I promise you, this is _nothing_ compared to what you think."

She sighed. He still couldn't say it and he never would be able to.

With her back hurting and her heart hurting just as worse, she laid for him and spread her legs as he crawled atop of her, placing kisses over her chest and licking at her neck once more. He wouldn't have the balls to do it. To _mate_ her, make her his. _Never_.

She growled when she felt him slide into her slowly, her eyes shutting tight as she felt that comfort she needed. And then, he was moving inside of her slowly, gently, whimpering at the feel of her tight around him as she whimpered back when he brushed against that special spot inside of her. There was a short burst of stars beneath her lids, and she panted heavily, her breath ghosting against his cheek as he buried his head into her neck, his nose nuzzling against her smooth skin.

Her nails sunk down into the skin of his back easily and he flinched, and she realized that she'd have to ask him about that, later. Her legs slid tight around his waist, keeping him in place as he whispered sweet things to her.

In here, it was just them, making love to each other in darkness, unaware of everything besides the jolts they felt whenever they touched. He was quicker, faster, eager to break her world into a million of pieces. And she was wet around his cock, wet and deeper than the ocean and still tight. And for the rest of his life, he'd liked to think that that she opened up for only him, only let him do these things to her.

It wasn't just sex anymore, he knew that. It was love, and yet, he still couldn't tell her. Maybe he could whenever it was all over, but not now.

In here, it was just them making love in darkness even faster, letting out muffled cries into each other's mouths as they completely broke in pieces and whispered things over and over again to each other. "I won't leave you" and "You feel so good" and he just wished she'd say "I love you" again when he didn't even have the balls to tell her the last time.

In here, it was just them, making love in the darkness and _to_ darkness, but they weren't alone. _Never alone_.

**A/N: I seriously can't wait until it's finished, so you guys can expect updates much faster and shorter chapters. I love this piece, I really do, and I'm proud of it, but it's taking me too long and the last chapter, I only got 6 reviews and that absolutely broke my heart. ;( **

**I'm sorry if I'm failing you guys. I know it's pretty boring and could use a little speed, but I'll get there soon enough. But 212 reviews? It's so much more than I expected and I can't thank you guys enough; I mean it. I look for encouragement through you guy's reviews and when I start feeling suckish about all of this, I give up for a while. But I won't do that anymore. It only took me about 4 months to finish If It Hadn't Been For Love and with All I Need, I'm going on fucking 5 months, and then it'll be 6 months and 7 and blah blah blah. But Kagura and Kagome WILL be meeting next chapter and if not, sometime soon. Once again, I'm sorry guys. I just feel like a huge glob of disappointment. /;  
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**Anyway, reviews or constructive criticism, please?**


	17. Powerful

**A/N: Hey guys! Um, I have a couple things to say.**

**First of all, whoever reviewed and said that I copied from a Gregory & the Hawk song should know that it isn't entirely true. It wasn't like I intended to copy. While I was writing chapter 14, it came to my mind and I'm sorry for not 'giving credit where credit is due'. I was in a hurry with the chapter, and most of the time in my A/N's, I forget to mention a lot of things. Just clearing this up.**

**Also, I did intend to include the shard. I had talked to my friend about it, asking her if I should include it in the story, and she said that I should, and also, I thought it would make things seem a bit more dramatic and less boring, add more action to the story and give it something else to fight for. I'm also sorry if I'm boring you guys, but I've decided I'm not gonna let that stop me.**

**I honestly want to be a writer, and I don't want to give up on this piece. It's definitely not the best and I know you guys are becoming uninterested, but I wrote this and I told myself that I wouldn't give up no matter if I got bad comments and lacks of reviews. I started this and I'll finish it. I'm definitely not the best author, but I really want to do something with my writing. I want to be good at it, too. This is my practice. And honestly, I can't give up on this. Also, I know that if you really want something, you work your ass off for it. So this is what I'm doing. I'll work my ass off to finish this, and I won't give a damn about what anyone has to say as long as I'm happy writing.**

**Okay, I'm honestly sorry for this long ass author's note. I just needed to make some things clear, and I hope I didn't offend anyone while doing it. But anyway, on with chapter 17. (:**

After the last visit, she was sure that she didn't want to visit for a while because she needed some time to think. So she was sitting on her window seal, listening to Inuyasha's light snores as she watched the sun rise and come to life. She had thrown on a t-shirt of his, covering her body. It was hard without having Mama around to depend on, and she was feeling slightly guilty for the way she had reacted. But hell, she had been worried to death and she just didn't want anyone else hurt.

But since Mama wasn't here to put food in her mouth, and since her and Inuyasha had been living off of bags of chips and thousands of different kind of instant ramen for almost three weeks, she decided that they needed _real _food. She did, after all. With a baby constantly growing inside of her, a strong one at that, she knew that she couldn't live off of the things that Inuyasha chose over anything else.

She was sure she could come up with at least a few dollars, maybe take a bit from Souta's stash. He'd kill her if he knew, but she didn't care. She looked back at Inuyasha, studying his naked figure with some sort of gentleness and love in her eyes, and she smiled softly. He'd kill her, knowing that she'd left and gone somewhere without him, but she didn't care about that, either. Inuyasha didn't understand that she couldn't live off of only ramen like he could.

She rested a hand on the slight bump beneath her shirt. Almost 11 weeks. She sat there for a while longer, the sun blinding to her eyes but warm on her skin. She rubbed her stomach softly, feeling rounder and weirder and wonderful all at the same time, wondering what kind of person he or she was and how they'd look.

She smiled at the thought of a boy. A boy that would look just like Inuyasha and say the things he said and look up to his father. Yes, she wanted a boy. A boy with silver, almost white looking hair, eyes like the sun, and the ears that she loved to caress.

She felt like it was a boy. She felt like it wasn't possible for the baby to be anything else but a boy. And then, he would grow up to be a man and Inuyasha would teach him things and they would be a huge part of their son's life. Their son would be happy, and maybe they could be happy, too. It was all she wanted. A good life for Inuyasha and herself, and a good life for their kid. But sometimes, she doubted it with all that was going on.

Jii-chan was doing better. And for that, she was happier than anyone could ever imagine. Her child would need someone to tell him all kinds of crazy, mystical stories that she had the pleasure of hearing when she was a child. And since her father was in a much better place than earth, this simple piece of dirt, her son would want to hear those kinds of things. And if Jii-chan was gone and she'd have to take his place in the story-telling, it just wouldn't be the same.

She rose to her feet to quietly slip into the shower and then throw some clothes, sincerely hoping that Inuyasha wouldn't be too angry as she stole his keys.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Kagura had always been ready for whatever Naraku threw at her. He made her manipulate people, he'd even made her kill a few of them. She did what he told her because he was her boss, and if she refused, she knew that that would be the last day she would see. So she had always been ready. Ready and willing.

But this innocent girl, this girl who had done nothing to deserve this…he wanted her hurt. Slowly, emotionally at first. It was a surprise that he didn't want her dead, that he had told her not to hurt her. But emotionally and mentally, he did want her dead. He wanted to harm everyone that she loved, and when she would start thinking that her half-demon and the powerful child she was to have would be all that was left, he wanted her to be without them, too. And then he would sit in seclusion and laughed as he watched her scream and curse god for taking away the people she loved when it was actually the devil who had made this happen.

Naraku…

She didn't want this to happen. She knew she was selfish, doing this to keep her _own _life safe, but she would. Her mind was reeling as he whispered instructions into her ear, vehemence in his words and a nasty smirk on his face. Too close. God, she was just too close. _He _was too close.

And Kikyo was too close, also. The girl had to be fearless to love him. Kagura knew if she was ever in Kikyo's situation, fucking him only to feel like she was wrestling with the most evil demon, then she wouldn't know what to do, either. Every time he hit her, every time he forced himself upon her, she thought of the girl in admiration. But not in a sick way, never that. She thought of her as strong. Kagura always wanted to be strong while Naraku wanted her to be fearless. Fearlessness and strength weren't very diverse to one another in her opinion. To be strong, you had to have something to fear. And to be fearless, you had to have strength.

Sometimes, she sat in this huge space of nothing that he'd created for protection, that he'd created so he wouldn't be revealed. There was a barrier over this place, and that was supposed to give some sort of protection. She'd be lying through her teeth if she said she felt safe. She sat in darkness all day, fear in her womb, threatening to make her lose control. And the guilt. She winced at the thought. It spread over her whole body as she thought of the man who had actually made Kikyo feel love and as she thought of the girl that he loved.

She wondered, did Inuyasha know how Kikyo felt about him? Did he know? Had she ever told him? She wanted the endless questions to be over with. She didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.

Demons went to hell. Hell was their home, and surely, she'd break heaven. All of the people she'd killed, all of the guilt she'd felt, all of the acid and heavy music and cigarettes she smoked, she thought of it all. Good girl like Kikyo deserved heaven. And although she had an idea about it, a wonderful idea. If Kagome would died, and if Inuyasha would die, or if both of them would be going to a funeral each week, she prayed that they'd meet in heaven. She prayed that god would take their pain away, if there even was a god. If there was Buddha, if there was a anything, she prayed they would meet again soon.

She had been praying to escape, but it wasn't working out too well.

She knew she'd have to be ready for whatever he threw in her face. If she died trying to save them, at least she'd die for a purpose. After all, she was a demon, and she was strong physically if not in any other way. Good girl like Kikyo and Kagome went to nice places. They deserved to live long and happy lives.

She was ready. Absolutely ready, even if this was a suicide mission. She didn't want to see blood shed and wars fought. She didn't want to smirk while people died at her own hands. This was the last time she'd look at them, trembling and covered in blood, cause she was about to bury herself six-feet under and send herself to hell where she belonged for the three, maybe four people, considering the girls womb, that she thought deserved to _live_.

She just hoped, god, she just _prayed_ that everyone would make it out alive in the end.

**XXXxxxXXX**

A baggy shirt and a loose pair of sweats, despite the heat, hid the still forming bump. She was bigger than most, and it wasn't something she loved exactly, but she loved it in a way. She was bringing the man she loved baby's in the world, and it was a wonderful feeling. But it wasn't all that fucking perfect.

She growled. It wasn't like she dressed all that great before, but maternity clothes really were fucking horrible. She was a mother now, and she definitely looked the part. She looked old and she was getting fatter and suddenly, she was extremely hot and felt like she could pass out as she struggled to fit the jeans.

It wasn't like she was that big. Only two months and two weeks. But _still_, the hanyou growing in her belly, the powerful hanyou, made things a bit more difficult, made her bigger and fatter than most.

She gave up, sweat forming on her brow. She slid against the wall of the dressing room, burying her face in her hands and so angry she could feel tears running down her cheeks.

He must've been disgusted. Only two months and two weeks and she couldn't fit her jeans. Fuck her fucking life. Fuck everything. Fuck not even having the money for these jeans. Fuck Inuyasha and his lies and his stupid, almost-broken-down car. Fuck this Jusco and fuck all of the bitches who could still squeeze into their short shorts. Fuck them _all_.

She swore she could see amusement in that bitch's eyes when she told her that she wasn't able to fit those jeans. A smirk pulled at her lips. She growled, her eyes feeling damp with tears.

Pushing the cart around with a little bit more force than needed, she found the baby section catching her interest. When she thought about him, she didn't care if she was fat or ugly or old-looking. As long as he was healthy, it was fine and she'd be able to buy bigger clothes and avoid the weird look she got whenever she went out. Her hand went to her stomach, a smile playing at her lips as a few toys caught her eye. Inuyasha wouldn't mind if she stayed a bit longer, she was sure.

When she was done, a handful of toys in the cart, she cursed to herself as she remembered she had to go pick up prenatal vitamins.

Honestly, they made everything worse. They made her absolutely sick and she couldn't stand them, but her doctor had said that she needed them for the baby, that they made him healthy. She growled in annoyance, making her way over to the aisle and avoiding the disapproving look she got as she tossed them into the cart. This was definitely the last time she would go here without Mama or Inuyasha.

She felt eyes on her back. Turning around with a growl, expecting it to be some idiot looking at her disapprovingly once more, her eyes widened when it wasn't. Whoever this woman was, she was pretty and she seemed familiar.

A smile was placed on her blood red lips, and it seemed to meet her sparkling red eyes. So she was a demon. Kagome froze, not knowing exactly what to do. Inuyasha's father was a full demon. So was Sesshomaru. But their eyes were all gold, and she'd never seen a woman look at her the way Kagura looked at her. She was a demon. A fucking demon. She'd never really had the chance to meet Inuyasha's father since they didn't get along. And she'd never had the honor of meeting Sesshomaru, either. Inuyasha didn't get along with any of his family, really. So seeing her, being this close to her, was startling.

There was something about the way she looked at her…

"You're pregnant?" The pretty girl asked bluntly. Her eyes went downcast and she could feel heat making its way to her cheeks, and she stumbled upon her words.

"You are. I know you are," she said with a smile, and Kagome gasped when she reached out to touch her stomach. "Your baby has a strong aura. His father is a demon, am I correct? And what are you? You seem human, but there's something odd about you…"

Kagome frowned a little. "His father is half. And what do you mean there's something odd about me?" Kagome asked, slightly offended, slightly curious.

The girl cleared her throat and quickly withdrew her hand from Kagome's stomach, a small smile on her face. "I'm sorry. It's just that it…the aura is strong. Extremely strong and very unusual. That's…strange. You act as if you're merely a human, and the father's a half demon. But still, a hanyou's aura has never been this strong. There was something when I touched your belly. Something powerful."

Kagome backed away a bit, suddenly concerned. The demon woman moved forward, a smile on her face. A soft one. She seemed nice, but still. There was something in the girl's eyes.

"There's no reason to be scared," she reached out a hand for Kagome to shake. Kagome smiled cautiously, outstretching her hand, her palms sweating and her mind reeling. _What was she talking about_? The demon's hand held onto hers for too long, it seemed. Her eyebrows furrowed at the amazed look in the demon's eyes. "Um…I'm Kagura."

"Kagome." She said simply, giving a small, fake smile before beginning to turn away.

"Hey, Kagome, wait." _Kagura _said suddenly. "If you take the vitamins at night, you won't feel as sick. And don't be surprised if your belly gets bigger than most other girls. And also, don't be surprised if it seems your baby kicks way too soon. Eat good. That little guy, or gal, is powerful. Another chance to make the world a _much _better place."

She froze. But when she turned around to question her intentions and knowledge, the girl was gone, a gush of wind blowing her messy hair forward. Her mouth parted in surprise and confusion.

"Thanks anyway, Kagura." Kagome said silently before hoping that she had enough dollar bills to pay for all of this shit.

**XXXxxxXXX**

She was back by afternoon, shutting the door quietly behind her. She sighed, realizing that Mama still wasn't home. She felt sweaty and she was fat and disgusting and if Inuyasha would give her hell, then she'd give him hell back.

"I'm here," she called out softly, knowing that wherever he was, he'd hear her.

It only took seconds. Her eyes gazed over his body before giving him a shrug. He was shirtless, his skin tan and damp with sweat. His bangs covered his darkened eyes, and her body went rigid at the look he was giving her. Then he was swiftly moving towards her, pulling her body close to him and burying his nose into her neck, sniffing noisily. Then he paused, pulling away.

"Who'd you meet today?" He demanded quietly, a frown on his face and uncertainty in his eyes.

She looked at him, confused. "No one, really," she shrugged. "I met a demon. She was a woman, and she wasn't like most demons I know. Her eyes, there was something about them. Something that I think I can decipher, but I'm not really sure. She was nice though." She wrapped her arms around his torso, burying her face into his chest. "Listen, Yash, I know you're mad. I took your car and I ran off, but it was necessary. I can't survive off ramen. Our son- or daughter, can't either. I picked up some toys and the vitamins. And this…this _Kagura_ woman, she actually gave good advice. But I have something to ask you."

He tensed a bit and she looked up to see that there was something dark in his eyes, something secretive, something she didn't know about. She cupped her cool hand against his cheek, making him look at her. She gave a small smile, leaning into him more. "Hey, what's up? I'm getting the feeling that there's more to it than being mad."

Suddenly he wrapped his arms around her tight, pressing her hard against him as she struggled to breathe. He caught a whiff of her hair and she thought he almost whimpered and he held her tighter. "Don't ever do that again, Kagome. Don't you know that you can't trust anyone, stupid girl?"

She frowned and looked up at him expectantly. "Of course I know, idiot," she muttered under her breath. "I'm not as naïve as you think, and I'm pretty sure I can defend for myself." She rolled her eyes when she heard him snort. "Inuyasha," she said, her voice soft. "She told me that our baby has a powerful aura. More powerful than it should be for a half demon. What'd she mean? She said our baby is a chance to make the world a better place. Every baby in the womb is, right? But still, there was something about the way she said it…"

His eyes were still so dark and so secretive. They were worried, mostly. But before she could say anything, she was on the kitchen counter, his lips pressed harshly against hers. "Inuyasha," she warned, already breathless. He ignored her, his hands squeezing her thighs. She smacked them away. "Don't do that!"

He smirked. "Why?"

"I feel like you're teasing me for getting fatter," she muttered under her breath as he kissed along her jaw line.

He raised a brow, secretly hoping that this would prevent her from asking him questions he couldn't answer right now. "Who said you're fat, wench? I'll fuck them up, especially when they're kinda insulting my child." His hand was on her belly and she giggled, exposing a bit of her neck so he'd have better access to it.

"I cried today." She told him, and she felt him tense for a second, but then he kept on kissing her neck. He made all the troubles, all the questions just fade away.

"Why is that, wench?" he muttered, placing a quick kiss on her lips.

"Because," she paused, kissing him. "Because I couldn't fit into those damn jeans. This kid is making me _fat_, Inuyasha. I can't even squeeze my ass into them. Imagine how it'll be later on." She paused a second. "Are you disgusted with me? My belly's rounder and my thighs are fatter and I'm feeling incredibly bitchy." She leaned into him, hoping.

"True," he said with a playful smirk, and Kagome laughed lightly before playfully hitting him on the arm.

"You're such a jerk." She said, pressing her lips against his once more and laughing.

"And you're beautiful, Kagome, and that's my kid that's making you fatter, so it's nothing to be ashamed of, right? That's our kid, something we made out of…" he tensed for a second, and her brows furrowed when she looked up at him, her heart racing and she wanted, no, she _needed_ him to finish what he was saying. A look of insecurity took over his face, but suddenly, he relaxed and leaned into kiss her, trying to get her to forget. She didn't kiss him at first, but when she felt his hands feel her curves, and then slowly land on her hips, all thoughts were wiped away and she kissed him back with fever, feeling a smirk on his lips when he pulled away to hear her panting.

She softly pushed him away, though, suddenly angry. "Tell me what you were going to say, Yash. Don't push me away again."

He shook his head, pressing his lips together. "Just…just drop it, Kagome. You already know."

She didn't want to fight, so she did as he said and dropped it. But his words left a ringing in her ears and an ache in her chest. But she let a smile take place on her lips as she thought about the meaning behind his words. She hoped she knew. She wrapped her legs around his waist and reached up to caress the ears she hoped their son or daughter would have. A sneaky smile appeared on her lips, and he smirked.

"What is it now?" he asked, kissing her neck.

"I was just wondering if I could wash your hair. I like doing that, you know. And you could wash mines, too." She stated, wrapping her legs around his waist tighter.

"Would I get to see you naked again, wench?" he joked lightly, a smirk still on his lips and his eyes dancing.

"Inuyasha, I'm fat-"

His hand landed on her stomach and she paused. "That's my kid, Kagome. _Our_ kid. It's not that bad of a thing, right? And I still think your body is beautiful, round belly and all." He gave her a toothy grin and her eyes sparkled. He knew that he had her, now.

She smiled and kissed him again. "I guess it's not that bad."

**XXXxxxXXX**

She didn't know how, but somehow, they ended up both naked in her room after their 'shower.' She was straddling his back, and he let her do as she wished, a content sigh coming from him as she grasped his hair.

"Your hair is so pretty," she started with a genuine smile, only to hear him snort beneath her. "You know, it's almost longer than mine. And it's so soft and silky when you treat it like shit. I hope our kid has hair like yours." She ran her fingers through it to feel that it was still damp. She smiled, glad he couldn't see the hope in her eyes. "Can I braid it?"

"No." Came his simple answer. He was quiet, his body tense.

She ignored him. She began twisting her slender fingers around his thick, silver hair, a smile on her face. Her smile widened when she heard him groan. "It's comforting, isn't it? Dad used to do my hair all the time, and Mama would fuss at him. Everybody always teased me and asked me what the hell I did with my hair. It was all Dad's fault, really. I looked like a mess. But I didn't care. It feels good to have someone play with your hair, huh?"

She heard him groan again. "Whatever, Kagome."

She smiled and continued. "Inuyasha? Why is your body so tense?" His body jerked a little when she reached to touch one of his ears, and she smirked.

He sighed deeply into her pillow, refusing to look at her. "You're fucking killing me, Kagome?"

"I'm killing you?" she muttered, amused. Taking a break from braiding his hair, she leaned down to kiss his neck and he jerked even more violently, almost making her pitch forward. She giggled and tightened her knees around his hips before leaning forward to kiss his neck again, her breasts smashing against his back as she did so. He groaned, wanting her off him. This bitch was torturing him, being so cruel. And then, her scent came to his nose, making him harder, making his mind reel. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, biting his lip. And he knew he was blushing, because right now, she was in control. She was the one making him lose feeling in his legs, and she was the one making his mind spin when it was usually the other way around.

Her scent was dark, spicy. She was just as aroused as he was. But fuck, she was making this shit _painful_, making him _swell,_ making him whimper like some kind of lost _puppy_. "Don't worry," she leaned over to whisper in his ear. "I want you just as much as you want me. But be still at least for a while so I can finish your hair."

He growled out at her words, biting his lip again. He was about to explode just from the feeling of her bare against his back, just from the feeling of her braiding his fucking hair. He hated himself right now. He hated how she knew she could cause all of these things. "Kagome, _please_." He lost all of his pride, but right now, he didn't care.

He knew she was smirking. "Not right now," she said as her hands trailed over his back, his neck, his shoulders, softly massaging. He could kill her, but he didn't want to. "I'm almost done. I promise. And then, you do whatever you want. Okay?"

All he could do was nod his head as he growled, still biting his lip. She finished his hair quickly, smiling at her work. And then, her voice was in his ear, soft and pleading.

In seconds, she was beneath him. He was gentle. He touched the fullness of her breasts and allowed himself to feel the love she held in her caresses as she groaned, grinding into him. She was his, forever and more. He kissed her over and over again and held her, but made sure that he wasn't crushing her. He kissed her stomach over and over, and she looked in his eyes and saw guilt and she wondered why. And then, he licked his tongue over that spot where he knew a scar would soon be. He wanted to tell her how powerful she was. He wanted to tell her that their child would grow up strong and powerful, and he also wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how crazy she drove him, but he could not say any of those things, because it still wasn't time.

It would be soon, though, and he wasn't sure if he had the balls to tell her all of these things. But he hoped for the best.

All of her self-control was lost when she felt him buried deep inside of her. And when they cried out, not being able to take the intensity any longer, she felt him hold her tight as she began to doze off, her body sated. And when she was near to dream land, she swore she could have heard him whisper in her ear that he loved her.

But she must've already been dreaming.

**A/N: OMG! 226 reviews? I never expected that. I can't thank you guys enough. I think I'm going to start updating a lot faster, this is getting easier to write. But anyway, tell me what you guys think, please? See you soon! (:**


	18. Strength

Inuyasha quickly spat the blood out of his mouth so he could dodge his brother's attack. If they had been fighting over something ridiculous, he would've been laughing at his older half-sibling, but this was _serious_.

He fought back viciously, his mouth curling up into a snarl as he spat obscenities at his half-brother. Fuck Sesshomaru. He finally managed to get a punch or two in, and for a while, Sesshomaru looked at him in surprise. Seeing the advantage, Inuyasha pounced on the youkai, swinging both fists in a blind rage as his eyes flashed red. He growled, intending to make the cold bastard battered as possible.

He had only got a few punches in before he was flipped. Sesshomaru punched him hard, making him see stars. And then he spoke angrily, because that was the only emotion his brother was really good at showing. "You fucking bastard! Do you know what you've done, Inuyasha? Oh, you have no fucking _clue_! Are you this much of a fucking imbecile? Didn't you _know_, you fucking fool!" Sesshomaru continued to mutter curses as he punched him, hoping to break something like his nose, and maybe a few bones. After all, he was the weaker one.

He could barely say anything. He growled, realizing he was right as his eyes turned back to gold. He was winching as Sesshomaru used him as a punching bag, even though he tried not to show it. Sesshomaru was panting heavily by the time he was calmed down, looking at the picture he'd painted on Inuyasha's face. His face went blank again, and he simply got up and dusted himself off, not bothering to give his brother a hand.

He still boiled inside, thinking about the trouble the idiot had caused. He was about to walk away, leaving Inuyasha on the ground panting heavily, his eye black and cuts and scrapes and blood visible on his face.

"Stop right there, Sesshomaru." He heard his father say, and Sesshomaru's eyes swam with anger but his face remained emotionless. "What is the cause of this?"

He looked at his father, his eyes narrowed as he watched him lend a hand to his half-brother. At first he was quiet, and never in his life had he cared about other people's emotions. He cared about Rin and the look in her eyes when he told her he couldn't stay. And he still cared about Kagura, the woman who was as cold as him, the woman he thought was meant for him. Not anymore. But most of all, he cared about what his father had to say.

He kept his eyes narrowed as he watched Inuyasha dust his clothes off, spitting blood out of his mouth once again. For the first time, he noticed his baby brother didn't have much to say. Inuyasha kept the scowl on his face, looking down at the ground with narrowed eyes. The jeans he wore were tore from when Sesshomaru had sent him sprawling across the pavement. It was midnight now, no one was around.

"I'll ask again," their father said, his voice raising slightly, but it still sounded deadly calm. Inuyasha winced and Sesshomaru remained motionless. "What is the meaning of all of this? What have you done to him, Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru growled silently, shaking his head to clear it. There it was again, though. The favoritism. Inu Taisho favored Inuyasha, looked at him with such admiration in his eyes. "Have you met her, father? Have you smelled her, have you felt her power? Have you felt the child's power?" Sesshomaru asked, his voice hard.

"Shut the fuck up, Sesshomaru," Inuyasha warned briskly, his voice gruff and his arms crossed as he continued to wipe away the blood his brother had caused.

Sesshomaru ignored him. "You know, he's gotten her pregnant. He has feelings for her, too. I don't know which is worse," Sesshomaru started. "I have never met her. But little brother has a problem on his hands. The bitch is a miko."

Inuyasha was still surprised, caught up in the moment. His eyes were wide on his father's, and he was silent, he was waiting. He was expecting. Because he knew that no matter what, Sesshomaru would always get the better half. Always. And that was because he was something Inuyasha wasn't. Something better, something more powerful, someone that wasn't looked upon in shame.

Inu no Taisho's eyes were on his son, and he looked calm. For a minute, he ignored what Sesshomaru was saying as he hesitantly stepped closer to his son, dignity and pride in every step. Inuyasha winced and backed away. "Don't fucking touch me," he spat out. "What are you fucking doing here, anyway?"

Sesshomaru watched intently, almost feeling jealousy. _Almost_. He looked in surprise when he heard his father sigh, his eyes that gleamed like Inuyasha's and his going downcast suddenly. The outstretched hand he'd raised to touch his favored son's shoulder dropped as if it had suddenly went limp. He looked up again at Inuyasha, and Sesshomaru saw pain. "I heard _I _was going to be a grandfather. I heard you were changing, that you were growing up. If I died, I would have at least wanted to have the privilege of my granddaughter or grandson going to my funeral, if an old man like me even had one. I didn't want to miss out on this part of your life, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha's wide eyes narrowed as he finished. He backed away again, wincing from the pain that took over his body. "Stay the fuck away from me, Taisho. I haven't seen you in decades."

"Inuyasha-" Inu Taisho called out at his son, but Inuyasha winced and when he spoke, there was pain evident in his voice.

"Fucking _years_. Mom _died _because of you!" Inuyasha yelled.

"About to cry, half breed?" Sesshomaru spoke up, ignoring the feral growl that descended from his half brother's mouth. His busted lip twisted up into a scowl once more. "You're nothing, Inuyasha. And if it's not right for you to be with her, then you won't." Sesshomaru walked closer, a cool smile on his lips as he leaned into his brother's ear. "Do you understand, teme?"

Before Sesshomaru could pull away, Inuyasha swung a fist at him, a growl ripping from his throat as he fell to the ground with his brother, still hitting him as hard as he could. Inuyasha growled louder, felt his demon taking over, and for a while, as he continued to slam his fists hard against his brother's face, he almost lost himself.

Once again, he was not able to get a lot of punches in. He felt someone grabbing his arms, someone a thousand times stronger than him. He growled loudly and as he was pulled away, he realized he couldn't release his father's hold. He went away kicking and screaming, panting heavily. "Strength, Inuyasha. Strength." He heard his father whisper in his ear before lightly shoving him away. He stood between them when he saw the murder in his youngest son's eyes.

"Strength." He said again to both of his sons, shaking his head. "I want an explanation. I want one _now_."

Sesshomaru's voice was deadly calm as he began speaking once more. The look in his eyes, though, sent shudders down Inuyasha's back and he looked down to the pavement, disappointed. "The bitch carries the Shikon No Tama. He _knew _that, father. If not earlier, recently. His child is powerful, and the jewel is still inside of her. People will want her dead, and Inuyasha, also. That child, too."

Inu no Taisho's eyes narrowed at his elder son, and then, he turned to his youngest, the look slowly becoming deadly. In seconds, Inuyasha was shoved roughly against the wall of the alley way, and he winced. His eyes were dead on his father's, and now, he realized they were gleaming with murder just like Sesshomaru's. His father twisted his fist around the ripped fabric of Inuyasha's already torn shirt, tearing it more, his claws slicing through the thin material. He gasped, almost choked, when he felt a pair of deadly claws digging into his arm, the other pair wrapped tight around his neck. His father's breath was hard, his eyes steal deadly.

His blood ran cold, and he was paralyzed. The pain was awful in those few seconds, and he swore his heart almost burst and the air neglected his body, and when his father released him, he slid down the wall of the alley way, panting and clutching his throat, raw panic mixed with some contrite swimming in his darkened, wide eyes. His father towered over him, and he was angry again, but he wouldn't try his patience. His eyes narrowed at his father to make himself seem tough, because this was the man he had never wanted to be weak in front of. So he made his eyes cold, acted like he didn't need him when he really did. After all, his father couldn't teach _him _to be a good father, because in all reality, he'd felt like his father never was a parent.

Inuyasha stood to his feet hesitantly, and his father stepped forward, his eyes still deadly and he felt himself flinch and pause. But he wasn't a coward like Inu no Taisho. In fact, he thanked him in a kind of fucked up way, because he taught Inuyasha to be braver so he'd never leave his pup alone. Never. Kids grew up. And kids needed fathers, not mothers with broken hearts.

"What is your brother talking about, Inuyasha?" Inu no Taisho asked as Sesshomaru smirked at his brother's misfortune, at the pain in his eyes.

Inuyasha ignored his question, coming up with one of his own. "I ain't gotta explain shit." He crossed his arms, and he knew he was being a child and he knew he was being unreasonable, but he also knew that his father wasn't worth anything. So he mustered some courage, figuring that he would be a better father. Figuring that he'd never let Kagome end up like his mother, and his child end up like him.

Inu no Taisho growled loudly, and Inuyasha paused, fear in his eyes for a split second. But why should he feel any fear towards this man who ran away from everything he had? To think that he loved him one time…god…to think that he used to look up to this man. Inuyasha slowly dropped his arms to the side, his eyes downcast. He knew what he did wrong. But didn't his father know what he'd done wrong?

"I won't tell you again-"

"I got her pregnant." Inuyasha said, stepping forward, his eyes narrowed as he looked at his father in disgust. "And honestly, it was a fucking accident. But maybe the best I've made, because really, it's doing wonders for me. It's teaching me to be a better man than you could ever be. It's not the best time, and maybe it's a huge mistake, but it's unchangeable."

Inu no Taisho growled again, much louder as he briskly walked up to Inuyasha so that he could stare straight into his son's eyes. Sesshomaru stood behind quietly, leaning against the wall, a tiny smirk still playing at the corner of his mouth. "I'll be damned if it isn't! Do you know what she _is,_ son? Do you know how many people would kill for a child that powerful?"

He tried to keep his face stoic, but he knew his eyes were a different story. His father screamed in his face, and he winced. "They will not only want her dead, or _you_ dead, or that _child_ dead! They will want _us _dead!" Inu no Taisho backed away, his eyes wide on Inuyasha as he panted. "What were you thinking?"

Inuyasha shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant. "Maybe I wasn't thinking at all. But she attracted me. She loved me for who I was and she taught me, she _showed_ me to _grow up_. Because I used to be a boy. The boy you left. But now I'm a man you didn't raise, Taisho. She's carrying my kid, and I'll be _damned_ if I leave her alone to die, if I leave her alone to raise a half breed by herself like you did Mom. Don't talk to me like an angry man. You're not."

His father backed away, eyes even wider. Sesshomaru looked at Inuyasha in surprise, wondering what had happened to his baby brother, wondering how this woman, this mere _human_ had changed him.

Inuyasha looked at his father, his father at him. Inuyasha refused to break the eye contact, so finally, Inu no Taisho did. Inuyasha saw guilt in those eyes that were just a reflection of his.

For the first time, his father didn't know what to say.

And there was silence. Absolute silence. If tension had a sound, they would all be deafened. Inuyasha stood there in the darkness, the wind ghosting through his hair as he looked at his father's face in remorse. In grief. For the first time, he realized that he had missed him. He had missed him so much. He had missed calling this man his father. The past was unchangeable, though, and his father had knew he had kids to feed. He would never know the reason for him departing, and he couldn't even guess.

His father was the one to break the silence, his voice weak. But there was still power in it. Always power. "Stay away from the girl, Inuyasha. She's a miko. She could turn you to ashes if she wanted to. She could make you her prisoner so that every step away from her could be hell for you. But still, she's weak. If not emotionally, physically. She's a mere human and-"

Inuyasha growled. "_It's my kid_," he said, his voice deadly. "_Our _baby. Something we made together when we felt like the world was against us. And also, she's _mine_. Are you forgetting what I am, Taisho? I'm human, too. If not fucking full human, I'm half. Izayoi may have not been miko, but she was human. She was human and she was kind and she accepted you for what you were. Like I said, the kid's mine. That's your grandchild, and who the fuck are you to take away life?"

Inu no Taisho growled, but there was weakness in his eyes from the mention of Izayoi. "You have no idea what you're dealing with, Inuyasha. You have no idea _who _you're dealing with. Naraku wants you dead-"

Inuyasha shook his head, anger in his eyes. "Naraku?"

His father sighed impatiently. "Yes. There's a lot you don't know-"

Inuyasha interrupted him. "What the fuck do you mean "there's a lot I don't know?" Inuyasha looked at Sesshomaru, realized that the smirk from earlier was gone, replaced with emotion in his eyes. He shook his head, trying to clear it. He wanted Kagome right now. Especially if it was Naraku who was after the both of them.

His father shook his head at him sadly. "You should've been more careful, Inuyasha. If it was this miko you loved, you should have kept her close to your heart, not other women. You slept with Kikyo. Could you feel her power? Could you smell his scent on her? Could you, Inuyasha?" his father looked down. "You were young, you wouldn't have understood." He looked up at his son, regret in her eyes. "I was stupid back then, less experienced than I am now. You knew the man, Inuyasha. He wanted Izayoi. There would be…consequences if I didn't leave."

"God…" Inuyasha spluttered, and his father stepped up to his, reached out to him. "Get the fuck away from me! Don't touch me, Taisho!"

His father looked pained again. "I never meant to hurt you. It was never in my intentions for you to be left alone, and I never meant for you and Sesshomaru to take care of what I'd left behind. He would have killed her. I tried hard…I fought hard. It was useless. Undefeatable is what he is. You needed a mother. But he knew. Iza…Izayoi was my mate. He wanted me to be the one who killed her. So I did, with no intentions. Every ocean I crossed, every mile I walked was her prison. He said he'd kill her if I didn't. In the end, it was me."

Who wanted to cry in front of their father? When he was a child, criticized for what he was, he'd cry in private. He'd cry in private because even if he was surrounded in the comfort of their small hut, and even if he did have his own toys to play with, what he wanted most was to play with someone else, and he wanted acceptance. Instead, he'd end up at his mother's feet, crying as she picked him up and wiped his face of tears, dirt, and vegetables that the other kids thought would be fun to throw at him. And then, she'd clean his cuts and scrapes, kiss his forehead. But she could see it in her eyes. She was tired.

Anger fueled his whole body, made him shake. He looked up when he felt his father's strong, calloused hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

That was an excuse he'd used plenty of times on the woman he loved. He meant it most of the time. Looking into his father's eyes, he knew he meant it. But still, he shook. His mother, the only other woman he'd ever loved was gone because of Naraku. Father didn't have a choice. Despondency wept inside of him, and before he knew it, his father was pulling him in.

"Do you love her, Inuyasha?" he heard his father demand in his ear.

His ear twitched at the unexpected question, but he mumbled a yes when he wanted to speak it loud and clearly. His father pulled away quickly, leaving a hand on his son's shoulder.

"She's changed you." His father said briefly, nodding in approval.

Inuyasha growled. "Kids grow up."

His father nodded again, but he seemed to look right through him. "This isn't safe, Inuyasha. _You're _not safe around her. She has the Jewel embedded in her. It's _not _safe."

Inuyasha growled again, a scowl reappearing on his face. "You think I'm that selfish, you think I'm that low? That's our pup, and if they're alone, Naraku will hurt them. I'm not letting that happen."

"Inuyasha," Inuyasha growled at the sound of the faggot's voice. He should have stayed quiet longer. "He's right. He's not being selfish. The child does not need any harm brought upon it. If you continue to stay around, then it will get worse. Stay away at least for a few days. Let her be clueless. After all, her mother hasn't told her, right? It seems like she doesn't know."

Inuyasha scoffed and crossed his arms, wondering where in the hell they got all of this information from. The info that only he was supposed to know. "No. She fears that Kagome still won't understand. She still thinks that her father is some ordinary human, and she still thinks that her mother is, too. Souta isn't affected in any way, so I guess that Naraku really did only do that to hurt her, tease her. I'm sure it was him. I believe he's trying to get her riled up, make her realize the power she has within herself. I just don't know anymore." Inuyasha shook his head, shutting his eyes. This shit was all giving him a headache, and maybe it was also because of the fighting he'd done with his brother. Once again, he didn't know.

"He's right." Inu no Taisho spoke, straightening his posture, his voice holding confidence. "Give it a few days."

Inuyasha shook his head once more, growling. "I can't do that. She'll get mad and we won't talk and she'll walk away…walk away from me again. She doesn't know how dangerous it is, being all by herself. She doesn't fucking _know_!" Inuyasha yelled, ignoring the pounding in his head. Frustration was setting in again.

He watched as his father and bastard of a half-brother smirked. Inu no Taisho was the first to say it, though. "She's your mate."

Inuyasha scoffed, but didn't deny it. He wouldn't dare deny it.

Sesshomaru's face returned emotionless. "Mate her, then. But first, take a few days away from her. After you mate her, don't leave her or the child." Sesshomaru saw his brother about to protest, but he spoke again before he could. "We need this. She needs this, the child, too. She needs to be strong. Hell, we all do if it involves Naraku."

"And Inuyasha?" Inu no Taisho said, his voice serious. "I want to meet her. I need to."

Inuyasha looked at him quizzically, his eyes hesitant. "What for?"

"You need my permission. By the time the week's over, I'll see her when you do. And what's her name?" Inu no Taisho asked, looking at his son expectantly.

Inuyasha wasn't expecting a week. Now, he was extremely nervous about the whole ordeal, and he wasn't sure who to trust. "It's Kagome." Inuyasha spoke gruffly as he shoved past his father, still upset as he imagined how he'd sleep in the seemingly empty bed in his apartment for a whole week. She wouldn't be there, nuzzling into him, the scent of her hair in his nose. And he wouldn't be able to feel her or the baby. He wouldn't be able to lay his hand flat on her tummy and rub his baby, let him or her know he was there. He wouldn't be able to feel the power of Kagome or the power of the child. He would be wide awake without her scent there to calm him. He'd be wide awake, praying they were okay.

"Kagome?" his father questioned, and Inuyasha was sure he was smirking. He groaned and turned around, giving him a brief nod. "I…I like that name. I'm sure she'd make a fine daughter-in-law."

Inuyasha growled, feeling the heat in his cheeks. He turned away again, already missing her.

"Be prepared for this week, little brother. There's a few of things we have to discuss, a lot of preparations we have to go over, and a ton of information we have to gather." Sesshomaru said as he walked away. Of course, there was no response, and he knew his little brother would be missing her tonight.

God, take care of them all. Inuyasha was in love.

**XXXxxxXXX**

His naked body pressed against hers, and by the way he was breathing, she knew he was sleep. But she was wide awake, feeling slightly guilty as she stared into the nothingness that was darkness. The only sounds that filled the room was his breathing, and she relished in the fact that he was warm and that he was here and that she knew for sure that they loved each other. Everything should have been peaceful, but it wasn't.

She shifted slightly in the bed, and she heard him groan. And then, she knew he was awake. She felt him smile against her skin, and she giggled when he kissed her neck. Feeling like this was nice. It had been a while since she felt so at peace, but still, there was something that was bugging her. It wasn't a big thing, but it was something that she had been meaning to do for a while, and the fact that she was so busy with Miroku made her feel guiltier.

"I love you, Sango," he whispered against her skin, and she shivered. Usually if he was touching her like this, she'd smack him away. But he felt so good, and it felt great since things were back to normal.

There were still arguments, but they were working their way around it. He knew that a relationship was only for two, she'd taught him to accept that. He shouldn't have to be taught, but she thought about what Kagome said and she knew that he was merely human, just like her.

Kagome…

Miroku kissed her, long and deep and she moaned, arching up into him. He was panting now, aroused as she was. You see, he made the guilt go away. He made the pain go away. What he made her feel was as real as any pain. He was an angel. He watched over her. He was her life and more.

Just as she wrapped her legs around his waist, he stopped kissing her and she frowned. "You're not here with me right now. Where are you, Sango?" He kissed her neck briefly before looking into her eyes for an answer.

She sighed. "I feel like me and her are growing apart. Kagome, I mean."

He smiled, so willing to help her. To sort this all out. "How?" He asked gently as he kissed her neck again, lining himself up at her entrance. She moaned softly, looking up at him with a soft smile, her face flushed. She didn't know how he expected her to talk when he did these things to her. I took a whole minute before she got a hold of herself, regulated her breathing and remembered what was troubling her.

"Her and Inuyasha. I'm not sure about this whole thing. The last time I saw her was when she was in the hospital. It's been weeks. I feel like we're growing apart. I mean, she's having a kid and we're working on this whole thing. I'm starting to feel like she thinks…bad things, you know? I don't want her thinking she's alone. I'm not even sure if he loves her. After all he did, after all he said…"

He groaned when he slid into her, and she gasped, arching up into him. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, and he moaned softly, nuzzling his nose into her neck. "Don't you know, Sango?" he panted into her ear. "The way he looks at her is the same way I look at you…that's…it's love."

He began moving inside of her, rocking both of them gently. She tangled a hand into his hair, whispering over and over again that she loved him, and he did the same.

She loved that about him. He was always gentle, always helping, and she wondered how the hell she could've kicked him out, told him that she wanted separation. How could she have said that? How could she have lived without him?

When they made each other see stars, and when he made her full inside, he pulled her into his arms. "They don't belong here right now. Just…just _us_, Sango. We'll go see her tomorrow. I promise."

She smiled softly at his promise, leaning into him. "You think we'll have our own kids one day?" She asked him softly.

He smiled into her hair, pulling her closer. "You know, I was kind of hoping that we would. You're the only one, Sango."

**XXXxxxXXX**

She always woke up with a smile on her face, knowing he was beside her. But her bed was strange and it was cold, and so were her arms. She wanted to sleep a while longer, though. She wrapped her arms around herself, a frown on her face as she felt the sunlight calling to her, disturbing her.

She sat up, only to realize that he _wasn't_ beside of her. But he was last night when they'd made love. She smiled again, figuring that he was downstairs calling to check up on Souta or finding himself something to eat. Mama would most likely be home soon, because she couldn't stay beside of Souta and Jii-chan forever. But still, Kagome knew that her visits would be frequent, and she felt slightly guilty. She wanted to see her family again. And most of all, she wanted to apologize to her mother.

She rested a hand on her stomach, smiling as she wondered who he was. She kept her hand there for a while as she thought back about the lady, the demon- Kagura- from yesterday. She pressed harder, trying to feel what Kagura was talking about. She wanted to know…

She frowned, pulling her hand away. It was strangely quiet. Birds chirped outside, but that was all.

Inuyasha…he wasn't here.

She stood to her feet, and when she walked downstairs, her fears were confirmed. No wonder why she felt so empty inside. Her bed was cold and so was her body. Worry settled in, and she hoped she wouldn't go insane with it. Wherever he was, he had to come back to her.

Right?

**A/N: I was aiming for eight pages, but gah, I'm tired. Next chapter will probably be short. But I'm realizing that this story is gonna be a lot longer than I expected. Not sure yet. Thanks for the reviews, guys. I read every single one of them, and honestly, you guys are awesome.**

**Reviews please? Tell me what you think, or what you'd like to see in the next chapter! I know there's probably gonna be a lot of questions about this chapter, and I'm willing to answer them all! Till next time, loves. REVIEW! PLEASE? (:**

**Oh, btw, this chapter was inspired by The Day I Left the Womb by Escape the Fate and My Medea by Vienna Teng. (:  
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	19. Human

He growled.

It had seemed like such a long time since he'd found himself sleeping on this cold mattress. Actually, it wasn't that long. Those times when they used to fight constantly, he'd never admit it to himself, but it would hurt like hell, possibly because she was not there, possibly because without her, he just felt…cold.

That's how he felt now. He growled again, wondering how he had survived in this apartment. She was his lifeline. He depended on her, and when he started thinking just a bit too much, one smile from her brightened his whole day, made him weak in the knees, made him melt a little. He hated admitting that, and he hated thinking about it, but he couldn't deny it.

At first, she scared the shit out of him. The things she was able to make him do…the way he longed to be near her. So he tried to keep her at distance as much as possible so he wouldn't miss her. Damn sneaky wench had crossed all borderlines and made everything impossible, except for chemistry and definitely love. He laughed to himself, realizing that the clumsy, completely imperfect, innocent little Kagome Higurashi was the first girl- or woman, he should say- he had come to love. The thought made him smile.

She wasn't his mate, or at least, she wasn't _yet_. He knew he was pitiful, though, because whenever he thought of what his father said, his heart thudded unevenly inside his chest and he got this horrible- yet wonderful- feeling in his stomach. He had her acceptance. And he had most definitely not forgot the night when she had told him she loved him. How could he?

But tonight, he didn't want to think of that. He couldn't wait to see her again, and he hoped that she knew this was for her own good. For his own good. Somehow, she'd surely make him admit the truth, and right now, it would be too stressful. It would be soon, though. But he wasn't thinking of that, either. He was imagining his hand on her bulging stomach, feeling his kid's power. Or maybe, his hand on her heart as he felt the beat of it, sat awake in wide admiration and amazement of _her _power. Not just physically, but emotionally.

He quivered when he felt her heart beat. It possessed power, strength. It wasn't magical, but it was certainly real. She had power to go on, he knew that even if his hand wasn't on his heart, because God knows how many scars he'd left her with. He liked to think of them as battle wounds. She had the power to endure, she had power to teach, to love, to create and bring light to other's lives. Mostly, she had the power to _amaze _him.

He felt like nothing. She was everything. So once again, he imagined feeling all the things she made him feel. He stared into the darkness of his room and hoped that this feeling that he felt, this feeling that was keeping them connected, wasn't eating her alive.

He needed her.

**XXXxxxXXX**

She laughed often, so she supposed that she was going to be just fine, with or without him.

Dare she say it, she knew that Sesshomaru liked to think of women and humans as silly things. He saw them as vain, he saw them as toy-things. She wondered how in the hell she'd fell for an emotionless man. At least, she saw him that way. He saw her as someone who was completely open to ridicule. He saw her as a toy, something he'd be able to throw away in the end.

She smiled softly.

Love hurt, but she continued on with her day, keeping a smile on her face. She saw the rain a lot, and because of that, she liked to think of herself as strong - even though she knew Sesshomaru would deny that. She was just glad that no matter what happened, she'd be able to smile again. A lot of people didn't know how to do that, so she considered herself lucky.

Books were her friends, and she believed that music connected everyone and everything, she believed that it was something that made people feel, made them relate. And feeling and relating - she thought of them as two important, compulsory things. Every book she read made her have her own conscience, her own outlook on the dirt her feet rested upon.

She believed, and she believed that she'd never stop hoping.

She took a sip of her coffee again, only to realize it had gone cold.

Sitting at the table in front of her, there was a man who'd let his coffee go cold, too. And at the table beside of her, there was a woman and a man sipping on their morning coffee, also, smiling like they meant it. And somewhere, some kid was growing up in the orphanage where she grew up. Somewhere, a teenager was driving recklessly, getting away from it all like she used to do when she was nineteen and mad at the world. And somewhere, she knew that Sesshomaru was thinking about her just as much as she was thinking about him.

She took all of this in, a clever smirk on her face. And she decided that she would definitely keep a smile on her face, because if she did, she was lucky.

Always the optimist. There was no other way.

**XXXxxxXXX**

He had broken into a sweat, his face twisted up into a snarl. Adrenaline rushed through him and he declared that it was the sweetest thing he'd ever known. And just _looking_ at the youkai pissed him the fuck off, but he wouldn't push away his anger. He took comfort in it. He enjoyed it. Relished in the fucking bitter emotion.

He lunged at his half brother, scoffing and mad and hot as fuck. He had a look of aversion on his face, and his punches were vehement, his fists oscillating as they collided with his brother's hard stomach. And even though he couldn't see it, he could _feel _his brother smirking. And he hated him. He hated this. He hated his fucking _life_, damn it.

He hated Sesshomaru and Inu no Taisho almost more than he hated himself. He hated them for just up and _tearing _him away from Kagome and his kid, the only people he knew how to fight for. He hated his brother for spitting in his face, torturing him for what he could not change, and that was being a half-breed. He hated Inu no Taisho for even _believing _Naraku, he hated him for wanting to meet Kagome, hated him for leaving him defenseless with a half-brother who didn't give a shit about him.

Such a sadist his half-brother was. Such a venal, acerbic person he was. Such a conundrum he'd caused him all of his life. This was his stupid, godforsaken, no good brother. But still, he'd fed him when Izayoi died, watched after him when Inu no Taisho left.

Still, all coherent thoughts went out the window as he tried his best to fuck his brother up, show him the pain he'd caused him. Show him the pain he was causing Kagome. And he could practically _feel _all she felt, even though they weren't mated, even though she didn't know he loved her. Maybe it was because of his kid. Maybe it was because of the power that she was so unaware of it. He wasn't sure, as usual. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.

But still, this was his own volition. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be training. He just wanted to know she was safe. But in order to keep her safe, he had to make himself stronger. Not for him, but for her. And he just _hoped _that she'd still love him when the weak was up.

He knew that her and his pup didn't belong here right now. So when he thought about how Kagome was feeling, his vehement assaults that he forced upon his brother lightened up, and that received him a punch in the gut.

He fell to the hard ground, howling at the pain that the hit inflicted. He growled, looking up at his brother's gleaming eyes and clever smirk. He looked in hate, and he looked in admiration, wishing he was the stronger one. And in that moment, all he knew was complete and total oblivion.

His fists collided with Sesshomaru's face, and he quickly lunged into him, throwing them both to the ground. He heard a crack, and he hoped it was Sesshomaru's head. He hoped that he had fucked his mind up even more. He hoped that the bastard's head would fall off, but unfortunately, there was no such luck. So he continued to let his fists collide with that precious face that his father adored so much.

"Enough," came his father's brief voice, and even though he didn't want to, he broke away from his brother and quickly stood to his feet. Sesshomaru chuckled and stood, too.

"Just not good enough, half breed. Never good enough." Sesshomaru spoke, panting and hoping that the half-breed would be seeing red soon. "Is that all that you can do, Inuyasha? Will that be the only thing you'll be able to do when Naraku happily takes the life of that worthless human girl, your pup, too? Is that the _only _thing you'll be able to do?"

Inu no Taisho didn't bother stopping his youngest son as he ran forward, clawing at the elder's face.

And Inuyasha was seeing fire. The smell of blood shed and war became something so addictive in that one moment of enmity between him and the bastard. He let himself go as he let those horrible images fill his mind.

Inu no Taisho was sure that anyone would have heard the growling, and the howling. They would assume murder. And maybe in the end, murder is exactly what this would be.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Sango had a smile on her face, Miroku's hand in hers, as they walked up to the shrine door. He'd kept his promise, and she couldn't thank him enough for that.

The smile was wiped off her face, however, by the sudden strange feeling that crept up her spine. Miroku seemed to since this, too, and hesitantly, he knocked on the door only for it to push open too easily.

Miroku's grip tightened on her arm, but instincts got the best of her as she ran forward into the darkness of the living room. And she remembered calling out Kagome's name and she remembered Miroku trying to hold her back, calm her down. But still, there was some sort of _aura_ in this fucking place that made her feel like she'd never smile again. Still, she let her ears guide her.

In the kitchen was where Kagome stood, paying no attention to her presence as she continued to steadily chop vegetables on the cutting board, probably for dinner. But Inuyasha wasn't there and still, there was a strong aura emanating off her, making Sango frown, making her hesitant to move forward.

"Kagome?" she asked her friend incredulously, the frown still on her face. Miroku was looking at her questionably, and he tried to grab her arms, hold her back. Sango looked at him, shaking her head. Miroku's hand went limp and so she continued on forward.

"Kagome?" she tried again, placing a hand on her shoulder, only to quickly jerk it away, hissing all the while.

Miroku stepped forward then, looking at her intently, wondering what had happen. "Kagome," Miroku tried. "Your…your _aura_…" in all honesty, the aura that encompassed and also radiated from her made him feel like crumbling to his knees. He looked at her, his eyes wide as she turned around, tears streaming down her cheeks. "What's wrong, Kagome?"

Sango tried to come near once again, only for Miroku to grip her arm protectively. She looked at him, her eyes wide too, and it was evident that she wanted to help Kagome. After all, this was her best friend, but at the moment, he didn't know if Kagome would lash out or not.

Sango hissed again as she watched Kagome crumble to the floor.

**XXXxxxXXX**

_Inuyasha…_

_Inuyasha, come back to me._

The room she was in was completely unlit, and darkness seemed to suffocate her. She sat up, her hand going to her belly and then to her head as it pounded harshly. And then, she fell back. Fell and fell and fell. And somewhere, she could make out Sango and Miroku's voices clearly, so she calmed down for a second and tried to think about where she was.

The things they were saying confused her, though.

"_What the fuck do you _mean_, Miroku? If there was someone after her…she would have told me…Inuyasha would have told me. You're not being serious. Just shut the _fuck_ up_."

She closed her eyes, really concentrated on the voices outside of the door.

"_The truth's a little more difficult than that. She's human…but not like us. She's…different. She isn't supposed to know that Inuyasha's out getting more info on Naraku, and I need you to keep that a secret, Sango. Please-_"

Naraku.

_Naraku_…

She squinted her eyes, her heart thundering in her chest and flutters in her stomach. Her hand landed there again, and she was shocked. Her baby…

"_And if he wants her dead, Miroku,_" Kagome heard Sango interrupt him. "_doesn't she deserve to know? How's any of this going to help when she's unaware of what she is and what this fucker wants with her?!_"

She held her hand tighter to her stomach and closed her eyes. Her baby made her feel safe somehow. Her baby…it seemed to be protecting her. And for the first time, she knew what Kagura was talking about. His or her power…it amazed her to no end and she took pride in this.

"_Inuyasha_," she heard Miroku sigh heavily and at the sound of his name, she shut her eyes tighter and she swore she felt her baby do _something_ inside of her stomach, something that had to do with being upset. "_Inuyasha's protecting her, Sango. That's why he went away. If we're dealing with Naraku, we all need to be strong. Kagome's always been strong, she just never realized it. But that jewel that's inside of her, it's tainted and Inuyasha doesn't know this. It will attract…bad things. Things that Kagome doesn't need. So maybe it's a good thing that he went away. She needs to figure this out by herself, and she needs to learn how to _use _that power she's got._"

Figure what out? She sat up in bed, her heart and her head still pounding and her hand still on her stomach because he- or she, was the only thing that was making her feel safe. But what were they talking about? There couldn't have been some kind of jewel inside her body. That was insane, maybe the most insane thing she'd ever heard. And if it was corrupt, or tainted, how was she surviving. And she was human. Completely human, just like them…

She heard tears in Sango's voice. "_And what if we can't protect her? He needs to come back, you know. I'm absolutely lost and I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and what if she _dies, _Miroku? Nobody deserves to go through these things alone. And what will Kagome think about all of this?_"

"_God, Sango, can't you _feel_ her aura? Do you know how strong that kid that she's carrying is? The son or daughter of a Miko and a Dog-Demon. She's dangerous to be around right now. And Inuyasha, she could turn him to ashes if she got pissed enough. And I agree with you, he is an idiot. He fell in love with her when he was supposed to stay away from her. He got her pregnant when he knew there would be people after a kid that was never supposed to be conceived._"

She heard Sango scoff, and she didn't realize that she was wrapping her arms around herself, trying to protect herself, trying to protect her kid. "_That _kid _is a blessing, that _kid _is my goddamn godchild, and I'll be damned if I lose my best friend and the baby. Not only is he an idiot, Miroku. You are, too. Oh god, you _knew _they were fucking, and I knew that, too, but I never knew that Kagome…I never knew she wasn't like us. You could've smacked some since into him. You could've done _something_ instead of being too much of a _pussy _to speak up. Inuyasha's away from her. And that's the reason why she passed out, that's the reason why she's crying and fucked up! Don't you _dare_ call him an idiot without knowing you're one, too._"

"_Sango_-"

"_Just leave me alone. I need to go check on her to see if she still has her fever. And Miroku?_" she heard Sango pause. "_She _deserves_ to know_."

"_I know_…"

The next thing she heard was footsteps. But the door was opened before she had a chance to make herself seem peaceful and in a deep sleep, and then, the light switched on and Sango gasped, her eyes wide.

"How much did you hear?" Sango asked, her voice almost angry. "You had to hear something. We were pretty loud."

She found herself too stunned to say anything back, and she watched as Sango walked forward, pressing her cool hand to her forehead. She muttered some obscenity under her breath and walked off to the washroom, only to come right back with a cool towel, a cold drink of water, and a simple pill in her hand. Sango sat down on the bed, looking at her almost sadly.

Kagome snatched the pill out of her hand and placed it on her tongue, then swallowed it down with a big gulp of water. She looked at Sango, her hand pressed to her stomach and fear evident in her eyes.

"What am I, Sango?" she asked softly and simply, vertigo in her head, making her feel even more nauseous than she already was.

**A/N: I am sincerely sorry for my lateness. School started, and of course, that's just a whole bunch of bullshit and problems and heartbreak for me. And also, I'm sorry for the cliffy and the shortness. But my ass needs to go to bed so I can wake up early tomorrow. I can't thank you enough for all the reviews, and I hope to see you guys again soon. (:**

**Feedback would be absolutely and wonderfully lovely. (:**


	20. Everything

She looked at him, a smirk on her face. She had calmed down her breathing, calmed down the rapid beating of her heart. Maybe that was her first mistake. And maybe she knew, and had known for a long time, that Naraku was more than just half-human, and half-demon. But he took advantage of his race. He liked to think he was full demon, maybe. She wasn't sure. But when she looked in his dark eyes, she saw pride. Pride in all of the horrible things he'd done, pride in all of the people he'd killed, and pride in his insubstantial strength. She looked in his eyes and she knew he was nothing.

Still, she bowed in his presence. "Naraku," she said simply, the name leaving a bitter taste on her tongue and she had to calm her heart again. She wasn't supposed to be feeling trepidation. He'd surely sense it.

"Kagura," he said back, a smirk on his face, too. He began going over his plans, his plans to kill more people who had no right to be harmed. And she hoped that he couldn't see what her eyes were saying. She couldn't do this anymore. "The child will stay alive. Kagome must not be harmed in anyway. You'll watch over her. She's going to be getting some attention soon since the jewel's been tainted. Keep her safe. Like I said, _we need that child_. If Inuyasha gets in the way, stop him. Patience, though. No one dies until I say so. You remember that, Kagura."

For a second, she was dumbfounded. However, she kept herself calm and composed, refusing to show anything. No confusion, no fear. "Of course." She said, her voice soft and slow. She gave him a nod, still keeping herself composed.

He nodded back, and hesitantly, she began to walk away. But she panicked when she felt his cold hands on her throat, close to choking her. But she didn't dare fight back, and ignored her first and natural instincts to attack. This was Naraku she was dealing with. "Also," he said, grinning, "remember this. You are mine," she felt his claws on her back, tearing into the fabric of her kimono and she growled, unable to stop it. And then, his sharp claws were tracing that thing that was tattooed on her back, maybe permanently. He was laughing in her ear. "This mark proves it all. _You're mine_. And there isn't much you can do about that."

His claws were suddenly covered in her blood, and for the first time, she felt what Kikyo felt. And you must believe her, she never wanted to. And when he pushed her to the ground, you had to believe that she never wanted to sound so weak, feel so weak. But her back was sore and the sight of her own dark blood terrified her. And the smell of it burned through her nostrils and made her sick and she watched him, horrified.

"Understand this, Kagura," he told her quietly. "I can make every step you take away from me be your own hell. Because you are mine. You are my child and _none_ of them will turn on me. Understand that, Kagura."

Please, you had to believe her.

Believe that she never wanted to feel like Kikyo.

And in that moment, she did. Especially when all she could do was simply nod, ignoring the pain, the throbbing, nearly unbearable pain that pulsed through her body as she bowed for him, called him master.

Because he was. He made her so that meant he could break her. He could definitely break her and for the first time, she wasn't so sure about this plan. It could cost her the only life she had. But sometimes, she wanted out of this more than anything.

**XXXxxxXXX**

He sprung his legs in the air and launched himself at Sesshomaru, sweat raining down into his eyes, dampening his hair and making his body slick. The look on his half-brother's face just made him hotter, crankier, made his blood run hot in anger and boil over, growls spilling from his melt and his claws scratching into the elder's body effortlessly, the smell of his blood and the sight of it covered in his hands making him feel some sort of sick fucking pride.

They were still fighting. He could fight all morning, all day, and all night with his brother and not lose any of his vehemence or passionate hate.

Inuyasha cracked his neck, wincing at the sound. He could kill this bastard and not lose one night of sleep. The same went for his father.

There was information. It wasn't much, but it was something that he desperately need. There were no whereabouts of Naraku, that bastard. Fuck him and his barriers and his schemes and fuck him for trying to take away his kid and his Kagome. And fuck everyone and fuck everything and all he cared about was seeing more of Sesshomaru's blood flow freely.

"That's enough for today, Inuyasha." Inu no Taisho said quietly. As if he wanted to listen. But something made him back away anyway, as usual. His fist froze in mid-air and he gave Sesshomaru a scowl before pulling away quickly, turning his attention to the man that was supposed to be called father. He growled to himself quietly. Sesshomaru's eyes were cold on him, but it didn't matter. The bastard loafed him and the feeling was definitely mutual.

He just wanted out of here. Anything could be happening to Kagome. And she deserved the truth. And he was sure that his kid, even if he was still in the womb, had become accustomed to him and it probably hurt his kid more than it hurt Kagome for him to be away. And he felt bad. He felt absolutely horrible. Kagome didn't know what she was in for but she had every right to know. He could only hope that she was learning, that she was understanding.

Just a few more days.

He swore he'd make it back to her.

"He's getting stronger and stronger," his father spoke suddenly, his voice still quiet. "Inuyasha, I wish I knew more of his plans. We're trying. But this isn't only for you. Your child is strong and Naraku will take everything away from you. We need you strong. Can you understand this?"

He winced at his words, but really, all he could do was nod. He felt Sesshomaru's eyes on him, judging him.

"I need to meet her soon, Inuyasha. We need her strong and she needs to know the truth behind everything."

So tonight, he'd be away from her again. And also, once again, it would feel like she was a thousand miles away and so unreachable. And he'd think about her eyes again, too. He'd think about how they'd look at him once the week was up. But she'd forgive him. She had to and he knew she would, because it was simply to late for her to be out of all this shit. He could've changed that. He wished he had.

So he wanted no more arguing with Inu no Taisho, not even Sesshomaru. He was angry as fuck, but he wouldn't speak a word. He needed to be strong. Not for himself, but for Kagome and that kid.

Both had to be the best things he'd have in his life. And she couldn't walk away from him.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Her mouth opened, and then it closed. It opened again, closed again. Kagome's strange, hazed, and almost hurt eyes were making her feel unsteady and unsure. Her eyes were expecting, they had fire in them and she knew that Kagome wanted to know _now_. Because after all, she didn't deserve to go through all of this. She deserved to be sure and understand what was going on before her unknowingness put her and kid's life in more danger.

She didn't know what to say. She knew what she _wanted _to say, but she didn't know how to. So she kept her mouth closed, and let a strange repose fill the room, but it was anything but tranquil. She smiled softly at Kagome, her eyes speaking magnitudes of apology.

Kagome didn't seem to mind. Maybe she was scared of the truth. After all, it was too much for her to worry about at the moment. And while Kagome rested her head back, her eyes closing and her lips parting slightly, Sango thought about what she would do if she was in Kagome's shoes.

'_This is so fucked up,' _she thought. _'So fucked up.'_

And her thought were true. She reached forward, brushing Kagome's dark hair off her slightly damp skin. Gently, she felt her forehead and cursed when she realized that the fever had only intensified. She was about to stand, but then she felt Kagome's hand on hers.

"I'm okay, Sango," she said quietly, her voice hoarse and her eyes opening slightly. Kagome swallowed, opening her mouth again. "I'm fine. I'd really like the truth, but I know you and I know it's hard for you to tell me, even though months ago, you had no problem telling me Inuyasha was wrong for me. But you were wrong and I know he'll be back." Sango watched her, almost horrified, as she took her hand and moved it down to her stomach.

"Kagome-" she started, trying to pull her hand away.

"It's fine," Kagome said, a small smile tugging her pale lips upward.

So Sango sat there awkwardly, her hand still on Kagome's stomach. And when Kagome opened her mouth to speak again, she listened intently and eagerly, hoping that her actions would prove to Kagome that she was here to stay. "They're right about one thing. He's so strong, just like Inuyasha. I almost feel like I know him, and he protects me. I can feel it, and it's the strangest thing. But it's beautiful."

Sango shifted a bit, still uncomfortable with this. It was something new for her. Kagome was right. The kid in there was strong, and she almost wanted to pull her hand away at what she felt. Instead, she stayed there and watched her best friend, not even thinking about leaving her alone through all of this bullshit. No one deserved to go through these things alone, after all.

"He misses Inuyasha, too," Kagome told her. "It hasn't even been long. But he's used to him, I guess. He trusts him, just like I do. Sometimes, I think he moves around in there, just like Kagura told me. She said he's not like normal babies. I'm scared, Sango. Anything can happen. I don't want to lose him or Inuyasha. I don't want to lose anyone else I love. Hell, Sango, I'm terrified. My kid deserves a better life than this."

"He will," Sango told her simply, taking the hand that was on Kagome's stomach and moving it up to her face to wipe away the tears that Kagome didn't realize were running. "He'll have a great life. After all, he has the best parents around, even if they are a little fucked up," she smiled a little. "And Inuyasha will be back soon. I'm not sure when, but I know he's out there defending his family. He'd die for you guys, but he wouldn't leave you or his kid alone. Remember that, Kagome."

Things were quiet for a while, and Sango at least hoped that she was taking her words in, absorbing them and also absorbing the truth behind all of this. So Sango closed her eyes, too, thinking that things would be peaceful and nice for once, and then it hit her so hard, almost like a gunshot, that there were these huge doubts in her best friend's head, in her best friend's heart. And she desperately wanted to get rid of them, but she knew that her trials would be worthless.

"I'm here," Sango told her, her voice a whisper. "You're not getting rid of me. I was here and I always will be and I love that kid just as much as you and Inuyasha, and I hope you know that whoever he or she will be, they're apart of my life now. And I do anything I can possibly do to protect the ones that I love. You can talk if you have to. You can ask all the questions you want, because you deserve that."

She opened her eyes when she heard Kagome sigh heavily and unevenly, only to realize that her eyes were still closed. Sango winced, realizing that Kagome almost looked like she was in pain. But before she could protest or ask if she needed anything, Kagome's mouth opened and unsure, trembling words were left wavering in the air for a few seconds.

"A miko, you say?" Kagome gulped, eyes still closed. She felt Sango's hand on her stomach, her hand on her cheek, but she didn't want to see and she didn't want to believe the truth. But she opened her eyes anyway, locking hers on Sango's completely honest ones. And she almost wanted to close them again, doze off and never awake until all of this was over.

"It's the truth," Sango said simply.

Kagome sat up immediately, fire in her brown eyes. "That's bullshit," she spat out, shaking her head. "I knew my father. Mama, she would have told me. And wouldn't Souta have been affected, too? Wouldn't my kid be affected? It's all bullshit. Inuyasha…he would have told me. He would have been able to tell. He's a fucking dog demon, after all. He would've stayed away from me, Sango!"

"Kagome-" Sango started, only for Kagome to interrupt.

"Get your fucking hands off of me, Sango. Don't fucking touch me, right now." Her head was spinning, her body hurting and her heart steadily aching. Everything seemed to make the nausea worse, the headaches worse, and she wondered how she'd survive. She sat up a little too quickly. The room was hot and sweat steadily rolled down her face, forming at her brow, too. "It's not true. It's _not_."

Sango stood, defensively raising her hands and looking at Kagome, suddenly angry. "You've got proof all around you, Kagome. Don't tell me you've never laid a hand on your stomach. You feel that kid's power everyday and every night. You feel it inside of you, and it's something great. You're an idiot if you don't realize why Inuyasha never stood away. If I knew what you were, I would have tried harder to keep him away and tell you all the bad things. But you love him, and he loves you. You couldn't be broken apart."

"But Mama-" Kagome started, tangling her fingers in her dark, damp hair.

"-loves you, and didn't think you could handle it. She didn't think you would believe it, and I guess she was right. She had no idea what the kid would be. She was just like you. The truth is difficult but we have to believe it, even if it feels so wrong."

Kagome seemed to be shaking, and Sango looked at her worriedly, suddenly scared of what would happen and what was to be. And maybe Miroku was right. Maybe for the first time in his life. Kagome fought her away half-heartedly when she reached both hands out to lay on her shoulders. She took her by her arms and pulled the fighting girl close to her, knowing that it wasn't what she wanted, but what she needed.

Kagome didn't make a sound, but finally, she gave in and slumped almost lifelessly into Sango's arms, her heart beating fast and her brain trying to come up with some kind of lie that would at least help her through the seemingly long night.

"You wanted to know what you were," Sango whispered into her ear, arms still wrapped around her. "I can't lie to you, Kagome. I'd never lie to you. You needed to know, you deserved it. If you didn't know, your unawareness could put your life- and the baby's- in more danger. So you pull yourself together and accept it, or risk losing everything and everyone that you've ever loved."

"Being happy with Inuyasha and bringing new life in the world was never supposed to be this difficult, Sango," she heard Kagome murmur into her shoulder, and it was hard to pick up on, but she decided that Kagome definitely and undeniably sounded broken, so she pulled her closer, hugged her tighter.

"I know. But it was never supposed to be easy, either," she told her, honesty in her voice and worry in her eyes. "But remember that you're more than what's hurting you tonight."

**XXXxxxXXX**

A void girl. Shattered, but not completely broken.

A void girl.

Or rather a void demon.

None of this was simple, nor was it easy. But Naraku was her master and escaping him was impossible. So when those thoughts easily filled her head, they left just as easily. They were not to be pondered or wondered on.

None of it was easy. Ruining people's happiness, making mothers swear to the heavens for the loss of their children, for their disappearance, or making friends, lovers, sisters and brothers swear to the heavens, too, for the loss of the people they love, it wasn't easy.

Naraku thought it was. But it was never easy and it never would be. And while her younger sister Kagura lay there, still bleeding and completely worn and worried, she was to be of no help, of no comfort.

It all hurt. Could he see? Could he understand?

So tomorrow, he'd use her to her advantage again. She'd try to take another one's soul, keep it and use it, abuse it and throw the person away like they were nothing. Things were never supposed to be this way.

**XXXxxxXXX**

Her tears could drown him, her sorrow could bury him six feet under. He felt what she felt, and they weren't even completely connected just yet. Nothing wore him out like caring about her.

All of the battles were for her. All of the punches he took from his half brother, all of the lecturing his father gave him. He became her. His heart was aching, but he guessed that was a good sign. It meant he was still trying for her, still trying to make it back to her.

He disappeared into her, she became the air he breathed and the only thing he needed. She had his everything and it wasn't supposed to be like this. She had his absolute devotion, his time, the bit of money that he had, even his whole body belonged to her. He carried her pain around, too, and it was never something that was foreign to him. He gave her all of these things and he'd never stop until he was nothing but dust, a particle, matter that fell apart and dissolved into her.

He hissed as his father continued to dress his wounds. They were deep, but these new scars were all for her. They weren't so bad, and life wouldn't be so shitty forever.

Inu no Taisho's hands were rough against his skin, all calloused and cut and worn. His eyes were cautious, his strong fingers hesitant. When he hissed again because his father's hand unintentionally brushed against one of the deep cuts, he looked up to him. Inuyasha was captivated by the eyes that looked so much like his own. His father's expression was stoic, and he grunted, giving a slight shake of his head before continuing on with his ministrations carefully.

The cut Sesshomaru had given him was deep, and it hurt. God, it hurt. But he'd take a million more, just like them or worse, if that meant getting back to Kagome soon so she'd know that she wasn't alone and she'd never _ever_ be alone.

"Tell me about this girl," his father spoke suddenly, interrupting the stillness of the tenebrous room.

For a while, he wasn't sure what he'd say. He closed his eyes, carefully laying down on the futon. He let a complacent smile take over his mouth as he thought about her, pictured her in his mind. He thought of the dark hair that rained down her back, the smile that always calmed him and made his world a bit brighter than it already was when he was with her. And then, he thought of her stomach, full with the child he'd die for.

"She's…she's a nice girl, I guess," he grunted. Did Inu no Taisho really expect him to trust him after all the shit he'd put him through?"

"She must be a bit more than a nice girl," Inu no Taisho said. "I can sense it. She's on your mind every second, and I know for a fact she's your mate. Like I said before, it seems that she's changed you."

Inuyasha groaned, turning away from his father. "She has. I'm a better man, and I'm a better father than you could've ever been. Anyway, I'm not supposed to talk to you about these things. This is what _mothers _are for. After all, I'm old enough to handle myself and I know exactly what I'm doing with Kagome and my kid."

He hoped his words would scar him, cut him up and make him see that all of the shit he's put him through for all of the wrong reasons. He wanted his father to see, to understand. To understand that some things were worth bruising for, that his hands were accounted for. He hope that his words would make him see that his father was worth _nothing_.

"Inuyasha-" his father tried, but he interrupted. He sat up a bit too quickly, and he hissed once more from the throbbing pain that emanated from his wounds.

"Fuck you, Taisho. Mom died because of you. There was no one to protect me when everyone looked down on me for being a hanyou. And mom, she was tired. She was tired of me crying everyday and she was tired of living without you. And just like that, she let herself wither completely away because she gave you her _everything_ and you didn't give her _shit_-" and he never got to finish the words that he wanted to hurt his father so badly with.

He was up against the wall again, moaning in absolute pain as his father's extremely strong figure pressed up against his wounds. He was hoisted high up, his father's strong hand around his neck. Inu no Taisho was breathing harshly out of his nose, and his eyes were on fire.

"I gave her my everything, too, Inuyasha. I did exactly what you did, but just in a different way. I _had _to walk away or else I'd lose her. You're fighting for Kagome. You act as if I fought for nothing. Well, I fought _hard, _son, and in the end, I'd lose her anyway so I left. And it was the best thing to do. She would have died if I stayed, too. I couldn't walk around knowing I was the cause of her death. Knowing that it was all because of my actions, because of how much I cared for her. You use your brain before you speak again, Inuyasha." His father growled at him, his voice low and dangerous and deadly and he found himself gulping.

He dropped to the floor, groaning in pain.

"But-" he started, only to be interrupted.

"I loved you, and I still do. And I always will. You and your brother, Inuyasha. I wanted to be there everyday. I went to hell and I went back for all of you, for all of my family. Izayoi didn't raise my hanyou to be an idiot. We're family, and Kagome and that child will soon be family, too. Can you understand, Inuyasha?" His father asked, eyes still on fire.

He gulped and nodded, and then he told his father everything he could about Kagome. He told her how amazing she was, how she accepted him, half-demon and all. And he told his father he was sorry.

He told his father everything.

**A/N: I know this chapter could've been better, but I was rushed and school is the most important thing in my life right now. I hope to see you guys again soon.**

**Tell me what you think and what you'd like to see coming up. Feedback is lovely, and thanks for all of the reviews. (:**


	21. Safe

She missed Yash, to be specific.

The week had gone by slow, but she had gotten better, she had accepted the truth even if she didn't exactly want to. She'd sat around for three days, tired and sick. Sick of waiting, sick of pregnancy, sick of Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi, sick of Rin, even though she didn't want to be, and sick of Sango and Miroku waiting on her hand and foot. And god, she was tired of all these things.

But she had hope. He had to come back tonight, he had to.

So instead of moping around, doing nothing, she had gotten off her ass, fixed his favorite meal and prayed he'd come home so it wouldn't get cold. She'd told Miroku and Sango they didn't have to worry today, that she was doing better and she'd wait for him. After all, she needed answers, and she missed him. A lot.

She felt vacant and hallow. It was dark outside. Mama hadn't called to tell her how Souta was doing. It was quiet, so quiet. She ate extremely slowly, hoping he'd be here soon. She was restless.

She was only twelve weeks. But still, bigger than most. Most of the time, she sat by herself and wondered what it would be like to have her body to herself again. Sometimes, that was really all she wanted. Her son- or daughter- made her feel terribly uncomfortable. But she knew that once the biggest part of her at the moment was external, able to laugh and play and feel and _love_, she knew her mind would be overloaded with possibilities of terrible things. Things like disappearance, pain, and all other sorts of danger, and she knew she would wish to have that part of her that's closer to her than anything or anyone, back to a place where she could keep him or her safe.

It was 11:00pm. Feeling dejected and feeling weariness sink in, she let out a sigh and picked up her plate to wash it. She was sure his plate was cold by now, but she didn't pay any mind. She covered it, kept it there on the table and prayed that she'd wake up to his arms around her in the morning.

**XXXxxxXXX**

To be honest, he absolutely hated hospitals.

This thing was making his leg itchy, and sure, the hot nurses were a plus, but he missed his sister. He missed Inuyasha, and even though Mama assured him that she was here to stay for him, he couldn't help feeling guilty.

Mama sat in that chair next to him everyday since he'd been here. They'd tried to convince her that he was okay and he'd be safe and she could go home, but she refused. She was sleep, now. She was so tired, so worn and so worried. He looked away guiltily. He wished that she would understand that he was okay.

Today was a Saturday. Usually, he'd be out playing soccer with his buddies. He couldn't do that at all for months, now. Kagome still hadn't came to visit, and he wasn't so sure over what she was so angry about. All he knew was that his sister was scary when she was angry, and sometimes, he felt sorry for Inuyasha.

Cartoons played before his eyes. And he'd rather be home, eating that cereal with Kagome, Mama, and Jii-chan surrounding the table, eating along with him. He'd rather sit around in Kagome's room and watch cartoons with her and Inuyasha when he came over. He was scared that things would never be the same.

But he smiled anyway. The sun was shining last night, and it reminded him that he'd gotten through the night.

When the door opened and one of the many hot nurses came in, he shot her a smirk and she smiled sweetly back. She came in with breakfast and carefully placed the tray over his lap, a smile still on her face. And he swore that she was in love with him, just like all the other nurses who often visited him.

"How're you feeling this morning?" she asked, ruffling his hair slightly.

"I'm feeling great, actually. I wish I was home, though." He told her honestly, looking out the window again.

Her voice was quiet as she spoke, obviously aware to his sleeping Mama. Souta watched as the nurse shot her a sympathetic look, and then looked back to him. "She's pretty tired, huh? I feel sorry for the woman. She must be stressed out a lot. Nothing can wear you out like caring about people, right?"

He knew she didn't mean it in a bad way…but still. She must've noticed his dejectedness, because she covered her mouth with a hand, looking at him guiltily. "I didn't mean it that way, I'm sorry. Listen, as far as I can tell, she's a great mom. She really cares about you, staying here this long and everything. But no need to worry. You only have a few more days and you'll be out of here. You're a strong kid, so hang in there."

He simply nodded, waited for her to leave, but instead, she opened her mouth to speak again.

"I almost forgot. There's someone here to see you," she said with a sickly sweet smile, one that had him almost worried.

She left, probably to tell the visitor it was okay to see him, now, and he reached over, gently shaking his Mama on the shoulder to wake her up. She slowly opened her eyes. They were red and puffy, and once again, guiltiness took over him, but he quickly tried to rid himself of the feeling and almost wished that she didn't care so much.

He was lucky. So lucky.

"Souta?" her voice was sleepy, but she sat up quickly, her eyes instantly alert. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine…" he replied, a slight smile on his face. "But the nurse says I have a visitor."

Mrs. Higurashi simply smiled. He had gotten lots of visitors. Most of them from his school. There were cards everywhere, flowers, too. His whole soccer team had sent him get well cards, and they'd also came to visit- all of them. It was hectic at times, but hopefully, there was just _one _of his friends this time.

She sat there for a while, still feeling tired. She'd been here for days, and she missed her bed and she would love to know how her baby girl and grandchild were doing, and this was something she'd been worried about for a while.

Because Kagome had to figure out the truth sooner or later.

Souta sat there, still watching cartoons, his face blank. He was bored, and he couldn't wait for those few days to be up. However, his thoughts were interrupted when he saw the door open. The nurse stood there holding the door open for whoever was to come, still smiling sweetly. He looked on expectantly, wondering who it could be.

However, he was not prepared for _her _appearance.

He felt heat in his cheeks and suddenly, he couldn't hear the cartoons. His heartbeat was all he could hear, really. The nurse was still smiling and she said something about walking out to leave them alone, but he wasn't really listening to what she was saying. Mama was smiling, too, he could feel this.

This was _horrible_. God, it was so wonderful, too. So horrible he wanted to cower under the sheets of the hospital bed. Yet, so wonderful that while he was cowering under those bed sheets, he wanted to smile and giggle like a school girl or…or something.

Her eyes were big and blue, her hair brown was short and voluminous, full of curls and waves and _perfect_. Her cheeks had a pink tint to them, but he didn't bother himself with a million of questions because of this little observance.

It was…odd, to be specific. It was weird seeing her without that group of girls she was always with. Her smile was big and once again, he reminded himself that her eyes were the most beautiful he'd ever seen.

"Souta," Hitomi said, her voice filled with worry. He loved it when she said his name, even if she was lecturing him for his foolish words and stuttering whenever he was around her, trying to spit out how he really felt.

"_Souta, if you have something to say to me, just spit it out!"_

"Souta," she said again, gulping this time and stepping forward, her big, dark blue eyes luminous in the light that poured through the shades that covered the window. He'd always known how beautiful she was, and his affections for her had always went unnoticed, it seemed. And right now, he felt like the luckiest man- rather, boy- in the world. "I was so worried about you. I would've came to visit you earlier, but I've just been busy with school…and I'm so sorry, Souta."

Her words were rushed and by the time she was done, she was slightly panting and he was still spellbound, his eyes wide as saucers and his cheeks red as a tomato, and beside him, his Mama was chuckling, smiling at the young girl.

"It's fine," his mother spoke up, "Hitomi. Souta's doing much better, and he should actually be out of here in just a few days and they're expecting him to make a full recovery. Although, he won't be able to play soccer for a while."

His wide eyes turned to stare at his mother. She looked back at him and then smiled, then looked back at Hitomi. "You know, I believe you're the girl he talks about all the time. He really admires you, Hitomi, and right now, I'm sure he's just a little…astonished…that you're here. He never really expected this, I believe. But I'm sure he's really happy that you've came to visit him."

At his Mama's words, Hitomi turned as red as a tomato, too, and this time, he slid down under the sheets, eyes still wide and cheeks still red as if he'd been slapped extremely hard.

For a few moments, there was silence. But then, Hitomi, the girl of his dreams, cleared her throat and spoke up. "Uh, Souta…I'm really happy I came, too." And then, she was giggling, making him feel like an absolute fool, making him want to murder his Mama. But he couldn't do that.

Finally, he found some bravery deep within himself and showed his face to her. She was looking at him, her cheeks still red and his still red, too. This was the time to be valiant.

He failed. "Um…so…uh, I-I guess I'll…see you around, huh, H-Hitomi?"

She hated boys who couldn't admit that they favored her, and he was constantly in fear that some boy who _could_ admit these things would someday come and sweep her off her feet and she'd drift away from him.

She seemed a little disappointed. "Uh, okay, so when will I see you again, Souta?"

The question made his stomach hurt. And then, he remembered Kagome telling him about how when you really like someone, you get this stupid feeling in your tummy and they call it butterflies. He remembered these things perfectly.

**Flashback;**

_His stomach was aflutter, anxiety ran through his veins, and he suddenly felt light-headed. However, he took a deep breath and knocked on his bedroom door where he knew his sister and her boyfriend- or whatever you wanted to call him- would be. Kagome had told him that Inuyasha wasn't her boyfriend a million times before, but he couldn't bring himself to believe that, especially when he had saw Inuyasha kissing his sister._

_He considered kissing to be gross. But when he thought about doing something like that with Hitomi, it seemed beautiful, dare he say it. But still, seeing his sister do it with Inuyasha was the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen, especially when he swore he'd seen them doing something with their tongues…_

_He shuddered, not wanting to think about the sight that had only a week ago, been displayed to his virgin eyes._

_He wasn't expecting her to open the door so quickly. But when she did, she had an angry look on her face and his eyes widened and he instantly wanted to turn away, but he was frozen in spot._

_Kagome put a hand on her hip, tapping her foot again the wood floor impatiently, and behind her was Inuyasha, smirking down at him._

_Inuyasha was nineteen, and Kagome was only sixteen, so Mama didn't favor him that much. But he did. Inuyasha always stayed around to play video games with him, and even though he wasn't much help with homework, the dude knew how to make him laugh, and he laughed extremely loud whenever he managed to piss his big sister off. And even though Mama hated the fact that Inuyasha had skipped out on college, Souta loved it. Inuyasha always seemed to be around._

"_What is it, Brat? You came to my room and knocked instead of screaming something stupid, so you must need help. Now what is it, Souta?" Kagome asked, an eyebrow twitching._

"_I-I…uh…" he was a wreck._

_Inuyasha smiled, grabbing a hand and pulling him forward while Kagome shot him a disapproving look. Anyway, she closed the door behind her, Inuyasha pushed him down on the bed, and they both looked at him expectantly. He didn't know if he could do this. He was feeling queasy and he was calling himself all kinds of degrading names in his head while wondering why he had decided to come to _Kagome _out of all people._

"_Souta, if you have something to say, spit it out!" Kagome said, clearly agitated. Inuyasha smirked and flicked her arm, saying something about how she shouldn't be so mean to her brother. And then, they were arguing because that's the only thing the both of them seemed to be good at. There were foul words coming out of Kagome's mouth, and he didn't know that his big sister could speak like that. Inuyasha argued back, looking amused._

_He wanted nothing more than to leave, but still, he sat there, wondering what he could do to shut the both of them up. He cleared his throat and then took a deep breath, his voice courageous. "Sis, there's this girl…"_

_Instantly, all arguing was pushed aside and Kagome had nearly tripped over her own feet rushing over to him, and Inuyasha laughed at her, causing her to send him an icy glare that even had _him _shivering._

_Her smile was big and her eyes were shiny and Souta was taken aback. She took his hands in hers, opening her mouth not to speak, but rather squeal. "What's her name? Is she pretty? Do you like her? Do you wanna…you know, marry her? When can I meet her, Souta? How old is she? She better not be older than you or so help me god-"_

_He simply shrugged and opened his mouth to speak and interrupt her before she went on and on and on and on. "Her name is Hitomi. She's beautiful. Of course I like her, if I didn't, there is no way in the world I'd be in your room with you and Inuyasha. Why are you talking about marriage? We're just kids, Kagome. You're not meeting her…ever. And we're both nine. God, sis. It's not like you and Inu are the same age, either."_

_At that, Kagome recoiled away from him, her eyebrows twitching, her cheeks reddening and Inuyasha snickering under his breath. She let out an exasperated sigh. "Me and Inu are not like that, Souta, for the millionth time. And I promise you, we will never, ever, _ever, _be like that, so keep your mouth shut, Twerp." She leaned over and punched Inuyasha in the arm, her cheeks still on fire. "Have you talked to her yet?"_

_Maybe he really shouldn't have done this. Kagome was just depressing him with her questions. But he sighed anyway, shaking his head._

"_And why's that?" Inuyasha spoke up. "You're not chicken, are you?"_

"_I…I don't really know what to say, I guess," he answered truthfully, his eyes going downcast with disappointment._

"_You know what's wrong?" Kagome asked him, her voice volumes softer. "You're _scared. _If you really like the girl, talk to her, Souta. That's the only way. Staring at her and talking about her to your friends and other people really won't get you anywhere. Be brave for once and tell the girl how you feel. I'm sure she'll feel the same."_

_Inuyasha smirked, his voice almost taunting. "Your sister's right, Twerp. You've got to show her how you feel. Stop being such a pussy and-"_

_Inuyasha growled and covered his puppy ears when he received a smack upside his head from his sister._

"_Inuyasha!" she scolded him, crossing her arms. "God, he's only _nine_! You could at least be a little bit more aware of your language when he's around, you baka!"_

_Before Inuyasha could call her a bitch, which was a usual thing that made him laugh most of the time, which was something he unfortunately knew about that Mama would kill him if she knew that he knew, he spoke up. "Uh, sis? How do you know if you really, really like this person, like, uh, for sure?"_

_There was silence in the room, and he almost regretted asking the question when he saw Kagome fold her hands together, a dreamy look fogging up her eyes. His sister was a creep. "I don't know, Souta. But I guess it's when you realize it's something about that particular someone. I guess it's something that makes you feel like you're about to fall. Or turn to pure liquid, or completely burst into flames. And then, you get this nice, fluttery feeling in your stomach. It's a really good feeling. You probably recognize it if you really like her. It's called _butterflies_."_

_He was looking between his big sister and his hero, now. Inuyasha was looking at her, and he thought about people falling in love with other people when they were completely unaware in their small moments and when they thought no one was really looking at them. He, as Inuyasha, also knew there was something beautiful about a person who's lost in thought, daydreaming, twirling a stand of hair between their fingers or even that person looking at someone else._

"_Just talk to her, Souta. What's the worst that can happen? You can do this, I know you can." Kagome spoke after finally snapping out of her dreamland. Inuyasha was still staring at her, a strange look on his face. So Souta smirked to himself, his brain already formulating a plan, even if it grossed him out._

"_Uh, sis?" Souta asked before she could kick him out of her room, probably to finish up studying with Inuyasha trying his best to annoy her._

"_What else, Souta?" Kagome asked him, her voice still soft. It was as if she'd been thinking about someone…_

_He smiled._

"_So, what if I want…what if I want to, you know, um, kiss this girl? How do you kiss?" He was trying his best to hold in his laughter as he watched his sister's eyes get wide and her cheeks go red. He looked over to Inuyasha to see him froze, looking away from Kagome before muttering a small 'feh', leaning back on the bed coolly, resting his hands on the back of his head and stretching himself out as if he owned this room. But still, his tan cheeks had a tint of red colored on them._

"_Souta," Kagome said, but not before clearing her throat. "I wish I could help you, but, uh, I'm really not sure about what to do with your _problem_, Squirt."_

"_But I saw you and Inuyasha together! Could you two show me how it's done? You two knew _exactly _what to do!" Souta exclaimed, laughter threatening to spill from his mouth when he heard Inuyasha choke, his cheeks getting redder, and when Kagome's whole face turned aflame and when her eyes turned murderous._

"_Get out of here, both of you! Leave _now!_" his sister raged, pushing both him and Inuyasha out of the room, threatening to do horrible things to both of them if they didn't leave at this moment. And then, her bedroom door slammed loudly in both of their faces, and Inuyasha refused to look at him._

_It was definitely worth it._

**End of Flashback.**

It certainly wasn't a nice feeling. Kagome had lied to him, and more than anything, he felt incredibly _stupid_, knowing she didn't feel the same.

She was looking at him, her eyes expectant, and he realized he hadn't said anything and he realized that she had probably thought of him as a freak for as long as they knew each other.

"I, uh, I-I'm-" he was definitely a failure. He felt like one in this moment more than he ever had in his whole life. He couldn't even say her name without stuttering. But before he knew it, Mama was smiling at Hitomi even wider, opening her mouth to speak for her dazed son.

"When he gets home, he'll probably be home for about one week and a half. But you know, you can come visit him anytime you want. I'm sure he'd _love _that, Hitomi." Mrs. Higurashi said, her smile still brilliant as her son nearly cowered under the covers again.

He watched in fascination as Hitomi blushed bright red and opened her mouth only to close it. She brought a hand up, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear while she smiled widely, her eyes glistening in the morning light. He had to remind himself that she was just Hitomi, the girl from his class that he really, really liked, and not a goddess.

"Uh, um…okay then, Souta. I-I'll stop by and visit as soon as I can." Hitomi told him, and then, she was walking towards him, and he was still watching her, still fascinated. She refused to actually look him in the eyes, and his heart was beating faster and he had no idea of what she was going to do.

And then, he felt her soft lips against his cheek. When she pulled away from him very swiftly, the cold air hit the spot and he wanted her lips right there again, right there to keep him warm. His mouth fell agape and he stared up at her, watching as her face turned as red as he'd ever seen it.

Her eyes held onto his for a while, and then, they went wide with realization of what she'd done and she began to swiftly walk away, walking as fast as her legs could carry her. Souta didn't know what it was that made him call out her name.

"Hey, Hitomi, wait!" his words surprised Mrs. Higurashi, but they surprised himself the most. A sudden hope filled him to the brink, and he needed to say something, something to let her know that she wasn't the only one feeling this weird things that his sister called butterflies. "H-Hitomi…" he paused a while when she looked back at him, cheeks still red and eyes still wide. "Y-you look really…pretty…today. I-I just…I wanted you to know."

Her face seemed to turn redder, and a smile took place on her pretty lips. And he knew she wasn't embarrassed anymore. "I…uh, well, thank you, Souta. You look pretty good yourself. Um, I-I'll see you soon…hope you feel better!"

Then, she rushed out of the room, not waiting for any response and he smirked to himself. So this time, he hadn't been a failure. He stuttered, sure, but she couldn't say much because she had done the same thing. Pride ran through him and he wasn't afraid to show it or feel it. But then again, there was his mother and her big mouth.

"So, this is the girl you like," Mrs. Higurashi said, ruffling his hair. "She's a pretty one. Will I be having more grandchildren soon? I'd like to think so."

At this, his face reddened again and this time, he really did hide under the sheet. "God, Mom, we're only _twelve_! Gross!"

He heard his Mama laughing, and he was still under the sheets with a racing heart, a reddened face, a big smile, and little, stupid giggles threatening to fall from his mouth.

**XXXxxxXXX**

She woke up to the feeling of someone's lips against hers. Her first instinct was to punch whoever the intruder was, but when she opened her eyes, she almost screamed. His body was heavy atop of hers, and she didn't really know what was going on. His hand was on her stomach, caressing the bump that rested there and she could feel him smirking against her mouth.

Inuyasha.

She pushed him off of her, rolling over so that she was on top of him, a smile daring to break through the angry façade she'd put on. She pinned his arms above his head, looking down at him with pride and her heart thundering in her chest. It wasn't a dream.

"And just what exactly did you think you were doing, kissing me in my sleep like that?" she asked, giggles threatening to break through.

He simply smirked up at her and shrugged, his eyes glistening in the sun that poured through the window. "I missed you. And no matter what I did, you wouldn't wake up, and I kinda wanted to see those beautiful eyes. Duh, Kagome." He told her, rolling his eyes.

With that, she molded her body against his, sighing softly at the contact. Maybe it was because she hadn't been touched by him in a week, but mainly because she hadn't seen him for a week and she missed him dearly. So she smiled as she kissed him, slowly and steadily, still on top of him and reaching a hand up to run her slender fingers through that silky hair she had missed feeling.

When she rolled off of him, laying a head on his chest to hear his heart racing, too, she relished in the realization that she had made him just as breathless as she was. There was a comfortable silence among them, and tears nearly formed in her eyes. But she looked up at him, the man she loved, and she smiled. He didn't ask because he knew why those tears had begun to fog up her eyes.

She was too tired to hit him. So instead, she spoke. "You baka, where _were _you? I missed you."

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "I missed you too, Kagome. But I told you I was coming back. I _always _come back."

She sat up, her eyes scanning over his body, over his face. His eyes were still closed, so she allowed her fingers to trail over his skin. His shirt was stained with blood, and she felt her heart dropping. She raised his shirt up, gasping when she saw his wounds. Even though they looked better than what she expected they had looked like fresh, she was still worried. Her touches were light, almost featherlike, but he was still groaning out from that simple, light contact.

She really did want to hit him. Because what if he had left for good, never came back? What if he was murdered and she would've never known? What would she do? What would she do about the kid that was taking up the space in her growing belly?

"C'mon," she stated, grabbing an arm and lifting him up from the bed. "They need cleaned. Whoever covered those wounds didn't cover all of them. I'm worried, Inu. You need a bath, so get up."

So she got up, quickly led him to the bathroom, surprised that he wasn't protesting. When she was finished setting the water to hot, he lifted up his hands for her, and slowly and carefully, she took off the blood-stained shirt, tossing it in the hamper and reminding herself to wash it for him later.

She cupped a cheek, forcing him to look at her. "I don't want you doing anything today. Or the rest of the week. You've got to listen to me, Inuyasha. We can talk about all this shit later, but right now, you need rest and I'll be damned if you don't obey me. You got that?"

He knew exactly what she was doing. She was toughening herself up so she wouldn't cry, so she wouldn't break down. There was fear in her eyes, and he hoped that she knew he never meant to hurt her, and he hoped she would listen to the truth and understand him. He wanted to tell her now, get all this shit off his mind.

She unbuckled his belt, throwing it somewhere on the floor and bringing down his pants, along with his boxers. So there he stood naked, looking at her expectantly as she looked back at him. He grabbed her, pulling her into him before sliding a hand up her shirt, feeling her stomach, his hand resting on the bump that was still forming. He kissed her on her temple, letting her know how much he'd missed her and his kid. "Don't leave, Kagome."

She looked up at him and nodded, letting him pull her shirt over her head, undress her like a lover would. He kissed her where their child lay, kissed her forehead, and he was gentle in everything he did. And she felt herself melting into him, falling into him because god, she'd missed him.

They were so naked and oh so crazy. He pressed her tight against his figure, kissing her over and over again. "Kagome, just promise me that you didn't put any girly shit into that tub, or else, I refuse to step in."

She giggled at his words, smiling brilliantly. Taking his hand, she pulled him along with her, letting him in first. He sat there, his legs cross, and she got in, tangling her legs with his. "Can I explain?" He asked, his voice a little husky.

She smiled a little. "No. I don't want any answers right now. I'm just glad you're safe."

He leaned forward, kissing her forehead, letting the hot water soothe his sore muscles.

"Thank you, Kagome," he told her. "Thank you for everything."

She cupped his cheek once more, scooting closer to him and placing damp kisses on his shoulder, trying to soothe some of his pain. At least she hoped she could. He was definitely healing her pain. Her mood had lightened amazingly, and somehow, she felt like the life inside of her seemed to be fluttering. It wasn't just butterflies. "You don't have to thank me for anything."

So they sat there, a comfortable silence resting between them as she pressed her naked body as close as she could to his, his shoulder still in her mouth and her hand on his cheek while he carelessly ran his fingers through her hair. She didn't realize it, but tears ran down her cheeks, but she kept her eyes closed and kept holding him as if he'd disappear if she didn't hold him tight enough.

He held her the same way. She pulled away briefly, taking her time to ran her hand along his chest and abdomen, just ghosting over those horrible wounds. She frowned as she did so, biting her lip when she heard him groan in pain.

"I'll dress them for you again. I have to. They look bad, Yash. Really, really bad," she bit down on her lip hard, her brown eyes catching his gold. "How'd you get them? What the _hell _were you doing?"

"There was business to attend to, Kagome. How else was I supposed to keep you safe? I was training." He told her simply, cupping her cheek and forcing her to look at him when she tried to look away.

She shook her head to herself, standing up a little to quickly so that she almost lost her balance. When she felt his hand on her arm, trying to pull her back and figure out what he'd done wrong, she jerked away from him, sauntered over to the cabinet and threw a towel around her body, and then stormed off.

He stood up a little too quickly, groaning at the pain of his wounds as he walked over to get a towel for himself. Didn't she know this was all for _her _and the kid she was carrying?

Once again, her heaviness sunk him deep down under him and he felt what she felt. She sat there on her bed, staring blankly but worry evident in her eyes. And he wanted nothing more than to swoop her up in his arms and promise her that she'd be okay, that everything and everyone would be okay, but he didn't know anything and he'd never felt more worthless.

So he hesitantly walked over towards her, a sudden pain in his chest as he watched her. No, she wasn't crying. She wasn't raging on and on and on. She just sat there, looking extremely blank and apathetic with a hand on the bump that rested on her stomach. She looked up at him, watching him as he neared closer to her.

"You're really an idiot, Yash," she said to him as she looked away. "I would be lost without you. Matter-of-fact, I would _disappear _without you. I was so worried when I woke up that morning and you weren't there that I nearly had a nervous breakdown. All because of you. Those wounds are pretty deep. _We_," she told him, rubbing the bump on her stomach once for an emphasize, "could have lost you.

"I would have never let that happen," he told her as he sat down beside of her, wincing at the pain that ran through him without any mercy. "If you really want the truth, I was training for you. We all need to be strong." He gave her a small smile and she laid back, looking at him expectantly. "We'll talk about who I was training with later on, maybe tomorrow. You look tired, Kagome. Get some rest. Also, there's someone I want you to meet tomorrow."

She raised a brow at his words before reaching up to cup a cheek, leaning up just a bit so she could smash her lips against his. He fell softly against her, careful of his wounds, and with caution, she climbed atop of him, kissing him again until she was panting and until their arousal filled the air.

But still, she was tired. So tired and she didn't no why. But she wanted him. She wanted him inside of her and she wanted him to finally make her his. She wanted him so much.

Their towels had fallen away, so it was just skin against skin and Inuyasha didn't seem to mind. He kissed her again heavily before finally pulling away for good, the sound of her panting feeling his ear.

"Rest, Kagome. I missed you, too," he chuckled a little, and being too tired to even glare at him, she complied and laid herself down beside him, taking his hand in hers after pulling the sheets over them.

"Who am I supposed to meet tomorrow, Yash?" she asked him, her voice soft.

"It's a surprise, wench. Now really, get some rest. You're tired. You were up all night waiting for me, anyway. I'll wake you up later on this afternoon. Sleep." He told her, his voice a whisper.

"Yash…your wounds…" she tried, but he interrupted.

"They're fine. Remember, I'm a half demon, wench. I'll dress them myself. I'll be okay," he reassured her, kissing her temple and running his fingers through that long, raven hair again.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" she asked, her eyes closing.

"I'll always be here, stupid. I love you, Kagome," he told her.

It should have been a big moment where she jumped into his arms, cried and declared that she loved him, too. But she was too weary to do any of those things. But still, he found himself smiling when he seen a wide smile on her face, those perfect teeth of hers showing and her cheeks turning red.

It hadn't been a hard thing to say, really. After all, he expected that she already knew.

"I love you too, Yash. Thank you."

Instead of kissing him hard on the lips, she kissed a red cheek and he held her till she couldn't keep her eyes open, until she felt warm and sated and finally _safe_.

**A/N: I've been busy with school, sorry guys. Anyway, didn't get much reviews on the last chapter. Hmm, you know, reviews are the only thing that keeps a girl writing! So review, please. Feedback is always lovely.**

**This chapter didn't end the exact way I wanted it too, cause honestly, my ass is too lazy and too tired to do a better job. But at least he finally said he loves her! **

**Anyway, hope to see you guys again soon. Love you all, and thanks for all the reviews so far.**


	22. Bravery

**A/N: This goes out to any girl who's reading this story, any girl who's ever had a relationship like Inuyasha and Kagome. It's not that important, but if there's anyone out there who's reading, I want to tell you guys something, and I wanted to tell you that you're not alone.**

**I never thought that my story would become my reality. And no, I'm not pregnant or anything, I just got involved with the wrong guy. He's completely different from Inuyasha (haha), but still. **

**Never forget that you can be better, that you ****deserve**** to be better. I got my heart broken so badly by this guy before, and my infatuation went on for three, almost four whole years. Anyway, I finally got my shit together and realized that he didn't love me. I was happier and I was enjoying life and yeah, I'll always love him, but there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. This boy destroyed me so badly I thought I'd never be able to smile again. And then this other guy came into my life recently, and I was an idiot to think he wanted anything more than sex. So we fooled around behind his girl's back. He's now telling me he doesn't want to date me, and honestly, all he wants is sex. When I fell out of love with the guy before, I thought that to be completely happy and to make sure that I'd never look at his face again, I'd have to find another guy. So I did. Every time he kissed me, wrapping his arms around me, I melted and my world fell apart, and I'm a light-weight, I fall easily and one word could shake up my whole world, turn it upside down.**

**He told me all of these sweet things. And it hurts when I look at him and it hurts when I don't. I've been broken before, so I thought I could deal with this, cause I got these cuts on my arms to prove it, but I don't do that anymore. But you know, I'm stronger than that, and that's all because of this old guy I used to love. So when I got involved with this new guy, I thought to myself, 'no one gets to call me a whore, and I make no apologies for how I choose to repair what this old jerk destroyed.' Listen, I was right. **

**Girls, don't ever let anyone call you a whore. And I know the road gets rough and the sky gets jumpy and you feel like all of this shit is falling on top of you. But everyday is a new day, and it just proves that you're stronger than you were the day before. Oh god, it hurts. But it's not so bad. I've realized that pain makes and unmakes you, it shakes you up and breaks your heart wide open so some other kind of love can get in. No one stays forever. Maybe that's the truth, maybe it's not. But if any of you girls or guys meet someone that wants to stay forever, open your heart and open your arms and let them in. We're all beautiful. We're all so strong. And none of us are whores. Like I said, no one has to make apologies for how they choose to repair what some jerk broke. We are love. We're all so fucking brave. We can all be better, we all deserve to be better. So don't go through your months and years ashamed and sad. You be happy, even if it hurts to smile.**

**I promise every single one of you that things will get better. Don't you ****ever**** give up. We are what we make. We're the ones who destroy ourselves, but we also can repair ourselves. Someone out there loves you for you. And mistakes are what life is made up of. You'll get broken one day, I can't promise you that you won't. But remember, you're so strong. You're beautiful. Every single girl out there is. ****Please don't give up.**

She figured it all out while he was sleeping, while he held her in his arms so tightly that she thought she'd break. He was created for her, molded for her possibly. The sun was breaking in now, and she hadn't missed a thing. She'd stayed up all night, snuggling into him tighter when she heard him whimper in his deep sleep, and she pressed herself tight against him when he tossed and turned during the night. Because if he had have drowned over the night in those horrible nightmares he was having, she vowed that she'd bring him back to life.

She was so lucky, just lucky to have someone who made it hard to say goodbye. To have someone who'd hold her tight throughout the whole night, just to have someone who made all of this shit a bit easier. Over the night, she'd felt like crying. But she had decided, all alone and all by herself, that if he woke from those nightmares to see her crying, it would only hurt him and those nightmares of his would become reality. When she looked at those wounds splayed across his strong body, her eyes watered and she wanted to kill the horrible people who'd given him these ugly, painful things. But instead, she found herself rubbing his back softly, her delicate fingers stroking across his cheeks as his face twisted up into some kind of painful expression.

She decided that she was devoted to trying not to cry. If he woke to that sight, it'd only worry him, so through the night when she felt her hair being pulled by the stars and felt her body completely restless, she decided that she'd blink those tears away and clench her teeth and swallow even if her throat didn't want to close, and she'd look up at him and smile.

But he was still sleeping. And he probably would be for a while. Throughout that tough night, her delicate phalanges with pale skin stretched over the bones longed to run through his hair, to touch his face and sooth him. So that was exactly what she'd done. And it had worked. He continued to have fits of tossing and turning, but as soon as she touched him, as soon as she stroked him, he seemed calm and reposed.

And now, she was calm, too. She breathed him in, breathed everything in. She wouldn't sleep because she'd die a little inside if she woke to find him gone. So she made sure he was here with her and feeling safe. And she was still deeply inhaling his scent through her nose. He was the smell before the rain. He was so close. He could make or unmake her. Inuyasha Takahashi was everything.

And even in the midst of all the terrible things that were happening, she knew that terrible things could _save _you.

She didn't know how much longer she stayed there, listening to the sound of his beating heart and his soft breathing. It must've been two more hours or so, and then he was shifting in her arms, his hands searching out for her. And then, he opened his weary eyes and she smiled, cause that was all she could do to keep herself from falling apart.

That's what you do. You look up the one who loves you and you _smile_.

When he spoke, he sounded so tired, so broken. "We made it through the night, wench…" he trailed off, and despite being extremely worn, he pulled her tighter against him and ran a hand through her mass of black hair. "I promise we'll be okay no matter what, Kagome."

She didn't have to say a thing. All she had to do was snuggle closer to him, if possible, relishing in the moment with him as he held her close, tucked her away just like that, as he ran his fingers through her hair and pressed his lips against her forehead again and again and again, showing that he was grateful for having her, and grateful for her acceptance, grateful for her carrying his kid, despite the hell she went through with it.

Everything was so extremely silent, but so extremely comfortable. She took his hand and laced it with hers, kissing it gently. "You know you can never leave me alone like that again, right, Yasha?" she breathed softly. "Your kid hates it just as much as I do. It's like I can feel it when your hurt. It's like he can feel it too. And what emanates from him brings me down even more. It hurts, you know? Please, not again-"

He silenced her with a kiss, and she felt her cheeks heat up. Maybe from frustration because he wouldn't let her finish the words that he needed to here, the words that would _possibly_, _hopefully _make him stay, or maybe it was because she missed him, she missed _this_.

Eventually, she relaxed and let him do as he pleased. She moaned slightly, turning her head and lifting it slightly so she could show him what she wanted, so she could show him what she'd been thinking about for the longest time. She looked straight into amber eyes, and those amber eyes looked straight back at her brown ones, and she saw hesitancy flash for just a second. His eyes were darkening and it reminded her of the lust she missed so much. And she wanted him right now, in this very moment. She wanted him to finish what he had started, she wanted to be _whole _with him.

He kissed her neck gently, bit the delicate skin, but not hard enough to break skin. She felt herself getting red and hot from frustration again, and she almost wanted to shove him off her, scream what she wanted into his face so maybe he'd get a better _understanding_.

But he continued kissing her neck so she did nothing but give in, buck against him, and moan softly, her moans and his heavy breathing cutting through the peaceful silence that was surrounding them. He suckled her neck, making sure to run his tongue languidly over where he had softly bitten, make it all better with a kiss.

She lost it when he trailed kisses down her collarbone, only to bite into her shoulder _softly_.

She pushed him away gently, frowning deeply as he looked at her with confusion. She sat up, still breathing heavily and still dazed. And then, she turned to look at him and got the guts to tell him exactly what she wanted.

"You know exactly what I want, Yash. It's hard being away from you like this. I feel _everything _when you're away, and so does your kid. Things won't change much. We'll just feel…more together, more whole than we've ever felt while we're together," he was looking at her with that stupid smirk, but she continued on, still frustrated. "Listen, I love you. You said you love me. You're the only one I want to be with forever, until the end if there's such a thing as an end when it comes to us."

He didn't say a thing, so she stood, crossing her arms over a constantly growing tummy.

"I watched you all night. You were tossing and turning and whimpering in your sleep. I wanted to cry. But I want to show you that I'm stronger than that, and that I can deal with all of this bullshit. Whether it be finding out the truth, even if I'm not sure that I accept it yet, whether it be carrying your kid, even though it's like a living hell. I love him anyway. I can deal with all this. Yash," she took a step closer to where he sat, and he looked up at her with a goofy smile, "Yasha, I _love _you. I've loved you ever since I met you, baka, and I'm ready. I'm telling you I am, I'm telling you the truth so don't you dare, for not even one second, think that all of this is insubstantial. Yeah, I can get pretty pathetic when you're not around. And yeah, this kid makes me sick to my guts and most of the time I'm scared to eat, but I do it because this kid is something you gave me, and no matter what happens, I know that for the rest of my life, I'll be a mother and god, I _love _him _so _much and I don't even know him - or her, yet, but this kid's a gift. Yasha, I love you, I do, I really do. And I'm ready for _anything_."

He still wasn't saying a damn thing, but he still had that damned goofy smile curving his lips upward, and her face reddened in anger and she let out a growl, almost ready to turn away, walk away from it all. But before she could swing her bedroom door open, he gripped her wrist tightly and turned her around to face him. His eyes were filled with things she couldn't decipher and she was taken aback, especially when he ferociously pulled her into him, his breath warm on her ear and her heart beating wildly and oddly, his beating wildly, too.

"You make things so difficult, Kagome. I had…_preparations_. Yeah, I hadn't got the damn ring yet, and Miroku didn't exactly know what I was planning, and actually, just one person knew. And I didn't want you to think I was only doing this because you were having my kid or anything, but I wanted you to _know _that I love you _and _my kid so much that I'd die for both of you, but I won't ever leave you alone with all this bullshit." Inuyasha trailed off for a moment, and when he got down on one knee, Kagome was taken aback again, her eyes widening and she was paralyzed in something that was close to fear, but she wasn't sure. All she could do was listen to him and the beating of her heart, and look down at him as if he was crazy. He cleared his throat, crimson taking over his cheeks before he continued.

"You see, I don't really plan things at all. And I know I _really suck _at these kinds of things, but I've loved you forever, too, koibito, and I'm _sorry _I didn't realize it soon enough. I'm sorry for all I've put you through. I'm sorry for being a terrible boyfriend, or whatever you and Sango called me, over these three, almost four…I think, years, but I'm here now and I'll make you happy no matter what, and for every time I've ever made you cry, I promise I can make up for that. You see, you're my lifeline, my best friend, my lover, all at the same time. You don't let go of people like that. It was obvious to everyone but me. I've always loved you, wench. Be my wife, be my mate, give me more brats if you want. That's fine with me. I love you, Kagome Higurashi. Always will. I know I don't have a ring yet, and I know a lot of stuff is going on, but I'm yours and that's it forever. Marry me."

She could've passed out, she could've demanded that he stopped playing around. But looking down into his eyes, all she saw was sincerity. So she closed her eyes and furiously shook her head, emotions bubbling over and her stomach in knots and she tried to swallow, but her throat didn't want to close. And when she tried to open her mouth to speak, she _couldn't_. All that came out was a sob, a whimper, and she heard him sigh deeply and pull himself up, his hands on her hips, and she _felt _how close he was, but she still couldn't open her eyes.

"_Kagome_," the way he said her voice emphasized all of the emotion he was feeling, too. "Kagome, open your eyes. This isn't a joke and I only want you. Forever. I promise. Please say _yes_ before you make me feel like a complete fool. _I love you_."

His lips were close. They pressed ever so softly against hers, and she whimpered against him, hands on his chest and both hearts beating incredibly fast. He kissed her with all he felt, and she kissed him with all she felt, too. And right then and there, right as he gripped the back of her thighs and carefully hooked her legs around his waist, right as she ran those slender fingers through his mane of silver hair, right as he clumsily began carrying her to the bed to lay her down and show her just how she made him feel, he knew a few things.

Her answer was yes.

Kagome had forgave him long ago for all of the things he'd put her through.

She was his _forever_.

He was kissing her long and hard, extremely happy. And he wanted to have his way with her right now, even more so as she tried to lift his shirt over his head, but he stopped her, giving her a soft smile as he reluctantly pulled away from her.

"What -" Kagome started, confused, only for him to interrupt her.

"You know that person I said you needed to meet?" Inuyasha asked her, rolling over beside her and lacing her fingers through his. "We can't forget. It's important, and if we start now, we'll get too carried away and I hate starting something I can't finish with you. If we started, we'd be here for hours. So we need to get ready. Like I said, this person- he's pretty important, wench."

"Can't you tell me more about him, then?" Kagome asked, her thumb stroking against his knuckles.

"Wench-" Inuyasha started, frowning.

"Okay then. I won't ask anymore questions, but I'll answer one of yours," she leaned over, smiling sweetly and whispering into his ear. "A million times yes, Yasha. I love you. _Thank you_."

**XXXxxxXXX**

It was infatuation, she was sure. But god, it seemed much more intensifying with him being away from her like this. And yeah, she was pitiful, maybe. She was stupid, maybe. But that didn't change the fact that she felt what she felt.

She felt stupid, to be honest. She wanted to start a fight with him to feel something, because sometimes, she feared that she wasn't what he wanted at all. And it was pretty dumb to send him endless text messages, long ones, too, if he didn't feel the same. But she was Rin, and she never gave up and she fought for everything she wanted.

She was laying down on bed, her hand squeezing her phone so tightly she was sure it would shatter. But she was waiting. Just waiting. Waiting for her phone to make a sound, waiting for him to say hey or _anything_, waiting for him to start an argument or call her just so she would know her Sesshomaru was safe, just to know that he _cared_.

But then again, she had this problem, this problem where she felt too much. She didn't know whether it was a good or bad thing. Her mind was racing. Her heart, too. Her body was shaking, but she knew that when the road got rough and you started feeling as if the sky would fall on top of your head, you held on. And she knew that when you loved someone, you stuck it the fuck out because that's what you're supposed to do when you love someone.

Love. It was a funny word. Did she even know exactly what it was? She never had parents to love. They died and left her behind and back then, she felt as if the world was swallowing her whole and would later spit her out, sad and lost and confused. There was no mother to teach her compassion, no father to put his arms around her. But she had _friends. _God, she had Kagome and she had Sango and she had Inuyasha. There wasn't many of them, but it was enough for her.

But still, would she ever find this _certain _kind of love that she desperately wanted to find? Yeah, she knew she had amazing friends like Kagome. And she also knew that if someone was to dissect her, they'd find that her friends were a big part of her. But still, she wanted to find that other kind of love, and she wasn't ashamed to say that she wanted a lover _and _a best friend. She was jealous of Kagome sometimes.

Speaking of her, she was worried. She hadn't heard from her in forever it seemed, and now she was feeling bad.

She would see what was going on later, she decided. For right now, she'd lay there feeling as empty as she'd ever felt, thinking over and over again and wishing Sesshomaru was here. Did he have any idea what she felt for him? He had to. He was a demon. He could tell her emotions, he could see what was in her eyes better than anyone else could. He could hear her heart racing, he could feel what she felt. But her emotions weren't enough to drown him or make him feel an ounce of sympathy, because she didn't think she'd ever mean that much to him.

Her phone still hadn't made a sound. The dorm seemed so empty without Kagome. She could hear nothing. Feel nothing. And that was when she sat up, tired of feeling this way, tired of comparing herself to this _Kagura _woman, tired of thinking of her past in that horrible, horrible orphanage, tired of feeling envy over what she didn't have, tired of _everything_.

She had gotten lost for a while. She had forgotten how to smile. But in that moment, sitting up and taking a deep breath and running a hand through her hair, she smiled as wide as she could because she _missed _it.

This is what you do when you love someone. You stick it out. You just stick it the _fuck out _and stay strong and realize that courage isn't always as loud as an earthquake or a war, volcano or tornado or hurricane, it isn't as loud as all the shit you hear inside of your head and it isn't as loud as all of the voices in there screaming failure. In that moment, she realized that courage was sometimes as quiet as the sound of a heart breaking, as quiet as the wind caressing through your hair.

She would try again. After all, she was human and she never ever gave up.

**XXXxxxXXX**

"Bravery," he said, his hand touching her arm and she could feel him smiling, almost see it. She shivered from his touch.

Bravery? Kikyo had definitely been brave before. She had been brave when she had fallen in love with this man, or whoever the hell he was now, and she had been brave when she had slept with the girl's lover behind her back. She had been brave all of her life. She had been brave when he had beat her, when knives were flung towards her, she had been brave when Naraku had wanted her apart of all this bullshit.

He pulled her close. His touch was cold and she wondered how she had taken comfort in him so long ago. He was gripping her throat. There would be more blood on his claws. Could he see? Could he _feel_?

"You're brave, Kikyo, so fucking brave. I'm proud of you," he whispered all of these things to her. "And do you want to know something else? I love you. I love you so much."

He pulled her closer and she was shivering.

"You'll do as I say."

And that was it and it always would be, forever. Just because he had that much power and just because she was shit. She was pure shit and she was nothing else, never nothing more.

Sometimes, she didn't think she needed bravery, especially in small moments of her life. He made her realize that she did.

**XXXxxxXXX**

She couldn't be scared. She loved him and that meant that she trusted him with everything in her, even if it broke her heart in the end.

It was getting dark outside and she had no idea where he was leading her. She was starting to feel cold, but his hand in hers kept her warm, mostly. He walked her slowly, and when she looked over to catch a glimpse of him, he looked serious and almost fearful. He tightened his grip on her hand, jaws clenched together. He was tense.

He caught her staring and a slow smile started on her lips as she held onto his hand tighter. "I trust you." She told him, and it was as simple as that.

Inuyasha gave a nervous smirk back, obviously trying to hide how tense he was. She leaned into him, sighing lightly and letting him wrap his strong arm around her waist.

Once again, all she could think about was the day this pregnancy would end. But their child was precious, people had told her so. They would look at her and stare, shake their heads in shame at the thought of her being so young, looking so pregnant, and looking so irresponsible and unaware and unmarried. She was learning to ignore all of that, though. She was having a child with someone she loved, and her family was there for her, too, and the father. So finally, she had started to become a bit more comfortable with the changes in her body. No more baggy hoodies and sweatpants. She dressed how she wanted, even if her growing belly showed.

After all, Inuyasha didn't seem to mind. And she was slowly beginning to realize that barefoot, first thing in the morning, she felt surrounded with beauty, just because he accepted her love, just because he was _here_ and just because he _cared_ and just because she never thought she could simply brighten someone's day by loving them with all of her heart.

His grip on her tightened, and suddenly, a low growl erupted from deep within his chest and she froze, eyes going wide as she wondered what sort of tragedy would happen next.

"Yasha?" she asked ever so quietly, heart rate speeding up.

Inuyasha was quiet at first, and suddenly she realized that she felt someone was around. She was still frozen to spot, her hand squeezing the life out of his and vice versa. Suddenly, he was pulling her behind him, and suddenly, her mind was racing.

"Stop thinking the worst, Kagome," Inuyasha finally said quietly to her. The only thing that could be heard in the dark of the night was their harsh breathing, and the beating of hearts. "He's here," he finally told her. "He wants to speak to you and he doesn't want me around when he does. You trust me, right?"

Kagome eagerly nodded her head, the sound of her wildly beating heart blocking out any sense at all. "I trust you with my life."

And that was the truth and that was all he needed.

He pulled her close to him, kissing her slow and sweet like the way he used to hurt her. He pulled away, his forehead touching hers and his panting in her ear. He kissed her forehead, and she closed her eyes, her heart slowing down as she looked up into his eyes. "Promise me that if _anything_ goes wrong, you'll call for me. Promise me, Kagome. I'm not playing."

She nodded again and closed her eyes, finding it quite hard to speak. "Like I said, I trust you and I _promise_."

When she opened her eyes, Inuyasha was gone and so was his heat and every other feeling he'd left her with, and the shadows seemed to be moving and the wind seemed to blow a bit harder and the moon seemed to shine a bit brighter, and that was when she saw him.

At first, she thought all of this was a joke. It had to be. But the man stepped closer to her. His features were harder than Inuyasha's. His eyes were more narrowed, they were brighter. He stood tall and proud, that same smirk on his face, though. He was big, his muscles strong and his eyes warmer than Sesshomaru's, cooler than Inuyasha's. His hair was long, long, long, flowing past his waist. He had pride in every step he took and he was smiling at her, his eyes glancing down at her slightly protruding belly.

There were no bad vibes about this man. Looking at him, she felt as if she could fall into his arms, have him be her protector and she was instantly drawn to him, completely enticed. She took a step closer, one hand reaching out and one laying protectively over her belly where her child rested inside of her womb just in case. There was no change in her child's aura. If anything, she suddenly felt lightened, she suddenly felt safe even though she couldn't _see_ Inuyasha, only feel him.

He was still smiling at her, but that didn't stop her from being cautious. She didn't know why, but she felt safe.

His voice was unlike any other she'd ever heard. It wasn't soft, no, not like Sesshomaru's. His voice was gruff like his youngest son's voice, but it had a soft tone underneath it, a tone of experience and wisdom and kindness and if it wasn't Inuyasha's and Sesshomaru's father, she didn't know who the hell it was. It had to be. "Kagome."

Her eyes widened in realization. This man was the one Inuyasha claimed to hate, the one that he said he'd never miss. This man was the reason, this man was the big influence in Inuyasha's life. An influence to be a better father, and suddenly, Kagome felt so extremely thankful for him.

She stepped closer despite the tenseness Inuyasha showed earlier, despite the fact that he talked down about his father so many times. She rested a hand on his rough cheek, eyes still wide, but her heart calm and steady and strong. That was how this man made her feel. He made her feel strong, he made her feel brave. She looked up into his eyes, narrowing hers slightly.

"Inu no Taisho, huh? I've heard plenty about you." Kagome said and then she swallowed even though her throat didn't want to close. After all, Inuyasha had never said that he was dead. Here he was, real, eyes shining with _life_ under the moonlight, and he was not insubstantial, none of this was insubstantial. He took her hand in hers, and she wanted to know everything.

"He was right," Inu no Taisho spoke in that voice that made her feel so extremely safe. "You're beautiful. And you're glowing, just as you should be. Motherhood is a nice look on you, Kagome."

Her eyes narrowed to slits and she backed away a bit. "How much do you know? How much did Inuyasha tell you? What _do _you know?"

"Inuyasha…" Inu no Taisho chuckled a bit and Kagome rubbed her belly, not forgetting to be cautious. "Inuyasha chose well. Why hasn't he marked you?"

She winced. "Don't answer my question with one of yours, Taisho. You most likely have answers and I wanted them."

The man nodded slowly, and Kagome looked at him in amazement. She wanted to be tough, she didn't want to let her guard down. But this man suddenly felt like he was family, and the baby resting in her womb didn't seem to have any problem with that. Her stomach wasn't churning, and her baby still wasn't giving off any strange auras around this man. He had those eyes that made it easy to trust him…just like Inuyasha. How could Inuyasha have hated a man like this? Were all those things he said just to keep from missing him? He looked like an amazing father, an amazing, wise man. Those stripes on his cheeks made him seem dangerous, but those eyes made him seem so kind, so trusting.

"I don't know everything." Inu no Taisho told her simply.

Kagome growled, suddenly frustrated and Taisho was taken aback. "Tell me what you _do _know then. Yeah, I'm a priestess, I get that. And the kid's father is half-demon, yeah, I get that, too. But what makes my baby so special? What makes _me _so special? I don't feel so special. Not once in my life have I felt or discovered any of these powers. I'm just a normal girl. My baby should be normal, too. I don't get it. I have something Naraku wants, apparently, and so does this kid. But they won't take him away. I'll do anything in my power not to let that happen."

Taisho nodded, looking at her with kind eyes filled with sympathy as he watched her eyes fill with tears. As soon as the tears started, they stopped. He watched as his soon-to-be daughter-in-law gritted her teeth and fiercely wiped away the tears from her cheeks. Very quickly he began to understand that Inuyasha had chosen the best. He'd chosen a girl with bravery, he'd chosen a warrior that would never give up, mortal or immortal. He couldn't lie to this girl, and he decided it was about time that she knew the truth because she _deserved _it.

"You carry the jewel inside of you, young one. And also, you carry the child of a brave priestess and a fierce half-demon, a Takahashi at that. Our blood…it's rare. And you're strong to be carrying this child despite the possibilities. There's a war going on that may never end. And they see a chance of it all ending if they have what's inside of you. The Shikon jewel, and that powerful child. Bravery. We may all die a thousand times before this war is over, but I know of Naraku and I know of his ways, and this time, he can't have this way. That child could change the world for the better, and that jewel you're carrying could fall into the wrong hands and _that_, darling, could change the world for the worst."

Suddenly, she was angry. Inuyasha hadn't told her, no one had told her. Didn't this put her in danger? Didn't this put their _child _in more danger. She quickly realized how precious the truth really was, and quickly understood the importance of knowing the truth, even if it stabbed her insides and made her heart go haywire. It was meant to be known.

She was crying again, and if possible, that angered her more. Her eyes narrowed, her teeth clenching together as she held a hand tight over her belly and used the other hand to once again angrily wipe away those worthless tears. She might as well save them for a time when she was really gonna need it. She just wish she knew sooner.

"What do I _do_?" she almost cried out desperately. "Make me stronger. Give me all the strength I'll ever need. I'll die for my child, and I'll be _damned _if anyone takes him away from me. Teach me, Taisho."

He looked at her, slightly amused and slightly concerned. The girl was strong, that was for sure. "Inuyasha knows someone who can make you stronger, someone who can prepare you for the worst and for all else that is to come. You'll be safe. Your child is family, and even though you and Inuyasha aren't mated, you're already like family. You have potential. You have bravery. If you didn't think you'd need that in the smallest moments of your life…well, you do."

She nodded, felt his arms as he pulled her close into his chest. Her heart calmed, her mind stopped racing and the squirming baby inside of her belly seemed to calm down. She closed her eyes. Inu no Taisho smelled of earth, water, and trees. Just like Inuyasha. She was safe and he was family, they were _all _family now and that meant they fought together, they loved together, they stayed together, and no one was to be left behind or forgotten.

"Thank you," she murmured into his chest, eyes shut tight.

"Go home and rest, Kagome. You'll need it for your training. I want that child…my _grandchild_…healthy. No stress, no worries. We'll meet again soon, Kagome. Goodbye, and be strong. You'll need it."

And that was that. When she opened her eyes, he was gone and Inuyasha was there.

He didn't ask her any questions, not even when he saw her all tensed up next to him. Her aura and his child's aura, both were calmer than before. So he didn't say a thing as he pulled her close to him, comforting her.

And when they were home, all alone in darkness after they had lost themselves with heaven orbiting around them, with every touch belonging to each sound, the only words that were spoken was "I love you."

And he meant those words more than he'd ever meant anything in his life and he knew that she did, too.

**A/N: Damn, it's been two months. But I've been so busy with life and school that I suddenly just became uninterested in writing, and I honestly don't know when the next chapter will be out. But I'll try. I hope you all can forgive me for being SO extremely late. I meant to have this chapter done by the end of November, but you know, shit happens. A lot of shit. And I'm really just trying to adjust to this seemingly new life of mine. But I'm not giving up. Never, ever that. I'll try to update soon, so please just stick with me guys!**

**Reviews please? Thank you guys so much! (:**


	23. Slow

Two months had passed, and those two months had lasted so long it seemed.

Kaede had told her that the training was going great. The powers that she never even knew she had hadn't ceased to amaze her. It was a scary thing sometimes, mainly because this was something she'd never even experienced before, because this was something entirely new to her.

But still, the training put a lot of stress on her, which wasn't good for her or the baby that was steadily growing inside of her body.

"That's right, Kagome. Just like that…" Kaede continued on, encouraging her.

She concentrated as hard as she could, her eyes crinkled shut and sweat forming on her brow. It was a hot, humid day, and she was cranky and overheated and _mad_, so she took that anger and turned it into something that would protect her and her kid if needed. The hardest part so far had to be the creating of _barriers_.

They were difficult, and they required a lot of concentration and patience, and Kagome wasn't in the mood for either of those two things. But she obeyed Kaede anyway, brows furrowed in concentration and her mind focused only on one thing- her family.

Him actually being in the real world scared her to death. In her womb, he was safe and warm and he was well taken care of. She'd accepted the fact that people really did want to use him, that they would do anything they could to take him from her. But she'd already made up her mind that once he was in her arms, she was _not _letting him go for anything.

She took her anger and concentrated on it as hard as she could, and she turned it into something useful, something that would save her and her kid if they were ever in danger. She could hear Kaede encouraging her in a gentle voice to go on, just to go on, to keep doing it because she was doing _great_.

But she was starting to feel odd. Her body was overheated and her head was starting to feel light, and before she knew it, her whole world went black.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

She couldn't sleep. Every night, these dreams got worse. So she spared herself from the horror of the vivid dreams, kept herself awake and kept her body alert. Miroku was curled next to her side, and it was so late at night. She was so tired, but the trembling of her body and the steady flow of tears wouldn't allow her to sleep.

She felt as if she'd done something horrible. Hell, she really _had_. Was she wrong for trying to choke down the feeling? Should she just let it swallow her whole, spit her out after she had broken completely down, and let her learn from her mistakes? No, she didn't want to feel any more miserable, and she knew her depression would end when it ended her. She wanted to turn this mistake into something positive, but she had no idea how to. The little face inside of her mind, inside of her heart, that little face that used to be inside of her belly, growing and aching for life, would haunt her for days to come not only with love, but with hate, too.

Hate for giving up. Hate for loss. Hate for not being good enough. Hate for not being able to be in this world, experience the things that her and Miroku felt. Hate for not being loved; oh, but she had loved it so much when he or she was inside of her. And if she could speak to this lost child, wandering around so broken with no one caring to notice, she would tell him or her that she loved it more than anything else in the world. She would tell him or her that she'd made a mistake; that she'd tried to protect it, but she ended up killing it in both ways.

Her body was still trembling and she was still choking down sobs, but she let a melancholy smile take over her face and if she could scream all of these things out to the world, she would. But she couldn't. This child, he or she could take her life if it meant that they got a chance to live, to be in the world and within the world and to learn everything as a whole, not part. But she had been scared. Life had roughed her up, made her out into a person she'd never wanted to be.

She remember how she looked when she was about three. She was happy and she'd came out laughing, screaming; she'd came out dancing. And she remembered how she looked when the world had summed her up. She went on and on and on until she became the strong woman that she was today. But she wasn't strong for taking that life away, and she wasn't God. She'd had no right to do that.

She wanted to turn her thoughts off. They were so loud that Miroku could probably hear them.

She choked. Fuck. She paused, putting a hand on her heart as if she could stop the loud beating. Miroku shifted next to her, pulled her closer, burying his face into her long hair. But she had woke him, she knew that much.

She stayed as silent as possible, her heart still beating wildly as she waited for him to speak.

"You're thinking about it again, aren't you?" he asked her, his voice tired and worn. Had he been dreaming about it?

"How in the world can I not, Miroku?" she asked him, turning away from him. "I-I'm not God. I had no right to do that, you know? We're supposed to live our lives so well that we made death tremble at the thought of taking us, and I didn't let our kid experience that. I-I never gave him that chance. I played God. And…it's so wrong, Miroku. It's so sad. I can see it, I can _feel _it. Our kid's gonna haunt me forever. It's killing me."

"Sango, you loved it, that matters, doesn't it? I bet our kid could feel that love. It was a mistake. Maybe a big one, but shouldn't you know the most about mistakes? We've got to sail towards disaster, towards the unknown to go to bigger and greater places. You should know about this. He or she will probably live longer than us, and never fade away." He sat up and pulled her into his arms while she quieted her sobs. His arms went about her, his lips pressing against her neck.

He was simply amazing. He was simply incredible. She closed her eyes, relaxing and her heart beat slowing down considerably as he continued to work magic on her. "You wanna try again?" he asked her softly, still kissing her neck and his hands venturing. Her eyes opened wide, and she froze.

She was suddenly scared, suddenly anxious. "It might not happen _ever _again, Miroku…"

"We can try and try and try again. There's fun in trying, you know. And plus, I've got faith."

She smiled, her face damp with tears as she closed her eyes again and wrapped her arms tight around him. "God, I love you. I love you more than anything, Miroku."

**XXXXXXXXXX**

She awoke from the most wonderful dream, and for a second, she had thought it was real.

Her eyes opened, quickly adjusting to her surroundings. She sat up a little too quickly, making her head throb. She heard the crackling of a fire outside of the tent she was in. Something smelled good, and she could hear a heavy, rough female voice, and her heart returned to its normal beating when she recognized the voice as Kaede's. And then she heard Inuyasha, who sounded quite angry.

And then she remembered everything that had happened. She had passed out, concentrating so hard on her anger to turn it into something positive. Her heart sped up again as she rested a hand on her stomach, closed her eyes and prayed to God that he was okay, as she prayed to God that Inuyasha wouldn't be too angry with her.

But it was obviously already too late for that. Kaede was trying to calm him down outside of the tent, and Inuyasha was mouthing back to her, his voice angry and gruff and unforgiving. But how could he be that mad? All she wanted to do was protect _their _baby. How could he be that mad.

"I've told you a million times that the child is fine, Inuyasha. So is the baby. She can't help the fact that she only wants to protect her child, and she's trying extremely hard. Couldn't you at least be a bit more grateful?" Kaede asked him softly.

"Fuck, she blacked out, Kaede! Why were you pushing her so hard? Why was she pushing herself so hard? What if she hurts the kid and what if she hurts herself and ends up hurting them both? What the fuck am I supposed to do then, huh? Do you know what they mean to me? What if I had lost them?" he was shouting, obviously not regarding the fact that she had been asleep and she wondered how long this had been going on.

"You know well that it was at her own will, Inuyasha. She wanted to protect her family. She wanted it so bad. She just wants to feel useful and she just wants to feel like she's helping you, she wants to feel like she's an aid in this fight, too. And you know what? She is. She's a child of love and she's offering so much of it to you and the child. She's apart of this and you made it that way, and you can't stop her from fighting because that's all she knows how to do at the moment. She only knows how to fight for what she loves. And she loves you and the child more than anything. She wants to be your protector, too." Kaede told him all of these things calmly, and Kagome kept her eyes wide and her ears open, impending on what Inuyasha had to say to all of this.

There was silence at first, and she could feel his anger, she could feel it more than anything. She could feel life moving around inside of her and she took comfort in that.

"Yeah?" she heard him say weakly. "Well, I need no goddamn protection. I'm supposed to be the one protecting her, and somehow, I feel like I've failed, and in this fight, there is no time for failures. I don't need her protection. I didn't need it back when I was a kid and when I was almost killed many times for what I am, for _who _I am. I protect myself and I protect her and the kid because I _love _them. I _need _them Kaede, fuck. She's a human, a bit different from the rest, but she's still human. She's weak, Kaede. Her only job should be sitting at home and taking care of what's growing inside of her, whatever it is, whatever it will turn out to be."

"Inuyasha…" Kaede said, her eyes showing fierceness and her mouth hanging open in surprise at the words he'd said.

He simply waved her off. "I'm gonna go check on her."

He probably should've noticed that she wasn't sleeping by her breathing, but maybe he was too angry as he flung open the tent, ferocity in his eyes. All of it disappeared in just a second as he took in the look on her face, the tears trailing down her cheeks. Why hadn't he smelled them? Why had he said all of those things he didn't mean?

She just sat there looking at him, one hand on her stomach and one hand wiping away the tears he'd caused, but he had promised her he wouldn't cause them again. Fuck, another failure. He was losing count of all the failures he'd made lately. She was just as angry as he was seconds ago, but his eyes were soft now, his heart calming down, his face remorseful while she wore the face he did just minutes ago. He didn't mean anything he'd said. He spoke these horrible words, never knowing what they all could mean. That was his fucking problem.

She hurried to move up, and he couldn't really do much. She bumped his shoulder hard on purpose as she cursed and walk right by him and out of the tent into the warm night air. Mouth still agape, he turned around to watch her for a few seconds before he finally came to his senses and dived forward to grip her arm, to try and make her understand that he'd made another mistake, but he knew she'd already forgiven him way too many times.

She was looking for Kaede, her face angry. She didn't want to be anywhere near him, she didn't wanna look at him anymore. So when she felt his grip on her arm, she turned quickly and snapped, refusing to show any weakness since she had apparently already shown him too much.

"Kagome…c'mon, I didn't mean any of those things. I'm sorry, okay? Let's go home and forget about it all. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. A million times sorry, Gome. Please." He told her, taking a deep breath.

She jerked her arm back. "Get away from me."

She walked away again, not a single tear sliding down her cheek. "Kagome…"

"Where's Kaede?"

"Can we just forget about all of this?" he sighed.

"It's already forgotten," she told him, refusing to look at him still.

He growled as if to warn her. She rolled her eyes. Yeah, like she was scared of him. Yeah, like he was going to do anything. He'd never done anything before and he wouldn't do anything now. She felt his hand on her shoulder and she shrugged him off. "…Kagome…"

She turned around, eyes on fire. "Fuck you. Fuck you for thinking I'm weak, and fuck you for saying that about your own goddamn child. Yeah, _whatever he'll turn out to be_, I just hope he's not like _you_. Fuck you Inuyasha, fuck you a million times and fuck your sorry's a million times, too. How many times have you been sorry? Fuck sorry. I'm done with sorry. I'm exhausted with sorry. It's wearing me the _fuck out_."

He growled again. Nope, it still wasn't affecting her. "Listen, I said I'm sorry. Do you really think we need to be fighting at a time like this? For fuck's sake, it was a fucking mistake. You know how I am, you know _who _I am. And the Inuyasha that you know says stupid shit he doesn't mean all the time. And yeah, it's a really fucking bad habit I've gotta kick, and I'm sorry and I _mean _it."

She laughed. "Oh, God. I bet even sorry's exhausted, it's came out of your mouth one too many fucking times and I bet it's tired of your mouth. I bet it's tired of you like the way I'm tired of you. Listen, the main point is that it's my child, _I'm _the one going through hell day and night carrying it, and you think you're the only one who can protect it? He's _fine, _Inuyasha. I'm fine."

"You blacked out."

"And I was exhausted. I used all my strength to try to control these powers and get to know them because _I _wanted to feel useful. Is that too much for you? I wanted to show you I could be strong for my son- or daughter."

"Oh, so she's just yours now? So it's not my seed? So I didn't help you make the kid? What, Kagome, he just has one parent now? Just a mother? It takes two to tango."

She growled, her eyes narrowing. "You dumbass, you know I didn't mean it like that."

"Just like I didn't mean what I said earlier?" he crossed his arms, his eyes narrowed, too.

"Fuck this. I'm not fucking arguing with you. I want to go home and I don't even want to be in the same bed as you, so you can sleep in Souta's room, the couch, or the floor tonight. It doesn't really matter to me, it's your choice. You're good at making those by yourself, right? But I suggest the floor. It just seems better suited for you, Inuyasha."

"I don't really see what you're so angry about…" he said, snatching her hand in his and leading her away. She snatched her hand back. He sighed, exhausted.

"You really wanna know why I'm so fucking angry?"

"Enlighten me, Kagome."

She growled, focusing on anything besides him. Her voice came out choked and shaky and he could smell tears that were being held back. "You basically said you didn't need me at all, Inuyasha."

He said nothing, but she didn't even expect him to say anything at all, really.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

Souta had been home since last month, which meant that Mama was around to help much more. Kagome had never been so thankful to have them around. Souta was getting better, and that was good, but she couldn't help but wonder sometimes if he ever felt scared that something was going to happen to him again, and she wondered if he was scared that he'd end up losing them all, all of his family and matter of fact, losing his _life_. That's how she felt sometimes. So everyday she woke up to see another day and to look in her mirror to see the bump on her stomach getting bigger and bigger, she sent thanks to the heavens.

When she got home, dinner was ready. Inuyasha followed close behind as they entered through the shrine, and yet he was so far away. She was feeling depressed, she was feeling angry, she was feeling sad and honestly, she didn't want to be anywhere near him tonight. Mama asked where they had been, she asked how her training had went as they sat down at the table, preparing to eat. She hadn't realized how hungry she had been until the smell of the curry took over her senses. Her stomach rumbled and she wasted no time to help herself to Mama's cooking.

As soon as she asked about the training, she murmured that it had went well and shot Inuyasha a look from across the table, her eyes telling him not to say anything about it that would worry her. Mama didn't need it. Jii-chan was getting old, she had a grandchild on the way, she had a son who was almost killed but ended up with a broken leg instead. Mrs. Higurashi didn't need to know _anything_. She was tiring and straining under all of the lives that she wasn't living, she was growing old and weary way too soon and it was all Inuyasha's and her fault.

She had offered to wash the dishes, but Mama waved her off. She had waved Inuyasha off, too, when he bothered to help. But Mrs. Higurashi could tell there was something going on, and fuck, even Souta could tell. The tension in the air was thick and her eyes were getting heavy and all she wanted to do was go to sleep, but sleep wouldn't help her forget the things that Inuyasha had said.

She stayed up a little bit too late, just to help Souta with his homework, just to make herself useful. Inuyasha had went off upstairs somewhere, and she didn't look in her bedroom first before going to the bathroom to brush her teeth and hair and wash her face and change into something much more comfortable.

She knew he was in her bed, most likely not asleep and just waiting on her. So she took a bit longer to brush out her hair, she spent a bit more time brushing her teeth, she took a bit longer to pick out her pajamas, although picking out pajamas was a simple, easy task. So were the other two things, but she wasn't in the mood for Inuyasha and she definitely wasn't in the mood for an argument.

When she went into her room, she found Inuyasha on the floor, a blanket beneath him, his eyes expectant as he looked up at her. Rolling her eyes, she hastily made her way to her bed, covered herself up and cut off the lamp on her bedside without saying a word to him. The room was quiet, and she sighed deeply, laying on her back and knowing she wouldn't be able to go to sleep. She could no longer sleep on her belly, and most of the time, it hurt to sleep on her side. But falling asleep on your back wasn't that comfortable, and there was nothing she could do about it but lay there and stair at the ceiling until she finally fell asleep, Inuyasha next to her on those nights, his breath on her neck, on her lips, waiting on her to go to sleep, waiting to make sure she was alright…

She scoffed, not caring if he heard her. Despite the fact that it hurt, she turned to her side anyway just to feel like she was far, far away from him.

"Kagome?" she heard him ask, his voice low. She rolled her eyes and said nothing back to him at all.

"Kagome."

She closed her eyes and wished that the baby would at least this once make it easy for her to sleep. She hoped that Inuyasha would think she was asleep, she didn't want to talk. She was afraid that her voice would sound too weak, she was afraid he'd say something that she'd have to reply back to, and she was afraid his words would hurt her so bad that all insecurity was heard in her voice. She didn't want that right now. She wanted peace. She wanted to forget the fact that she was carrying a baby and that she was in a situation of life or death. She wanted to forget about waking up tomorrow, only for training and only to see if they could find more information about Naraku's whereabouts. It would be nice to just get away from everything, if only for a few minutes or a few hours.

"I know you're not asleep, so talk to me…"

"Oh, you're speaking to me now?" Kagome shot at him, venom in her voice. She turned to see him visibly flinch at the tone of her voice, and it made her feel satisfied. "'Cause before, you didn't have much to say. So why do you want to talk now?"

He knew he couldn't really say anything. She was feeling angry, and he didn't want to turn this into something bigger, he didn't want to argue. He was feeling shitty enough, for obvious reasons, like the fact that he still wasn't getting the information he needed, the fact that she was angry with him, the fact that Kagome didn't know that all of this shit was his fault mostly, the fact, the fact that her belly was getting huge now and they were still in serious danger, the fact that she had to use all energy she had just to try to protect her 'family', and the costs of just one child was also something that had been nagging him lately.

She was obviously getting angrier by the second, and he snapped out of his thoughts when he heard her let out a scoff. And then he smelled tears, and he looked at her, realizing that she was much too beautiful to be wasting tears over _him_. She lie on her back in the dark and silent room, looking at the ceiling as if it could give her answers. Her eyes were full of sorrow, it was obvious to him even though it was so dark in here, she was all he could see, all of his attention was devoted to her. He wanted to touch her or tell her to calm down but that would be the wrong thing to do, it would make thing even harder for her and she didn't need that.

He didn't know how long he laid there on the floor looking at her, which was what he used to do all the time in high school. Back then, she'd never let him sleep in her bed, and suddenly he felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him. Sure, he loved her and right now, her stomach was protruding even more, so heavy with his kid. But he missed those days when they had nothing to worry about and the only reason they argued was because they were too stubborn to admit their feelings for each other.

So what happened next? What would happen tomorrow or the day after that? What would happen in a couple months from now? Could they finally just be happy? Would their kid grow up happy, healthy, strong and calm? What would happen?

She still hadn't fell asleep, she just laid there with all of this shit inside of her head that she couldn't get out no matter how hard she tried. She hadn't meant to cry, and she knew Inuyasha was awake, so that meant he could smell her tears. She didn't care if she seemed so weak to him anymore. He could go and fuck off, because she was going through a lot and if he cared about her, he'd realize that and _understand_.

She got up and left the room without another word. She couldn't sleep like this, not without his arms around her, yet, she couldn't stand to be near him.

Souta was awake, which was something she wasn't expecting. It was so late at night, shouldn't he have been tired? He didn't say a word to her as she laid herself down on her back on his bed, not even bothering to look at him.

"I'll be careful about your leg, okay? Just let me sleep here tonight," she looked at him for a split second, her eyes and her voice sincere and pleading. "I can't sleep in there. You understand, right?"

"Not exactly," he admitted, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. His big sister let out a sigh next to him, rolling her eyes.

"We're not on good terms."

"And why is that?" Souta asked, suddenly curious. Was that where all of that tension was coming from when they were eating dinner? He sighed to himself, wondering what Inuyasha had done to fuck shit up this time.

"Don't tell Mama, but today while I was training, I blacked out. I don't know exactly what happened. I took all of my anger, I took everything I had and focused on protecting our family, you know? I wanted to feel useful. I don't wanna feel like everything I do is in vain. So anyway, when I woke up, I heard him and Kaede outside of the tent I was sleeping in, and Inuyasha, god, he sounded so _angry_. Angry at _me_. I told him I just wanted to feel useful. He said he didn't really need me, that I was basically useless and all I needed to do was sit at home with this kid inside of me. He didn't say the exact words, but I know what he meant, Souta."

"Don't you think you're overreacting?" he asked, his eyes wide and serious.

Kagome simply shook her head, and when she spoke, her voice was incredibly small. "He acted like the baby wasn't gonna be a human being or something. He acted like it's gonna turn out to be a monster…"

Souta shook his head, his eyes locking with hers. "You're overreacting. You know he loves the kid more than life itself. After all, he is sacrificing everything just so it can be safe. You know how Inuyasha gets when he's worried. He says a lot of things he doesn't mean, Kagome. But he's not perfect, and neither are you."

She shook her head, her eyes closing. "My kid's not gonna turn out to be some monster. He's not gonna turn out being confused about why all of this is happening, that's for sure. I would love to show him how much I love him by telling him all the shit I went through while I was carrying him, but he doesn't need to come out thinking he's a monster and that he's not like everyone else. Yeah, he's gonna be different, but he's gonna be somebody. I may be overreacting, Souta, but I don't want Inuyasha thinking that he's gonna turn out to be a monster. I don't want him to ever regret this kid, regardless of all the shit we've been through since the first moment I found out I was pregnant. I don't ever want Inuyasha to look down on him. Never."

"And you know he's never gonna do that, Kagome. Think of all the things he's gave up for this kid. Drugs, sex, alcohol, and any other worldly pleasures that aren't pleasing to you. You know why? Because he loves you and he loves the life you two created more than anything in this world. We're all family. Inuyasha's been family ever since you two became so close. And no one gets left behind."

Souta was tired and his body was sore, but comforting his sister had always been something important to him. Because just like Kagome, he wanted to feel useful, too. And for the first time since all of this began, he felt like he was doing something amazing by telling his sister these words that were absolutely sincere. He felt as if he was doing something great by being there for her and encouraging her to keep fighting.

She didn't say anything back, but he didn't mind. He hoped that he'd left her with something to think about and something to look forward to. He didn't know for sure how late it was, but he finally fell asleep, Kagome's body next to his and her breath on his cheek.

At least he hoped he'd done something amazing.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

No one would ever understand how much it hurt. There was no point in screaming, no one could hear her. And even if they did, they wouldn't care. She felt as if she was just a child. She was his child. And with every step she took away from her was her prison, because he'd made it that way. He'd made it so she couldn't live without him, he'd made it so she couldn't live _with _him, and she guessed she wasn't living at all.

He would destroy her before she could even think of a plan to escape. He would destroy her. But hadn't she been good to him? And being good to him was the reason why she had these scars, right? And she'd tried to move on. She'd ripped every piece of him out of her smile. She didn't whisper his name to stars anymore. She had been so good to him…

She had never meant to be in love with Naraku. But he wasn't Naraku anymore. He was a murderer. A killer. An enemy that she slept next to every night. He didn't love her anymore. Had there ever been a time when he knew what love meant? She missed who he used to be. She had loved him and somehow he'd turned out to be the greatest stranger she'd ever knew.

He didn't even have a name to her anymore. Naraku was gone, and he was now to be called 'master.' That's what he'd told her. He'd jerked her against him, told him that he'd created her, built her up, and he could destroy her just as easily. She'd been scared. She had never fought against him, she wouldn't dare.

But deep down inside of her, she knew that she had a life and it was important and she was meant for something. She deserved something. She didn't feel completely empty yet. Only half. _She was meant for something_.

He watched as Inuyasha and the girl he loved, the girl he cherished, slowly fell to pieces because of him. Something sinister was inside of his darkened heart and it wasn't leaving anytime soon. "It'll all be over soon, Kikyo. _Everything_."

She felt like she was meant for something…

But his arms went about her, his touch was so cold that she froze up, eyes wide. Had she been expecting something different? Something less ordinary? He didn't speak to her, but his touch told her everything.

"No. No. You're never going to get away, you're never going to be useful or good for anything and you'll never be meant for anything. You're going to be the same as you've always been; you're always going to be _nothing_. Happiness had eluded you for eternity and it'll never be possible and you will _always _be mine."

That's what his touch told her.

He didn't undress her. He didn't take off her pants slowly, he didn't look her in the eyes for permission before pulling her shirt over his head. He used to be a lover, now he was an enemy. He didn't kiss her. Instead, his tongue danced across her pale skin like a slow, killing sadness. Depression ended when it ended you.

She couldn't keep dying this way anymore.

**A/N: I hope you guys can forgive me! My God, I've been M.I.A for so long it seems. Anyway, I think I got my inspiration back, and in about maybe five or six chapter, maybe a few more, I think that I'll be done with this story. Once again, I'm sorry. I've been going through some changes lately, and I've been growing up. I'm officially 15, thank God. More freedom, at least.**

**Anyway, thank you guys for sticking with me, even though you all probably hated me because I wasn't updating. But I'm back, and I'm gonna try my best to finish this. I guess we're getting close to the end, which is great! And thanks for all the comments about never giving up, and thank God for all of the people who related to this story, or related to anything I've ever said. And wow, I've got 303 reviews, which is something I've never expected. It's really amazing. I hope I'm doing something great. I hope I'm changing someone's life.**

**Anyway, don't forget to leave a review! Those are the only things that keeps a girl happy, you know! (;**


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